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1 September 1972
Mom told me I should start journaling now that I am going to Hogwarts all alone. So, here I am, acting like a girl. I am sitting on the train all alone for now, because I am not ready to make friends just yet, so I will just wait.
We are almost at the school. Someone joined me in the train actually. Their names are Evan and Pandora, they are twins and are in their second year now.
I was sorted into Ravenclaw. That’s good, it is the one for smart kids like me but it is sad that neither Evan nor Pandora are there with me. They are both in Slytherin. I really like them they’re fun to be around.
4 September 1972
Classes officially started today. I had so much fun during potions, I think it will be my favorite subject.
I made a friend from my year. Her name is Elara and she is Ravenclaw like me.
Evan introduced me to his friend Regulus who is probably the scariest person I have ever seen.
Me and Evan also hung out after his classes ended. Just us two, talking and getting to know each other. I like him even more now that I know more about his interests. He plays violin and is really good at drawing.
8 September 1972
My first week in this school is over and I am so happy here. No father, no yelling, just me and my friends learning new interesting things.
Evan taught me some spells that he knows from the end of last year so I am better than my classmates. I genuinely enjoy our time so much. He is the best friend I ever had in my entire life. He and Elara met for the first time yesterday and he told me after that she seems weird but I like her and that is the important thing for me.
Dora is not really with us anymore. Evan told me she has a lot of friends that are not friends with us so she is always with them but that’s okay, I am happy for her.
13 September 1972
First letter from father came. He was mad but I am not really sure why, maybe it was just because he was stressed from work. He is employed at the Ministry of Magic and wants to be the Minister so he is trying really hard. He wants me to be the perfect student and son, so I am trying every day to be that and more for his approval. Ev thinks it is not good that I want to be good at everything just for my father but I don’t think I am doing it just for him, I want to be the best because I know I can be if I try hard enough.
Speaking of Evan, he is really and I mean really energetic. Sometimes I can’t keep up with everything he is saying, so I just close my eyes and listen to his voice, talking about whatever. He is always so mad that I am not paying attention, but he laughs after so I know he is just playing and is just amused or whatever. I was at his dorm for the first time on Monday, it was weird to see the space he spends his alone time in. I sat on his bed and read for my astrology class while he was drawing. I haven’t seen any of his drawings yet, he tells me they are too personal for anyone to see but I have a feeling one day he will trust me enough to show them to me.
My twelfth birthday is coming up and Elara asked me what I want as a present which really surprised me because I didn’t know we were that big of a friends to give each other gifts.
I met a lot of new people that are older than me and they are pretty cool. I will tell you some other day dear diary or whoever I am writing this for. Today I wrote a lot for some reason, I don’t know, maybe someday I will have someone I can tell these things to and will not need this ugly book anymore.
20 September 1972
I haven’t written anything for a week because I was really busy sorry. I can’t believe I am here for almost a month now. I genuinely love this place and the people living here.
I spent some time with Pandora during this week, we just read in the gardens and then talked about school. I really enjoy that she is smart and likes herbology, that’s fun. Evan does not want to spend time with us, he says we are boring and just talk about things he does not care about, but I am with him so much I don’t think it is a problem that he is not there for once. I don't want to become dependent on our time together anyway. Dora said it is weird that we are always together, but maybe she is just jealous I am stealing her brother.
I don’t think we are together that much. Okay yes maybe it is getting out of hand but everyone has a best friend that they like being with and Evan is that person for me.
I don’t think anything really important is happening in my life right now. Some exams are coming up but I am not stressed because I believe in myself.
1 October 1972
The exams went great as I expected. I even helped Evan with learning charms because he is not the best in them. He said I should start tutoring because I am good at explaining stuff but I don’t want to do that because we would see each other less. I started counting the time I am in Evan’s room versus my own and I hate to say it but it is almost the same since we started having sleepovers sometimes.
I forgot to mention it is a new month, that is really exciting. My father has sen me another letter, he warned me that I have to do good on my exams because he wants a perfect son. It was not really different from any other conversation we had at home, and I did good so I think he will be happy with me when he gets my response.
I actually have friends that stayed now. Back home I always had a friend and they would leave after maybe two weeks or so, but here I have friends since day one and they are still here.
4 October 1972
I don’t know what to do. Some girl in my class, I think her name is Helena, told me she likes me, and I have exactly zero idea what to do with that information because I do not like her back but I don’t want to be mean and reject her.
Okay I am back after talking about the Helena situation with Evan and he said I should just tell her I think we are too young to date anyone. I think that is a good reason anyway so telling her will not really be a lie, you know. Ev actually seemed scared I wanted to date her, it is probably because he doesn’t want anyone else to be my top priority and I totally get that because I also want to be his.
Regulus told me he thinks I am with Evan too much and that it is weird that I am in his room all the time and that I sleep over sometimes. I don’t know how too feel like is it maybe a bit weird that I really have just one friend and all of my other friends are just his friends? Maybe. Do i wanna change that and have other friends? Not really no, I enjoy our time and I genuinely think Ev is like my best friend for life.
17 October 1972
My father told me in his letter that if I don’t get perfect scores in my next exams I should stay here for Christmas break. I am scared of my academic performance for the first time in my life, because what if I am not perfect and I don’t get to see my mom during the break. I was so excited to go home and see her and give her my gift I made her. I will be perfect. I have to be. Maybe I should start studying now. Yes that is exactly what I will do, I will stop waisting my time writing in my journal and go study.
29 October 1972
Since the last time I wrote here I have just been studying really. I spend almost no time with any of my friends and they noticed. Okay no. Evan noticed, and he was mad, like really mad. We had a big fight about it, he said that I am stupid if I will just study and spend zero time with him, I told him I have to study to be perfect for my parents so I can go home to see mom. He still doesn’t understand and is still mad. This is actually some type of torture because I know he is mad but he is not talking to me so I can’t fix it. He is so frustrating, I am right and he does not get my reasonings for being isolated. I hope we can talk about it soon and everything will be normal again.
20 November 1972
I haven’t spoken to Evan in almost a month. I hate this. My exams went well but I am debating if it was even worth it. He does not even look at me when we pass in the halls. I will send him an owl today to apologize properly, I hope he will finally forgive me for being a bad friend and talk to me again.
I discovered that I actually don’t really like people and talking to them. Like yes I enjoy conversations but for probably like 20 minutes, after that I just want to get away and read. The only person I can’t get annoyed with is Evan and that is the main reason I miss him so much.
I hope I will never have to do this again. Choosing between my family and my best friend, it was horrible and I am still not sure if I made the right choice. Yes I will see my mother for the holidays but what if he hates me too much to forgive me now.