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Bruce carried two steaming teas over to the couch, carefully sinking down next to the trickster. Loki reached out, wrapping his long fingers around the mug.
“Finally.”
Bruce rolled his eyes. “You could have helped.”
“How, by watching the water boil?”
Rather than admit the god had a point, he grabbed the newspaper off the coffee table and turned to the crossword, taking a minute to beat the page into a more manageable shape. Bruce leaned back against the cushions and Loki nestled in, peering over his shoulder as he sipped his tea. He pointed at a series of squares.
“Genteel.”
The doctor hummed in agreement, jotting it down before adding the words that intersected at either end. He tapped the end of his pen against his lip.
“Ancient harpsichord-like instrument?”
“Psaltery?”
“Doesn’t fit.”
Loki stuck his lip out. “Virginal?”
“Nope.”
He straightened. “Let me see.”
Bruce handed over the pen and paper, taking the opportunity to blow the steam off his drink before sipping slowly. Loki frowned at the page, jiggling the pen between his fingers as his eyes scanned the surrounding clues. Suddenly he lit up.
“Clavier!”
The morning sun glowed across his pale face, catching the edge of his smile, and Bruce’s heart felt like it was going to Hulk out of his chest.
Ours.
Yeah, he agreed. But this was more than the usual smug satisfaction of having the god to himself; more than appreciation of his wits or beauty. Loki made him feel a lot of things – exasperated, protective, amused, awed – but never anything as big as this. Hulk didn’t really have the words for it, but Bruce did, and he realised he wanted to say them.
He put his mug down, resettling his glasses. “Can we talk for a second?”
Loki glanced over, arching a brow at Bruce’s expression. He dropped the crossword on the table and sat back, limbs draped over the couch in a practiced attempt at casual.
“Go on.”
“We’ve been…together for a while, and we haven’t really had a conversation about it. I guess I didn’t feel the need to label a good thing, as long as we were both enjoying it.”
“And now?” the other man’s voice came out too flat, gaze boring into Bruce’s.
“Your dad said this thing when we were in Asgard, and I suppose it’s been playing on my mind because…well…I didn’t want to admit he was right.”
Loki gave a strained smile, eyes bright as his shoulders stiffened. “The Allfather has so many charming things to say about me – you’ll have to be more specific. Perhaps he warned you against my feral frost giant nature, hmm? Or admonished my treachery? I suppose he thought to save a noble hero from my nefarious clutches-”
“He said I loved you.”
He blanched. “What?”
“He said I loved you, and he was right.” Bruce shrugged.
Loki stared, fingers curled around the back of the couch like he was holding on for dear life. The doctor felt his cheeks start to burn as the silence dragged on.
“I don’t expect you to say it back, but I just needed you to know. It doesn’t have to change anything-”
“No,” the god snarled, shaking his head, “You don’t mean that.”
Bruce knit his brow. “Yes, I do.”
Loki stood, eyes bugging as he fisted his hands at his sides. “No. It-it is a trick.”
“It’s not – it took me awhile to realise, but it’s the truth.”
“Do not lie to me!”
Hulk growled in the back of Bruce’s mind and he clenched his jaw, forcing himself to breathe slow and even.
“Look, this is big and new - for both of us. I understand if you need time to process. Why don’t we take a break, and come back later?”
“You expect me to believe that you could love me, after all I’ve done? After the destruction I brought down upon your people? Is your memory so fleeting, doctor?”
“I haven’t forgotten,” he said quietly, “I just take a wider view.”
Loki shook his head, tears spilling over. “It is impossible that a man of your genius would be so blind. I do not understand why you’ve resorted to this deception; if you wished to destroy me, your berserker could do it in an instant. There is no need for this…distraction.”
Bruce’s chest ached. Part of him was furious at the people who’d made Loki feel that love was a tactic, or a performance; the rest was terrified that if he didn’t convince the god in this moment, he’d lose his trust forever.
God sad! He felt Hulk’s theoretical hackles raise. Banner fix!
He held his hands up like he was soothing a startled horse – the comparison seemed apt, considering the way Loki’s gaze flicked around the room like he was searching for an ambush, or an escape.
“Loki, I promise I’m not trying to hurt you, or trick you, or distract you.”
“Which is what you would say if you were.”
Bruce couldn’t help rolling his eyes. “Seriously? You know I don’t lie to you. I thought it was one of the things you liked about me.”
“Perhaps this was your plan,” the god bared his teeth, “To paint yourself as unfailingly honest and make me drop my guard. But you have overplayed your hand, doctor.”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “First off, if one of us was going to long con the other and stab them in the back, it wouldn’t be me. Why would I need to? Your guard doesn’t make a difference to the Other Guy. And second, it’s clearly not down, because I’m trying to be vulnerable and tell you how I feel, and you’ve gone into full defence.”
Loki gave a hollow laugh. “You think my reaction unreasonable? You suggest that the Allfather cares for my happiness-”
“Okay yeah, bringing him up was probably a mistake.” Bruce winced.
“-and then profess your supposed affections, despite my past misdeeds. Can you not hear how implausible it sounds?”
“It’s not that crazy,” he shrugged, “Your misdeeds didn’t stop me getting involved with you.”
It was Loki’s turn to roll his eyes. “You needn’t think highly of someone to swive them.”
“Oh, I know.”
The god hugged himself, looking away. “What of your Culver girl, hmm? Are you saying you’ve given up on her, after all these years of pining?”
Bruce felt like he’d been slugged in the gut, all the breath driven out of him. He inhaled slowly, clearing his throat.
“I care deeply about Betty; I always will. But even if Hulk disappeared tomorrow, I don’t think I could be with her again. Too much has happened, and I don’t want to go back to tiptoeing around to make someone else comfortable. You let me be myself, Loki. I can’t tell you how much that means.”
“And your shield-brothers?” Loki curled his lip, “What will they say when you tell them you have fallen for their would-be conqueror? You would risk losing Stark’s hospitality, Rogers’ camaraderie, for me? I know how long you sought the shelter and companionship you have found here, and I do not believe you would give them up so easily.”
“It’s no secret that we’re together, and they’ve never objected - at this point, they might even be happy for us. But regardless, it wouldn’t change how I feel. I love you.”
“Stop.” The prince’s mouth wavered.
“No. I love you, even when you’re being a stubborn ass, and I need you to believe me.”
“I can’t.” he spat.
“Why not? Why is it so impossible that I might love you? You’re smart, funny in a dark way – which is my favourite way – gorgeous in every form. I like spending time with you. You don’t treat me like a freak or a monster; you make both of us feel seen, and wanted. That’s enough to make anyone love you.”
“What do you hope to gain from this?”
“Nothing. I told you, I don’t expect you to feel the same.”
“Then why admit it?” the trickster snapped, “As you said, your confession makes you vulnerable, and yet you claim to want nothing in return? It doesn’t make sense.”
Bruce looked up at the ceiling. “The way you’re reacting is kind of why I said it. It’s obviously hard for you to hear, or to imagine someone might have those feelings for you. But since I do have them, I think it’s important for you to know, cos it makes me really sad that you don’t think you’re worthy of love.”
Loki shook his head, pacing. “No. No, this is a ruse, or else some failing of your inferior Midgardian anatomy – you have been fooled by physical desire and familiarity into thinking we have a greater bond.”
He closed his eyes, sighing. “I wouldn’t love you on a whim, Loki.”
The doctor stood, taking a careful step forward.
“I’ve spent the better part of a decade studying my moods, my reactions, my very nature. I am the world’s foremost expert on Bruce Banner, so I think I’m qualified to say that I love you, and it’s not about the sex, or because you’re my only option, or because I want something from you – it’s just scientific fact.”
Loki gaped for a moment and bit his lip as tears continued to run down his face. He shook his head.
“I am sorry.”
Bruce’s heart leapt into his throat, and he took another step forward, reaching out. “Loki-”
The lie god vanished.
He bit back a sob, deep sadness furling around him like a cape. They’d been having such a lovely, peaceful morning, until he’d gone and ruined it. For a second, Bruce felt lonelier than he ever had when he was a friendless fugitive – and then he was reminded that he was never really alone.
OUR GOD!
Hulk’s roar was so loud it drove him to his knees, clutching his head. He could feel his other half pressing against the walls of his mind like a child banging their hands against a fishtank, insistent and disorienting, echoing through his body as his nerves twitched and spasmed.
It’s okay! He forced his thoughts into some kind of order, despite the overwhelming noise. Loki will come back.
Banner LIES!
Christ, not you too.
Hulk roared again and he bit his tongue, the metallic taste making him gag.
It’s okay, it’s okay, big guy! We just need to keep it together, so that we can talk to Loki when he gets back-
No more talking! Banner ruins everything with his talking! Hulk HATES talking!
Okay, we can do it your way then – when Loki gets back, we’ll show him. No more talking.
He felt Hulk hesitate. Take?
Yeah bud, take. Our god likes that, right?
The rage surged up again like an engine revving, so fast it threatened to choke him. Banner drove our god away!
Then Bruce was ripped out of the driver’s seat, the world zeroing down to nothing as he threw his head back and howled.
*****
He was lying on something hard. His whole body ached the way it always did after an incident, tension radiating from his skull. He peeled his eyes open with an effort, blinking as the light sent spikes of pain through his already pounding head.
“Brucey? You with us?”
“Barely.” He rasped.
Tony knelt beside him, suited from the neck down. He hooked a hand under Bruce’s shoulder to help him up.
“Easy now.”
The scientist dragged himself upright, head bobbing listlessly as he scanned the room. He was still in the lounge, or what was left of it anyway, furniture littering the floor like matchsticks. Steve stood on his other side, a big rip down the front of his tee but otherwise seemingly okay. He was watching the doctor with concern, eyes flicking to someone behind Tony; Bruce looked over and saw Thor, fully armoured and wielding Mjölnir. He looked like he’d had the shit kicked out of him, bruises and scrapes on one side of his face and all down his arm, hair dishevelled, cape half torn off. Bruce felt a stab of guilt, and quickly looked at Tony.
“We’re all okay,” he squeezed the other man’s shoulder, “The big guy was pretty riled up but no one got hurt, and I’m sure Pep will love an excuse to redecorate.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Here, let me give you a hand.” Steve leaned down.
Between the two of them they got him to his feet, swaying like a drunk. Tony pulled Bruce’s arm around his neck, taking the doctor’s weight as they shuffled slowly towards the hall.
Steve’s hand hovered near his elbow. “Can I get you anything?”
“Water,” he croaked, “And the best painkillers we’ve got.”
The blond ran off to raid the first aid kit while Tony helped him into his room, and then into the bathroom.
“Are you gonna be okay if I step out for a minute?” he frowned.
Bruce nodded, bracing himself on the vanity with shaking arms. The inventor looked like he didn’t believe him, but he backed off.
“I’ll be outside.”
He closed the door behind him and Bruce grit his teeth, staring down his reflection.
“One thing at a time.”
He carefully pulled off what remained of his plaster-covered clothes, dropping them in a heap. He climbed in the shower, shivering as the warm water hit him, dust and debris and blood running down his legs. Bruce rested his forearm against the tiles, giving a joyless chuckle.
Are you happy now? Did that help?
Hulk growled quietly at the rebuke, but he was too exhausted to answer.
Bruce finished showering and dried himself off, walking out in a towel to find Tony waiting with a clean pair of sweatpants and a tee, a glass of water, and a fistful of pills. The doctor took them gladly, chugging most of the glass before he got dressed. He wasn’t worried about the audience – the whole team had seen his goods way more times than he wanted to think about.
The older man crawled into bed, weariness taking over now he’d dealt with his immediate problems. Tony made a weird, stiff attempt at tucking him in.
“Do you need anything?”
“Is Thor okay?”
He waved a hand. “Point Break will be fine. They build them tough up in Asgard.”
“I should apologise.”
The inventor snickered. “Actually, I think he enjoyed the workout.”
“I’m sorry. Normally I would have gone to the Hulk room, but he just came on so fast – I didn’t even make it to the elevator.”
“We all have bad days,” Tony shrugged, “Although I am curious what set the big guy off, considering how good he’s been lately.”
Bruce closed his eyes, swallowing. “Loki left.”
“What do you mean ‘left’?”
“I fucked up,” he stared at the ceiling, blinking as his eyes welled up, “I told him I’m in love with him, and he freaked out. We got into a fight, he left, and Hulk lost it.”
“Wow. That certainly explains the tantrum.”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“I didn’t realise you felt that way.”
He glanced at Tony, but the inventor didn’t look judgemental, just stunned. He gave a wry smile.
“It was a surprise to me too.”
“And apparently a surprise to Loki?”
Bruce swallowed, tears escaping. “He wouldn’t believe me. Thought it was a trick.”
Tony sighed, sitting on the mattress next to him. “That seems on brand. I’m sorry, Brucey.”
“What if he doesn’t come back?”
“He will,” the engineer rested a hand on Bruce’s chest, “He’s incapable of letting someone else get the last word.”
He gave a weak laugh, wiping at his cheeks. “You’re probably right.”
“I am a genius, you know.” He smirked.
“So am I – it didn’t help me make my case.”
Tony shrugged. “Love isn’t about brains, it’s about heart. That’s why we’re so bad at it; we want to reduce the world to nice, neat puzzles we can solve, and love is just too messy and impulsive and…ineffable. But I have faith that old dogs can still learn new tricks.”
Bruce placed his hand over Tony’s, squeezing gently. “Thanks.”
“Any time.”
*****
He spent the rest of the day in bed recovering from his transformation, and he didn’t get up the day after because why should he? And he stayed in bed the day after that because he’d slept badly, tossing and turning as he reached out for the empty space where Loki should have been. On the fourth day, Tony threw the door open.
“You done moping yet?”
Bruce scowled, burrowing further into his pillow. “Have you ever heard of knocking?”
“It’s my tower.”
The scientist rolled his eyes. “That is such a dad thing to say.”
“Right? See how dire this is – you’re making me look like the responsible one. Come on, Brucey.”
“I’m fine here, thanks.” He turned over.
Tony scoffed. “You’re gonna waste away. I promise you can go back to your wallowing afterwards, but you have to eat.”
Bruce huffed. The inventor had a point; it was always a bad idea to neglect his biological needs for too long. It made it harder to predict Hulk’s reactions – the big guy got hangry too. He wriggled out of the covers and stood, stretching out cramped muscles. He tried to take a step and wavered, legs still asleep.
“There we go,” Stark held an arm out, “Slow and steady, old man.”
He glared. “I’ll give you old man.”
“Please, I could take you one-handed right now.”
Bruce grumbled under his breath but let Tony lead him to the kitchen, where there was toast and tea set out on the island. The engineer watched as he dragged himself onto a stool, but once he seemed content that Bruce wasn’t going to slide off, Tony relaxed back against the counter. The older man took a bite, gaze flicking to the sink; his stomach clenched as memories hit him, forming a lump in his throat that made it hard to swallow. Bruce fixed his eyes on his plate instead, moving his jaw mechanically.
“You haven’t heard from Loki?” Tony asked softly.
He shook his head, glancing up. “He’s not responding to calls or texts. He hasn’t been back at all?”
“No one’s seen him.”
Hulk gave a mournful groan and Bruce clamped down, not wanting to destroy two rooms in a week.
The engineer continued. “But he has to resurface eventually, right?”
He gave a wry smile. “He’s got nine realms to choose from. He doesn’t need to stay on Earth.”
“Bullshit,” Tony sneered, “Loki cares about you, even if he freaked out about the ‘L’ word. He won’t bail.”
Bruce gestured at the kitchen. “Are you kidding? He already did!”
“He’s processing.” The other man shrugged.
“Yeah, for how long? Because I might die of old age before Loki works through his trauma.”
Tony leaned his elbows on the island. “That’s not going to happen. But hey, if it does, then it’s his loss.”
He snorted. “Oddly, that’s not very comforting.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Brucey. This sucks, but eventually it’ll suck less?”
“Still not helping,” he sighed, “But thank you for trying.”
“Eat your toast.”
Bruce rolled his eyes. “Yes, Dad.”
*****
Most people in Bruce’s position would have gone out and gotten very, very drunk, but that wasn’t an option. Instead he spent a lot of time sitting by his bedroom window wrapped in a blanket, being as angry as he could without triggering an incident. He’d known that ‘love’ was a lot for Loki to hear after everything he’d been through, but as the days passed Bruce got more and more frustrated by how childish the god was being: running away, hiding from his feelings, avoiding the hard conversation. He was centuries older than Bruce – was it too much to expect a little emotional maturity?
When he wasn’t being mad at Loki, or mad at himself for how he’d handled the whole thing, Bruce was gripped with an icy mix of fear and loneliness. What if the god really never came back? There were so many places Loki could be in Manhattan alone, let alone Midgard or the realms beyond. What were the odds Bruce would ever find him, even with Tony and Thor to help? Had he driven away his best chance at happiness? Would he have to spend the rest of his days knowing he’d screwed up his life again? Bruce should have known better than to ambush the prince, but he’d been so swept up it had just come out. For a careful man, he certainly did a good impression of an idiot.
He was running through his thousandth reimagining of the argument, thinking about how he could have worded it better, when there was a firm knock. Bruce sighed, raising his voice.
“I promise I had breakfast, Tony.”
“It is I, Banner.”
“Oh. Come in.”
The door opened, Thor looking through sheepishly. “I am sorry to disturb-”
“No, no, it’s fine. I’m just over Tony’s nagging.”
“He persists because he cares.”
Bruce shrugged a shoulder, unable to refute that. The thunder god closed the door behind him, gesturing to the empty armchair.
“May I?”
The doctor nodded, and the prince sat. He wore jeans and a grey tee under a checkered shirt, but even in his Midgardian disguise there was something other-worldly about him, some divine strength that couldn’t be hidden. Loki had it too, a preternatural grace that followed him between forms, letting him slip in and out of sight even without his magic; Bruce’s chest tightened at the thought.
“How do you fare, shield-brother?”
Bruce gave a hollow laugh. “Pretty shit, actually.”
“I am sorry to hear it, but I understand. I too have loved Loki and thought him lost – but he did return.”
“With an Infinity Stone and a conquering army.”
The blond’s mouth twitched. “He had suffered the greatest betrayal of his life. I am sure he will be more reasonable this time.”
“Tell me, what did they do in Asgard to screw you guys up so spectacularly? Was it a mandatory class, between all the training and feasting and questing?”
Thor tapped his fingers on his knee. “Odin Allfather can be a hard measure to live up to.”
Bruce curled his lip. “No offence, Thor, but I think you’d both have been better off taking after Frigga.”
“You are probably right, although learning her sorcery did not seem to make Loki’s life easier.”
“You and your pals had a little something to do with that.”
Thor shrugged. “And I shall spend the rest of my days atoning for it.”
They fell silent, Bruce’s gaze drifting back to the window. The blond leaned forward.
“May I ask a question?”
He shrugged, glancing over to find the thunderer watching him with big earnest eyes.
“What reaction did you hope to get from Loki? You have seen how he is with me. I have tried time and time again to explain that I care not for our differences, or what he did in his grief; that he is still my brother and I shall always love him; and that I am sorry for the disregard I showed him when we were boys, and for encouraging our companions to show the same. But no matter what I do or say, he will not heed it; Loki is always looking for the lie.”
“You’ve been getting along better though,” Bruce frowned, “You hang out.”
“Aye, we have reached an uneasy peace, much as the two of you fell into a comfortable routine. That is not the same as trust. So I ask again – what did you hope he would do after your confession?”
The doctor screwed up his mouth, staring at his lap. “I didn’t expect him to say it back, but I thought…maybe there was a chance he felt the same. I thought he might be pleased to hear it. And I definitely didn’t expect him to flat-out refuse to believe me.”
“Loki has learned to doubt those around him, especially those closest.”
“I know, but I’m brand new, right? We don’t have a thousand years of baggage. I thought he’d take me more seriously.”
Thor shrugged. “Perhaps he did, and that is what scared him. To admit love is to trust your heart to someone else’s care, and his has been broken many times in recent years. And becoming entangled with a Midgardian holds its own dangers; your lives are short, and precarious. Perhaps Loki wishes to spare himself future pain.”
Bruce thought of a conversation they’d had once about how lost Loki felt, unsure who he was or what he wanted. It must have been tempting to let Bruce be the answer, to cling to him like an anchor, but the god hadn’t. Was it because their relationship could only ever be temporary for Loki? Or did he still not trust Bruce? Admittedly they’d started fooling around because of the constant threat of violence and destruction, which wasn’t the most stable of beginnings, but they’d come a long way since then. He’d literally fought a duel over the god’s honour – what else did a guy have to do to show he cared?
Was that the problem? Did Loki not have a frame of reference for romance? His parents clearly cared about each other, but Bruce couldn’t imagine the Allfather being romantic, and certainly not in front of witnesses. From what he understood, most of the Aesir nobles had arranged marriages, and courting tavern wenches and scullery maids was just something to pass the time.
He stuck his lip out. “Thor…has Loki ever been in a relationship?”
“Loki and I were not free to follow our hearts, especially with ladies of the court who might expect more than we could promise,” the blond looked thoughtful, “I believe there were one or two dalliances with commoners that lasted a few weeks, but Norns know I was not attentive to Loki’s wanderings. He could have had half a dozen entanglements across the Realms.”
“Great.”
“Apologies – I simply mean there came a time when Loki and I stopped sharing our secrets, so I cannot be certain, but I don’t believe he was ever seriously involved with anyone.”
Bruce shook his head, running his hands over his face as he leaned back in the chair. He exhaled long and slow, meeting the prince’s gaze.
“Am I fooling myself, Thor? Is this a battle that can’t be won?”
He stared back evenly. “Would that stop you?”
He ran his tongue along the edge of his teeth and gave a wry smile. “No.”
Thor shrugged. “Then you will find a way to reach Loki. He may never feel as you do, but I know there is a deep and true connection between you. My brother has been overlooked too long to pass up such devotion.”
“Do you have any idea where he is?” Bruce asked.
“No, but he is a wanderer. He always finds his way home.”
*****
Bruce went back to something approaching routine, both for his own sanity and so everyone would stop hovering like he was a bomb about to go off - it hadn’t escaped his notice that neither Thor nor Steve had left the Tower in days. He dragged himself out of bed, made breakfast, and studiously ignored the growing pile of untouched crosswords. He spent the day in the lab before joining the group for dinner, even if he didn’t contribute much to the conversation. It was actually a welcome distraction hearing what the others had been up to; their lives weren’t hanging in limbo, with a constant feeling like the ground had disappeared underneath their feet. Bruce started spending more time in the common areas, just to catch those glimpses of life outside his bubble of anguish.
He was sitting on the deck with a book forgotten in his lap, thumb stuck between the pages as he gazed out across the city. What would he do if he never saw Loki again? He supposed he could learn to live with it, like he’d learned to live without Betty, but he wasn’t sure about Hulk. And what mischief was the god getting into without the Avengers to watch his back? The thought made him sick; for all he knew, Loki could be trapped somewhere, or hurt, or even-
Hulk gave a warning growl and he dropped that thought.
“Mind if I join?”
Bruce glanced up with a wry smile. “I’m not much company.”
Steve shrugged, hands in his pockets. “I won’t hold it against ya.”
He waved at the neighbouring lounger, and the blond lay back with a contented sigh, as if they were spending a day at the beach. He swivelled his head to squint at Bruce.
“How ya doin’?”
He laughed. “Not great.”
“You’re out of bed, wearing clean clothes, gettin’ some fresh air and sunshine - it’s a start.” Steve smiled.
“I’m good at keeping myself moving.”
“You’re not thinking of runnin’ out on us, are ya? You’ll break Stark’s heart.”
The doctor flinched, and Steve grimaced.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” he waved a hand, “Loki didn’t run away from me, just the concept of feelings.”
“Does that make it better?”
“It makes it less personal, I guess? If anything, I pushed him out the door. I could have kept my mouth shut and waited for him to be ready.”
The captain rubbed his thumb over the arm of the chair, mouth screwed up as he studied the horizon. “In my experience, life doesn’t always work out the way you planned. I think if you’re lucky enough to find someone you care about, then you should tell them every chance you get, because you never know if it might be the last time.”
Bruce looked over, but the other man was resolutely avoiding his gaze. He glanced down at his book, nodding.
“You’re right. I’m glad I said it, because Loki needed to hear it. I don’t regret that.”
“Good,” Steve nodded, “You should never regret taking a shot on something you believe in, even if it doesn’t pan out.”
They fell silent, both lost in their own thoughts as a plane slowly passed overhead, too far away to make a sound.
“I’m happy for you.”
Bruce frowned. “Excuse me?”
“Sorry, that came out wrong,” the blond looked bashful, “I know you haven’t been able to date since, uh…”
“The Other Guy.”
“Right. So even if it didn’t go quite how you’d hoped, it must feel pretty good to be in love.”
He tilted his head. “I mean it kinda sucks right now, but…yeah, it’s nice. I like waking up next to someone. I like having someone to care about outside me and all my bullshit, and Loki can be really sweet when he thinks no one’s watching. As crazy as it sounds, he makes me…happy.”
Steve grinned. “That’s awesome.”
He managed a thin smile. “Thanks. I guess I didn’t really get time to enjoy the feeling before I blew it up.”
“You didn’t blow it up.”
“You saw the living room,” Bruce drawled, “You saw Thor.”
“Both fixable, just like you and Loki.”
“Maybe. I just wish…I wish there was a way I could have made him see himself the way I do, so he would know I meant it. I should have built up to it, let him get used to the idea - not been so blunt.”
The other man shook his head. “From what I’ve heard, Loki’s done with people trying to manipulate him. I’m sure he appreciated the direct approach.”
Bruce sighed. “Except he still thought I was trying to manipulate him?”
“It’s like you said – you spooked him. But you’re a good guy, and I’m sure once he’s had some time to think about it, he’ll realise you weren’t trying to trick him. I mean, why would you need to? If you were hatching some evil plan, the two of you were already close enough – it wouldn’t make sense for you to complicate things.”
He snorted. “I hate to break it to you, Cap, but Loki isn’t always the most logical when it comes to relationships.”
“Are any of us?” Steve smirked.
“Tony said that was my problem, that I was trying to be too scientific about the whole thing, like if I just laid out the math then Loki would get the same solution.”
“He’s right.”
Bruce’s lip quirked. “I’m gonna tell him you said that.”
“Stark doesn’t need the ego boost,” the captain wrinkled his nose, “But he’s right. Loki has to figure out how he feels by himself, and there’s nothing you can do to speed up the process or change the outcome.”
“I know. I wouldn’t want to pressure him into something he doesn’t want. But it would be nice to at least hear from him, just to know he’s okay, maybe get a sense of how long he needs to think – or if he’s ever planning to come back.”
“He will.”
Bruce shook his head. “You all seem pretty sure about that, but you’re forgetting how contrary and self-sabotaging he can be. Loki is perfectly capable of embedding himself in some new intergalactic disaster for the sole purpose of not dealing with this.”
“Maybe the old Loki, but he’s improved a lot since you two got close. He’s getting along much better with Thor, he comes to dinner and missions and movie nights - he’s part of the gang. I think it will be much harder for him to stay away from the Tower, and you, than it was to disappear from Asgard.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Steve grinned. “Worst case, you could ride in to rescue him from whatever mess he’s gotten himself into, and sweep him off his feet.”
He laughed. “And drive off into the sunset together?”
“Exactly.”
“It’s a good Plan B.”
*****
The computer beeped and Bruce rolled over to check the screen, pushing his glasses up his nose as he skimmed the readouts.
“Jarvis, let’s try that again, but increase the dopamine levels by 20%.”
“Looking for a good time, doctor?”
He spun towards the voice, jaw dropping. Loki stood by the windows, dressed like a Hamptons housewife in a crisp light blue button-down and denim skirt, dark waves loose around her shoulders. Seeing her made his stomach lurch, like someone had swept his legs out from under him; Hulk roared in a tidal wave of relief and pain, the deep bellow bouncing around his skull.
“Loki! Are you okay? I was worried.”
“You needn’t have,” she smirked, “I’m a big goddess - I can take care of myself.”
“I know,” Bruce swallowed, “But we want to take care of you.”
“Oh?” she sauntered closer, “I know where you can start.”
He stood, and she draped herself around him, fingers curling in his hair as she kissed him. Bruce almost moaned at the touch, hands gripping her tight as he pulled their bodies together, revelling in the warmth of her.
“I missed you.” He murmured.
“I missed you,” he could feel her smile, “And your berserker.”
Loki ground her hips against him and he growled, feeling himself stiffen as her tongue slipped between his lips. Her hands stroked down his chest and over his stomach, his thighs. It all felt fast after weeks of radio silence, but Bruce couldn’t help himself, letting her draw him backwards towards the counter.
“Wait,” he managed to get out, “Shouldn’t we talk?”
No talking! Hulk huffed. TAKE!
“There is time for that later,” Loki nipped her way along his jaw, “Right now I want you hard and fast and terrible.”
Maybe he would have argued, but something drove his hands forward – something big and green and bad-tempered – and he was yanking her blouse open with no regard for the buttons. The goddess hissed, pulling his shirt free of his waistband and going for his belt. Bruce buried his nose in her hair, the familiar scent soothing the raw wound in his chest. Loki wrapped a hand around his cock and he shuddered forwards into her grip.
The doctor cupped her breast, thumb stroking a line down the side and slowly circling the nipple. She arched into it, mouth falling open.
“It has been too long.” Loki bit her lip.
“Yes.”
She squeezed his length and Bruce almost yelped, fussing with her buttons for a moment before giving up and dragging the whole skirt up around her waist. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath, and he twisted his fingers in the short curls with a hungry groan.
Loki slid herself onto the edge of the benchtop and wrapped her legs around him, drawing him in until his swollen head brushed against her folds. Bruce slipped inside, working his hips in shallow, short thrusts as he buried himself a little deeper each time.
“You needn’t be gentle,” Loki curled her hand around the back of his neck, “I want your fury.”
He sunk his teeth into her chest and she screamed, dragging her nails down his shoulders. Loki squeezed him between her thighs as he sped up, hungrily attacking her mouth.
“Yes, Banner,” she purred, “Show me no mercy.”
He snarled, wrapping a hand in her hair. He gave a quick tug to bare her neck, lathing it with his tongue before nipping his way down to her collar bone. Bruce pinched her nipples hard and she gasped, hips jolting towards him as his fingers swept lower.
Her lips brushed his ear. “Isn’t it better like this? Simpler?”
Bruce’s hips stuttered as he lost the rhythm. He blinked like a sleepwalker waking from a trance, staring at his hands wrapped around her thighs. The goddess was watching him eagerly, eyes bright, chest heaving – but he thought he saw a glimmer of doubt.
He pulled away, taking a step back. “No.”
“No?” Loki arched a brow.
“We’re not going to pretend it’s how it used to be, back when we didn’t care about each other. We’ve come too far.”
She opened her mouth, and he raised a hand.
“Just listen for a second, okay? I was honest about my feelings, and I don’t regret that. You don’t have to return them, but you don’t get to deny them either. I meant what I said.”
Loki pursed her lips. “Even if that were true, you should know that it is not within my nature to fall prey to such attachments. Could you bear the long years without hope of reciprocation?”
“I want to make this work. If you never say it, fine; if you never want to hear it again, fine. But I won’t take it back. Can you live with that?”
Her brow twitched. “I do not know.”
Bruce pulled his pants up. “We should really talk-”
The goddess disappeared, and he swore.
“Or we could keep being CHICKENSHIT!”
He felt Hulk drawing in a breath, and tipped his head back with a sigh.
“Jarvis, call a Code Gamma and clear a path to the Hulk room. I feel a tantrum coming on.”
*****
Bruce was already in bed when she appeared, a cup of tea on his bedside table, book in hand. The goddess stood awkwardly by the window, one arm wrapped around herself. She wore a soft over-sized sweater and jeans, her hair hanging down her back; he thought there might be dark circles under her eyes, but it was hard to tell with only the bedside lamp.
“Hi.”
Loki gave a reluctant smile. “Good evening. I hope I’m not intruding.”
The Midgardian chuckled. “I dunno, have you come to jump my bones again? Cos I don’t think Tony will appreciate any more property damage this month.”
“I shall behave.”
“For once?”
She quirked a brow but he waved a hand, and she sank onto the edge of the bed. Loki traced a finger over the covers, eyes following its path.
“I think it is best for both of us to resolve this issue, rather than let it fester.”
His throat seized, but he tried to keep his voice level. “I agree.”
“There are some things that you should understand.”
Bruce folded his hands in his lap. “Tell me.”
“When we were growing up, Thor and his companions would often praise my silver tongue, my little tricks and charms that got them out of trouble on so many occasions. But between compliments, I was a joke to them: the Liesmith, the trickster who preferred to talk his way out of a fight – or use sorcery. Their flattery was just currency to get what they wanted from me, and for centuries I ate it up like a hungry fool. After I discovered the truth of my birth, I was even more convinced that everyone dealt in such deception as a matter of course.”
She hugged herself again, gaze turning to the window as she rubbed a thumb over her arm.
“The things you spoke of…no one has ever said them to me before. It seemed too incredulous that a man as clever and noble as you could mean those words, after all I have done. I am not one to forgive, and so the forgiveness of others seems unnatural.”
Bruce scratched the back of his head. “I know you and Nat talked about her ledger, but life’s not really like that. You can’t cancel out the bad stuff by doing a bunch of good – it still happened. People still got hurt. I haven’t forgotten the invasion, but I see it as one part of a bigger whole. I get that this might be a new concept for you, but people don’t have to be perfect to deserve love. I can be mad about what you did and still love you.”
She screwed up her face. “How?”
He sat forwards, resting his arms on his knees. “Well…you don’t really hate Thor, do you? I don’t even think you hate Odin. You’re angry, and hurt, but they’re still your family.”
Loki didn’t respond, lip caught between her teeth. Bruce wanted to reach out to her so badly.
“I know this is your first time in a real relationship, and it’s unfamiliar and hard to navigate. I also know you have a hard time trusting people, for valid reasons. It still hurts that after everything we’ve been through, you don’t trust me.”
“I want to,” she glanced at him with tear-filled eyes, “More than anything.”
“Could you try?” he shrugged, “What would it cost you?”
“My life?”
Bruce curled his lip. “That never stopped you before. I could have killed you a thousand times – and we both know you’re not afraid of dying.”
He shuffled closer, tilting her chin up until their eyes met. “You said that you would always be honest here. So tell me, Loki: what are you really afraid of?”
Her lip wobbled for a moment, and then her pale face fell, voice cracking. “That you will change your mind.”
Bruce nodded slowly, hand resting on her knee. “I get that. I can’t promise to love you forever, especially the way we live. A mission could go wrong, the gamma might catch up to me, we could grow apart. But as someone who thought he was destined to be alone, I’ll take however long I can get. What about you?”
“I…I…”
Loki’s eyes darted around the room, refusing to meet his as her shoulders trembled. The air between them felt crystalline, too solid to fill his lungs and poised to shatter at any minute. Bruce didn’t let the silence get to him; after weeks of separation, at least Loki was here, at least they were talking – at least he would finally know. He made himself still and calm like a stone, letting her work through it.
She sniffed, hands twisting in her lap as she finally looked at him. “I do not know if I can bear to live with such agony hanging over my head, but of one thing I am certain: I don’t want to be without you.”
The goddess bit back a sob and surged forward, throwing her arms around him. Bruce dug his fingertips into her back as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, feeling her shudder against him as she cried.
“Thank you for coming back,” he kissed her jaw, “Thank you for letting me in.”
“I’m sorry I doubted you.”
Bruce ran a hand along her spine. “It’s okay. I get it.”
“No, no, you are too good and constant to merit my suspicion.”
“I think you mean stubborn.” He grinned.
Loki gave a wet laugh. “That too.”
She sat back, dabbing at her eyes. The princess cleared her throat, coughing a little, and he reached over to offer her his tea. She sipped carefully before handing it back, following his movements as he set it on the nightstand.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Say it again,” she swallowed, “Please.”
He cupped her face in his hand. “I love you.”
The goddess’ eyes shimmered. “Again.”
“I love you,” Bruce leaned in and kissed her neck, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Loki melted into his arms. Bruce drew her down onto the pillows, wrapping himself around her as much as he could, revelling in the solid feel of her and the soft warmth of her breath on his skin. Her fingers danced along the curve of his neck and ear, curling in his hair before trailing down again, and he let his eyes drift shut.
Bruce wasn’t sure how long they lay there; it could have been forever, and he would have been okay with that. Hulk was purring in the back of his skull like a well-tuned engine, his presence heavy in the doctor’s limbs as they both embraced the goddess.
“When I first baited you in the lab, did you imagine we would end up here?” Loki murmured.
“Not in a million years.”
“Do you regret it?”
Bruce kissed her softly. “Never.”
Loki smiled, so shy and sweet that the only reasonable thing to do was kiss her again. He cupped the back of her head as he pressed their mouths together, lips slowly moving in synch. She gave a low moan, fingers clenching in his shirt as she squeezed her leg against his hip.
Bruce rolled onto his back and took her with him, the goddess straddling his thighs. He tugged at her sweater and she sat back to let him remove it, raising her arms overhead. The Midgardian ran his big hands over her pale waist and stomach, up her sternum to rest over her heart.
“Ours.”
Loki placed a hand over his. “Yours.”
She leaned down and kissed him, his fingertips roaming along her ribs, feeling her shiver under his touch. Bruce squeezed her hips, thumbs tracing tiny circles as he rested his forehead against hers, eyes closed.
“I missed you.”
“Evidently.” she smirked, rocking against his erection.
“I’m serious. No matter what happens between us, I need to know you’re okay, Loki – I can handle the rest as long as I know you’re safe. Promise me you won’t disappear again.”
She ran her thumb along his cheek, the mischief fading from her gaze. “I swear it.”
Bruce rolled her onto her back, pausing to tug his tee off. He kissed his way down the curve of her neck and along her collarbone, the goddess’s hands kneading his shoulders. He continued down her arm, raising her hand to press his lips to each fingertip, eyes locked on hers. Loki’s chest heaved as he took her other hand, kissing each knuckle before turning it to place one on her palm.
He made his way back up that arm, lingering at the soft crook of her elbow. Bruce cupped her breast, dotting a circle of kisses around her nipple before taking it into his mouth, tongue flicking across the tip. She hissed, hips rolling as she arched into the touch. He sucked gently, thumb tracing the curve of her flesh, lathing the stiff point as the goddess writhed underneath him. He moved to the other side, tongue swirling around the nub as Loki wove her fingers through his curls to hold him in place. He grazed it with his teeth – carefully – and she gave a bird-like cry.
Bruce reached between them and unbuttoned her jeans, Loki lifting her hips to help as he peeled them off. He kissed a line under the swell of her breast and continued down her stomach, drawing another circle around her navel. He spent another few minutes on the deep velvety hollows at the top of her thighs, kneading the taut muscle as he ran his tongue along the crease. He shuffled backwards until he could kiss her thighs proper, starting at her knee and working his way up the sensitive inside, lips sometimes firm and sometimes barely brushing.
He crept higher, kissing a line up one side of her mound and back down the other before repeating it with his tongue. Bruce snaked his way between her folds, tracing a wet circle around her nubbin, and Loki arched off the bed with a moan. He pressed down on her thighs to hold her in place – as futile as that was – as he flicked his tongue over her clit, lips closing around it gently as he kissed and sucked.
Bruce kept his movements slow but firm as he lapped at her, sliding one hand up until it brushed her entrance, biting back a groan as he rubbed the silky dew between the pads of his fingers. He pressed one just inside, circling a little before adding a second and pushing further, curling up to stroke the strong muscle. Loki keened, thrusting her hips at him as he zig-zagged his tongue over her. He kept crooking his fingers as he sucked on her button, as if he was trying to coax her to completion.
He felt her thighs twitch and tense as she flung her head from side to side, panting, his movements relentless but steady as Bruce dragged it out. He wanted to stay there - worshipping their goddess, bathing her in pleasure, adoring every inch of her body – until the tower grew old and crumbled around them.
Give, Hulk said, somewhere between a question and a demand.
Yes, Bruce smiled, Give.
He sped up a little - not enough to push her over the edge, just enough to hear her cries get louder and more ragged as Loki rocked to meet him, her toes curling in the sheets. He watched her face as she screwed her eyes shut, fist pressed to her mouth as she shuddered and gulped. The scientist slowed his thrusts and she whined, hand shooting out to grab his shoulder.
“Please, Bruce.”
He gave a final slow lick along her folds before sitting up, fighting to get his sweatpants off. His erection sprang free with an almost hiss of relief, bobbing between his legs as he lowered himself over her. Loki spread her thighs wider to let him in, fingers trailing between his shoulder blades as he lined himself up. Bruce pressed forward, grunting as her slick flesh parted around him, easing his way in until he was flush against her. The goddess bit her lip, limbs warm and reassuringly solid as she held him close. She was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen; she was dangerous in a way that made his stomach churn. It felt like his heart had become the centre of a new solar system, waves of joy radiating through his body.
He kissed her. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Go on then,” she purred, “Give me your devotion.”
He rolled his hips and they both sighed, Loki tipping her head back to bare her neck. He didn’t take the bait though, pressing soft kisses along her jugular instead as he buried himself in her. He kept his pace slow, savouring the friction against his swollen head, delighting in the little puffs of air against his ear as Loki fought to catch her breath.
Good feeling, the other guy hummed in approval.
“Yes,” Bruce replied out loud, “Feels so good.”
She tightened her legs around his waist. “Don’t stop.”
He slid his hands across the mattress until they found hers, fingers entwining. Her sweat-soaked hair was stuck to her neck in wisps and curls, lips parted around a silent moan as he leaned down to kiss them, needy and clumsy and wonderful. Bruce didn’t speed up, letting the pleasure build like lava pooling in his belly, none of Hulk’s usual urgency spurring him on. In fact the big guy was silent, as if even he was overwhelmed by the enormity of the moment, of Loki letting Bruce love her without lashing out or playing it down or running away. In a lifetime of strange and unpredictable shit, this seemed the most impossible of all.
Bruce squeezed her hands in his, tongues locked in a languorous dance as he drove himself into her. He could feel the pressure mounting in his limbs but he was torn, wanting to stay in this moment where it was just the three of them. It was that feeling he’d had since their very first time, that the world had collapsed to nothing but the sweet sounds he was forcing out of Loki, the way her muscles gripped him tight, the caress of her fingertips along his neck and back - and the way they suddenly dug in as he shifted inside her. He couldn’t imagine a reality without this; it seemed inevitable that in every version of the universe he and Loki would end up here, losing themselves in each other.
“I love you,” he gasped out, “So much I don’t know what to do with it.”
“There is nothing to be done,” she rubbed her cheek against his, “This is enough.”
Bruce groaned like he’d been sucker punched and buried his face in her shoulder, hips pumping as he broke his grip to brace himself on the mattress. Loki hissed, arching into him as she grabbed at whatever she could reach, head rolling back with a shout. He tried to lift himself off her but she clung to him, forcing him to awkwardly snake an arm between them until he could press his fingers to her clit.
He kissed her, their bodies moving so wildly that it was barely more than a collision. He circled her nubbin and she whimpered against his mouth, fingers locked almost painfully around his biceps. They were pressed so close that he could barely move, but it didn’t matter, the goddess grinding into his touch as he swung his hips.
“So beautiful.” He repeated, leaning in to nip at her throat.
Loki tensed up with a cry, her muscles fluttering around him. Bruce finally let himself go as the waves rose up his spine, his balls tightening as he grunted and gasped, desperately racing towards the edge. At the last second he pulled out, hand wrapping tight around his length as he tugged once, twice. He threw his head back, eyes screwed shut as his climax pulsed through him, letting out a long, low groan.
He collapsed onto her chest, not caring about the mess as he caught his breath, heart thumping against his breastbone. He could feel Loki’s too, her pulse echoing through his flesh as her arms fell limply around him. They lay there for a moment, letting the tension melt out of their limbs.
When he felt he had some muscle control back, Bruce rolled off her, flinging an arm over his head with a sigh. Loki nestled into his chest and he wrapped the other around her, placing a kiss in her hair.
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I am sorry I deserted you. I didn’t intend to - my thoughts were knotted and wild, and I felt it best to distance myself until I had a better grip on them, which took longer than anticipated.”
“What finally made you come back?” he asked quietly.
She glanced up at him. “I realised that of all the beings in existence, I trust you and your berserker most. You would never knowingly endanger me, and so your declaration could not be part of some scheme or trick – which was almost worse, because betrayal is a familiar feeling but sentiment…”
“You’ll figure it out. I can be patient.”
She smirked. “Not in my experience. You usually fall upon me the second we get home.”
Bruce smiled, punctuating his words with kisses. “Who could blame me? You’re just so interesting, and sexy, and spontaneous, and-”
She held up her hands, giggling. “Enough! You have made your point, doctor.”
“I haven’t even started making my point.” He leered, wiggling his brows.
Loki ran her tongue over her teeth, lip curling. “Oh? How long do you think it will take to explain the thesis?”
Bruce made a thoughtful face. “It’s good to be thorough. Decades?”
“Then we’d better get started.”
*****
The god brought their tea over with a look of absolute concentration, as if he was handling nuclear waste instead of hot chai. He set the two mugs on the coffee table.
“Thanks.” Bruce smiled, getting the crossword ready in a rustle of paper.
Loki sat beside him, tucking his legs underneath himself as he wriggled closer to lean against the scientist. “Let us see if today can provide more of a challenge.”
“That’s literally how it works, Loki. They get harder every day until Sunday.”
He snorted. “The Midgardian race is truly pitiful, if these puzzles are considered hard.”
“Yeah, yeah, your intellect is vastly superior, we get it. If I’d spent the last thousand years reading and wandering the universe, I’d be a genius too.”
“You are a genius.”
Bruce rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant. Six across?”
“Polyp?”
“I think nodes works better.”
“As you like, doctor.” Loki settled deeper into the cushions, resting his head on Bruce’s shoulder.
“Watch out,” he hummed, “If one of the others sees you like that, they might start thinking you care about me.”
“They would not be foolish enough to say so.”
“Tony would.”
Loki waved a hand. “Let him. It has been ages since I have fought a proper duel – I could use the exercise.”
“We gotta lay off the destruction for a while, or we’ll wear out our welcome.”
He sniffed. “How dull.”
“Sorry to spoil your fun.” Bruce drawled.
Loki fixed him with one of his most contemptuous looks, and turned to the paper. “10 down – phantasmagoria.”
The doctor wrote it in, nib scratching across the page in the quiet of the living room, steam coiling through the morning sun.