Work Text:
i remember a framed picture where
a little girl bent her knee back
while she kissed a little boy's cheek
he was busy with a soft serve
it was an ad in an ice cream shop
but what's adorable about innocence
in a context so foreign like that one?
with the same tenderness and shyness
with which you take my hand
you turn away from me when i try to kiss you
it doesn't make you mean
and even though i'm only seven months older
i had less of a life than you did when i met you
maybe that's why the longing was more intense for me
to say that you liked that would be evil
i don't want to be rude
but maybe something similar is true
i always remember you in the fields
that summer before i left
i stopped doing things but i watched you
you look like an angel when you run
and the sun shines on you and you glow white
but the weight of your blue eyes on me is
equal to that of all the honey in the world
and talking to you is like talking to the devil
and i don't know how to stay still
and i can't stop biting my lips
and you taste like lemon and you're like that too,
sour and adictive and my favorite
made specifically to torture me
an imposible burning
but i'm obsessed with being hurt
and you're obsessed with being loved like that
enough to endure all of it
and i was always devoted to you
i was always obedient
i was your dog
and you were turning sixteen
and how could i say no to you
not only were you everything,
but you were also everything since before
i loved you before i met you
you've always wanted more of everything
someone like you would always want more
ambition is a privilege
i'd give it to you if i could
but i can't even feed myself
the meritocracy of a teenage relationship
but you can't seriously believe it
that the love was relative to the violence
you'd have to hate me
you'd have to have hated me all along
do you believe it? do you hate me? did you ever?
do you blame me and believe i'm not innocent like you?
you forget i know you well
you can't lie to me, nor me to you
even if we wanted to, we both know
everything was deliberate, planned even
we both knew what was gonna happen
and we did it anyway because we're the same
and for other reasons we both know
if there's one thing i know for sure about you,
if there's one thing i have no doubts about
is that you wanted my attention
with the same tenderness with which
you help me load my bags onto the bus
you turn your back to leave
it doesn't make you mean
i was your dog and you were turning sixteen
and we were both desperate to live
to survive christmas with family
to be the protagonists of a movie
you'll reach whatever you want
you can get anything but my bass
and i'll watch and remember
and it won't make me mean
i know you'll never be able to play that cd again