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Vaggie broke the comfortable quiet that hung over the mess hall table as a dozen or so exorcists, Lute amongst them, burned through their dinner.
"Anyone ever wish they could do something else?"
Odd looks were directed towards Vaggie from their sisters. Lute rolled her eyes internally - she knew exactly where this was going - but she scanned the mess hall before breathing a sigh of relief. No sign of Adam.
"What do you mean, do something else? For dinner?" Morning actually answered Vaggie, and if Lute was closer the sergeant would have caught a boot to the shin for not shutting the fuck up when Vaggie was being fucking insane. She ought to have more sense, but a first clutch exorcist would never be so mad as to buy into Vaggie's delusions.
Damn it, Lute could watch Vaggie muster up the courage to keep talking in real time and glared at her, hoping to catch Vaggie's eyes and tell her to shut the fuck up. No such luck.
"No. Do something besides being an exorcist. How are you not bored?"
"Wha wohsehd ay wanhas-" Freya's unintelligible attempt to talk through a mouthful of chicken and rice was brought to a swift halt by Maeve slapping a hand over her mouth. The short, stocky sergeant was usually the first to put a lid on Freya's chaotic tendencies.
"You're disgusting."
The red-haired exorcist quickly swallowed her food and then made a very obvious show of licking the palm of Maeve's hand. She slowly removed it, and wiped it on Freya's pants. "Disgusting."
"Whatever. Vags, why the fuck would you wanna be anything but an exorcist? Don't tell me you're getting fuckin' lazy!"
"No! No, just… wondering."
"I'm sure Emily's cherubs could use some help with planning all their stupid fucking parties." Kid chimed in. Several of the exorcists laughed; cherubs, being made mostly of cloud fluff and candy, were not the most put together of beings. Lute was often surprised that Emily managed to get them to organize their way out of a paper bag, let alone put together concerts on the scale that they did. Seraph magic, if she were to guess.
"Maybe I want to have a garden or a farm. It would be peaceful!" Vaggie sighed. "Vale chonga, fucking forget about it."
Lute fucking wished that she could forget it, but she couldn't. Sincerity burned in Vaggie's eyes; she meant it. Doubt had begun to slip through the cracks in her armor, festering beneath. Doubt led to questions, and questions led to betrayal, and betrayal came with consequences - Lute had seen them firsthand.
She did not want Vaggie to suffer through that. If the day ever came, Lute would solve it her own way - quick and clean.
Morning chimed in, "No, you'd look cute in a straw hat. I'm totally getting you one next time I go off compound."
"I'll take you shopping this weekend when we get leave," Sienna said. She always had a soft spot for the little sister of the first clutch.
"Who's going shopping?" Jessie asked, throwing her tray down and pulling up a seat beside Freya. "I need to get off compound before my marbles fall out."
"Jess, you lost your marbles a few hundred years ago," Maeve said, not unkindly. Nor did Lute disagree with her.
With a grin Jess poked Maeve on the cheek, "Well, you gonna help me find them?"
"Can't find what you never had," Rye shot back. Jess blew a raspberry at her before ending the matter by digging into her stew.
While the banter continued around them, Lute's eyes drifted to Vaggie. The youngest exorcist at the table was picking at her food, moving chunks of sausage and mashed potatoes around and around in circles, only actually eating the occasional small bite.
She met Lute's eyes for a moment and grimaced. Lute nodded at her plate. It was nice not to have to wonder if she got the message. Even when Vaggie was still a fledgling, fresh from the hatchery, they understood each other effortlessly. It had scared Lute at first. Not even her closest sisters were so in tune with her. Rye was always closer to her than most, but even she didn't get Lute. Not like Vaggie did.
Despite shooting her a rude gesture, Vaggie did start actually eating her dinner. Good. Her flight was going on a field exercise tomorrow and they didn't need their corporal passing out in the middle of a bog.
Speaking of the exercise, Lute needed to have a talk with Vaggie. More and more lately she had made those sorts of comments, asked rhetorical questions that were a little too specific. It could be burnout. Or doubts could have started to set in. Hopefully Vaggie didn't need to retire, but… that was better than the alternatives. That sent a shudder down Lute's spine.
Of course Harper saw that. Rye probably would have caught it too if she wasn't fighting off Freya's attempts to steal her cornbread. Lute snorted. It was the little things, sometimes, that shone just the smallest bit of light on Lute's otherwise poor mood.
'All clear?' Harper signed at her, wingtips fluttering in the familiar patterns.
'Clear.' She signed back. Harper's eyes flicked between Lute and Vaggie, then she tilted her head towards the (thankfully) unaware corporal. A shake of her head and a pointed look got Harper to lean back in her seat and shrug.
Lute waited while Vaggie finished her food. Always watching. Occasionally, she'd contribute to the banter, but her heart wasn't in it. Her smile never reached her eyes, she was always a beat too slow to laugh. And if she was off, Vaggie was in her own world. Each bite of food she forced down like she was trying to eat concrete. A pang of sympathy shot through Lute's heart. Maybe she was being too harsh on Vaggie.
She needed the food. Needed the energy. With any luck the field exercise would clear her head of whatever insanity was bouncing around in there. Lute sighed. Really, she shouldn't be letting herself get so distracted. Almost ten thousand exorcists relied on her. She was responsible for organizing the largest military operation undertaken by Heaven since the end of the War in Heaven.
None of those exorcists were Vaggie though. None of them made her feel like a sword had been driven through her chest. Certainly none of them kept her up until the early hours of the morning, leaving her sweaty and so exhausted that she forgot her own name.
"There somethin' you're fixin' to tell us there Lute?" Rye asked, waggling her eyebrows. Shit. Her cheeks were burning, Lute realized entirely too late. Masking her embarrassment with a cough, Lute shook her head.
"No-" Damn it, of all the times for her voice to crack. Lute swallowed and tried again. "No, there is not." Glaring daggers at Rye had little effect beyond her raising her hands in mock surrender while several of the other senior exorcists laughed.
There went any chance of pulling Vaggie away from the meal early. Looking over, the corporal in question was currently blushing furiously into what remained of her mashed potatoes. Would it kill her to be a little more subtle? Damn it. Yes, their relationship was something of an open secret amongst the officers and their respective clutches, but it really didn't need to go further than that. Adam barely tolerated Vaggie; if he found out that she was… not dating, really, but involved with Lute, there would be hell to pay.
A chill ran down her spine as she looked at Rye out of the corner of her eye. The things Vaggie made her feel… she'd never felt them with Rye, not quite. Maybe there simply hadn't been enough time before Adam found out. Or, maybe, there was something wrong with Lute. Something inside her that had been broken from the moment of creation, that Vaggie fixed like no one had ever done.
Not even Adam - though Lute had tried. Once, and then, never again.
If anything were to happen to Vaggie, Lute thought, she might well burn all of Creation and then herself upon her funeral pyre. Adam had told her once that some of the mortals did that, or used to - it was hard to tell with him, sometimes.
Dinner dragged by. Lute found herself counting the minutes until a buzzer signaled the end of the meal period, and the chow hall was filled with the din of exorcists emptying and stacking their trays. Neat lines, neat stacks, everything done quickly, cleanly, and precisely - exactly how Lute liked it. Everything in its place, and her exorcists dispersing to their assigned evening tasks, or else, to designated downtime.
Out of the corner of her eye Lute caught a flash of purple vanishing out a side door. Putting on a burst of speed, she shouldered through the door before it could close. Vaggie was already in the air, winging her way towards the officer's barracks. There was no way Lute would be able to catch her in the air, but she didn't have to. She was fast enough that Vaggie couldn't gain too much distance, and Lute caught up to her in the stairwell, her hand on the door that opened out into the second floor hallway.
A single boot wedged in front of the door was enough to keep her from pulling it open.
"My office. Now." Lute hated barking orders at Vaggie, but she was pissed off. No doubt Vaggie was trying to make it to the safety of her quarters to avoid exactly the conversation that they needed to have. No. If they put it off, things would fester. This got resolved right the fuck now.
Vaggie was never one to take things laying down, but at least she had the good sense not to do this in the hallway, her only reply a biting, "Yes, lieutenant."
If Lute said her heart didn't beat a little faster at the fire in Vaggie's voice, she'd be lying.
Their boots echoed off the concrete steps as they ascended to the fourth floor. Out in the hallway carpet muffled their footfalls, the quiet allowing tension to build like static, a herald of a storm to come. When Lute threw the latch to her office it slammed home with the finality of a headsman's blade. Lute put her back to the door, the unspoken message clear. You're not leaving until I'm done with you.
Vaggie's own back was to Lute's desk. She held her head high, fire burned in her eyes as she stared Lute down with crossed arms. If she were any other exorcist, Lute would have had her on her ass for such a breach of protocol.
That was the issue, wasn't it? She wasn't just any exorcist.
But Lute was still Lute. Frustration still burned hot within her, and despite knowing it was a terrible idea, that Vaggie would bite back just as hard, all she knew how to do was lash out. "What the fuck was that about?" Lute growled into Vaggie's face, advancing on her, hands clasped behind her back.
Of course Vaggie rose to the bait, that's what drew Lute to her when she was but a fledgling - that fire, that defiance; a willingness to stand up and ask questions that so few of the exorcists had when they were delivered from the hatchery. "Oh, is it against regs to ask questions now? Calm the fuck down, dangertits!"
And she knew just how to ruffle Lute's feathers; literally, her wings flared instinctively. "Don't fucking call me that," she spat, "and don't you dare play stupid. You're better than that."
"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want when you're being an idiot!" Vaggie stepped in closer; her wings spread to their full span, arching up, up until her feathers brushed the ceiling overhead. Lute growled, it was always a sore point that Vaggie's wings were much longer than hers, even though she was the taller of the two. Incredibly vexing. "Damn it Lute, you said as much when we finally got off compound properly."
"It is not the same and you know it," Lute jabbed her finger in Vaggie's chest, nail ringing on her armor. "I said it would be nice to stay a little longer when it was just the two of us. You all but said you were tired of being an exorcist in front of every officer in the fucking army!"
"So what?" Vaggie shouted back, "That isn't what I meant, and if Harper or whoever takes it that way that's their problem. Not mine, and not yours either." She slapped Lute's hand aside, barely a foot between them now.
"Everything that happens in this army is my problem, that's what you don't seem to understand. And it becomes your problem if they don't think you can do your fucking job, Vajjie!"
"Oh don't you fucking start, pandejo!" Vaggie's hand caught Lute across the face, the backhand hard enough to make Lute stumble. Exactly what she wanted. God, Vaggie was so beautiful when she was angry, that fire burning in her eyes.
With a single, fluid motion Lute grabbed the front of Vaggie's armor and spun; the smaller exorcist was hoisted into the air. They both knew that if she wanted to, Vaggie's immense wingspan would give her enough leverage to twist free; they both knew she had no intention of doing that. Her back hit the wall hard enough to rattle the weapons mounted all around the office, but the two exorcists barely noticed as Lute, fists balled in Vaggie's uniform, shoved her lips against Vaggie's and kissed her hungrily, all tongue and teeth, a battle fought to a standstill when they ran short of breath and pulled away, gasping as a trail of spit bridged the gap between them.
Voice barely above a whisper Lute asked, "Do you want to retire?" It was possible. There were rules about it, monitoring, restrictions on where the exorcist could settle in Heaven, protocols for visiting their former sisters - but it could be done. Had been done, on occasion. There was no shame in stepping down honorably; better that than to falter during an extermination, for to fail one's sisters came with dire consequences.
"Of course not!" Vaggie answered. Loud, defensive, but the twitch of her eye was what confirmed all Lute's suspicions. One way or another, Lute realized as pain and heartache tore through her chest, Vaggie would leave the legion. In a year, in ten years - it didn't matter. Vaggie would leave, and Lute would be left alone, with no one to fix the brokenness inside her, that empty divide that existed between her and every single person in Creation except for Vaggie, it seemed.
What good would it do to challenge her though? Vaggie would just double down, they would fight and in the end fall into bed alone and miserable. Instead, Lute did the only thing she could think of, and kissed her again. Slow, deep; Lute savored the taste of her, the watermelon chapstick that she always wore. Unsoldier-like, but that was Vaggie, harsh and gentle in turns, and Lute would never get enough of it.
Vaggie nipped at her bottom lip as they pulled apart, and Lute couldn't keep silent any longer. It was a distraction, she knew it was a distraction, but how could Lute focus when being distracted felt so goddamn good? The moan rolled off her tongue, try though she might to bite her cheek and keep quiet.
Chuckles, low and heated, played like music in Lute's ears as Vaggie trailed kisses down Lute's jaw, onto her neck. Despite being pinned against the wall she pulled the collar of Lute's uniform down, completely ignoring the way Lute had her pinned, and sunk her teeth into the delicate skin beneath the armor. Lute lets out an undignified groan as pain and heat dance down her spine, settling between her legs.
Small rivulets of golden blood ran hot down Lute's neck, and Vaggie lapped them up eagerly.
"I know what you're doing," Lute said, but her voice was weak, shaky; it took all her strength and restraint to force the words out.
"Don't act like you don't like it."
"You're avoiding."
"There's nothing to avoid, Lute. It was nothing, just a dumb thought," Vaggie whispered, breath tickling Lute's neck before she kissed the mark she'd left behind. "I'm fine, lieutenant."
Damn her. Damn her for knowing Lute so well. Damn her for bringing this whole thing up in the first place. Damn her, and damn it all, Lute thought as she growled, a low, rumbling sound that vibrated in her chest. Fine. Vaggie wanted to play games, she could play games.
Her fists were still balled Vaggie's tunic and Lute spun Vaggie around, grunting as the smaller exorcist wrapped her legs and wings around Lute. They had played this game so many times, and it was still so hard to keep her legs from giving out as Vaggie kissed her hard, forcing her tongue into Lute's mouth. By the time they reached the door to Lute's bedroom, Vaggie had already pulled Lute's shirt off. A swift kick opened the door and she carried Vaggie across the threshold while the corporal sunk those damn fangs of hers into Lute's breast, drawing yet more blood and making her stumble.
"Damn vampire," she muttered, and Vaggie visibly preened. "Fuck, yeah, keep doing that."
A back kick closed the door behind them, and tossing Vaggie onto the bed was almost effortless.
They still hadn't talked. Not really. Perhaps in the morning they would. Or they wouldn't, because they never did. Not about the things that mattered, the things broken inside Lute, the dreams that left Vaggie sobbing in the dead of night. They would fight, and then they would fuck, and in the morning it would be alright. It would have to be alright.
Lute would make it alright.