Chapter Text
I don't mind being dead. No one cared before. Not in the right ways, anyway. I'm actually glad that I got to meet them. I mean, the circumstances could have been better, but... I'm not unhappy here. I feel... safe.
Jack was watching the party from a dark nook in the corner. They weren't much interested in the food or the music or the activities. As for the people, they only cared to watch that no one was coming to bother them. The only reason they'd even bothered to come was to delay the inevitable return home for summer as much as possible. They'd been positively surprised by the invitation. It probably came with ulterior motives, but whatever mild humiliation Daniel had in mind was no match for what awaited them the next day when they'd have to leave.
They sighed. Freedom had felt much shorter than the nine months they'd had to themself, with their own little place and everything, but it had been sweet. According to the big clock on the opposite wall it was 11:46 pm. Maybe they could sneak past all of the others and escape to their room without facing whatever had been planned for them. Get the most expensive stuff room service had to offer, since it was all being covered by Daniel, that twat. He'd always thrown around his vast wealth, but still, to rent a whole luxury hotel for his dumb end of year party was particularly out there. He wasn't even graduating anything. In fact he'd been three points away from having to repeat the year. He wouldn't have made it through if they hadn't written several of his assignments for him.
They slipped out of the alcove and landed on the floor without a sound, silently making their way to the door by avoiding all the parts of the floor that looked creaky. But of course he chose just that moment to look up from his drink and lock eyes with them. He stared just a moment, seemed to hesitate, but then looked away. Jack was confused and honestly very curious, but not enough to risk approaching the group. They instead went straight up to their room, pulled their tie and shirt off, and flopped onto the bed to decide what to order. Shirtless wasn't actually more comfortable, but they'd fought very hard to get surgery and by gods they were going to exercise their hard earned new liberty.
They picked up the phone on the bedside table and ordered something with a complicated name and two bottles of expensive wine (four glasses, to pretend they weren't alone). They weren't going to drink all of that by themself but they could sneak the rest out with them tomorrow for Pete. It would put him in a good mood, maybe even good enough not to lose it over the surgery he didn't know about yet. They anxiously traced the two scars on their chest.
I'm staring at my own body. From the outside. My dead body. I don't feel anything.
Jack woke with a start to knocking on the door. They'd been dozing off, sleepy from the wine and and their guard down with the certainty that they'd gotten away with it, survived the party and the others. But maybe not. Their phone said 4:51 am. They looked up at the door, downed what was left in the glass, shook their head to try to clear it. Opening the door was not a good idea.
"Hey, it's me..."
Daniel. With all the others, too, certainly. Opening the door was a bad idea.
"Li- Jack ? Please don't be asleep. I had to wait until the others were all in bed so they wouldn't know, I know it's late, but..."
Alone ? Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to... No. Daniel was a liar. They'd learned that the hard way. Opening the door was a terrible idea. Though, as dedicated as their classmates were to bullying them, it seemed quite unlikely that they'd stayed up this late into the morning just to trick them. They were also lazy. This was odd...
"Please..." Daniel breathed, a desperate tone to his voice. "I know I don't deserve your trust. I've made quite a mess of things. But I came to apologise. I... I don't expect you to forgive me, but I'd like you to know... I'd like to talk things out. I'm sorry."
An apology ? From Daniel ? That was... something. They could feel their curiosity grow. It was winning over caution. They sighed and stood to open the door, their brain screaming all the insults they knew at them. Idiot.
"You're... sorry ? You ?"
"Jack ! Yes ! Yeah, I'm a piece of shit."
"You're drunk." they grinned. "Do you want some really expensive wine ? You are the one paying for it..."
How easily they slipped back into old patterns. Treating Daniel like the friend he'd been long ago. They really were stupid. They watched him pour wine into their glass, then into another one for himself. They raised their glass to him and took a sip.
"Listen. I know I'm a horrible person and a worse friend. I just wanted to explain. Don't forgive me. You shouldn't forgive me. Even if you want to. You're too nice. Don't. I just... I freaked out and I didn't want the others or my dad to think I... So I turned against you and that was really shitty."
"You didn't want them to think you what ?"
"I... Well, we were friends back when you... I liked you, I really really liked you, and I'd told my dad about it but you came out and you made me gay and I had to turn against you because if he found out, he'd have freaked out, okay ?" he said it all fast, in one breath. "But I would have loved... I would love to be friends with you. Even if it has to be a secret for now."
"I didn't make you anything, nothing about me changed. And I'm not even a guy."
"You know what I mean though..."
"You're a pathetic blob of human shit. No one bad would even have known until we were both far away from them if you hadn't gone spreading my secrets. I trusted you, you know. More than anyone else in the world. Do you have any idea what I've been through because of you ? It's not just your friends. In fact you all are nothing. You're kind of mean. There's a reason accepting your invitation was better than going home."
Jack hadn't known until they'd started speaking that they could and would be that angry. There'd been significantly more important things than Daniel to think about lately, but the anger and hurt had been there regardless.
"Wait. Wait ! You... think I told ? No ! I didn't ! I could never ! I thought you'd decided. I..." he was starting to cry now. "I swear, I didn't... I... I'm an idiot and I turned my back on you, but I... I never betrayed you."
"You didn't ?" Jack asked, letting way too much hope creep in. "Well then how do you suppose it got out ?"
"I don't... know..." he downed his still full glass and opened the second bottle to fill it up again. "You want more ?"
Jack handed him their glass and closed their eyes, trying to think about this all objectively. A faint voice at the back of their mind was telling them to be careful, but they weren't listening.
It's weird that I'm surprised. I knew better than this damnit.
"Listen. I don't know if I can trust you yet. I don't know if I ever can. Whether or not you outed me, you've really hurt me since. You're all I had and you turned your back on me. But I really want my friend back. This is probably wishful thinking, but..."
Daniel was watching them intensely, hanging to their every word. He looked anxious, shaky. He shook his head slowly and Jack remembered what he'd said about not deserving forgiveness. They couldn't say they disagreed, but they were inclined to ignore the warning. It would be so good to have their friend back.
"I don't forgive you." they finally decided. "You're right, you don't deserve it. But we can be... allies. Maybe friends, someday."
"That's more than I deserve. More than I could hope for. Allies. Let's drink to that." he clinked his glass to theirs.
"Allies." Jack agreed, taking a big gulp of wine. "Oh, actually, I do have a condition. I'm not your secret. You don't get to pretend to hate me the rest of the time. You're either all in or not at all."
"But, my father... He doesn't mind, but he'll mind if it's me..."
"Please. Your dad cares about the family name. He'll be fine with you liking a guy if said guy can give him grand kids."
"I... I guess..."
"He let you throw a party for barely passing your year. Even if you were doing something wrong, he'd let you get away with it. I don't get you, actually. I'm not in your head, so I don't really know, but your dad doesn't seem as bad as you think. He lets you do what you want. I mean, you're happy to go back home tomorrow." they downed the rest of their glass. "I've been seriously considering just not going home. Being homeless is definitely better than Pete. Except if I do that everything stops. I can't go back to school in September if he's not paying for it. Then again, Pete looks perfect from the outside, paying for a kid who's not even his, maybe your dad's like him. Tell me about it. Is your dad secretly a monster too ?"
"Do you like the wine ? I don't know about wine. But since I'm paying for it, I'd like to know if the expensive is actually worth it."
"Oh, great subject change. Very smooth. Didn't notice what you were doing at all. But fine, whatever, as long as you're okay with my condition, I'll play along. The first bottle was better. This one's got a weird aftertaste. Whoah. I feel weird. Am I talking too much ? I feel like I'm not being like usual. Did I really drink that much ?"
Their head was swimming. It had been already, but not like this. Drunk didn't usually feel like this, did it ? Then again, they weren't usually drunk and up this late and this emotional. It was just the unusual circumstances. Daniel was being weird too, after all. Staring so intently, and all... They frowned, struggling to align their thoughts. Something itched at the back of their mind. They sat down on the bed, trying to get their brain back.
"I'm sorry Lisa..."
What ?
"What... did you... do...?"
"Can I play with you ?"
"Sure ! My name's Lisa, I'm four and a half. What's your name ?"
"I'm Daniel. I'm five. I'll drive the red car."
"Okay ! My favourite colour is green, but I didn't find a green car, so I decided this one is green."
"It's blue."
"Yeah, but I decided it's green. Do you wanna be my friend ?"
"Okay !"
The rest was kind of blurry. Now they were standing over their body, staring down at it in fascination. They'd watched as Daniel had arranged the scene too look like no one else had ever been there, dropped a handful of pills on the bedside table, kissed their forehead and just... left. They were struggling to understand what had happened. Well, they understood kind of. Their brain was forming the full sentence but somehow failing to read it. They knew this was them but they felt oddly distant from it all.
"I should be feeling something..." they whispered absently.
But they didn't. The whole event was empty. They knew they should have been feeling all kinds of very strong feelings, but there was nothing. It crossed their mind that even dead, they just couldn't be normal. They started laughing. Hard. This was the funniest thing ever.
"Are you alright ?" a voice behind them made them jump.
It belonged to a rigid looking man in some kind of military uniform like they'd seen in those World War 2 films Pete loved so much. They blinked as their mind suddenly caught up with everything. So, they were dead. Daniel had murdered them. That had been unexpected. This guy was probably dead too, because there was no other reason a man in a uniform from the 1940s would be standing in their room not freaking out about the dead body.
He might have been standing there the whole time, watching it all transpire, unseen. Perhaps he'd seen the glass be poisoned, unable to do anything about it. Imagining it made them chuckle. That was funny.
"I think so. I wasn't expecting that."
"Well, yes, I don't suppose you would have drunk that wine had you been expecting it."
"Oh, I don't know... probably not though."
"Good Lord..."
The man was looking at them with something they couldn't quite read in his eyes. Concern ? Maybe ? Well, they supposed someone being this calm about being dead would be quite concerning. He was probably trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with them. Lost in thought, they didn't notice him step closer until...
Huh. A hug. That was even more unexpected than the murder. They stiffened, but then allowed themself to relax. The comfort and kindness wouldn't last long, but there was nothing wrong with enjoying it while it did. Gods knew how much they wanted it. They closed their eyes. They felt so tired. Not physically, that had vanished now that they weren't in their body anymore. Just, generally. Mentally. Emotionally. It was insane how much effect a hug from a stranger could have on them. They felt like they were crying, but they weren't. Maybe ghosts can't.
"So... Did you just get here or were you watching the whole time ?" they broke the silence after a long minute, starting to feel awkward and unsure what to do.
The man stepped back, mumbling something unintelligible and fiddling with the stick he was holding. He seemed nice.
"Huh. Well, anyway, my name is Jack, what's your name ? Any other ghosts around ?"
"Ah, yes, the others will like to meet you !" he said, glad that the awkward was over.
He rigidly turned on his heels and walked straight through the door. Jack didn't hesitate as he followed. Walking through things. Cool... Why weren't they falling through the ground, though ? They were grateful for it, but it made no sense. They expected there wasn't much logic to be found to all of this.
"So, Jack, is it ? That boy called you-"
"Ah no, that's my deadname, we don't use it. Jack."
"Deadname ?" the man frowned. "You can keep the name you had when you were alive. It doesn't need to change just because you're, ah, not."
"No, that's..." they held back a laugh. "That's not what that means. It's just the name my parents gave me, but it didn't quite fit, you know, so I changed it. So it's dead. The name. Not me. Well, yes me, but, irrelevant."
"Understood. I wonder what your parents were thinking. That was hardly a name for a young man."
They laughed, properly this time. Close enough. They could always explain more later. Or not. Don't be stupid, Jack. He won't turn against you if you don't tell him the reason he should. The ghosts don't need to know...
"Yes, you're right, my parents are idiots."
"I didn't mean... I was simply stating that it's more suited to a young lady. I didn't intend to insult them. Apologies."
"Apology not accepted. You don't need to. I wasn't offended. I meant what I said." There was a moment of silence. "They were expecting a girl, and... they clung to that even when I turned out not to be. Idiots."
The man didn't answer because by then they had reached the lounge where the party had been a few hours before. There was a group of people from all kinds of times there. Awesome, actually. They immediately went silent, staring at Jack.
"A newcomer !" a man who looked a bit like and arrogant twat, but also nice. "The flower of newfound friendship, tainted by its sorrowful thorns."
"Uh, yeah, hello." Jack waved. "What ?"
"The Captain hugged you ?" Pat raised an eyebrow. "Our Captain ? You're sure ?"