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Namjoon loves to try new things, whether it’s a new dessert Seokjin has managed to make or if it’s a new video game Jimin has bought. He’ll try anything and everything, it’s part of the reason he was a model for a daring new company. BigHit had insisted on using male models in such a way that they looked softer and gentler, and the female models were edgy and fierce; it was something new and untested but it drew Namjoon in like a moth to a flame. He was told when he was officially under contract that the clothes he wore would be new fashion trends some day, and that sent a thrill up his spine as he eagerly signed himself on with this company.
So far he had been dressed in pastel shirts and slim fitting faded out jeans that, against his bronze skin, made him look as though he had just gotten a tan at the beach. He wore purple psychedelic tinted circular glasses straight out of the 70’s, and the chokers that fit snug around his neck made him shiver in the fitting room. He’d had his nails manicured and his hair dyed, his lips dabbed with pretty red and orange tints (once even an electric blue that made him feel extra sexy), and even after all this he had never truly noticed a difference in the way he was being dressed.
He didn’t feel extra feminine or less like a man, but he felt just right . He felt perfect in his own skin, because more often than not, despite being genderfluid, Namjoon felt deep down that he liked being feminine just a little more (or a lot) but he had never really found the time to dwell on this, because he was Kim Namjoon regardless and he was happy.
But right now, as he sat in a meeting room with color palettes and design motifs as well as their new outfits for the upcoming valentine's day spread, Namjoon felt...odd.
“Are there any objections? Critiques? Feel free to speak your mind everyone, we’ll be approving this concept only if everyone is happy with it.” Seokjin, the lead of the department, spoke with such a fine crystal clear tone and normally Namjoon would be hanging off each of his boyfriend's words, but right now his eyes were fixed on an unmoving article of clothing.
He couldn’t look away, his palms were sweating as he rubbed them gently up and down his jeans, and his bottom lip was tugged between his teeth in concentration. A skirt, pastel pink and pleated, was draped on a mannequin and Namjoon knew just looking at the way it swayed from the air flowing in through the cracked open window, that it would feel soft and light, smooth around his legs but snug against his thighs if he walked in it. He looked and looked, mouth suddenly dry as he came to realize that he would be wearing that in but a few short days.
There had never been such a thrill to settle deep within him like this, sure he loved his job and everything that came with it but this was a whole new level of delight. Even despite his excitement within, he worried what others might think, if he could even wear something so pure and soft such as this...if he would look pretty and gentle; in love, like their whole spread is focused on.
Even being a model, and having such handsome boyfriends (oh yes, boyfriend s as in their were six of them) to continuously reassure him, Namjoon still couldn’t shake that feeling of hesitancy. It was the same feeling he got when he first started working for BigHit, and the same feeling that would return whenever he would find himself in clothes that were a risk...a struggle to pull off for a man that wasn’t dainty or slim like some of the other models.
“Joon-ah?” A strong voice asks, his name rolling off the others tongue smooth as the silk they wear, “Joon, are you in agreement, baby?” Yoongi continues looking at him, such fondness in his eyes as a hand rests at the nape of his neck.
“Uh-huh, yeah I like it, like the concept, it’s just...a little different, are you sure we’re ready for something like this?” Namjoon wants to be supportive of such a vision, but he can’t get it past his mind that maybe...maybe he’s just not right for this concept, “What if we use Taehyung, he’s got the legs for it.”
It’s a weak attempt to get out of wearing the skirt, and Yoongi sees right through it. He leafs through Namjoon’s short cropped hair, gentle fingers tangling in the longer part of his fringe, the same gentle fingers that work a camera like no one else, “Joon, don’t be silly, you’ll do fine, you’ll be perfect . I know it’s a risk but this concept is all yours.”
There’s a chorus of agreement all around the table, several of their technical staff are incredibly supportive and the makeup noonas are already scheming about what pretty lip tints and contouring they’ll do on Namjoon. There’s so many people already wanting this concept to work, and even though Seokjin tells him In the end it’s your choice Namjoon and we’ll support that he still feels like there’s a secret obligation to do this, so he smiles for the audience; his dimples making an appearance, and gives them all the “yes” they were looking for.
Anxiety rests heavy in his stomach the whole way home. He’d been able to take the skirt with him at least, and he was now carrying it draped over his arm in a little carrying bag, holding it close as he carefully wandered back home. As he walked, he let his mind wander thinking of what made him happy rather than the unnecessary worry when thinking of this skirt in his arms.
His heart beat a little faster as he thought of his lovers, and how beautiful each one of them were. While others might think it strange to be in such a relationship, Namjoon adored it. He loved his boyfriends so much and cherished them so dearly. He lived with two of them, because his apartment was actually a shared house that the models lived in together, that was how things began as they were. It was Taehyung, Namjoon, and Hoseok in the dorms together that started everything.
It was slightly complicated at first but after it became clear they all shared a mutual attraction, it smoothed out for the most part. Seokjin had his own place but he worried about them enough and cooked too much to simply eat by himself, so he was more often than not over at their place, which was widely appreciated. As far as Taehyung and Hoseok were concerned, they were involved with people even before Namjoon came into the picture, and so Jimin and Yoongi were over at their house as well. It was a given that they would all interact well together, and although Namjoon suddenly found himself at the center of attention and affection most days, there were some nights when it would simply be Hoseok and Yoongi or Taehyung and Jimin; on those nights Jin would be all Namjoon’s and he would spoil Namjoon with sweets and tell him he was beautiful.
Some nights they would switch things up and Namjoon would find himself curling up beside Jimin at night or Hoseok; they all loved each other at this point, comfortably sharing the love between all of them.
It felt good, he felt loved . But even with his boyfriends being so understanding and loving, he wasn’t sure how each of them would react to this new fashion statement, what if they thought he looked silly?
His lovers always indulged him in whatever he liked, just as they would indulge each other but this was something new; and although it was exciting to Namjoon he was far too self conscious to simply be at ease.
As soon as he entered the house they shared, Namjoon was expecting some time alone at least. Hoseok was pulling some long hours at the company, working with Yoongi for a separate photoshoot that Namjoon was eagerly awaiting to see the finished product of. All the while, he was sure Taehyung stayed behind to snoop around Yoongi’s studio and receive stray kisses from both Hoseok and Yoongi alike. But his assumptions were proven wrong as soon as he flicked a light on and saw Taehyung sprawled on the couch with his eyes closed.
His caramel skin shined under the warm overhead lighting, and his eyelashes fanned over his cheeks casting shadows. Tae’s blonde hair was in disarray and Namjoon was tempted to comb through the strands and straighten his loves bangs just a little bit more into order, but the steady breathing (the rise and fall of his chest) had Namjoon dimming the lights and walking back into his own bedroom instead.
This was as good as being home alone, with Taehyung exhausted and tired from a long day Namjoon figured he wouldn't be interrupted anytime soon so with haste he undressed and stared at the bag which held the long skirt with the pleats and the smooth fabric. He gently unzipped it, painstakingly so as he bit his bottom lip, it was agonizing as he looked down at the skirt laying on top of his bed.
Dressed in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and his underwear, Namjoon casually felt at the silky material until he was heaving a sigh and making a decision all in one breath.
He slips into the skirt, the measurements perfect enough that it feels like a second skin as it glides over his bronze legs, he shimmies a little just slightly to tug the fine fabric down past his thighs. But once it’s fitted comfortably against his waist, the length of it is brushing against the back of his calves, he bunches a hand in the smooth fabric and tugs at it adjusting it in ways he think will make it look a little better and maybe hide the awkwardness he feels as he wears it.
Namjoon has enjoyed wearing different things, but this makes him feel more vulnerable than anything else ever has before. It’s the first piece of truly feminine clothing that he’s fit himself into; unlike Hoseok who traipses home wearing skirts or Taehyung who fit himself into a pair of heels once, Namjoon who is truly drawn to these clothes has never had the courage to try it out for himself. He feels anxious as he walks the short distance to stand before the full length mirror he has set up in his room.
The mirror did nothing to help him whatsoever, only adding to his worries as he scowled a bit at his reflection in the mirror. He cringed as he brushed his hands down the profile of his thighs, he hated them...he hated that he wasn’t as stringy and thin as Hoseok and Taehyung, they looked slim and could wear form fitting outfits without a hassle but Namjoon always had worry in the pit of his gut whenever he was forced into something that even just barely stuck to his skin. Still, sometimes it was the reassurance from his boyfriends that helped ease him into appreciating himself just a little more.
If he forgets to think of himself, and focuses simply on the skirt he can’t help but smile just slightly. It’s pretty, the cut is simple and reminds him of a schoolteacher but more modern. The pleats are girlish and youthful, and the coloring brings out just how tan Namjoon’s skin really is. That simply reminded him of something more that made him appreciate BigHit, they were slowly on the rise now that their message was being spread, the message that everyone is beautiful. Their company refused to whitewash or doctor photos, and while they used makeup as every other modelling agency tended to, there were no visual effects in which people tried to thin down how they looked on film. No, the end result was all due to their photographers hard work and the makeup noonas; and of course the models themselves as Namjoon was often reminded by Seokjin’s cheerfully calming tone, “We couldn’t do it without you guys, you know that right?” he’d heard it all so many times and each time it set him even more at ease just a little bit.
“Joon, you didn’t wake me up,” Namjoon’s so wrapped up in his thoughts, that Taehyung’s voice startles him right out of his little reverie, and he turns on his heel to see Tae’s fake-pout, he smooths his hands nervously down the front of his skirt, cheeks coloring red as he stutters.
“Oh I...you just looked so tired I didn’t want to bother you.” Namjoon explains, dimples poking through as he smiles brightly, trying to will away the heat that only grows in his cheeks as he see Taehyung’s eyes traveling lower and lingering on the slim fit of the long skirt on Namjoon.
Well, although it isn’t the best time to just blurt it out, he can’t help but be curious and needy for an answer. After all, his boyfriends opinions are always so important to him, because they give him strength whenever he can’t find it in himself, “Is this okay? Do I look alright?” Namjoon wonders, directing his words more towards the floor as he fidgets with the skirt. He feels ridiculous under Taehyung’s observant gaze, he feels so silly and unappealing.
But then Taehyung steps closer to tilt Namjoon’s head up, gently cupping his cheek and letting his thumb caress Namjoon’s smooth reddened cheek, “You look perfect,” Tae’s smooth voice is instantly calming and he heaves a grateful shaky little sigh, relaxing immediately against Taehyung, “so pretty Joon-ah, do you feel pretty baby?”
Pretty . It was a word that always got Namjoon feeling special because it was simple and sweet, almost tooth achingly so, especially whenever it was Taehyung using such words. He instantly lit up, just after a few gentle words, his eyes crinkling at the corners and his dimples showing easily as he leaned into the touch of Taehyung’s hand against his cheek, “Uh-huh, I feel...I feel pretty, Tae.”
“Then that’s all that matters, isn’t it?” Taehyung continues, grasping Namjoon’s hand and leading him over to the bed in order to get him out of the pretty clothes that he’s wearing.
The full weight of the day’s events make Namjoon sleepy as soon as he relaxes, the nervousness from wearing the skirt has settled into just a simple happiness, a bubbly warmth in the pit of his stomach. “Do you think the others will like it?” He asks, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand while Taehyung helps him out of the skirt.
He presses little kisses across Namjoon’s thighs, surprisingly innocent only because he knows Namjoon is tired. But they both know there’s a promise in such heated actions, “If you like wearing it, the others will think you’re just as beautiful Joon.”
It’s that lack of confidence that really makes him disbelieving, but he tries not to be as he smiles and kisses Taehyung when the younger finishes slipping pajama bottoms onto him. “You’re so good to me, Tae.” He mumbles, before the other is tucking him under the covers.
“Hoseok’s staying with Yoongi tonight, so you’ll have to settle for just me.” Tae chuckles, making himself comfortable in bed beside Namjoon as well, with the other male tucked against him so easily like a puzzle piece.
“You’re perfect too though, all I need.” Namjoon sighed, melting against Taehyung’s radiator like warmth as he felt the full weight of the day lifted from his shoulders.
His eyes are already closed but he can hear the smile in Taehyung’s voice, “Alright baby, I guess we’re both perfect.”
Namjoon’s heart flutters, and he falls into a deep sleep with Tae’s steady breathing as a companion of sorts, the nice rise and fall of his chest. Nothing weighs heavy on his mind, and as it turns out every worry about this skirt is wiped out of his mind. Instead, he’s proud of the fact that he can look good in such an outfit, he feels cherished and absolutely hopeful for the photoshoot; because he’ll feel good now that he knows he looks pretty.
He feels pretty too.