Chapter Text
I don't think I’m a bad person, I know what im doing is bad, but does that automatically assume me a prick. I guess this isn't a typical situation either. Nothing like the ordinary violations like a rolling stop. I think if anyone were to be in my situation they’d have the same questions as me. I mean what would define me being a bad person, acting selfishly often, check, lying, cheating, and exploiting others, check. Sure i dont check all the boxes but im getting there. Give me another year living in this insanity, and we’ll have to see. I don't exactly know how I can come out of this affair right or be a better person. I'm not so sure I'll be able to live with myself if she ever finds out. Or if he finds out how I actually feel, but these are problems for another day. I gotta deal with this son a bitch intern who doesn’t know how to make a decent cup of coffee.
“Hey dumbass, do you know how to make a cup of fucking coffee, you know how I want it and this is not it, So this time pay attention, so maybe next time I need you to do the simplest favor ever, you wont fuck up and earn yourself a spot cleaning bathrooms.” God these kids don't listen, It's been two creams two sugars for the last 6 months he’s been working here, now why the hell would it change now. Looking at the kid now, he looks unusually pale today.
“Jesus, dont you ever go outside, your pale as a ghost. Its summer for crying out loud jeez”
“Uh, yeah, I bike home every day.”
“Well I would take the scenic route next time, god knows if you even have an ounce of melanin in your body.”
“That’s a serious medical condition, I don't think I have that”
“God, who is hiring these interns” I cant help but sigh knowing that I hired this idiot.
“Um, sir, you did-”
“I fucking know i did”
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“Oh my god i fucking hate the summer, all the kids are out of school and its hot as balls outside.”
“I don't know man, I like the summer, the sun and all the people out, its pretty manly” Kiri says to me as i try to hold back the urge to vomit.
“My bad, I forgot who I was talking to. The guy who can walk around half naked all day and whos quirk doesn't literally shoot explosions from their hands, the guy who doesnt half to be sweating all day long for his quirk to fucking work.”
“Jesus, who peed in your cereal this morning."
“Well, the intern I hired a few months ago certainly cant make a cup of fucking coffee. Oh and a few months ago he dropped my custom mug made for me by your daughter.”
“No”
“Yes, he’s a fucking idiot”
“Well that mug was certainly not her best, but I'm sure she’d be happy to make her uncle another one.”
“Nah, im not gonna force your 4 year old into child labor”
“Probably for the best, probably wouldn’t want more paint scattered around the living room. She’s finally getting out of that ‘crafty’ stage, she's more into things that won't leave stains on the rug or the cat.”
While Kiri is on his one-sided dialogue I get a buzz come from my pocket, I usually try to stay off my phone during patrol, but this one felt important. I take my phone out of front pocket to see who texted my phone and its from a name i hadn't seen for at least, but sure as hell hasn’t stopped thinking about. Izuku Midoriya.
“Hey Kacchan, Chako has a night shift tonight.”
Damnit, I was telling myself I was gonna stop and try to leave the fun in the past. I guess Ejiro sniffed the frustration coming out of my ears, so he just had to try and take a peek at my phone.
“Who’s got your panties in a twist there” he says while taking the most chalant lunge toward my phone, predictable enough for me to swat his hand away from a message that could stain my reputation forever.
“Nobody, you don’t have to be so goddamn nosy all the time with shitty hair.”
“Ooh, is that one guy that you were dating for a bit, the American one.”
“Uh.. Yeah sure. Him, he's back in town for a few weeks and was just asking if I wanted to catch up or some stupid shit like that.”
“Ooh are you gonna go? I like Sam, he was cute.”
“Probably not.” Please don’t ask me anymore.
“Oh why not?” Probably because I'm lying straight to your face.
“It would be awkward and I just don't really want to see him again.”
“Damn, I didn’t think it ended that bad. I know he took the cat but thats it.”
I'm just gonna let him talk because i dont want to talk about a guy I dated for a few months. Now I'm reminded of why I had my phone out during patrol, another message from Izuku.
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“11-7 is when she works, If your busy or avoiding me thats okay, I just miss you and our nights. If you're seeing these, which I hope you are, I want you here by 11:15 sharp. I hope you missed me just as much i did you”
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I can’t believe I'm doing this right now. I'm getting myself ready to sleep with a married man, a happily married man with a beautiful wife, in his wonderful house. On the bed where he and his wife fall asleep in each other's arms, on the couch where they watch movies at night and sip morning coffees together. In the shower where they wash each other's backs and massage shampoo into each other's scalp. I'm never gonna have that but if i can atleast satisfy some part of him while simultaneously feeding my addiction for him, maybe i can make this dynamic work. It's not like I'm necessarily high maintenance either.
The route to Izuku’s house feels familiar, exhilarating but at the same time, degrading, remembering the only reason he ever needed me in the first place. I'm just some dick for whenever he needs me. Nothing less and certainly nothing more.
As I'm pulling into his driveway, the clock hits 11:14, and as my knuckle hits the cedar front door. I hear footsteps running for the door and slowing down, waiting a few seconds, almost gaining their composure. A click from the lock, and the door low squeaking as the space slowly reveals the man that I've been bending over backwards to see and occasionally actually get to talk to. I take a step inside as he peers outside ensuring that no one has been following me. God, the scent of cedar and pear, I forgot how much I loved how he smelled.
“Uhm can i make you tea?” He asked as if he hadn't to have a chat over tea.
“I think that can wait.” I say taking my blazer off, folding it over a kitchen table chair.
I feel his hands travel around my waist allowing his brain to remember the outline my bones and muscles, the scars and impurities on my skin. Holy shit, i forgot what his magic hands did to me. From behind i feel his warm breath tickle the hairs on the side of my neck and behind my ear.
“I missed you so much” He says, his hands roaming around my abdomen, not picking a place to settle. I turn in his touch as he presses me up against the kitchen island, our foreheads collide, lips merely centimeters away from each other.I press my mouth against his and he props me up on his island counter holding my lower back and waist bringing me closer to him once more. Izuku wasn’t a small guy in any way, sure he wasn't the tallest but wow he was strong. He could toss me around if he wanted to, but he's too nice to me. I'm not sure why I'm ruining his marriage, but I guess it does feel nice to feel like this once in a while. Whatever it is im feeling.
As he drags me to his bedroom, I don't feel an ounce of hesitation throwing my through the door and pushing me on the bed. With his shirt off, looming over me I need this man so bad it's scary. Throughout the last few years his shift of character has really gotten to me. He’s kinda snarky now and it irritates me just as much as it gets me hot.
“What you staring at me like that for, Dynamite” Oh shit, i probably look so fucking pathetic right now, but honestly i couldn’t care less with my dick pressing agaisnt my jeans.
“I think you know” I'm pretty sure my voice is cracking but I need this man so bad its not even funny.
“Take your shirt off, I haven't seen you in forever. I want to take you in for a moment.”
“u-Um yeah” Jesus who even am i at this point.
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The room is quiet.
Too quiet.
I hate quiet.
Quiet means thinking, and thinking means remembering where the hell I am.
The sheets are twisted around my legs, and the air conditioner is humming somewhere in the background. I can feel Izuku beside me, warm and annoyingly comfortable to be around.
I stare at the ceiling.
God, I really need a hobby.
"You've been staring at the ceiling for like ten minutes."
I roll my eyes.
"Mind your business."
"I don't think that's possible considering you're in my bed."
I hate when he's funny.
Actually, that's a lie.
I hate that I think he's funny.
There's a difference.
A stupid one, but a difference.
I hear him shift beside me.
The mattress dips slightly.
I don't look at him.
I'm not making that mistake tonight.
Because every time I look at him after one of these nights, I remember that he's a real person and not some fantasy I made up to ruin my own life.
"You disappeared for almost three weeks."
There it is.
The reason he texted me.
Not because he was lonely.
Not because he needed me.
Because I stopped showing up.
"Tch."
Very eloquent response, Katsuki.
"I was busy."
"You posted a picture from a bar with Kirishima."
Goddammit.
"That was important."
"Was it?"
"No."
He laughs.
I hate that sound.
Not because it's annoying.
Because I missed it.
That's significantly more embarrassing.
I finally glance over at him.
Big mistake.
His hair is a mess.
There's a stupid little smile on his face.
He's looking at me like I'm saying something interesting.
I don't know why he does that.
I've never said anything interesting in my life.
Then my eyes drift toward the nightstand.
And there it is.
The ring.
Jesus Christ.
I immediately look away.
You'd think after all these years I'd stop noticing it.
Nope.
Every single time.
Like my brain enjoys torturing itself.
Neither of us says anything for a second.
The silence stretches.
Awkward.
Heavy.
Uncomfortable.
Perfect.
I sit up.
Immediately.
Like if I move fast enough I can outrun my own thoughts.
"I'm heading out."
Beside me, Izuku lets out a sigh.
"You always leave right after."
"No I don't."
"You literally do."
"Well maybe I don't wanna hear your voice anymore."
"That's definitely not true."
The worst part is he's right.
“Shut up, already.”
I grab my shirt off the floor and start getting dressed.
The whole time I can feel him watching me.
I hate being watched.
Mostly because he sees way too much.
"You know," he says quietly, "I don't think you're a bad person."
My hand freezes halfway through buttoning my sleeve.
What kind of bullshit is that?
I laugh.
A short, bitter sound.
"Yeah? Then you're an idiot."
"Kacchan—"
"No."
I point at him.
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"That."
Excellent explanation.
Really getting my point across here.
But somehow he understands anyway.
He always does.
His expression softens.
Which is somehow worse.
I look away before I have to deal with that.
The concern.
The guilt.
Whatever the hell that look is.
I don't want it.
I definitely don't deserve it.
I finish getting dressed and grab my blazer.
The house is dark as I walk downstairs.
Family photos line the walls.
Awards.
Decorations.
Evidence.
That's all this place is.
Evidence.
Evidence that he has a life.
Evidence that somebody belongs here.
Evidence that it sure as hell isn't me.
By the time I reach the front door, my chest feels tight.
I hate this house.
I hate how familiar it is.
I hate that I know where they keep the coffee mugs.
I hate that I know which stair creaks.
I hate that part of me feels comfortable here.
The door clicks shut behind me.
The summer air feels gross.
Hot.
Sticky.
Typical.
I get into my car and start the engine.
The clock on the dashboard reads 12:43.
Another successful disaster.
Fantastic.
I rest my forehead against the steering wheel.
I should stop doing this.
I should've stopped years ago.
Instead, I'm already wondering when he'll text me next.
“....shit.”