Chapter Text
Several months had passed since the great discovery. Knowing that their real selves were safe, happy, living lives they no longer shared with them in the circus, brought the members more peace than one might think.
There were still days when they wondered why; why their minds had ended up there; why they were able to feel so much despite being nothing more than artificial intelligences. And, after all, it didn't seem like they were going to actively search for the answer.
Activities were no longer held every day. They had learned to spend time together like a very close group of friends, enjoying their new "family." They learned how to shape things in their minds and create. And whatever they didn't know how to do, the two experts took care of it.
Caine was no longer a problem, and in truth, nothing was. Except, perhaps, for a few pangs in the chest for some of them.
Kinger used to go down to the aquarium every day to spend as much time as possible with his wife. Little by little, daylight had stopped affecting him, and he had begun behaving normally on a regular basis. He still had his moments.
They had tried several times to move Jax in with the other abstracted ones, but he seemed to prefer staying in the tent. Caine said he looked more "relaxed." Which didn't make much sense to the others, considering who else was down there. Still, someone had a theory.
She was always there. In the morning she greeted him; after the afternoon activities (if there were any), she would come tell him about them; and after dinner, before going to sleep, she would say goodbye. Yes, Pomni had taken the task of being there for Jax very seriously. After what she had seen in his memories, she had no intention of leaving him alone for even a single day, even if that meant talking to herself for an hour or more in total every day.
—Good morning, Jax.
No response. As always.
—Today they're supposedly expanding the breakfast menu. Honestly, I don't know if I can really call anything edible considering they're desserts invented by Caine, but I'll tell you more later.
He only looked at her. Carefully. As usual. As though he were capable of recognizing her, and she wanted to believe that he could, but she had no way of confirming it.
—You know? If you can ever recognize me, I'd like you to let me know somehow.— She spoke softly. It was a little embarrassing to think that if he really could hear her and understand her, he'd probably laugh about it.
She inhaled and exhaled sharply.
The conversations she tried to have with him were almost always short. Precise and straight to the point. She knew that if she spent too much time by his side, she would go crazy, since there was no certainty that an abstracted person could return to "normal." However, there were many days when she talked too much. She told him all her worries, how much his presence was missed in the circus, his jokes, his charisma, and his sarcastic comments at the least appropriate moments. Opening up to him like that was a way for her to feel better. Even though she knew he would probably just laugh to ease the tension.
—Caine has done a lot for us. He's allowed us to be free, and now we can finally do a lot of things you probably would've wanted. Insult people, taste things a little more realistically, dress however we want...
Yes, thanks to everyone's suggestions, the circus had become a much more livable place than before. It felt more human. They had managed to explain their need to become tired, to enjoy a good shower, and even those bodily functions that, while they hadn't physically needed them before, they still missed mentally. The host did an incredible job with everyone's help. He didn't hesitate at any of the members' requests and, on the contrary, even offered ideas on how to make things more pleasant using information he had gathered through the internet, which he now had access to.
The five remaining human members finally felt more human.
—Alright, I'll come back this afternoon. Make sure you don't break anything, okay?
She smiled as she stood up. Usually that wasn't something that happened, since Jax's abstraction was fairly calm. But he had accidentally broken a few things a couple of times. Nothing too important and nothing that couldn't be fixed with a snap of the fingers, but constantly cleaning up disasters was a little exhausting.
She closed the tent flap and began walking toward the dining hall, which had been remodeled with a fully equipped and functional kitchen, as well as a long table where everyone could sit and look each other in the face. It was more comfortable than the one Caine always put outside whenever they all ate together. Everyone liked the idea of having recognizable spaces for everything instead of random places that made no sense.
When she arrived, she opened the door and found everyone there.
—Hey, Pomni. You're here.— Ragatha greeted her.
After everything that had happened, they had become inseparable. Although they had certainly had their differences due to misunderstandings and, above all, Ragatha's difficulty expressing herself, now they were like sisters.
—Yeah, sorry. I woke up a little late.
Ragatha smiled awkwardly because she knew that wasn't really true. She never actually woke up late; she simply always went for an extra visit before coming to see the others.
Pomni sat down beside her. Everyone greeted her at the same time as she approached the table.
Zooble, who had recently managed to open a bar near the place where they always gathered to eat, was washing some utensils that had been used for breakfast that morning. Yes, they could have cleaned them with a snap of the fingers, but simply being able to do ordinary things helped tremendously in making everything feel more real, making it feel like home.
Gangle, meanwhile, was already halfway through her drink. She was focused on drawing something she still didn't want to show anyone. She was always making "surprise" illustrations. She had even started writing a story that she said she would publish exclusively for the circus. Everyone was excited about the possibility of reading something written and illustrated by her. Little by little, Gangle had become something like a younger sister to everyone... despite not actually being the youngest.
Kinger greeted Pomni with a gentle smile as he handed her a cup containing what looked like a mocha.
—Have something warm. It's a little chilly today.— He said.
And he was right. Along with sensations, they had decided to add the seasons of the year to make the place feel a little more... realistic. Changes in temperature and weather had become commonplace, and everyone's closets now contained clothes suitable for every season.
—Just in time, Pomni!— Caine exclaimed with a huge smile. He had been standing near Zooble, admiring the way the dishes were being washed so he could learn how to do it himself without using the console. —The time has come to present my new masterpiece that...!— He placed a finger against his face, lowered it, and stopped smiling. With a somewhat comical expression, he continued. —I learned. From the internet.
The internet. They still couldn't fully understand how he had managed to gain access to it, but fortunately, all the members could access it as well. Even so, since they had no real identity beyond their lives outside the circus, they couldn't register accounts and therefore couldn't create social media profiles, which made their use of it fairly limited. Still, it was useful if they wanted to watch a show, a movie, read, or research something. Of course, as long as that content was freely available.
—Behold the new dessert that will now be available to all of us!
He lifted a cloth that had been covering the center of the table, revealing a cascade of forest berries crowning several crystal dessert cups: strawberries of a brilliant red, raspberries as delicate as velvet, blackberries as dark as the circus night, and blueberries covered in a soft bluish glow. It looked incredibly appetizing, but...
—A forest berry dessert?— Ragatha asked with an awkward smile, genuinely expecting something more impressive.
—What? Is it that common where you're from?— Caine looked embarrassed, realizing he apparently hadn't discovered the greatest secret recipe in the world.
Everyone exchanged quick glances because, truthfully, it wasn't that remarkable. The problem was that he didn't know that. Not wanting to make him feel bad, each of them smiled and picked up a cup.
—Actually, it's a really good idea. We just never thought of making it before.— Pomni smiled kindly.
She took a bite and, honestly, it tasted very good for something digital. Surprised, she looked at the others. They looked back at her, then at each other.
Actually, Caine had been working on finding ways to provide them with—or at least make them feel as though they were experiencing—stronger human sensations. And honestly, it was something they appreciated.
—It tastes incredibly real!— Zooble broke the silence of shared surprise. —How did you do that?
—Well, it may be that someone, meaning ME,— he grinned proudly, —managed to add a program that imitates human flavors thanks to comments I've found online. From now on, enough data will continue to be gathered and stored to replicate every flavor imaginable.— He snapped his fingers. —Try your drinks again.
They did as he said, and indeed, now everything carried the genuine taste it was supposed to have.
The five of them showered him with praise, and he was, naturally, the happiest being in the digital world at that moment.
They still weren't entirely used to Caine being so receptive to their concerns. But they were very happy and relieved by the new version of him.
Everyone spent a pleasant morning together, chatting about what they would do that day. They weren't in the mood for an adventure, nor for thinking too hard. They wanted a quiet day. A day for themselves.
Ragatha decided to practice on the softball field with a few NPCs; Zooble wanted to make some improvements to the bar and see if they could try out new drinks they had found online; Gangle, who had also been browsing the internet lately, wanted to spend the day reading manga; Kinger and Caine jointly decided to play chess, at least for the time being; and Pomni took advantage of the opportunity.
Whenever she had free time, she tried to visit Jax. Whether it was to talk about trivial things or to read something aloud to him. She believed that if there was even the slightest possibility that he could hear her, it would be nice to give him something to keep him entertained.
She peeked inside by pulling aside the entrance flap and sat down on a cushion positioned beneath enough light for her to read without straining her eyes.
—Hey again. I came back early today; we're not doing anything. Would you like me to read something to you?— Nothing. Silence. The usual. —Well, I suppose we can continue where we left off the other day.
She began reading aloud. One page, two, three, four. Nearly twenty minutes passed before she finally closed the book. Reading out loud wasn't easy for someone whose chest constantly ached with the knowledge that there would never be a reaction, a comment, or absolutely anything from the person she was reading to. She set the book down beside her and looked at Jax's abstracted form. Awake. Sitting. Watching her.
—You could at least have some kind of reaction, you know?
A sad laugh escaped her. She knew she was asking for too much. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She wasn't crying, only thinking. Thinking about what would have happened if, on the day he wanted to tell her something, she had followed him. She regretted everything she had done that day. Not following him. How, from one moment to the next, he was simply gone, just like death itself when it takes someone away without warning.
Footsteps. One, two, three steps. Pomni froze in surprise. Slowly, very slowly, she turned her head to look deeper into the tent. Jax was moving. He was coming toward her.
—Jax...?
And then, when he was almost face-to-face with her, he simply lay down on the floor and went to sleep. Pomni felt embarrassed for having thought, even for a moment, that he had recognized her.
—Of course he wasn't going to...
She smiled weakly and shifted to look at him. She thought back to the moment when she had been on the verge of abstracting alongside him, because she definitely would have if they hadn't dragged her away by force. Many times, the idea of hugging him again crossed her mind, of finding out whether she could enter his mind once more. But the thought of failing again terrified her. Just remembering how he had disappeared in her arms and thinking that it could happen again was enough to convince her not to do it. At least, not for now.
She settled into the cushions to sleep beside him. She hadn't eaten lunch, but all the thoughts constantly battering her mind left her exhausted. She wanted to stay positive, wanted to believe there was a way to reverse his abstraction. While Caine had initially said it was impossible, over time, with Kinger's help, they had reached the conclusion that any corrupted file could be recovered. The problem was that they still didn't know how. Not even the two of them, with all their knowledge, had been able to figure it out. Holding on to that single hope, she closed her eyes.
Her nap didn't last long. Pomni felt something brush against her wrist. She opened her eyes slowly, still groggy, expecting to find Jax moving aimlessly across the floor. But he was still where he had been. Or so she thought. It took her a few seconds to realize that one of his... "parts" was clutching the sleeve of her shirt. Not tightly. Just holding on. Pomni remained completely still.
—...Jax?
He had never made a movement like that before. Pomni felt a faint pain spread through her hand, but it didn't seem to matter. Why should it? The person she had been coming to see day after day had done something completely voluntary. Because it was voluntary, right? Was he trying to tell her something? Was he trying to communicate? Every eye on the strange black body stared at her. It looked as though it were begging for help. Pomni swallowed hard and decided to do the very thing she had been avoiding for so long.
She hugged him.
Pain shot through her entire body. This time, she didn't complain. She simply remained there, trying once again to see his thoughts. But this time, she had no luck. All she felt were sharp stabs of pain.
Not even ten seconds passed before the sensation became unbearable. But then, very, very slowly, she felt herself being hugged back. And, as though she were living through a dream, the abstraction began to shrink. Not by much, not instantly. Little by little, almost imperceptibly.
Her eyes filled with tears. And then, in the blink of an eye, she saw him.
The tent and everything around it vanished. All that remained was an enormous hallway. And at the very end of it stood a silhouette she knew all too well.
Jax.
He was sitting there, hugging his legs. He looked frightened, sad, thoughtful. So... vulnerable.
Pomni froze. It had worked. Hugging him really had allowed her to enter his thoughts again. And that scared her. Not because of what might happen to her, but because she didn't know if she was ready to make a meaningful difference right now.
—Why do you keep coming back?— The voice came from the rabbit. So weak it was almost inaudible. So weak it was obvious he hadn't even noticed the girl's presence and was only speaking to himself. —Why won't you leave me alone?— He sobbed. And Pomni felt her heart twist painfully.
—Because I care about you.— She hesitated at first. But she answered as she walked toward him.
Jax, unable to believe what he was hearing, slowly, very slowly, lifted his head, only to watch her wrap her arms tightly around him.
—Huh...? What...?— The words wouldn't come out properly. Everything had happened so quickly that he couldn't process it. He didn't even know whether what he was experiencing was real or if he had finally fallen into complete madness.
Within this bleak place, he had had far too much time to think. He thought about every mistake he had made that had led him here. Of course, he knew he deserved it. Everything he had done to bring at least two people to the same place where he now found himself had been so cruel that he couldn't even complain about being there. He wanted to fix it. He wanted to turn back time. But he knew that wasn't possible. He had already accepted that, through his own fault, he would never climb out of this pit.
But...
There she was. Holding him. Someone he knew he had hurt. The only person he had ever willingly opened his heart to. The person he heard coming to visit him every day, even if her voice reached him distorted. Even if it sounded distant. He knew she always came.
Was his mind playing a cruel joke on him? Had he finally lost what little sanity he had left? He knew that if this wasn't real, then he deserved to be hurt again. And by the thing that hurt him most.
—Jax, I can't believe it's really you.— The words came out broken. Tears streamed endlessly from the eyes of the girl who used to wear a clown suit.
—Please, don't torture me anymore.— Jax looked up at the ceiling, unable to stop the tears. Convinced that none of this was real. Returning the hug as tightly as he could, trying to cherish the moment as the only good thing he would have until his "imagination" faded away. —Don't leave...
—I won't. Not without you.
Jax let out a faint laugh. Because that was exactly the sort of thing Pomni would say. Unfortunately, she wasn't the real one. Or so he believed. Until he saw something he hadn't seen in a very long time.
A light.
Not far away, but distant enough that he hadn't noticed it until now. At the end of the hallway, there was a white glow growing little by little, as though it were moving toward them.
When he noticed it, he gently pulled away from the girl and stared at her in disbelief. He was processing everything as quickly as his mind would allow. His eyes trembled. His body did too. He could no longer tell the difference between what was real and what was only in his head.
—You...? You're real...?— He could barely get the words out, both because of the tears and because it had been so long since he had spoken aloud. Pomni smiled softly, narrowing her eyes the way she always did.
—How could I not be?— She took the hand resting on her shoulder. Looking at him gently, she noticed the light behind him. She turned around and stood up, pulling on Jax's hand at the same time to help him to his feet. —What's that over there?
—I... I don't know...— He still couldn't understand what was happening. He thought it was a dream, so he simply let himself be carried along. He felt that if he was at least going to share one last adventure with her, it was worth following her.
—Let's go see.
He understood nothing. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind every second. Whether this was a dream, whether he was hallucinating, what he should say if it turned out to be real, why she was there again. More than anything, he wanted to stop asking questions and simply live through the illusion while it lasted. But it hurt so much.
He could barely stay on his feet. Noticing this, Pomni helped Jax move forward little by little in silence. He remained quiet because he didn't understand. She remained quiet because she was determined to get him out of there and needed to think through every possibility and what she should do. Quickly. She didn't know how much time they had. She wasn't even sure whether that place was where they needed to go, or if there was a way to get him out at all. But this time, she chose action before words.
They didn't have to walk far, because the light approached them faster than they approached it. Both had to raise a hand to shield their eyes from the blinding white glow.
And, before they realized it, everything suddenly turned black.
Jax was no longer with Pomni. Pomni was no longer with Jax. She saw only darkness. The void? She didn't feel herself falling, nor floating. Simply existing. Was this the program's way of telling her she had died?
—Ha, shit.— She muttered. She thought about how she would regret it all over again. How once again there would be things left unsaid. How badly she wanted to scream at him that she hated him too, and that she hated how desperate she was to have him by her side again.
She closed her eyes.
And opened them. At the exact same moment he opened his. And then she froze. Both of them were lying on the floor. Looking at each other. And beneath Jax was a black puddle that seemed to be the abstraction itself, leaking out of him, melting away and merging with the digital ground.
They stared at one another for several seconds that felt like an eternity. Seconds in which not a single word was necessary, because they understood perfectly what the other was feeling. Then, with the same look of disbelief they had awakened with, tears began to spill from both of their eyes.