Archive of Our Own

Approximately four days ago, Euijoo had sex with his best friend. It wasn’t something he ever anticipated happening, and it had all come about so suddenly—but he doesn’t regret it. It was much too enjoyable for that. 

What he does regret is not giving in to his desires sooner. Euijoo really didn’t know what he’d been missing, because he’d never had any sort of sexual encounter with another person before. Now that he has, he feels a little stupid. All this time, he could have been getting off with Nicholas instead of masturbating sad and alone in the shower. So many wasted months, and for what?

To be fair, Euijoo didn’t think Nicholas could ever want him in that way. If he’d known he was down to clown, so to speak, maybe he would have made a move sooner. Or maybe not. Who knows. Euijoo has always been a bit of a coward. 

The point is, life hasn’t been the same since. Euijoo can now categorize every experience he’s ever had as “before sleeping with Nico” or “after sleeping with Nico.” Before, Euijoo would push down his emotions any time Nicholas made him feel a certain way. Now—after—Euijoo has started to channel those emotions into touch. 

It’s like he can’t keep his hands to himself anymore. His whole body has been buzzing with a restless energy that refuses to dissipate, no matter how many times he grabs Nicholas by the scruff of the neck and kisses him. It’s Nicholas’s fault, really; if he wasn’t so receptive every time, then maybe Euijoo would stop. But his response has yet to be less than enthusiastic. It hasn’t even been a week since their first kiss, but Euijoo has already memorized the shape of Nicholas’s teeth, the taste of his tongue. He thinks he might be a little bit addicted. 

It was less than 48 hours after their first make out session that Nicholas took Euijoo up on his offer to teach him more. He gave Euijoo the most mindblowing head of all time, then promptly fell asleep draped across his lap like a kitten. It took Euijoo all night to compose himself. He went home and jacked off to the thought of Nico’s lips around his cock, but quickly found that his own touch was no longer satisfying enough. Not really. Euijoo went to bed keyed-up and horny, and woke up wanting. 

The following day, he asked Nicholas if he could give it a try this time. Demonstrate what he’s learned—for research purposes, of course. For practice. Nicholas happily agreed, and he was at Euijoo’s door in a matter of minutes. They quickly shuffled into the bedroom, blushing and giggling, and now here they are: Nico perched on the edge of the bed; Euijoo kneeling between his legs. 

“Shit, Juju,” Nicholas swears, hips canting on instinct as Euijoo takes him fully into his mouth. They’ve barely begun, but he’s already a mess, drool dripping from the corners of his lips and coating his chin. Euijoo does his best to ignore the dull ache in his jaw and tries to focus on breathing, instead. It’s kind of a lot—turns out sucking dick is harder than he’d anticipated. 

Don’t overthink it, he remembers. That had been Nico’s first piece of advice when he gave his ‘lesson’: if you get in your head about it too much, it will feel awkward. Mechanical. Euijoo doesn’t want that, of course, but not overthinking things is a lot easier said than done.

Instead of worrying about whether or not he’s doing this right, he shifts his attention to how gorgeous Nicholas is. How hot he looks staring down at him, eyes dilated and breathing ragged; how rough and heavy he feels on his tongue. Nicholas’s large hands grip tightly at Euijoo’s hair, keeping him grounded and guiding him into a slow rhythm. Euijoo does his best to follow along. 

He gives a few tentative flicks of the tongue, causing Nicholas to tense above him. Euijoo hums, pleased with the response. As he continues to experiment, he catalogues Nicholas’s reactions to each movement carefully, filing away his favorites for future reference. 

When he takes him all the way to the back of his throat, Nicholas reflexively snaps his hips, pushing in even deeper. This, of course, causes Euijoo to gag almost immediately. He pulls off with a flurry of coughs and hastily wipes the drool from his face with the hem of his shirt. 

“Sorry,” Nico swiftly apologizes, but he sounds a little too amused for Euijoo’s liking. “You okay?” 

He moves a hand from Euijoo’s hair to gently cup his cheek, thumb swiping at the tears that have gathered on his lower lashes. It’s a tender juxtaposition to the harsh press of cock down his esophagus, and Euijoo feels his entire face heat with embarrassment. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. 

“You’re an asshole,” Euijoo complains, voice rough and scratchy. He clears his throat and hits Nicholas’s thigh with a playful, protesting fist. “You did that on purpose.”

Nicholas flashes a sheepish smile. “Maybe,” he laughs. “But only because you’re so pretty when you cry.”

Euijoo scoffs. Everything burns. 

“Sadist.”

Nicholas is full-on grinning, now. Euijoo wishes the sight of it didn’t make his heart flip so wildly in his chest. Alas, his dick isn’t the only thing that doesn’t know how to behave around Nicholas. His heart and his brain never seem to be faring any better. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nicholas teases. “I’m an angel.”

Euijoo shoots him an unamused glare. “I’ll bite your dick off,” he threatens. 

“Please don’t. I’m gonna need that later.”

“Then shut up and be good,” Euijoo huffs. 

He doesn’t mean anything by it, but he doesn’t fail to notice the way Nico’s cock twitches with interest  at the command. Euijoo raises a brow. Oh?

“…don’t,” Nicholas grunts, his cheeks flushed a lovely pink. He definitely could have played the reaction off as nothing, but the way he’s suddenly avoiding eye contact tells Euijoo all he needs to know. A sly grin weaves its way onto Euijoo’s face.

“I didn’t say anything,” he says, blinking up at Nico with feigned innocence. Nicholas groans, clearly embarrassed. 

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m some kind of shiny new toy.”

Euijoo laughs. “You kind of are, though?” 

“Oh, is that all I am to you?” Nicholas pouts. He’s clearly joking around, but the accusation sets Euijoo’s heart racing all the same. 

“Of course not, stupid,” he rushes to clarify, much too sincere. He gives Nicholas’s thighs a reassuring squeeze. “I wouldn’t do this with just anyone, you know.”

It’s the closest thing to a confession that Euijoo can give, at least for now. He isn’t ready to confront the depth of his feelings for his best friend—he’s already showcasing record-breaking vulnerability by being on his knees for him like this. Anything more and Euijoo might actually explode. Nicholas will have to take what he can get. 

“I know that,” Nicholas responds, once again averting his gaze. Euijoo feels his heart seize up in his chest. Nico is always so cute when he’s acting all shy. Nicholas clears his throat. “So…are you gonna suck me off or not? I don’t have all day.”

Euijoo rolls his eyes. Of course he had to ruin the moment by opening his mouth again. 

“Ever heard of patience? You’re such a horndog,” he says. 

Despite his complaints, Euijoo shuffles closer between Nicholas’s legs, equally (if not more) eager to continue. He’d never admit it out loud, but in actuality, Euijoo has been the more insatiable one between the two of them lately. He blames his excitement on the novelty of it all. He only recently discovered his sexuality, after all—he should be allowed a little more enthusiasm than usual.

“Says the guy who booty called me at 3pm on a Tuesday,” Nicholas retorts. 

Euijoo decides not to grace this comment with a response. Instead, he leans in to continue where he left off, taking Nico into his throat as deep as he can bear. This turns out to be exceptionally effective at shutting Nicholas up. They don’t bicker much more for the rest of the night. 

***

“Wow, I love bisexual Euijoo. Straight Euijoo was never this horny.”

Yuma sits next to Euijoo on the ground at the edge of the outdoor basketball court, where they’ve gathered with some friends for the afternoon. The two of them had tapped out after the last scrimmage, but the others are still going—stupidly eager to play basketball until they drop dead from exhaustion. Euijoo knows he’s been staring at Nicholas for the past ten minutes, but he didn’t expect to be called out on it. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” he scoffs, avoiding Yuma’s gaze. He takes a nervous swig from his water bottle in an attempt to cool the burning under his skin. It doesn’t help. 

Yuma snorts in amusement. “You look like you want to eat Nicholas alive,” he says. 

“I do not,” Euijoo protests. 

“You do,” Yuma laughs. “But hey, I don’t blame you. He looks fine as hell right now.”

It’s the understatement of the century. Nicholas is wearing loose basketball shorts that keep riding up to expose an inappropriate amount of thigh, and a tank top that can hardly be considered a top at all. With how open the sides of the shirt are, Euijoo can practically see his entire torso, well-defined pecs and all. His arms are also on full display, and every muscle flexes as Nicholas exerts himself on the court. 

He’s sweating. His skin is gleaming with it, sweat running down his neck and pooling in the divots of his collarbones. Euijoo has the sudden and inexplicable urge to lick him clean. 

He blushes as he realizes that Yuma is right. Seeing Nico all flushed red and panting has his mind instantly in the gutter; he can’t seem to think of anything other than how devastatingly hot it was to have his best friend falling apart underneath him. Euijoo clears his throat and tears his eyes away from the basketball court before his hardly-contained lust becomes even more noticeable. 

“Shouldn’t you be checking out your boyfriend, not Nico?” Euijoo snaps, much too defensively. Yuma raises a brow, clearly surprised with the response. 

“I wasn’t checking him out. Just making an observation.” Yuma blinks as he processes Euijoo’s strange reaction. “What’s up with you? You’ve been so on edge lately.”

Yeah…on edge. Literally. Euijoo feels ready to burst out of his skin at any moment—not that he’s going to admit that to Yuma. He hasn’t told anyone about this new thing with Nicholas, and he’s pretty sure Nicholas hasn’t either. It’s not that Euijoo wants it to stay particularly secret or anything, he just…wouldn’t even know how to explain it in the first place. So he doesn’t bother trying. 

“It’s nothing,” Euijoo grumbles. “Just haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all.”

It’s not exactly a lie. He hasn’t been sleeping well; his brain is too busy overthinking every single interaction he’s ever had with Nicholas, sexual or otherwise. And when he’s not up late thinking about Nicholas, he’s up late…well, hooking up with him. 

“If you say so,” Yuma says, giving him a curious look. Euijoo can tell he isn’t convinced, but he’ll jump that hurdle later. Right now, he needs to focus on not jumping Nicholas in front of all of their friends. 

Well—Nicholas’s friends, really. Euijoo obviously knows Yuma and his boyfriend Jo, but he’s only met Chenle and Yangyang a handful of times. He doesn’t quite feel comfortable with them yet. They’re cool guys, and Euijoo likes them, but their first impressions of each other have yet to fully solidify. Which means, of course, that Euijoo would rather die than be caught ogling Nico in front of them. 

What was once a 2v2 (and before that, a 3v3) seems to have devolved into a childish game of keep-away. The shouting coming from the court is an incomprehensible mix of Mandarin, Korean and English—a natural side effect of a multilingual friend group. Poor Jo doesn’t seem to have a clue what’s going on, but in typical Jo fashion, he’s weathering it like a champ. It certainly helps that he’s the tallest of the group by far; it’s easy enough for him to hold the basketball straight over his head and out of reach. Euijoo watches with delight as the others attempt to steal the ball to no avail. He tries not to stare too hard at the way Nicholas’s shirt rides up as he jumps—also to no avail. Yuma, if he notices, says nothing. 

Eventually, the boys grow tired enough to call it quits. Jo skips over to Yuma and Euijoo with a soft smile. Nicholas and Yangyang trail after him, bickering about something in hushed Mandarin. Chenle starfishes out on the concrete, seemingly content to lie there for a while. 

Euijoo stands and begins to gather his things.

“Did you win, babe?” Yuma asks, leaping up to greet his boyfriend with a quick kiss. “I stopped paying attention twenty minutes ago.”

Jo laughs and wipes away some forehead sweat with the edge of his shirt. “Not sure,” he says with a shrug, “I think we sort of lost the plot. It was fun, though.”

“Well, regardless, I’m sure you did good. Always such a good boy, my Jojo~”

Jo sputters at the attention as Yuma continues to tease him. Euijoo laughs, then makes the mistake of glancing over at Nicholas—only to find him glancing back. Nicholas averts his gaze immediately. Euijoo is suddenly transported back in time, to the shy look on Nico’s face when he told him to be good. 

Something deep and primal in Euijoo’s gut buzzes to life.

“What are you guys doing after this?” Yangyang chimes in, addressing the group. Euijoo swallows hard and forces himself back to the present. “Wanna grab something to eat?”

Grabbing something to eat sounds perfect, actually. Euijoo hadn’t realized how hungry he was until this very moment. His thirst for Nicholas has sort of been overpowering any of his other bodily cues, but now that he thinks about it, he never even ate lunch. Euijoo is about to accept the invitation when Nicholas suddenly interjects, sauntering over and slinging a possessive arm around his shoulders. 

“Can’t,” Nicholas says, “Juju and I got a hot date.”

Euijoo immediately flusters. “He’s joking,” he says, pointedly ignoring Yuma’s curious gaze. “We were just planning on watching some anime we’ve been meaning to catch up on.”

It’s true—they did have plans to hang out tonight, but it’s not a date. Euijoo doesn’t see why they can’t go out to eat first. They have plenty of time…but maybe Nicholas has something prepared for dinner already?

“Bummer,” Yangyang says. “I would have loved to get to know you guys a little more. Especially you, Euijoo. Maybe you and I can get drinks sometime?”

It takes Euijoo a moment to understand what’s happening. The emotional whiplash he’s experiencing has him feeling slightly dizzy, as if he’s being tugged in several different directions.  When the vertigo finally settles and he realizes he’s being asked out, his whole face flushes red with embarrassment. 

“Oh, uh, sure,” he says, blinking in surprise. Yangyang flashes him a bright grin and Euijoo feels Nicholas’s grip on his shoulder tighten. 

“Cool,” Yangyang says. “I’ll get your number from Nico later?”

“Okay,” Euijoo says. He doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to say. He’s not exactly interested in Yangyang, but he seems nice enough…and he has a cute smile. (Not as cute as Nicholas’s smile, but that bar is nearly impossible to clear.) Who knows, maybe going out with him would be a good distraction from his ‘Nicholas Problem.’

Speaking of Nicholas, he’s still draped all over Euijoo, body heat radiating from every point of contact. The flame on Euijoo’s cheeks spreads down his neck and through the rest of his body. 

“Cool. So anyway, Juju, you ready to go?” Nicholas asks. There’s something oddly dismissive about the question, as if he can’t be bothered to entertain Yangyang any longer. It’s weird. It’s not how Nicholas usually acts around his friends. He’s usually much sweeter. 

If Euijoo didn’t know any better, he might even say Nicholas is jealous…but that can’t be it, can it…?

He blinks, confused. “Yeah, just let me refill my water bottle real quick.”

It’s more difficult than it should be to shrug Nicholas off of him. Nico is always clingy, but today he seems to be even more so than usual. It’s…odd. It could be nothing, but it also could be everything. Euijoo doesn’t know which option is better. 

He fixates on it as he refills his thermos at the old water fountain. Disorganized thoughts spill over like stale water, overflowing and overwhelming. When Euijoo returns to Nico’s side, he decides to forget about it. It’s the only way to stay sane. He fears he’ll go crazy, otherwise. 

***

Euijoo spends the entire ride back to Nico’s place desperately trying not to overthink things. Nico seems to have returned to normal, back to arguing with Euijoo over the aux and sticking his head out the open passenger side window like a golden retriever. By the time they reach Nicholas’s apartment, Euijoo has almost forgotten about the weird possessive behavior.

Keyword: almost.

The tension buzzes back to life as soon as they step inside. Euijoo isn’t exactly sure why—maybe because they both associate Nicholas’s living room with hooking up, now—but the feeling is palpable. The air is thick and heavy where it hangs between them, almost suffocating. Euijoo puts his things down by the couch and bites nervously at the inside of his cheek. 

“I’m gonna take a quick shower,” Nicholas says from where he’s hovering in the doorway. He moves to make his way towards the bathroom, but Euijoo stops him before he can get too far. A hand darts out to close around Nicholas’s wrist, holding him steady.

“Wait,” Euijoo says, panic suddenly rising in his chest. “Before you do…I– I was wondering if we could…have another lesson.” 

It wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was to watch anime; nothing more or less. But there’s no way Euijoo can focus on a television show right now. His mind is on one thing and one thing only.

Euijoo is too busy avoiding eye contact to properly gauge Nicholas’s reaction, but given the prolonged stretch of silence between them, he’s surprised. Euijoo’s fingers are still clasped around Nicholas’s wrist, and he can feel the faint beat of his pulse underneath the pad of his thumb. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but Euijoo swears it speeds up a little.

“A lesson?” Nicholas responds. “What kind?”

When Euijoo finally looks up, he’s met with Nico’s wide eyes and red cheeks. Euijoo shrugs, feeling his own face heat up in a matching blush.

“Okay…well…” Nicholas looks at him carefully, like he’s trying to figure something out. Euijoo desperately hopes that whatever it is, he doesn’t find the answer. “I’m down for anything, but you need to tell me what you want. Why don’t you think about it while I shower?”

Nico moves to leave again. Euijoo’s grip on his wrist tightens.

“Don’t,” he says, almost frantic. 

A little questioning squeak falls from Nicholas’s lips. Euijoo wants to kiss him silly.

“There’s no point in showering if you’re just going to…” Euijoo continues, gesturing vaguely with his free hand. His voice trails off as he reaches the end of his statement, but the implication is clear. At least, Euijoo hopes it is. He’s too embarrassed to say it more directly.

Nicholas gawks at him. “Are you serious?” 

Euijoo gives a meek nod.

“I’m covered in sweat,” Nicholas laughs in disbelief. “I probably smell really bad. Wouldn’t you rather mess around once I’m clean?”

Mess around. For some reason, hearing Nicholas refer to it in this way has Euijoo’s entire body burning up in embarrassment. It’s like Nico knows this isn’t really about ‘practicing.’ Like he knows Euijoo is just insatiably horny for him specifically.

At this point, maybe he does. It’d be kind of hard not to.

“No.” Euijoo gulps. “You don’t smell bad. It’s, um, really hot, actually.”

Euijoo’s tongue flits out to wet his lips. He’s unsure if Nicholas will think he’s gross for this, but it’s too late to take it back now. They’ve never really talked about things like this before—what turns them on, what gets them going. Euijoo tries not to feel too embarrassed by the admission. It’s not like being into sweaty men is particularly revolutionary, anyway.

“Jesus, Euijoo,” Nicholas groans. “You drive me crazy.”

Euijoo lets out a sheepish laugh. His fingers twitch against Nico’s still-sticky skin as he blinks up at him, silently daring him to make a move.

He’s not sure what part does the trick—maybe the subtle lip bite, or the not-so-subtle ‘fuck me’ eyes—but eventually Nicholas surges forward and kisses him. Euijoo gasps into his mouth, hissing sharply as their teeth clash together from sheer force. Nicholas is not being gentle—not that Euijoo wanted him to be. He kisses back with equal fervor, happy to finally be given what he’s been itching for all afternoon.

Nicholas wrestles his arm out of Euijoo’s grip as they kiss, then uses it to pin Euijoo to the wall behind them. Euijoo follows easily, his back hitting the wall with a dull thump. Nicholas presses closer, wraps a possessive arm around Eujioo’s waist.

They make out feverishly, hands roaming over clothes and teeth grazing over skin. Euijoo lets out a little groan as he runs his fingers through the damp, matted hair at Nicholas’s nape. The smell of his sweat is intoxicating: heady and a little sweet. He tastes sweet, too—though that could just be remnants of the blue gatorade he likes so much. Euijoo swears he saw him drink like three of those earlier.

“What…what do you want to do?” Nicholas pulls back to breathe. He looks at Euijoo with a tenderness that has his heart lurching in his chest. Euijoo stares back at him, eyes lidded and breath ragged. What does he want to do? He doesn’t have a specific answer for that. He just wants. He wants anything and everything, so long as it’s with Nicholas. 

Desire claws at his throat, desperate to be heard. Euijoo nearly chokes on it.

“Can we– can I–” 

Nicholas seems to sense his nervousness, because the next kiss he gives is slow and reassuring. “We don’t have to do anything new,” he says, voice equally soft. “We don’t have to do anything at all if you don’t want to. Though…it seems like you want to,” he teases, shifting to press a leg against the very obvious tent in Euijoo’s basketball shorts.

“I want to,” Euijoo whines. He squeezes his eyes shut, and tries very hard not to let his knees buckle from underneath him as Nicholas presses even closer. “I want to…to fuck you.” 

Nicholas’s skin is flushed red with heat, warm and slightly sticky where Euijoo’s hands rest at his chest. Euijoo hears rather than sees the way his breath catches in his throat.

“Wait, really?” Nico asks. He sounds like he’s been running a marathon. “Like, all the way?”

Euijoo fiddles with the neckline of Nicholas’s tanktop. His eyes flutter open, but he continues to avoid Nico’s gaze, too embarrassed to look at him properly. Instead, he focuses in on a tiny freckle just below Nicholas’s collarbone. It’s small and faded, barely there—he’s never noticed it before. Euijoo presses a curious thumb into the skin and holds it there.

“If that’s okay…” Euijoo gulps. He realizes, suddenly, that he has no idea if Nicholas is a top or a bottom or whatever. He doesn’t even know if that’s like, a real thing people identify as, or if it’s all just made up for movies and TV. He’s sure people have their favorite positions, but what about Nicholas? Does he have a favorite? A least favorite? Panic begins to swell in Euijoo’s chest as he thinks about it. What if Nicholas insists on topping? If Euijoo was more experienced, then he’d probably let him—but he’s never been with a man before. He’s never been with anyone at all, for fuck’s sake. This is nerve wracking enough already; at this juncture the thought of putting something up his ass only makes him feel vaguely ill.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to,” Euijoo quickly amends, growing more nervous by the second. “I don’t know what your, um, preferences are. Like if you want to do me or you want me to do you…I’m obviously new to this so uh, I’m not really sure what I like or not, but I don’t think I’m ready to bottom just yet–”

“Juju, relax,” Nicholas interjects with a soft laugh. He rubs a few soothing circles into the skin at Euijoo’s hip, and Euijoo instantly feels his entire body unclench with relief. “I don’t really have a preference. I like both,” Nicholas continues. “We can do whatever you’re comfortable with. I don’t mind either way.”

Euijoo lets out a shaky breath. Thank fucking god.

“Okay.”

“Are you sure you want your first real time to be with me, though?” Nicholas asks again, brow furrowed. “You don’t want to save it for someone…I don’t know, special?”

Euijoo almost wants to laugh. At this point, who else would he even be saving it for? The words get caught in his throat: You are special, dumbass. 

“You already have most of my other firsts,” he says instead. He shrugs, still attempting nonchalance despite his earlier word vomit. “I trust you.”

Nico gives him another careful look. “If you’re totally sure…”

“I am,” Euijoo nods. “I want it to be you.”

I want you.

“Shit, okay.” Nicholas lets out another breathless laugh, squeezing Euijoo’s waist. “Yeah, why the hell not?”

Euijoo can think of several good reasons ‘why the hell not’—great reasons, even.

He ignores them all and follows Nicholas into the bedroom anyway.

***

“Can I ride you?”

The question completely knocks the wind out of Euijoo where he lies propped up against Nicholas’s headboard. Nico is already on top of him, straddling his hips and pressing wet kisses down the length of his sternum. Euijoo is almost certain Nico can feel the way his heart is beating erratically in his chest. His hands, gently gripping Nicholas’s thighs, are shaking with nerves and anticipation. 

“Please,” he breathes, arching forward into each press of lips. “Do whatever you want.”

Nicholas raises his head to give Euijoo a wild sort of look before leaning in for a proper kiss. 

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” he sighs into Euijoo’s mouth, kissing him deeper and pressing a hand against the bulge in Euijoo’s underwear. “Then you can take over.”

Euijoo lets out a keening whine as Nico grinds the heel of his hand against his crotch. He’s already so wet, the front of his boxer-briefs damp with sweat and precome. He has no idea how he’s expected to last like this, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try. 

“Nichol,” Euijoo moans, jolting at the friction of fabric against his cockhead. He's so worked up—has been since they first arrived at the damn basketball court. 

“I got you, Juju,” Nicholas says. He tugs at the waistband of Euijoo’s underwear, swiftly removing it and taking Euijoo into his hand with a sharp inhale. “Fuck. Almost forgot how big you are. You’re gonna reach so deep.”

Euijoo groans. Does Nicholas even know how hot he is when he says things like that? His hands are large and rough with fresh calluses, and a few purposeful strokes is all it takes to have Euijoo trembling beneath him. When Nico leans in to run his tongue along the faint trail of fuzz below his navel, he nearly comes on the spot. A shaky, panicked hand flies up to grasp at Nicholas’s hair.

“I won’t last like this,” Euijoo admits, his tone rushed and sheepish. He tugs Nicholas’s head up and away from his weeping cock. “Prep– we need to prep you.”

Nicholas nods and reaches under his bed, procuring a small bottle. Euijoo’s urgency doesn’t seem to be bothering him—if anything, he’s just as eager to get things moving. Euijoo is beyond grateful that he’s not the only one feeling desperate here. It makes him feel a little less nervous. 

“I’d let you finger me but I really don’t have the patience for that right now,” Nicholas laughs, and Euijoo blushes harder. See? Just as eager. 

Nico doesn’t break eye contact as he coats his fingers generously with lube. “I’ll teach you how next time. Need you inside immediately,” he says. 

Euijoo can only whimper pathetically as he watches Nicholas reach a free hand behind himself. He hardly even registers the implication of a next time—he’s too busy memorizing every twist in Nicholas’s expression; every tiny, airy sound that escapes his throat. 

Nicholas fucks himself open quick and rough. If Euijoo wasn’t so close to busting already, he’d probably find the impatience endearing. He'd encourage him to slow down, to take his time. In an ideal world, Euijoo would want to do this part slowly—sweetly, with a bit more romance. But this is not an ideal world, and he and Nicholas are not in a romantic relationship. Euijoo doesn’t even know if he’ll ever get a chance at this again. He’ll take whatever he can get. 

It’s not long before Nicholas is shuffling closer on his knees. He takes Euijoo’s cock back into his grip, giving a few more twists of his hand before deftly rolling on a condom. 

“Ready for me?” he asks, staring down at Euijoo with dark eyes. 

Euijoo stares back, drinking in the surreal sight in front of him. Nicholas’s whole chest is flushed red with desire, and his own cock stands hard and untouched against his stomach. His hair is still a mess from the earlier exercise, skin slightly tacky with dried sweat. Euijoo grips at Nicholas’s thighs again and wets his lips. 

“Yeah,” he croaks. “Whenever you are.”

Nicholas doesn’t bother with an audible response. Instead, he lines Euijoo’s cock up with his entrance and begins slowly sinking down. 

“Oh my god. Wait, wait– Nichol– Hold on, fuck,” Euijoo gasps. The sensation is immediately overwhelming—he’s not even three centimeters deep into Nicholas and yet pleasure is already bursting behind his eyelids, causing tiny spots in his vision. Euijoo squeezes Nico’s hipbones hard enough to bruise. 

“Euijoo, I swear to god, if you finish before you’re even fully inside me–” Nicholas complains, but he halts his movement anyway, thigh muscles flexing as they hold his weight. 

“I won’t! Just– slow down for a second,” Euijoo begs. He closes his eyes and takes a deep, grounding breath. Counts to five. Says a quick prayer to a god he doesn’t believe in. “Okay. I think I’m good.”

Nicholas huffs out a fond laugh and rolls his eyes. “I’m the one who should be having a hard time here,” he says. He sinks down a little further, hissing at the stretch. “You’re fucking huge, dude.”

Euijoo lets out an embarrassed squeak. “Don’t call me dude while we’re fucking,” he whines. “Does it– does it hurt? Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking fantastic, Juju,” Nicholas groans, taking Euijoo deeper. “It hurts, but in a good way. You feel so good.”

“You too,” Euijoo whispers. Nicholas is almost fully seated in his lap now—Euijoo can feel every clench of muscle and every slide of latex against Nicholas’s walls. It's so tight; so warm. Euijoo thinks he could die like this, and they’ve barely even gotten started. 

“Fuck, Euijoo–” Nicholas nearly chokes on a moan as he takes him in fully, falling forward against Euijoo’s chest. His hands are shaking where they splay across Euijoo’s stomach, and his eyes flutter as he adjusts to the feeling of being full. Euijoo can’t help it—he leans up to capture his lips in a sensual kiss. 

The movement causes a jolt of pleasure to shoot up Euijoo’s spine, and he whines into Nico’s mouth, tugging him impossibly closer. 

“Nico,” he moans. “M-move. Please.”

Nicholas kisses back and rolls his hips forward. 

“Oh, fuck–”

Euijoo, too, chokes on his words. Any other sounds he may have made are silenced by Nicholas’s mouth on his, lapped up with his tongue and swallowed. 

Nico continues to fuck himself on Euijoo’s cock, slowly building up a rhythm. Euijoo’s legs are trembling, hips jumping with the need to bury himself even deeper. Following this instinct, Euijoo plants his feet on the mattress and bends his knees for leverage. He cants his hips experimentally upward, causing Nicholas to claw at his shoulders. Euijoo repeats the action, meeting Nicholas’s movements and feeling him shudder above him. It’s insane. It’s nothing like Euijoo has ever felt before. 

Each thrust punches a different sound from Nicholas’s throat, each one more beautiful than the last. Euijoo stares up at him in complete awe.

“You look so– perfect–” he gasps. 

“Juju,” Nicholas moans. He grinds his hips down hard, and Euijoo nearly sees stars. He grasps at Nicholas’s waist to ground himself. “Juju, Euijoo– more, please,” Nico begs. 

Euijoo’s thighs are starting to burn from the effort of holding this position, but he wouldn’t dare deny Nicholas of anything right now. Before he can overthink it, Euijoo wraps his arms around Nicholas’s waist, briefly pulls out, and flips them over on the bed. 

He hooks an arm under Nico’s leg as he presses back in, and the new angle has them both moaning in tandem. It’s easier for Euijoo to control his movements like this, allowing him to thrust harder, deeper, longer. 

“Fuck,” Nicholas swears again, arching underneath him. “Shit, yeah, right there–”

It’s all too much. Euijoo buries his face in Nicholas’s neck, breathing in the intoxicating scent of his sweat and running his tongue along salty skin. 

“Nichol,” he whines, voice pitching slightly as that familiar blinding pleasure begins to build once more. His hips stutter. He’s so fucking close, but he doesn’t want to come before Nicholas, so he reaches between them with a fumbling hand.

Nicholas’s cock is hard and throbbing. Euijoo takes him into his hand, stroking in time with each snap of his hips. 

It’s not long before Nicholas is crying out, whole body tensing as he reaches his climax. Euijoo feels Nico’s nails digging into his shoulders, and he holds him through his orgasm, placing soft, wet kisses at the base of his ear. 

Nico comes long and hard. The reality of his warm, sticky release now coating Euijoo’s hand is enough to bring him over the edge as well, and soon enough he’s spilling into the condom with an elongated groan. 

It takes a long time for them to come back to themselves. 

“Holy shit,” Euijoo eventually croaks, once he’s pulled out and has collapsed next to Nico on the bed.  They’re still a complete mess, but Euijoo doesn’t have the energy to deal with that right now. He’s still processing what the hell just happened. “That was– wow.”

“Yeah…” Nicholas lies next to him, breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling. “Wow.”

They lie there in comfortable silence for a while as their heart rates slow and their breathing returns to normal. Euijoo stumbles on shaky legs when he eventually gets up to get a washcloth from the bathroom, but he manages to make it back in one piece. 

Nicholas gives Euijoo a soft smile as he wipes down his stomach. Nico still hasn’t moved at all since they finished, and he looks adorable: so sleepy and content. Pliant. Euijoo wants to kiss him so badly, but he’s not sure what’s allowed. 

“You’re a quick learner,” Nicholas praises.

“Yeah, well.” Euijoo shrugs, shy. He lifts Nicholas’s legs one by one and gently wipes down the insides of his thighs. “You’re a good teacher.”

Nicholas giggles. “I didn’t really do anything,” he says. “Wasn’t really much of a lesson, if you ask me.”

“You took charge in the beginning,” Euijoo protests, feeling weirdly defensive. “That helped. It was…helpful. I, uh, learned a lot.”

Helpful is not exactly the word Euijoo would like to use here, but again, he doesn’t know what’s allowed. And he did learn a lot—even if he had ulterior motives. What can he say? He’s always been a hands-on learner. 

“Okay,” Nicholas says with another sleepy smile. “Can we cuddle now? You wore me out.”

Euijoo’s poor heart won’t be catching any breaks today, it seems. He nods, quickly finishes with his clean-up and slides under the covers. Nicholas snuggles up to his side immediately. 

“Nico?” Euijoo calls out softly, cheek resting on top of Nicholas’s head. 

“Mm?”

“…Thanks,” he mumbles. 

Nicholas nuzzles closer, wrapping his whole body around Euijoo’s like a baby koala. Euijoo can feel the shape of his smile against his bare skin. 

“Anytime, Juju.”

All Euijoo can think is that Nicholas really shouldn’t make offers like that—Euijoo might end up taking more than he’s allowed. 

***

Somehow, losing his virginity only serves to make Euijoo even hornier. He didn’t think it was possible, but now that he knows what it feels like to be inside Nicholas, he wants to feel it all the time. He wants to nest there; to make a home within his walls; to take refuge between his legs. Euijoo is well aware that this is absolutely insane behavior. Unfortunately, his dick doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo. 

Nicholas is rather busy for the rest of the week, so Euijoo is stuck pining quietly and jerking off way more frequently than he has in years. It’s pathetic. He wonders if he’d still be feeling this way if his first time was with a girl, instead. He tries to imagine it—even watches some guy-on-girl porn—but it just doesn’t hit the same. Nothing does. He always ends up thinking about Nicholas, no matter what scenario he imagines. It might be a bit of a problem. 

The next few times they see each other are brief and incredibly mundane. Euijoo feels like he’s going crazy with want, but he doesn’t want to freak Nicholas out or anything, so he tries to be normal about it. 

What he needs is a distraction—and maybe some other experiences under his belt, just so he has more material to work with. He’s not exactly thrilled about that prospect, but the perfect opportunity presents itself when Yangyang texts him a few days later. 

It’s nothing more than a simple greeting, but it still makes Euijoo’s gut twist with anxiety. He almost doesn’t reply, but then he thinks back to Nicholas’s strange behavior on the court the other day. What was that all about, anyway? A sadistic part of Euijoo wants to see if Nicholas will respond similarly a second time. What will happen if he goes out on a proper date with Yangyang? Will Nico be jealous? Will he even care? 

He feels a bit guilty for considering it when he has no real romantic interest in Yangyang, but maybe this could be a good thing. Maybe what Euijoo really needs is for Nicholas to prove him wrong—to have a completely normal reaction. Then he’ll be able to fully move on from these stupid feelings. Besides, one date with someone doesn’t hurt. It’s not like Euijoo is marrying the guy. 

Euijoo shoots a quick text back, and not even an hour later, he has a date set for the upcoming weekend.

***

Nicholas does not prove him wrong—though he doesn’t really prove him right, either. Instead, he responds in the most confusing way possible: inconsistently. 

Euijoo mentions the date in passing, trying to be casual as he asks Nicholas for fashion advice. The plan was to let him know about the date without making it a whole thing; then Euijoo could gauge Nicholas’s reaction without having to answer any pressing questions.

The plan backfires. Nicholas is incapable of not making it a whole thing, apparently. Instead of simply telling Euijoo which shirt he prefers, he insists on coming over to dress him up like he’s some kind of Barbie doll. He invites himself into his apartment, completely ignoring any of Euijoo’s attempts to deflect. 

On Saturday afternoon, Nicholas arrives brandishing two different make-up kits, three different jackets, and about a thousand pieces of jewelry. He starts talking before he’s even fully in the door:

“Yangyang moves fast, damn. I can’t believe you’ve already got a date,” he says, pushing gently past Euijoo’s frame and into the hallway. He walks into Euijoo’s bedroom like he belongs there, then throws all of his things into a messy heap on the bed. 

“Uh, yeah,” Euijoo says, struggling to keep up. This is a much different vibe from how Nico originally responded to Yangyang’s flirting, and it’s throwing him off. “Thanks for setting us up.”

“No problem, Juju,” Nicholas says. He turns to Euijoo with a grin and claps him heartily on the shoulder. “Now where is he taking you? I need to get a sense for what we’re working with here.”

“Just dinner at some dive bar downtown,” Euijoo says with a shrug. He eyes the amalgamation of random clothing items Nicholas had brought with him with a frown. “Is all of this really necessary…?”

Nicholas rolls his eyes. He starts tugging on the ends of Euijoo’s sweatshirt, and Euijoo lets him pull it off of him without thinking. Once the hoodie is tossed aside, Nicholas starts digging through his pile. He picks out an unassuming navy blue shirt and holds it up to Euijoo’s chest to assess. 

“Yes, it is!” Nicholas says. He stares for all of three seconds before shaking his head and throwing the shirt back into the pile. “It’s your first date with a guy. You can’t get away with dressing like a boring straight man anymore.”

“I don’t dress like a boring straight man,” Euijoo squeaks, offended.

“Sure, Juju.” Nicholas continues to rummage as he speaks. “Here, try this on.”

Nicholas shoves another shirt into his hands—this one black and slightly sheer. Euijoo hesitates.

“Are you crazy?” he asks, eyeing the thin fabric with caution. “I don’t really wear this sort of thing.”

“I know. That’s why I brought it. Just try it on,” Nicholas insists. 

Euijoo stares at the shirt with a frown. It’s a tanktop, slightly cropped and meant to be tight-fitting. Horror and embarrassment begin to dawn on Euijoo as he realizes that he recognizes this shirt. He remembers the first time Nicholas wore it with far too much clarity: it was someone’s birthday, and they were out at a popular gay club to celebrate. Nicholas was wearing this shirt, a pair of low-rise jeans, and very little else. Euijoo couldn’t take his eyes off of him all night.

It was around this time that Euijoo began to question his sexuality, actually. He remembers the strange, warm feeling that had bloomed in his gut at the sight of Nicholas dancing, and how foreign it had felt at the time. He remembers giggling at a tipsy Nicholas as he confidently sang along to the music overhead, getting all of the lyrics wrong. Something solidified inside of Euijoo, then. After that, things started to become much clearer.

His sudden attraction to his best friend wasn’t the only thing that led to Euijoo’s eventual coming out as bisexual, but it was certainly a big factor. That night—this shirt—had set the ball in motion. It was the beginning of Euijoo’s end.

Euijoo clears his throat. He can feel his whole face heating up, flashes of flushed skin and bright laughter bringing him right back to the dancefloor. 

“It probably won’t fit me as well as it fits you,” he mumbles, a last ditch effort to get out of the current situation. “You’re– broader than me.” 

Nicholas only shakes his head and pushes the shirt further into Euijoo’s chest.

“Not by much,” he pouts. “And the fabric is flexible. It’ll be fine. Just try it, please? You’ll look good; I promise.”

There’s no use arguing. Euijoo knows how persistent Nicholas can be when he really wants something, and he also knows his own weaknesses. How could he ever say no to Nico when he’s looking at him like a scorned puppy? There’s simply no point in even trying.

With a resigned sigh, Euijoo starts to pull his t-shirt over his head so he can swap it for the tanktop. It doesn’t occur to him to leave the room to change—not until he notices the way Nicholas is staring. The way Nicholas is checking him out, really, because there’s no other way to describe it. 

Nicholas’s gaze is heavy as it sweeps over Euijoo’s bare chest, down his torso, across his waist. Euijoo doesn’t miss the way his eyes snag on the light trail of hair disappearing under the band of his sweatpants. Suddenly, his throat feels very, very dry. 

Euijoo scrambles to pull the tanktop on to cover up, desperately hoping it’s not too obvious just how hot his whole body is burning. As expected, the shirt is tight-fitting, but the fabric is stretchy enough that it isn’t uncomfortable. It does little in the way of ‘covering him up,’ though—his entire midriff and his arms are out on full display. Nicholas’s eyes are still glued to his happy trail. Euijoo feels a little bit like he wants to die.

“I can’t wear this in public,” he squeaks, tugging at the cropped hem as if he can magically make the shirt longer. “I’ll– I’ll get cold.”

The pathetic attempt at an excuse is enough to snap Nicholas out of whatever daze he’s in. He snorts, rolling his eyes again.

“You’ll wear a jacket with it, Juju, come on,” he says. Then he lets out a low whistle. “You look so fucking sexy. Seriously. Yangyang won’t know what hit him.”

Euijoo really wishes Nicholas would stop bringing up Yangyang. Even if he is the reason they’re doing all this—kind of. Not really. As far as Nico is concerned, he is; but Euijoo really doesn’t care what Yangyang thinks. He’d go on the date in his loungewear if Nicholas would let him. 

Alas, Nicholas remains as clueless as ever. He starts going through his collection of jewelry, muttering under his breath about whether gold or silver would match better with Euijoo’s skin tone. 

“Those jeans you wore when we went for sushi last time,” he says, not looking up from his hunt for the perfect accessories. “The ones that make your legs look extra long. Put those on while I find a necklace for you to wear, yeah?”

Euijoo is grateful that Nicholas isn’t watching when he slips out of his sweats and into the aforementioned jeans. At least, he thinks these are the jeans Nicholas means—he doesn’t really remember the last time he wore them. He’s honestly a little surprised that Nicholas does, though he has always had an eye for these things.

“Isn’t this a bit much for a first date…?”

“Shhh. Let the artist realize his vision.”

Nicholas strides over to him with several different pieces of jewelry in hand, eyes gleaming.

“I think maybe the artist needs to get his vision checked,” Euijoo grumbles.

Nicholas doesn’t respond to this. He’s too busy looping a delicate gold chain around Euijoo’s neck, leaning into his space to clasp it together. Euijoo’s breath hitches in his throat at the proximity. He stills, too afraid to make even the smallest of movements with Nicholas so close. Nicholas’s hands linger at the base of Euijoo’s neck, his touch delicate and gentle where he smooths metal over skin. Euijoo can feel the tickle of his breath as he exhales, slow and steady. 

“There,” Nicholas whispers into the meager space between them. “Perfect.” When his gaze flits up to meet Euijoo’s, Euijoo has to physically hold himself back from leaning in. He wants to kiss him so badly—but that would be stupid. That would be counterproductive.

For a split second he considers doing it anyway, but he doesn’t get the chance. The moment breaks when Nicholas steps backward, patting Euijoo awkwardly on the sternum. He clears his throat.

“What time do you have to go?” he asks.

It takes Euijoo a moment to recalibrate. “Oh, uh. We’re meeting at seven.”

Nicholas glances at the watch on his wrist and grins. 

“Great. That means I have time to do your makeup.”

***

Despite the unbearable amount of sexual tension in the air, Nicholas seems genuinely excited for Euijoo’s date. By the time he’s deemed Euijoo ‘all dolled up,’ he’s practically bouncing in anticipation.

The enthusiasm is…weird. It feels weird, at least. Euijoo has to remind himself that it’s not—that this is precisely the ‘normal’ reaction he was looking for, and that friends can and should be excited for each other like this. But something about Nicholas’s smile feels off. Not fake, necessarily…just different. Euijoo decides that he doesn’t like it.

It’s fine, he keeps telling himself. This is normal. This is what you need.

The way Nicholas’s gaze keeps snapping to his waist is not quite as normal, but Euijoo can’t think too hard about that right now. He’s got a date to worry about—a date with someone who is not Nicholas.

The last time Euijoo went on a real date was about a year ago. He took the girl he was interested in at the time—Yerim—to the aquarium. They held hands, shared a vanilla ice cream cone, and argued about whether or not starfish are actually fish. Euijoo was enamored with the way Yerim’s eyes sparkled at each and every new creature they saw, even the mundane ones. It was a good date. Euijoo had a nice time, and he gave Yerim a chaste kiss goodnight at the end of it.

They never ended up going out again, for reasons still unclear to Euijoo. Yerim started dating someone else not too long after the aquarium. Euijoo was bummed, but he got over it pretty quickly.

Then came the whole bisexual thing. He was a bit too busy with his sexuality crisis to really consider dating anyone else for a while. 

The point is: Euijoo is nervous. He’s never gone out with a guy before, and he doesn’t know Yangyang very well, so he’s not sure what to expect. He didn’t have much opportunity to worry about it while he was getting ready, because Nicholas—but now that he’s alone again, his anxiety has kicked back into overdrive.

Reality starts to settle uncomfortably in Euijoo’s gut as he sits in the restaurant booth, waiting. He’s early; Yangyang hasn’t arrived yet and probably won’t for another five minutes or so. Euijoo shifts awkwardly and adjusts the sleeves of his (Nicholas’s) jacket. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should just go home.

Just as he’s contemplating faking some sort of illness, Euijoo’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He’s expecting it to be Yangyang, maybe telling him he’s on the way or asking if he got a table—but it’s not. It’s Nicholas, and the message he’s sent has Euijoo nearly choking on his soda.

nichol (6:52 PM)
> yang’s a bottom btw
> so u should have all the practical knowledge u need 

Euijoo’s cheeks instantly begin to burn with embarrassment. What the hell kind of message is that? Does Nicholas expect them to have sex on the first date? Oh god, does Yangyang expect them to? This wasn’t something Euijoo had considered until this very moment. Suddenly, he’s about a million times more nervous than he was before.

He also has…questions. He types out a response without thinking:

juju (6:53 PM)
> ?????? wtf
> and you know this… how ?

nichol (6:55 PM)
> we hooked up once 
> like forever ago

Perhaps Euijoo should have expected this. Nicholas has always been confident in his sexuality; he’s probably slept with countless people by now. For some reason, it still causes an uncomfortable pang in Euijoo’s chest. A small part of him had hoped that he was a special case. That maybe, just maybe, he meant something more.

juju (6:56 PM)
> so do you just hook up with all your friends or what

He doesn’t mean for it to come out so accusatory. Euijoo grimaces, already wishing he could take it back. The last thing he needs is for Nicholas to realize he’s jealous. Still, it does sting a bit, knowing he’s not the only one.

nichol (6:56)
> just the hot ones ;P

nichol (6:57)
> kidding
> ive actually only slept with like 5 diff ppl
> 4 if we’re talking full penetration lol

Euijoo’s mind goes blank at the admission. If he was surprised before, now he’s in full-on shock—because what do you mean Nicholas has only slept with five people? For whatever reason, Euijoo was under the impression that his best friend got around a lot more than that. To know that he’s one of only four people to fuck Nico is completely dizzying. Is he a special case, after all? 

The emotional whiplash of the evening is already too much. Unfortunately, Euijoo doesn't have the opportunity to process this new information, because moments later, his date arrives.

“Hey,” Yangyang greets with a grin. He slides into the seat across from Euijoo, gaze lingering unapologetically at his chest. “Sorry to keep you waiting. You look great.”

“Oh, hi.” Euijoo  startles in his seat, suddenly hot under the collar. He shoves his phone hastily back into his pocket and clears his throat. “Thanks. You too.”

It’s not a lie—Yangyang looks hot, like, objectively. He’s still not really Euijoo’s type, but he could probably summon up some attraction for him if he tried hard enough. With a deep, steadying breath, Euijoo does his best to banish all thoughts of Nicholas and turns his focus to the man in front of him. 

He can do this.

***

All things considered, the date goes well. Yangyang is funny and charming, and after the initial nerves fade away, Euijoo finds it easy to talk to him. Yangyang buys them both a couple of drinks, and they swap stories over a basket of french fries while they wait for their meals. Overall, it’s an enjoyable time. Euijoo doesn’t even realize how late it is until they’re leaving the bar—the evening had flown by unexpectedly fast. 

Yangyang walks him out to his car afterwards, but he doesn’t make any moves. He simply says his goodbyes and gives Euijoo a brief, friendly hug. Euijoo hopes the relief isn’t too clear on his face when he pulls away; he doesn’t want to hurt Yangyang’s feelings or anything. 

When he gets home, Euijoo’s first instinct is to text Nicholas. As soon as he opens up their messages, however, the shock of their previous conversation comes flooding back to him. Five people. Four if we’re talking full penetration. Euijoo never had a chance to respond to Nico’s last text, and Nico hasn’t sent anything since, either. A wave of awkwardness washes over him as he stares blankly at his phone screen. It would be weird to say something about it now, right? But it would also be weird to ignore it and start an entirely new conversation…

Euijoo is much too tired and emotionally drained to think about this right now, so he decides to deal with it later. Maybe he’ll get lucky and Nicholas will text him first—he’ll probably want to know how the date went, anyway. Euijoo will just wait for him to make the decision for them. Easy.

But Nicholas doesn’t make the decision for them. In fact, Nicholas doesn’t reach out at all. At first Euijoo thinks nothing of it; it’s not like Nicholas is texting him 24/7 anyway. They’ve never been the sort of best friends who need to spend every second of the day together. They hang out a lot, sure, but Nicholas has plenty of other friends. Euijoo does too.

Still—the longer the silence stretches, the more intentional it feels. And this is where Euijoo starts to get really confused, because Nicholas can’t seem to commit to one type of reaction to this whole thing. He was so openly excited about Euijoo’s date with Yangyang, had even played a part in setting them up, only to not ask a single question about it afterwards.

What’s worse is that Nicholas isn’t just dodging the subject of the date—he seems to be dodging Euijoo entirely. There are several days in a row where Euijoo doesn’t hear from Nicholas at all, and when he finally does, it’s in a group chat with some of their other friends. Euijoo tries to use this opportunity to invite Nicholas over to hang out, but he gets shut down. Apparently Nicholas is ‘busy.’ Euijoo isn’t sure if he believes him or not.

Maybe Euijoo wouldn’t be quite so bothered if he wasn’t also insufferably horny. It’s been a little over a week now since he and Nicholas went all the way, and they haven’t had the chance to do anything else since—not even a single kiss. It’s such a stark difference in pace from before, and it’s driving Euijoo crazy.

Of course as soon as he gets a taste of the real deal, it all gets ripped away from him out of nowhere. Euijoo misses Nicholas for many reasons, but the sexual frustration is the most difficult to ignore. It gets so bad that Nicholas even starts popping up in his dreams. He hasn’t woken up hard this many times in a row since middle school. It’s annoying. It’s pathetic.

When he and Nicholas finally get together again, Euijoo doesn’t even know how to act. Nicholas seems to be keen on pretending like nothing has changed between them, and behaves like his normal, irritating self. He still doesn’t ask about the date with Yangyang. He doesn’t even ask for his stupid tanktop back. At this point, Euijoo isn’t sure if he wants him to or not.

What Euijoo does want is literally any sort of attention. Nicholas bumps their shoulders together, laughing at something on the TV, and Euijoo’s whole body reacts. Before he can think too hard about it, he’s placing a hand on Nicholas’s thigh and leaning in.

Nicholas’s bright laughter abruptly cuts out. To Euijoo’s absolute horror, he leans back before their lips can touch, stretching out an arm to hold some distance between them. 

“Sorry, Juju. I’m not really in the mood.”

Euijoo feels like someone has poured a bucket of ice over his head. At the same time, his whole face burns red hot with embarrassment. He’s never been more mortified in his entire life.

“Oh, okay,” he squeaks. “Sorry.”

Nicholas flashes him an awkward, apologetic smile. Euijoo scoots a little further away on the couch and tries not to panic.

This happens at least three more times over the next week. It’s always the same: Euijoo will reach out, hoping for some form of physical affection, and Nicholas will pull away with an apology. Sorry, Juju. Not in the mood. He’s allowed to set that boundary, of course, but Euijoo knows there’s more to this than Nicholas is letting on. He doesn’t even touch Euijoo casually anymore—no more friendly arms slung over his shoulder, no more encouraging pats on his knee. Euijoo has no idea what he’s done wrong, and it’s really starting to eat away at him.

It’s not until he’s chatting with Yuma over lunch that he makes the connection. 

“You two have been acting hella sus lately,” Yuma accuses, narrowing his eyes at Euijoo. “What happened?”

They weren’t even talking about Nicholas, but Yuma doesn’t need to name any names. Euijoo knows exactly who he’s referring to.

“Nothing happened,” he lies. He takes a nervous sip from whatever weird fruity drink Yuma had ordered for him before he got here. It’s just the two of them today—a quick meetup in the middle of the work day.

Yuma snorts. “Yeah, I don’t believe you. You’re a shitty liar.”

Euijoo sighs. He weighs his options: it would be nice to get some of his Nicholas-shaped worries off his chest, but he’s not quite sure how to talk about it. He knows Yuma is right, though. He’s a shitty liar. He might as well come clean, at this point.

“It’s…embarrassing.”

Yuma raises a brow. “Oh? Now you have to tell me,” he insists. 

Euijoo huffs. “Okay, fine,” he relents. He can already feel his whole face heating up. “I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell anyone else.”

Yuma laughs. “You know I can’t promise that.”

“Yuma…”

“Oh, come on! Partners don’t count, right? I tell Jo everything.”

“Ugh,” Euijoo groans. “Fine. You can tell Jo, but that’s it. Seriously. I don’t want rumors floating around.”

Yuma now looks so curious that he’s practically vibrating with it. A sense of dread begins to pool in Euijoo’s gut. 

“What the hell did you guys do? Kill someone?”

“No.” Euijoo gulps, averts his eyes. “We, uh– we slept together.”

“You WHAT?!”

The screech Yuma lets out is so loud that several other restaurant patrons turn to look at them. Euijoo grimaces and sends an apologetic look to a disgruntled woman passing by. 

“Quiet down, will you?” he pleads. 

“No way,” Yuma says. He’s no longer screeching, at least, but his voice is still much too loud given the public space they’re in. “I think I must have heard you wrong, because it sounded like you said you slept with Nico. But that would be crazy. You didn’t sleep with Nico, did you?”

Euijoo stares resolutely at the table between them, blushing up a storm. “Don’t make me say it again…” he mumbles. 

It seems to click for Yuma that Euijoo is telling the truth, then. “What the hell?” he exclaims. He gives Euijoo a dubious look. “Are you serious? Like, dick in hole?”

Euijoo nods sheepishly. Yuma’s mouth drops open in shock. 

“When? How? Why?!”

Euijoo doesn’t even know where to begin. The how and why are still so undefined, and the when…well. Euijoo doesn’t want to admit to Yuma that it’s technically happened more than once. 

“It’s a long story…” he says, scratching at his sideburns nervously. 

“I don’t care. I need to know everything. I’ll call out for the rest of the day if I have to; I don’t give a fuck.”

Euijoo lets out a long, suffering sigh. He’d really rather not be the reason Yuma loses his job. He decides to give the abridged version of events for simplicity’s sake—what Yuma doesn’t know won’t hurt him. 

“It started out as just practice, since I’d never made out with anyone before,” Euijoo admits. “Then it just sort of…escalated.”

Yuma looks at him like he’s crazy. 

“You’re telling me you gave Nicholas your virginity for practice?”

Well, when he puts it that way, Euijoo can’t really say he blames him. Maybe he is crazy. 

“Uh…yeah. Kind of,” he mumbles. 

Yuma laughs in disbelief. “Who’s brilliant idea was this? I can’t wrap my head around either of you proposing something so stupid.”

Euijoo frowns. “Why is it stupid?”

He knows perfectly well why, but Yuma isn’t supposed to know about the complicated romantic feelings that are involved. A flash of panic grips Euijoo's chest. Has he been more transparent than he thought? What if Nicholas sees right through him?

“Nico doesn't really do well with casual, you know?” Yuma asks. Euijoo did not know, but he says nothing. “He catches feelings easily. And you—well, I figured you were more of a commitment kind of guy.”

He’s not wrong—it’s just that Euijoo is committed. To Nicholas. Unfortunately. 

“I guess,” Euijoo says with a helpless shrug. “He’s the one who suggested it, though. But like I said, it was only supposed to be kissing at first. I don’t really know how we ended up here.”

“You two are unbelievable. I knew you wanted him,” Yuma scoffs. He crosses his arms, smug. “So?”

“…so, what?”

“How was it? Was he good?” Yuma leans forward with curious, gleaming eyes. “Wait, pause. Who topped?”

Euijoo wants to die. Who the hell just asks something like that?

“Um…I don’t think that’s any of your business, actually,” he balks. 

“Oh come on, Euijoo!” Yuma pouts. “Please tell me! These are essential details. How am I supposed to paint an accurate mental picture if I don’t have all the information?”

Euijoo’s face scrunches up in disgust. “You’re not supposed to paint a mental picture at all. What the fuck? Are you imagining me and Nichol fucking?”

“Of course I am,” Yuma easily admits, rolling his eyes. “You guys are like, two of the hottest people I know. It’d be a waste not to.”

“…I genuinely don’t know what to say to that.”

“Well, you could start by telling me which one of you took it up the ass.”

Euijoo nearly chokes on his own spit. Does he have to say it like that?

“I am not telling you that,” he says, ears burning. 

“Fine then. Be that way,” Yuma complains. “I’ll just ask Nicholas later.”

“Please don’t.” Euijoo’s voice comes out rushed and desperate, startling Yuma. The look on his face must be pathetic enough to warrant concern, because Yuma takes pity on him.

“Alright, alright. I won’t. Have you guys like…talked about it at all, though?” he asks. 

“Uh…not really.”

“Of course you haven’t,” Yuma sighs. “Useless bisexuals.”

“Hey,” Euijoo whines. Yuma’s not exactly wrong, but again, he doesn’t have to be so…blunt. “Nico is um. Actually kind of avoiding me? I think. Like we hang out or whatever but anytime I try to make a move, he pushes me away. It’s just weird. He didn’t used to be like this.”

“You’re making moves?” Yuma lifts an eyebrow, then wiggles it suggestively. Euijoo feels his blush deepen. 

“That’s beside the point,” he huffs, embarrassed. “He was so receptive before. I don’t know what changed.”

“Maybe it’s like I said,” Yuma starts with a shrug. “Maybe he caught feelings.”

A tiny glimmer of hope flickers to life in Euijoo's chest. He does his best to squash it; no use getting his expectations up when he really has no evidence of that being the case. 

“I did consider that, actually…” he mumbles, “but then he went and gave Yangyang my number, so I’m not really sure what he’s thinking. He even helped me get ready for our date.”

“Oh yeah, Yangyang.” Yuma pauses for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. “Damn, you really have a type, don’t you?”

This catches Euijoo off guard.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know,” Yuma teases. “Playful, athletic guy from Taiwan with a killer smile?”

Euijoo gulps. Huh. He hadn’t really thought about it like that. In his mind, Yangyang and Nicholas are almost nothing alike. 

“I guess,” he says. “Yangyang’s nice, and I had a good time when we went out, but I’m not really into him like that.”

“But you are into Nico?” Yuma asks. 

Euijoo averts his eyes. “…no comment.”

“God, I still can’t believe this is real,” Yuma laughs again, incredulous. “Well, the way I see it, Nico’s probably avoiding you for one of two reasons: he either enjoyed hooking up with you a little too much, or he didn’t enjoy it enough.”

Euijoo’s gut churns uncomfortably. 

“Not enough…?” 

“Look, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but maybe he’s just not interested anymore,” Yuma posits with a shrug. “Maybe the sex wasn’t that good for him; I don’t know. Seems like something Nicholas would want to avoid admitting if it were true.”

Euijoo suddenly feels like throwing up. He had never considered this possibility before. Was the sex bad? Was that the issue? Euijoo didn’t fuck Nicholas well enough and now he wants nothing to do with him anymore—is that it? Euijoo thought it had been phenomenal, but it was his first time. Maybe Nicholas didn’t enjoy it quite as much. Maybe Euijoo did a terrible job. 

“Oh.”

It’s all he can think to say. Euijoo fears that if he tries to say more, he’ll actually be sick. 

Yuma seems to realize a beat too late that he’s triggered a mini meltdown. 

“But what do I know,” he backtracks. Euijoo is no longer listening; he’s too busy spiraling deep into the depths of shame and despair. “You should just ask him. Give him an evaluation form or something. That’d be kind of hilarious.”

Asking Nicholas whether or not he was a good lay is the absolute last thing Euijoo wants to do. He thinks about all of the recent times his advances have been rejected—was that Nico’s way of breaking things off entirely? Was he trying to tell Euijoo, without so many words, that he doesn’t want him anymore?

God…Nicholas probably thinks Euijoo is disgusting. He was probably turned off by how insatiable Euijoo has been, and thinks he’s some kind of depraved pervert. He probably didn’t even want to have sex with him in the first place. He probably only did it because Euijoo had been so persistent. 

Euijoo tries very hard not to let shame overtake him. But shame is an emotion he is already so intimately acquainted with, and it’s easy to welcome it with open arms, like an old friend come to visit. Yuma tries to deflect by changing the subject, but it’s too late. The damage has been done. Euijoo spends the rest of the day wallowing in negative emotions and ignoring Nicholas entirely. 

Not that he has to try very hard at the latter. Nicholas thinks he’s repulsive, after all. At this point, Euijoo is starting to agree. 

***

Unfortunately, the shame persists throughout the end of the month. And even more unfortunately: so does the horniness. Euijoo can’t bring himself to masturbate in his current sorry state, and his hormones are still running rampant as if they couldn’t care less about Euijoo’s existential crisis. He’s so sexually frustrated that it’s made him uncharacteristically irritable. This, of course, only makes him feel worse about himself than he already does. It’s a vicious cycle. 

It’s a sorry combination of these two miserable states of being that leads Euijoo to Yangyang’s apartment. 

They’ve been texting back and forth here and there, but nothing too exciting. Euijoo still isn’t really into him, but if he doesn’t make out with someone soon he thinks he might actually explode and die, and well—Yangyang is accessible. Euijoo had mostly given up on the idea of a possible second date by now, but then he figured, why wait for Yangyang to take the initiative? He can ask someone out, too. And so he did.

He doesn’t bother beating around the bush. Euijoo summons up as much courage as he can and flirts with intention, making it clear from the get-go that he wants more than a friendly date. For a moment he worries about coming across as desperate, but then he realizes that it hardly matters. Yangyang is clearly still interested, so why not make the most of the opportunity?

This is how Euijoo finds himself on an unfamiliar couch with a barely-familiar boy, their legs tangled and lips locked. It’s a little awkward, at first—mostly because he’s never done this with anyone besides Nicholas—but he tries not to think about that too much. Yangyang is a decent kisser, and the weight of his body on Euijoo’s lap is weirdly grounding. Euijoo places his hands at Yangyang’s hips and kisses him with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.

Still, despite his best efforts in focusing on the here-and-now, Euijoo can’t help but get stuck in the past. He can’t stop making comparisons, can’t stop thinking about all of the ‘advice’ Nicholas has given him. He’s hyper aware of every move he makes, and finds himself wondering how Nico would respond to each one, rather than focusing on Yangyang’s response. It’s incredibly distracting, and not in the way Euijoo had hoped this would be.

Yangyang is shorter than Nicholas and less built. He’s more on the lanky side, like Euijoo, which is…interesting. He uses his teeth more than Nico does, and he tastes different. All of this is ultimately fine—it’s not bad, just different. But there’s one big thing that Euijoo can’t seem to get over, no matter how hard he tries.

When Nicholas kisses Euijoo, he goes for the bottom lip. It’s not something Euijoo ever consciously noticed, but now that he’s thinking about it, it feels like the only right choice. Euijoo’s lower lip is full and plush, while Nicholas’s upper lip stands out more—at least in Euijoo’s opinion. Naturally, he got used to slotting their mouths together in this way. It just makes sense.

Yangyang is an upper lip kisser. Euijoo really cannot seem to let this go. They make out for maybe three minutes tops before he’s pulling away with a heavy sigh, feeling dejected.

“I’m sorry,” he says, dropping his hands from Yangyang’s waist. “I know I’m the one who asked to meet up, I just…my heart isn’t really in this.”

Yangyang takes it surprisingly well. He sends Euijoo a sympathetic smile and easily climbs out of his lap. “It’s alright,” he says. He settles next to Euijoo and slings an arm over the back of the couch. “It’s Yixiang, isn’t it?”

Euijoo blinks, momentarily stunned. Never mind the accusation—it’s the use of Yixiang that catches him off guard. He’s not used to hearing Nicholas’s Taiwanese name coming from other people; not outside of his family, anyway. A strange, sharp pang of jealousy hits him in the chest.

“What?”

“Nico,” Yangyang chuckles a little. He seems completely casual about this whole ordeal. It’s kind of pissing Euijoo off, honestly—though that could just be the jealousy speaking. “He’s the reason your heart isn’t in it. You have feelings for him, don’t you?”

“Oh, uh–” Euijoo gulps. So he really is that transparent, huh? “...yeah,” he admits, cheeks flushing red.

“I figured,” Yangyang says with a shrug. “I thought it was a little strange that you suddenly wanted to come over, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, you know?”

Euijoo grimaces. “Uh, sure.”

“Man, Yixiang really should have listened to me. I tried to tell him, but he’s an idiot.”

There it is again: that sharp pang. Euijoo tries to tamper down the irrational anger that begins to flare up in his chest, but he’s not very successful. It’s such a sudden and intense feeling that it takes him a moment to process what Yangyang has said.

“...sorry, what?” 

“When I first told him I was interested in you,” Yangyang explains. “I asked if it was okay for me to ask you out, and he got all defensive about it, like why do you need my permission?” (Euijoo thinks Yangyang’s Nicholas impression is rather bad, but he doesn’t say anything about it and lets him continue.) “Then when I told him it seemed like there was something between you two, he told me there wasn’t. He said there’s no way you’d ever like him like that.”

The admission sinks in slowly. Euijoo blinks, letting it marinate in his gut. 

“Oh…” he says. He has no idea how he’s supposed to feel about this. “I see.”

“Look, he’s a dumbass, clearly,” Yangyang scoffs. “For what it’s worth, he seemed disappointed when we talked about it. And he never denied any feelings on his part. I think there’s a decent chance he likes you back.”

Euijoo’s heart rate picks up in his chest. If that’s the case, then…

“Then why in the world would he try to set us up?” 

“To prove a point? I don’t know,” Yangyang laughs. “Or because I asked him to. He’s a good friend like that, you know.”

I know, Euijoo wants to scream. Anything that you know about Nicholas, I definitely know, too.

“Yeah,” he says instead. 

“Anyway, I like you, Euijoo.” Yangyang shrugs, still speaking way too casually for Euijoo’s liking. “But I wouldn’t want to get in between the two of you. You should really talk to him.”

If one more person tells him to just ‘talk to’ Nicholas, Euijoo might rip his hair out. He’s working on it, okay?!

“Right…” he mumbles.

“And hey, if you’re ever looking for a good time, you know where to find me.”

Euijoo appreciates the offer—really, he does. But if he can’t even get through a little kissing without thinking about Nicholas, then he certainly won’t be able to handle anything more than that. Euijoo may be suffering from the world’s worst case of blue balls, but apparently, not just any solution will do. It seems that the only person who can satisfy his raging hormones is Nicholas. How irritating. Hasn’t his dick ever heard of the phrase ‘beggars can’t be choosers?’

“Thanks, Yangyang,” Euijoo sighs. “And sorry again. I never wanted to lead you on or anything.”

“It’s all good. No hard feelings,” Yangyang says. “Friends?”

“Yeah,” Euijoo breathes, already feeling lighter. Now he just needs to figure out what the hell Nicholas wants. “Friends.”

***

Euijoo decides that he’s really over this whole back-and-forth thing, this weird limbo that he and Nicholas have found themselves in. He misses his best friend, dammit. He’s determined to get him back—even if it means coming clean and confessing all of his feelings. At this point, their friendship is already kind of messy. How much worse could it get, really?

Yangyang’s words have been percolating in Euijoo’s head ever since he left his apartment. Euijoo would consider himself to be a fairly intelligent person; he’s observant of the world around him and tends to pick up on social cues well. He’s had an inkling that Nicholas is jealous of Yangyang for weeks now. But his inconsistent behavior had thrown Euijoo off, and after talking with Yuma, he figured maybe he was wrong. 

This new information changes things. Miraculously, the doom and gloom he’s been sitting with for the last few days is starting to look a little brighter. Maybe Nicholas feels something for him, after all. Maybe Euijoo actually has a chance.

The shame is still pretty persistent, but Euijoo is trying to rationalize. Nicholas is a good person, after all. Surely he wouldn’t write Euijoo off just for being a little horny. And he’s a fully grown adult who can make his own decisions—he would have said something if he really didn’t want to sleep together. Euijoo trusts that Nicholas trusts him. Euijoo knows that he’s projecting.

He also knows that nothing will ever be resolved if he just sits around moping about it. So he pushes past the awkwardness between them and asks Nicholas if they can hang out soon. To his pleasant surprise, Nicholas says yes.

Euijoo doesn’t even last five minutes into their time together. They’re barely settling down to continue their show when he bursts.

“Do you think I’m repulsive?” Euijoo blurts, completely talking over the anime episode’s opening sequence. It’s not how he wanted to start the conversation, but something about Nicholas sitting further away from him than usual sets him off. 

Nicholas turns to face him with wide eyes.

“Juju– what?”

“You won’t kiss me anymore,” Euijoo barrels forward, afraid to lose momentum. He gestures to the space between them with a frown. “You’ve barely even touched me since we– since last time.”

Silence stretches to fill the space while Nicholas processes his words. There’s a pensive frown etched onto his face, forehead crinkled in thought. Euijoo yearns to reach out and smooth the furrowed skin with his thumb, but he holds back. 

“I’m confused,” Nicholas eventually says, voice slow and cautious. “What about Yangyang?”

Euijoo huffs. “What about Yangyang?”

“Aren’t you seeing him…? You don’t– you don’t need me anymore.”

Euijoo almost wants to laugh. Stupid Nicholas. Doesn’t he realize by now that Euijoo will always need him? That he needs him more than anything else in the world?

“We went on one date, Nico,” he says. “I’d hardly call that ‘seeing’ each other.”

“One date?” Nicholas’s frown deepens. “Wait, I thought you liked him? What happened?”

“I never said that.” Euijoo shrugs. “You’re the one who gave him my phone number. I thought it’d be rude to decline.”

“You shouldn’t go on a date with someone just because you don’t want to be rude...”

“I know, but I figured I’d give him a chance anyway. The date was fine, but the chemistry wasn’t there. We decided to just be friends.”

“What?” The shock on Nicholas’s face is evident. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked, Yixiang,” Euijoo sighs. He wishes Nicholas would stop making so many assumptions. He realizes this is hypocritical of him, but it’s not like Euijoo would ever lie about something like this. “Why didn’t you ask?”

Nicholas hesitates. The air hangs thick between them, heavy with tension and unspoken feelings. “I guess I– I was afraid of what the answer might be,” he finally says.

“What answer were you afraid of?” Euijoo asks, his voice nearly a whisper. When Nicholas doesn’t respond, he presses further: “Nichol?”

“Did you…” Nicholas pauses, biting at his lower lip nervously. “Did you sleep with him?”

“Of course not,” Euijoo is quick to answer. “Did you think I was going to?”

“Honestly? Kind of, yeah.” Nicholas lets out an embarrassed laugh. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but uh. Ever since we started…practicing, your sex drive has been kinda crazy. I mean, we got each other off—what, four times? In the span of like, a week and a half. And that’s not even counting all the times we just made out.”

Euijoo blushes. Well…he’s not wrong. He doesn’t doubt that it would have been even more frequent if they lived together, too. But it’s not just the sex he’s been craving—it’s sex with Nicholas specifically. Why can’t Nico see that?

“You’re an idiot.”

“Eh?!” Nicholas squeaks, offended. 

“Have you ever stopped to think about why I kept asking you to teach me things?” Euijoo huffs, folding his arms across his chest. 

“...because you wanted to learn?” Nicholas tilts his head to the side like a curious kitten and Euijoo stares back at him, completely deadpan. Nico grimaces and tries again. “Uh...because you were horny?” he guesses. 

“Because I like you, stupid,” Euijoo finally admits. The moment the words leave his mouth, his chest instantly feels lighter—like his body has suddenly remembered how to breathe.

Nicholas, on the other hand, looks like he’s been hit over the head with a baseball bat. He looks ridiculous. If Euijoo wasn’t so nervous right now, he’d probably tease him about it.

“You– what?” Nicholas gawks, mouth falling open like a dead fish. Euijoo holds back a snort. Cute. “Wait. Are you serious? You like me? Like, like like?”

“Yes, Nico. I like like you,” Euijoo sighs. He rubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms, feeling tired. “But we’re not grade schoolers anymore. So if you’re going to reject me, can you please just do it already? I can’t keep living like this.”

“Woah, hold on.” Nicholas straightens up in his seat, reaching out to blindly grasp at Euijoo’s hands. He laces their fingers together and gives Euijoo’s a squeeze. It’s nothing but the slightest bit of pressure, but Euijoo hasn’t felt Nicholas’s touch—however casual—in ages. His heart rate picks up in his chest.

“What makes you think I’m rejecting you?” Nicholas continues. “Because I’m definitely not. I– I like you too, Juju. I like you a lot.”

Euijoo can’t hold back the shy smile that threatens to overtake his face. He bites at his lower lip, and watches with pride as Nicholas’s eyes trace the movement. “Really?”

“So fucking much,” Nicholas says, nodding enthusiastically. 

Euijoo lets out a relieved, delighted laugh. Then he detangles one of his hands and whacks Nicholas on the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?!” Nicholas protests, recoiling. 

“What the hell have you been acting all weird and distant for, then?” 

“I thought you were dating Yangyang!” 

“And I thought you were smarter than this,” Euijoo complains, frowning. 

“Juju, I’m sorry,” Nicholas whines. “I really had no idea you felt that way.”

Euijoo sighs again, this time more fond than exhausted. Nicholas is looking at him with big, sparkling eyes, his plush lips pursed in a pout. Warmth immediately begins to pool in Euijoo’s gut, hot and sticky like molasses. 

“Make it up to me,” he demands.

Nicholas blinks. “...pardon?”

“I said, make it up to me,” Euijoo repeats, his confidence only faltering a little. “These past few weeks have been fucking torture, Nicholas. I’m tired of waiting.” He coughs, clearing his throat, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. “You were wrong. I need you.”

“Fuck,” Nicholas groans. He scoots forward on the couch until their knees are knocking together. Euijoo instinctively wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “How do you want me?” 

Euijoo doesn’t know how to answer that. So he doesn’t—instead, he pulls Nicholas in for a long-awaited kiss. Nicholas presses back hungrily, sucking Euijoo’s bottom lip into his mouth without hesitation. Euijoo groans. He’s missed this so fucking much.

“Want me to fuck you this time?” Nicholas breathes out between sloppy kisses. Euijoo’s whole body shudders with anticipation. 

It’s a tempting offer, but he still doesn’t feel ready. Someday he will—and for once, Euijoo feels confident that Nicholas will be right there waiting for him when he does. 

“Not yet,” Euijoo mumbles. “Maybe next time. Let me get used to topping first?”

“Of course, baby,” Nico says. He places a smattering of small, soft kisses on and around Euijoo’s lips. “Anything you want.”

The pet name causes Euijoo’s heart to squeeze painfully in his chest. He practically pounces after that, pushing at Nicholas’s chest until he’s lying flat against the couch cushions. Euijoo climbs on top of him and kisses him silly. Nicholas responds with equal fervor, his hands reaching up to card lovingly through Euijoo’s hair. 

Their second time is much sweeter than the first. They take their time making their way to the bedroom, letting the foreplay draw out rather than rushing to the main event. It’s the romantic type of love-making Euijoo has always fantasized about, except this time, it’s real. He almost can’t believe it. A part of him still wonders if he’s going to wake up tomorrow morning, and this will have all been a dream. 

But even his wildest dreams couldn’t conjure up the tender look on Nicholas’s face as Euijoo fucks him; the gentle pressure of his heels pressing into Euijoo’s back; the smooth feel of their hands tangled together in the sheets. Euijoo is more confident this time around, and Nicholas lets him take charge, whispering praise into his ear at every juncture. 

Euijoo comes inside of him this time. Nicholas had insisted it was better this way, only to later reveal that he’s never done it without a condom before. Euijoo wants to ask so badly about the other three people he’s had sex with, but he doesn’t want to ruin the mood, so he saves his questions for later. He figures they’ll have a chance to talk about that at some point in the future, given everything goes well after this.

It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, anyway. Euijoo gets a bit emotional about it, though, knowing that he finally has one of Nico’s firsts. It feels right—like maybe things were always meant to happen this way. Like maybe all that ‘practice’ had been leading up to something great, after all.

***

“Can I ask you something?” Nicholas asks when they’re curled up in the afterglow, Euijoo’s head resting on his chest. “How long…?”

Euijoo turns to hide his blush against Nico’s skin. He knew this question would come eventually, but now that it’s here, he’s kind of embarrassed. “...a little less than a year?” he admits.

“Wait, a year? You haven’t even been out for a whole year,” Nicholas muses.

Euijoo only curls further into his embrace, too shy to acknowledge the correlation out loud. 

“Oh my god, wait—” Nicholas gasps as he processes the implication. “Awwww, Juju! Was I your gay awakening? That’s so fucking sweet,” he coos. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Euijoo rolls his eyes and swats playfully at Nico’s abdomen. “What about you? Not much more than a month, I’m guessing?”

“Wow, psychic Juju. How’d you know?”

“Nico, please,” Euijoo scoffs. “You were so surprised to have enjoyed it so much after the first time we hooked up. You clearly hadn’t considered me that way before. It wasn’t until it became a more regular thing that you started acting all weird.”

“Alright, you got me,” Nicholas laughs. “It did hit me out of nowhere, honestly. That first time obviously awakened something in me, but…I thought I could ignore it. But then you kissed me again, and suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Euijoo lifts his head and grins. 

“Okay, now it’s my turn to ask you something,” he says.

“You kind of just did, but sure, go ahead,” Nico teases. This earns him another smack to the stomach. Nicholas takes the opportunity to catch Euijoo’s hand in his and laces their fingers together.

Euijoo sighs, hopelessly fond.

“Will you be my boyfriend?” he asks. “My very first one.”

Nicholas squeals in response, then wraps his arms around Euijoo in a tight embrace. He rolls halfway on top of him in his excitement, nearly suffocating Euijoo with the force of the hug. Euijoo has to wiggle his head free so that he can breathe.

“As long as I’m also your last,” Nicholas says, refusing to let go.

There’s a permanent smile on Euijoo’s face now. He leans up to press a soft kiss to the dimple on Nicholas’s chin. “I have a feeling you’ll be my first and last for a lot of things, Wang Yixiang,” he says.

“Good,” says Nicholas. He gives Euijoo another possessive squeeze, holding him close to his chest like he’s something precious. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

***

“Wow, I hate people in love. Hanging out with you two has never been more annoying.”

Yuma sits next to Euijoo on the ground at the edge of the outdoor basketball court, where they’ve once again gathered for some afternoon exercise. The two of them are taking a quick water break while the others mess around, shooting hoops with no real purpose or intention. Euijoo has been staring unabashedly at Nicholas for the past fifteen minutes. Periodically, their gazes will meet across the court, and Nicholas will send him a cheeky wink. It’s all kinds of ridiculous, but Euijoo can’t help but bask in it none-the-less.

“Stay mad about it,” Euijoo retorts with a grin. Nico catches his eye and blows him an exaggerated kiss. Euijoo mimes catching it and eating it.

“You guys are disgusting,” Yuma groans. “Jojo and I were never like this, were we?”

“Dunno,” Euijoo says, only half paying attention. He’s too busy appreciating the way Nicholas’s back muscles ripple as he shoots another basket. “Don’t really care, either. No offense.”

Yuma scoffs. “Offense taken,” he says. “Yeesh. Did Nico fuck all the manners out of you or something? What happened to polite, soft-spoken Euijoo?”

Euijoo laughs. “He’d have to have fucked me at all for that to be possible,” he says with a shrug. Yuma’s mouth falls open. Before he can say anything, however, Euijoo stands, dusts off his gym shorts, and starts jogging back onto the court to join his boyfriend.

“Byun Euijoo, get back here!” Yuma shrieks in protest. “Does that mean what I think it means?!”

Euijoo ignores him. Nicholas’s face breaks out into a wide grin when he sees Euijoo approaching. He points at him with a flourish, then positions himself for a three-pointer. “This one’s for you, Juju!” he shouts.

The ball bounces off the backboard. The embarrassed shock on Nico’s face is so cute that Euijoo gives him a congratulatory kiss, anyway.

When the others inevitably grow tired, the group starts making plans to grab some dinner. Nicholas tugs Euijoo to his side and wraps a possessive arm around his waist. It all feels very familiar, and Euijoo can tell from the mischievous glint in Nico’s eye exactly what he’s going to say next.

“You guys have fun! Juju and I got a hot date,” Nicholas delivers, just as expected. And this time, Euijoo doesn’t need to correct him.