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The two of them dance around the subject of sex for much longer than any other well adjusted people would in regular relationships.
It's not a normal relationship, that much is exceedingly clear from day zero. It's way more complicated than Soldier Boy imagined when he decided to call his boy and see what he's achieved in his "downtime" out of the country.
They won't talk about other equally challenging subjects that probably matter more either. They hardly talk at all so much as wind up in shared space, usually under the thin pretense of working toward finding V1 or other "official" Vought hero business.
There's shouldn't be all of this bullshit still for Soldier Boy to deal with. Especially in what should be his glory days. His retirement era! It's must be a sign of the times. Or maybe his son is just this doggedly determined to make his life a circus no matter what. No, no, he's not doing it on purpose... Right...?
Speaking of Homelander, his communication with his daddy is a hard to follow mix of sign language, nonverbal signals, and sounds that aren't words like grunts, whines, chirps... Soldier Boy quickly adjusts to it as it evolves the more comfortable his son gets. He can adjust to whatever he needs to.
That doesn't mean he understands most of it or has a tolerance for any of it when it's going on three hours of going in circles trying to make sense of his boy. Soldier Boy does try to learn... It would be easier if his boy could focus on one topic at once.
The words Homelander does manage are never quite enough to express the depth of his inner world. He is fairly intelligent despite his rash boldness- you could say non typically articulate- and very observant due to the nature of some of his powers.
Soldier Boy has heard more than he cares about "theory of mind" through time being experimented on to understand vaguely that his boy is trying his best to communicate to him... To connect, but is hitting a wall in successfully getting the message out.
They make it work, barely. Sometimes Soldier Boy just has to get out of his son's vicinity to make sure he doesn't end up causing irreparable damage by lashing out in overwhelm. It's all he can to do keep the mask on. Little things slip out without his attention. Soldier Boy loses his temper as vicious as a striking viper when it finally bursts free.
He's just not used to feeling so many things in a short time frame. No drugs help. Sex with other people doesn't help. Killing people in the line of hero duty has absolutely no effect on him in particular, as usual. No "coping skills" work for this type of mismatch between body, mind, and soul...
There isn't much talking for them to do anyway. They're similar in more ways than Soldier Boy will contend. They both have been through heavy sets of what ultimately amounted to total mind control by Vought and other enemies gained for... holy shit, it's been at least 50 years in Soldier Boy's case.
The mind control is the reason he's so wishywashy. Probably. That or the drugs. The violence. Being handed a bad deal by the previous head of Vought that turned him into a perfect killing machine (only for the supposed "good of mankind")? Just look at how that's fucking turning out. He's killed way more people than he's ever "saved"...
He's done a lot worse than just killing...
That aside, he understands just enough about "love" to implicitly know: there's only one way out of this for him and his boy. They're in a locked room of their own Soldier Boy's design. And to exit that room, it's himself who needs to be the strong one. Make things the way they need to be. That's what men do. Take charge. Bust the lock off the fucking door if it's getting in the way.
He's not even going to entertain unlocking the door, though. Not until he's certain of what's on the other side. The room might be small, dark, and unfit for survival, but it's what they've slowly gotten acclimated to over the last few months.
When they do have their poor man's version "sex", it's never all the way. Not because they don't want more, but because Soldier Boy is holding back. He won't admit to being scared to blink but that's exact what he's doing- looking anywhere else in a misguided attempt to not see the reality that things between them are building toward an inescapable fate.
They tend to keep to grinding, mutual masturbation (or solo if Soldier Boy is in the mood to focus on Homelander), and they finally move onto oral when his boy makes a fool of himself yet again after weeks of increasingly violent meltdowns both inside and outside of the tower walls.
That went as smoothly as anything between them did, Soldier Boy had no trouble taking charge and putting his boy on his knees after dragging him home from another poorly conducted interview (on Homelander's end).
He was able to shove his cock in deep and hard without worrying about choking his son- since even if he did he can tolerate going without air for very impressive lengths. They didn't even need to worry about gagging or bruising.
He sank in to the hilt over and over and over, his fist pulled out strands of too long golden hair, spit dribbed in thick wet globs over his boy's lips and down his taint as he flexed his hips in. Soldier Boy didn't hold back now that he was there; he forced himself to break past the mental barriers that kept him softer with Homelander than others.
False bravery that only lasted as long as it took to fix their suits. Soldier Boy wasn't a "hero" at all, he was just a monster-
Still, it was sloppy, gross... The hottest thing they've done so far, if he was to say. Homelander happily sucked with his cheeks hollowed out, desperately wrapped his tongue around as much of Soldier Boy's thick length as he could manage at once, swallowed around the head when precome leaked into the warm softness of his tight mouth...
Soldier Boy had to close his eyes several times against the sheer glory of the vision at his feet. It didn't last nearly as long as either of them wanted. But Homelander didn't mind, he just wiped his mouth and licked the remains of his daddy's seed from his fingers and face- letting Soldier Boy decide for him if he would lucky too.
Of course he took care of his boy; took him to bed, and got his hands on Homelander himself.
Several other incidents took place in the little free time they carve out here and there. They learned fast to get their pants down and back on in record time between sets for interviews, how to sneak off during meetings with shareholders without being disruptive enough to be called out, Homelander would stalk him at ass o clock in the morning hours when Soldier Boy wandered off property; to then "just so happen to run into him" (he can tell the difference since it's only to tempt him down sketchy paths to another abandoned warehouse)...
Soldier Boy has had him over his knees, both with his hand and a leather belt bought solely for this one purpose: leaving bright red streaks alongside darker spots of black and mottled yellows. His boy would make a mess of himself- crying and getting snot and precome all over his suit. He never learned his lesson so it happened again and again, more and more violent tension being released as they grew used to each others bodies and signals but... It's not the same as a proper fucking.
They'd gotten closer to that end in other ways. Gotten way too handsy under the sheets. Long sleepless hours full of heavy petting and dry humping. Soldier Boy stuffed Homelander full of his strong fingers that spread him out and made filthy sounds that filled the room. Teenager level explorations he never got to have in his youth, or if he did he couldn't remember it.
All in all, they've explored pretty much every avenue except the main course. It becomes an elephant in the room. Soldier Boy dutifully ignores it, but Homelander starts gets visibly antsy whenever his daddy sheds the suit for something casual. Homelander's been watching him with his X ray vision even more and the times he changes in his room right next to his son's are no exception.
One night, Homelander is exceeding his limits of clinginess after they've gone to sleep for the night, it's not any different than the night before but something about the air tonight just feels off. Soldier Boy just can't handle the pressure of responsibility and ideals of morality he's never thought about in his life before now anymore.
Why is he supposed to be the only one to keep holding back if his son doesn't even want him to? Why can't he just have something good for himself without going through hell to get it; even worse to mention that the hell was just his own mental prison!
Nobody's telling him to act superior in this scenario. There's no reason to be acting like such a pussy over something he's refusing to take for himself in the first place.
And his boy is so patiently waiting for more...
They're curled up together the way they've become so partial to, with Soldier Boy's arms right around Homelander's lithe frame and his own toned legs pressed against the front of his much thinner ones.
General adjustments to get comfortable are common for them- his boy is clutched to his chest hair and shoulders- squirming and fidgeting and unable to get comfortable apparently. It's one of the rare nights Soldier Boy let himself be convinced by his son to wear anything but the suit to bed- in this case that's nothing.
"Quit moving around..." He all but commands, smoothing his fingers over the bumps of his boys spine to gentle the tone a bit. He doesn't want to be annoyed, it's not Homelander's fault if his body is needing to get out his subconscious energy or try to relieve discomfort, but he definitely is. Not that he's projecting it, no... He's fucking petting his son.
Not to mention lots more than just petting on other nights just like this.
Soldier Boy is a changed man in a lot of bizarre ways since waking up in modern times, but perhaps none was so stark or as fundamental as the need to show care for Homelander. Even though showing said care stands against everything he's ever stood for during his hero run.
It's just like him to give into his weakness. Soldier Boy is all bark and absolutely no bite when he's thrown into this ring-
It's uncontrollable. Downright pathological. Soldier Boy's DNA has rewritten itself to include "protect your progeny" at the forefront of all his nerves and cells, he's sure of it, and didn't Vought prove they have that kind of technology?
V1 (and the improved formula of V) in themselves are miracles that changed the entire world in ways completely unknown to history as it happened. And the full effects still hasn't had enough time to fully realize even after over half a century. Surely something so trivial as making a contingency to keep their "most valuable asset" alive after they let the rabid dog off his leash was feasible.
Hell, they probably programmed Soldier Boy from the second they made plans to replace him. He would have even been alright with it, or been able to come to terms with it, if they'd just told him... Literally anything about it! That's the part that gets to him the worst: he had no clue about the life he could have been having until it was too late. Now they're making due with a sad parody.
His son sighs and makes a sort of groaning noise as he settles down, but he does settle down at last. If he only he listened so easily to other, more important requests. Soldier Boy didn't require very much from him, just the pretext of obedience and respect is enough for him. When Homelander behaves, Soldier Boy can focus on rewarding him instead of correcting his naughty impulses.
He hates realizing that he's exactly where he wants to be- playing this game with his boy- because he definitely knows he's not supposed to want to be here. Nakedly cuddling with his son? How much more of a little bitch can Soldier Boy get?
Nah, it's just the Homelander effect. Always fucking Homelander. The damn brat got into his psyche when he specifically tried to block him out!
And he's never getting out of there now that he's in, too.
It can't end well for them. Soldier Boy isn't the type to be a good influence. He can't truly heal any of his boys wounds, he can't even really put bandaids on them when he can't get the full story from Homelander about... Anything in his past. But fuck he wants to try.
Deep thinking like this isn't his usual choice of torment to trick himself into falling asleep. Most of the time Soldier Boy's mind simply (willfully ignorantly blissfully) blanked itself out, full shut down, lights out as soon as he hit the pillow. Nightmares and the more dangerously active sleep terrors plague him, but he's never been the type to wallow when he could be being productive.
Besides, for a haunted guy like Soldier Boy, rest is a non optional recovery point. So he tries to manage it before he loses control over his ability to mask.
Close your eyes, lay still, and go the fuck to sleep. Hold it in, soldier!
Keeping these revelations of self disparaging criticism hidden is critical to his success in getting Homelander's devotion. At least, that's what he's making himself believe. He doesn't move or breathe harder or express his discontent outwardly in any perceivable fashion. But fuck, he feels it.
His boy is the only comfort he wants to give in to. He's not sure why he needs things to stay "pure" when they've already devolved so far into lunacy. It's not like they're not physical at all. Soldier Boy didn't start the game on purpose, but he'll be damned if he walks away now before getting to the final prize.
And they are having forms of sex, just not the kind they're dancing around. Dancing around so intensely there's point in no stopping now, since everybody can tell anyway. He can't stop Ashley from gossiping or photos from spreading through Instagram no matter how well they're able to keep it under lock. Leaks always have a way of getting through the cracks.
Soldier Boy (and Homelander, though he won't get the chance) would simply murder them for even thinking about giving them some idiotic "intervention".
So maybe they both want it, and maybe there's not even a reason to not take it. Nobody is judging (well, if they are, they know better than to share it publicly) their closeness, their strange reluctance to move on from Vought Tower to a fresh living space they can make theirs, or their openly hot/cold tug of war that will apparently never fully be resolved in favor of either direction...
...They could probably get married legally and still end up on the ground grappling and throwing punches and using a level of force that would scare off anybody else for the rest of all eternity. And that's exactly how they like it.
At least, it's familiar territory for him and his boy. Fighting is their bread and butter. Doesn't matter the context, if there's a way to win, they each have their ways of making sure it's their game. Soldier Boy has been out of practice but he's getting his footing. Slowly. Painfully fucking slowly.
Eventually he'll put his boy where he belongs.
Soldier Boy spends all night turning it over and keeping a vigil over his boy while he burns his gears out... But he'll have to keep fighting this battle in the morning, and the next morning, and the next, and the next...