Work Text:
the rain has slowed to a trickle, yet it still persists
dripping down the leaves and eaves.
the floor is wet and cold, just like my clothes
that stick to me like memories i can't let go.
i shiver and shake with each intake of breath
but i cannot sleep, no i cannot rest.
i stare at the inky black sky-
there are stars this time, three to be exact,
unblinking eyes judging me.
planes fly ever so often over us,
their engines interrupting my fitful sleep
the emergency blanket is jarringly loud in my ears,
aluminium foil scraping across my skin,
keeping me warm until it gets snatched away.
my company is mostly asleep,
distant movement and chatter i don't bother to process.
songs i remember the tune of, not the lyrics.
but i know - somewhere in the distance
sits a stranger, sleeping yet awake,
just begging to be answered by someone,
anyone
even me?
i close my eyes.
a road leading to nowhere, leading to home,
trees hunched over, leaning towards the pebbles.
the sickly smell of rot and decay fills my nose,
fog blocking my view, shielding me from what i want to find.
the humid air clings to me like a wet, soppy blanket,
dragging against the cobbles.
farther ahead, past all i will ever know,
pushing through the hazy memories
i trudge onward, until-
there! right there!
a pool, or pond, or whatever one would call a body of water,
awaits me. it is shallow, just like my emotions,
and it holds the moonlight gently in its hands.
the night sky above scatters around its reflecting, shimmery surface
the shrubbery tries and fails to hide what i want to see, my ɹǝɟlǝɔʇᴉou
i walk towards it.
there is nothing remarkable nor spectacular about the pond. merely
water, and squelchy mud, and i lean over to see my face.
and all i see is
all i
all i see-
i cannot see anything.
i cannot see myself.
i cannot see, i refuse to see-
i refuse to see myself.
i refuse to see that haggard, sunken face
and believe it is me.
i refuse to believe
and when i refuse to believe, when i neglect to see
all that greets me will be a stranger
all that the glassy water allows me to see is a stranger.
i cannot see anything
i won't see anything