Chapter Text
1983
"Did you hear?" asked one of the band members excitedly during rehearsal. She was standing in front of a group of girls, and although Robin wasn't part of that group, she heard the question clearly. And even though the band girl didn't elaborate, everyone knew exactly what she meant. Robin did, too.
"Steve Harrington and Nancy Wheeler are officially dating!" they giggled excitedly. Robin rolled her eyes. Could really no one talk about anything else in this godforsaken high school?
"Too bad, and I’d finally made up my mind to actually talk to him," one of the girls daydreamed, which was met with loud, though not mean-spirited, laughter.
"Yeah, right!" one of them nudged the dreamer playfully, who in turn bumped into Robin.
"Hey, can't you watch where you're going?" Robin snapped unfriendly. The girl looked startled.
"Sorry," she muttered, then hurried out of the music room with the rest of the group. Robin sighed gloomily. She didn't want to be a jerk, but she was so sick of hearing nothing but "Steve this and Nancy that" and how "Stancy is the coolest couple in years" all week. Robin’s brain was practically leaking from it. Who cares?! There’s nothing new under the sun: a cool, rich guy dating a nice suburban girl. Someone whose appearance is flawless, whose speech is sophisticated, and who doesn't start thirty different stories within ten minutes. Someone who is nothing like her.
She slung her bag strap over her shoulder resignedly. She hadn't recognized herself... not since September. Why did she even care about Steve Harrington? Why did she want him to turn around, smile at her, and ask how she was? Or ask for her notes because he'd fail if he kept going like this... or anything, just for him to notice she existed. But he hadn't so far, and now he definitely wouldn't. Why did she even like him? He was good-looking, that was a fact, his hair defied physics, but that was it. He wasn't even that smart, he was only moderately funny, and when he was with his friends, he was a total asshole.
She was just stepping to her locker when she saw Nancy and Steve. The boy put his arm around her, laughing, spun her around, and then pulled her into a passionate kiss. Robin didn't want to watch, she wasn't some perverted stalker... yet she couldn't turn her head away. She was still staring at that spot in the hallway even after the couple had disappeared. She was so angry at herself! Steve didn't even know she was alive. But even if he did, what were the chances he’d choose her, Robin Buckley, the "weird girl," over Nancy Wheeler, the perfect girlfriend? She knew exactly... zero.
She slammed her locker door and headed out of the building. That was it... she was done caring about Steve Harrington. She wouldn't stare at the back of his head, willing him to turn around just to tell her some idiotic joke she wouldn't laugh at anyway, because Steve's sense of humor was stuck at the level of a ten-year-old. How many times had she decided this already? It didn't take Nancy appearing on the scene for her to know she didn't fit with Steve. A guy who wore flawless Nike shoes and drove a BMW to school, while she even doodled all over her worn-out Converse sneakers. It was better this way, she kept telling herself. Because crushing on Steve Harrington was one thing, but putting up with his idiotic crew was another. Steve, like every Mr. Popular, always went around in a pack, and although Robin didn't think Steve was as much of an asshole as his friends, he was still an asshole.
She didn't want these feelings. Why couldn't she crush on a simple guy? He wouldn't need world-class looks or perfect hair, just someone to see her, really see her. Passing the bulletin board, her eyes caught a poster announcing the disappearance of a boy about twelve years old.
**Will Byers was missing.**
Robin didn't know the little boy, and she’d only seen his older brother in the hallway a few times. He seemed like a reclusive guy, not that she had made any effort to get to know him. Still, as she walked home, she couldn't help but constantly scan the area. Although she suspected they wouldn't find the boy by the edge of the sidewalk, at least it was a good excuse to keep her mind off Steve.
She expected the house to be empty, as usual, but now she found her father in the kitchen, wearing his jacket and rubber boots.
"Welcome home, Robbie, how was school?" he asked as he placed another glass next to his to pour some orange juice for his daughter.
"Nothing interesting," she sighed, leaning against the counter as she took the glass from her father.
"That sigh doesn't say 'nothing,'" he replied kindly, but the girl just rolled her eyes. "Boys?" her father guessed, making Robin snort.
"One, Dad. One boy," she corrected him.
"Well, well. Didn't you say love was just a waste of time?" he laughed.
"I was fourteen!" Robin laughed too.
"And now you're sixteen, you must have gained a lot of life experience in two years," he continued to tease her gently.
"Ha-ha," Robin replied without laughing. "It's just, you know, he’s so..." she trailed off, searching for words. Her father raised an eyebrow.
"Different? Special?" he guessed. Robin shook her head.
"Actually, he’s an asshole..." she confessed softly. Her father choked on his orange juice; he hadn't expected that.
"Then maybe it really is a waste of time, isn't it?"
"It’s not just 'maybe,'" Robin replied as she rinsed her glass, "it’s a definite yes, you know, he has a girlfriend." Her father's features softened. "Who, of course, is my complete opposite. She wears high heels and skirts, and I wear... sneakers and t-shirts, she—"
"Hey, Robbie," her father interrupted. "Don't hurt yourself with things like that. You are no less than anyone else, and there will be someone who appreciates you just the way you are."
"I know," Robin smiled. "Anyway, where are you going?" she tried to change the subject. Her father's face immediately turned serious.
"A little boy went missing, Will Byers, Joyce’s son. Search parties are forming, I wanted to join one of them."
"Can I join?" Robin asked immediately. "I don't have to study," she added quickly. Her father looked at her for a moment, then nodded toward the stairs.
"Go on then, go get changed."
It was already dark when they drove past the Wheeler house to reach the woods. Robin only turned toward the window for a second, but since she was never favored by luck, she saw exactly the moment Steve was climbing up to Nancy’s window. Robin rolled her eyes.
"Of course," she thought, then shrugged. "Who cares."
The following days were quite strange. Barb disappeared too. Robin spent several evenings walking around town, hoping that by some miracle she would find one of them. Nancy was seen a lot in the company of Jonathan, even though she was supposedly dating Steve. Robin watched a scene play out in the parking lot where Steve broke the older Byers’ camera while his entourage laughed at the guy. Although Robin didn't know the context, he certainly wouldn't have had to be such an asshole. It was a bit disappointing.
1984-85 School Year
Of course. Of course, he has to sit in front of her in History. His hair is still perfect, his scent is too strong, so Robin can smell it even when she leans back in her chair. But he himself seemed to have changed. He no longer gave off that sense of superiority and didn't hang out with his old gang anymore. Of course, he was still popular and obviously still treated her like she was invisible. Robin never thought he did it on purpose, it’s just that his brain was wired so that those who weren't "on his level" were just extras in his movie. And besides, he and Nancy had been dating for almost a year now, so it was pointless for him to notice her now. Robin didn't care anymore anyway. She had spent the entire past year and summer trying not to think about him, and towards the end, her success rate was quite high.
She managed to maintain this illusion until October, when it finally happened. It was first period, and Steve was late as always. When he finally sat down, he began to fidget nervously as if looking for something. Then he casually turned around. Robin’s heart jumped into her throat, her brain short-circuited. All she could think about was that when Steve spoke, she shouldn't answer with something completely irrelevant. She bit her lower lip slightly, waiting for the words of the man who looked at her, but his gaze didn't linger on her; it slid off her face as smoothly as if she truly weren't there. He leaned out of his desk a bit and spoke to the cheerleader sitting behind her.
"Hey, Shannon, you couldn't lend me a pen, could you?" he asked, accompanied by an overly handsome smile. Who asks to borrow a pen with such a wide smile? Completely uncalled for. Why would he be so cheerful when he’s being so careless? Robin tried to move further and further away from Steve in her thoughts, and from the sense of shame she felt. Her heart was no longer beating in her throat; it fell like a stone into her stomach.
"Of course, he won't speak to me," she thought bitterly, then began taking notes in her notebook.
Steve and Nancy broke up. In fact, they didn't just break up. Nancy dumped Steve for Jonathan Byers. Robin couldn't find it in her to be happy about this. Steve became sad, he didn't joke around in class, his mind was always elsewhere. Robin only saw him smile every now and then, when a little boy with curly hair was waiting for him by his car. They were a strange pair, but in a good way. She was curious about the story behind their friendship. It had been a while since she’d let herself dwell on Steve, but now she thought that maybe there really was more to the man than she’d thought. However, the rumors were fast and unstoppable.
"What can Byers offer that Harrington can’t?"
"His friends turned their backs on him too, he must have done something."
"I heard Billy broke his nose, that's why he wasn't here for like two weeks."
"What a sad fall for the King of Hawkins High."
Robin was used to the labels, the nicknames, and the snide remarks. In fact, she’d actually learned how to handle them. Since most of the assholes weren't very sharp, a sarcastic comment or a moderately complex comeback was enough to shut them up. They knew they were stupid; they just didn't want to look it. But seeing those same people sharpening their tongues on Steve was unusual and surprisingly bothersome.
The cafeteria was even louder than usual that day. Robin tried to prevent fragments of sentences from reaching her consciousness, as she was certain the topic was still the breakup and the dethroning. She focused only on balancing her tray to get to her table, far from the noisy center of the popular kids. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steve stand up from one of the tables, say something angrily to one of the guys—maybe Tommy H.—then grab his bag and head for the door. Right along the path where Robin was trying to manage with her unfortunately poor coordination.
Steve’s face was flushed with anger, his knuckles white from gripping his bag. He was like a derailed express train that everyone tried to avoid. Robin was just about to round a corner, but it was too late. Steve didn't slow down, didn't veer away. He simply ran into the girl at full shoulder-width with blind fury. The force of the impact was so great that Robin’s feet left the ground. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The tray slipped from her hand, the pasta with tomato sauce flew in an arc through the air, then landed with a splat on Robin’s sweater and the left side of her face. She fell on her back, her elbow hitting the linoleum sharply, and her breath caught in her chest. For a moment, there was a dead silence, which was then replaced by stifled snickering, then unrestrained laughter.
Robin tried to scramble up dazed, the pasta sauce slowly dripping down her neck. She looked up, expecting the boy she had idealized for months to at least stop. That perhaps, under the shock, he would come to his senses and reach out his hand. Steve stopped at the exit, but he didn't turn back. Only his shoulders shrugged from his aggressive panting.
"Watch where you’re going, you miserable loser!" he yelled back in front of the entire cafeteria, then kicked the door open and disappeared into the hallway.
Not a "freak." Worse. Miserable. As if Robin weren't even worth a proper nickname. Robin sat there on the dirty floor, the tomato sauce soaking through her clothes, her elbow throbbing with pain, but the sting in her chest was far more unbearable. The laughter didn't fade. Robin felt tears begin to sting her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. She grabbed a piece of sticky pasta from her shoulder and threw it on the floor.
"So that's who he is," she thought, as she finally managed to stand up and, with the cold weight of humiliation on her shoulders, headed toward the restroom. "Just a conceited, empty-headed asshole who thinks the world is his playground."
Scoops Ahoy - Summer of 1985
It wasn't having to spend the summer working that bothered Robin. In fact, she even liked that she could earn some money. What bothered her much more was that she had to spend ten hours a day with Steve Harrington. Just the two of them.
Oh, what she wouldn't have given for this in the past. But now? Now the thought didn't excite her at all. Well, that wasn't entirely honest. Maybe there was a very tiny part of her that was excited. Some underdeveloped corner that didn't possess anything like pride. But the larger part of her being was rather afraid of falling for the guy again who had humiliated her a few months ago. In fact, that doesn't even express it enough. She didn't want this, because Steve didn't deserve for her to waste even another minute of her life on him.
Thanks to Steve, Robin had already given up on any kind of female pride, so she walked through the main entrance of Scoops Ahoy undisturbed in that ridiculous uniform. Steve was already behind the counter; he’d probably started a few days before her. He was wearing the male version of the same ridiculous uniform. She felt a wicked satisfaction seeing that Steve, however, was bothered by the outfit. She stopped in front of him. Steve’s eyes now rested on her; he didn't look behind her.
"You’re gonna work here?" he asked stupidly, and Robin laughed inside. She had imagined Steve talking to her in the most random situations so many times, but that this would be his first sentence to her? She never would have thought.
"No, I’m just a huge fan of the brand," she replied sarcastically, even grinning so Steve would be sure she was mocking him. The man frowned at first, then, to Robin’s surprise, he laughed. It wasn't a real deep laugh, but it seemed genuine. He lifted the counter door and stepped aside so the girl could walk in beside him.
"Welcome aboard, milady," Robin recognized his flirting voice, and before the butterflies could come to life, she recalled the bitter taste of shame and laughter. That did the trick; those damn insects didn't move from their graves. "My name is Steve Ha—"
"I know exactly who you are," Robin stopped in front of him and turned to face him. Her voice was quiet but firm. "But do you even know who I am?" She tilted her head to the side, searching his face for a moment, then smiled and shook her head. "Of course, you don't."
"Uh... did we date?" Steve asked, seemingly having no clue about anything. Before Robin could answer, the man continued. "Though I don't think so, you’re not really my type." His voice was as natural as if he’d said the sky was blue. He probably didn't even mean it as an insult but stated it as a fact. But as the man's eyes widened, Robin was sure he realized how that actually sounded.
"Look, I'm sorr—"
"Don't bother," Robin cut him off. "I already knew you were an asshole. Nothing new under the sun." She walked past him and leaned against the counter. There weren't too many people lingering in the ice cream parlor.
"I’m actually learning how *not* to be an asshole, okay?" Now it was Steve who turned toward her. Robin nodded a few times, pretending to think about it seriously.
"Well, so far, it’s a fail."
"Look, I’m sure you know me from high school, but since then, I—"
"Here's the deal, Harrington," Robin interrupted ruthlessly. "We’re not gonna be friends, and barely even coworkers. However! I won't talk to you if you leave me alone too. How does that sound?"
"That’s a terrible deal," Steve declared, crossing his arms. "Spend ten hours a day in silence?"
"You can talk to me when we’re out of peanuts, Dingus," Robin offered "kindly," making Steve roll his eyes and laugh again. This was the exact opposite of what the woman wanted.
"What does 'Dingus' mean?" he asked then.
"You. Fool. It defines you perfectly."
"I can't argue with that," he admitted. He would have continued, but then customers arrived and they had to serve them.
A surprisingly peaceful atmosphere prevailed in Scoops Ahoy over the next week. To Robin’s greatest shock, Steve mostly stuck to her request not to talk to her when it wasn't necessary. It seemed like he had a lot on his mind, because when Robin went into the break room to relieve him because his break was over, Steve was sitting there at the table, just staring into space. She almost felt sorry for him. Sometimes she actually did. On those occasions, she’d make a comment about a rude customer or the stupid uniform. Steve would smile then, or at best, laugh and carry the thought further. These were tiny moments, and according to Robin, they didn't mean anything. Exactly as the satisfaction she felt when she saw on Steve’s face that he took a moment to process her joke, and then when it hit, the corners of his mouth started to turn up meant nothing. They meant absolutely nothing.
A storm raged in Hawkins all day that day, and despite only a few people lingering in the shop, their boss still wouldn't let them close. They were both in the break room, sitting at the table. Robin was reading a book, Steve was spinning his hat on his finger. Suddenly, the light above them began to flicker. It lasted for 2-3 minutes before the light stayed steady again.
"Look at that," Robin began, but didn't look up from the pages, "there's money for ridiculous work clothes, but for decent wiring that doesn't mind a little rain, there's none." Steve didn't answer, which was unusual, so she looked at him.
That was when she really noticed how much his face had changed. The dark circles under his eyes, which she hadn't even seen on him during finals. That barely noticeable line on the side of his nose, which testified that a nasty wound had been there. His mouth, as he clenched it tensely, as if holding something back.
"Steve..." slipped out of her. His name. Just like that. She wasn't used to using his first name. It even felt unusual on the tip of her tongue. The boy looked up at her. Something moved in his gaze. Surprise. Then he quickly hid it.
"Sorry," he said quietly. "I just... haven't been sleeping well lately." Robin looked down at the man's hands, which were gripping the hat to hide the shaking. He suddenly stood up.
"I’m going out for some air," he said quickly and already rushed out the door. Robin just stared after him, her mouth slightly agape. She had no chance to remind the man that it was pouring rain outside. Plus, he hadn't even taken his jacket.
The woman pondered for a moment. She shouldn't go after him because he might think she cares. Yet a part of her, again that damn tiny little part, wanted to know what happened to that asshole that made his personality take a 180-degree turn. Because this was unfair to Robin. In the last two years, Steve hadn't been anything to her but a high school crush she both wanted to know and didn't. Because the handsome face was paired with a terrible personality that would have disillusioned her immediately. Or rather, as it happened. But like this? Handsome face + feeling personality capable of growth and self-reflection? No, this exceeds the number of blessings per person. If Robin isn't careful, she'll fall in again, and this time she might fall deeper than the floor.
Still, she put on her own and took Steve’s jacket in her hand as well. She found Steve under a small roof, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. Robin’s face turned into a disgusted grimace, and as she reached him, she immediately snatched it from his mouth and threw it into the rain.
"Hey!" Steve exclaimed, but Robin pushed his jacket into his hands in response.
"This is what makes you a Dingus," she said as she also leaned her back against the wall and watched the afternoon storm rage. "Running out into the rain without a jacket because of a little power outage..."
"This... this was... different," Steve said quietly, but didn't take his eyes off a tree struggling with the wind.
"What do you mean by that?" Robin frowned. Steve sighed.
"I... I can't tell you." then he laughed briefly, almost mockingly. "I probably wouldn't even be able to because I can't even grasp it myself."
"Then this could practically be anything..." Robin muttered, but didn't try to push the subject further. The woman stared persistently at the rain, but meanwhile, she felt Steve’s gaze on her, who was instead searching her face.
"You know, you’re nicer than I thought," he said then. Robin shrugged.
"Being an asshole isn't the default setting for everyone..." she replied. Steve was still looking at her as a sigh escaped him.
"I did something, didn't I? In high school..." the woman nodded.
"You kicked down to patch up your wounded pride. Not caring who you hit..." Steve didn't answer immediately but finally turned his gaze away. Robin immediately breathed easier.
"I guess you were one of them," he said quietly.
"I was one of many."
"I know it doesn't mean much now, but I'm sorry. I really am sorry."
"You know, considering lately, I might even believe what you're saying..."
"Might?" Steve asked, looking at her again, but now a faint smile played on his face.
"Know your limits, Harrington," Robin laughed with a roll of her eyes.
"This summer, I’m gonna find the One," Steve declared in the middle of a shift in early July. Robin happened to have her back to him because she was just filling one of the candy dispensers. The statement caused a knot in her stomach, but she just started nodding.
"And you plan to do that dressed as a sailor boy?" Robin was glad her sarcastic voice didn't fail her. Since the storm incident, a strange truce had been struck between them. They were on speaking terms, although the woman had doubts whether Steve experienced this as positive, because every second word out of Robin’s mouth was a mockery or a sarcastic jab. There were times when Steve didn't understand what the woman said at all, but even then, he was sure it wasn't a nice remark. Despite this, it didn't seem like Steve was angry with Robin or resented her. He often laughed at these things even when he himself was the target of the attack. Still, as Steve said those words, Robin wished he would just shut his mouth again. She wasn't curious about this. Even though they had spent a lot of time together in the past three weeks, it hadn't even crossed Steve’s mind to want to appeal to her. Not that Robin had given even the slightest sign that she wanted him to, perhaps just the opposite, but it still would have felt good if he had tried.
"That’s the challenge, Buckley. If someone can fall in love with me even in this outfit, then her feelings are definitely sincere," Steve explained. Robin turned toward him and folded her arms.
"Plus," the man continued, "I sell ice cream. Ice cream is sweet. Love is also sweet. They connect me with sweetness, which is love. Boom! Perfect chemistry!" Steve seemed much more enthusiastic than he needed to be. Robin’s mouth even stayed slightly open at the "unassailable" reasoning.
"Wow, I can't even say anything to that," she replied then. Although despite her better judgment, a small part of her still liked Steve, she was quite sure this would be a very good show. "You can put your theory to the test, Candyman," Robin pointed to the door where four girls their age walked in.
"Gross, don't say it like that!" Steve said before stepping to the counter while Robin went back to the break room. The woman could still hear the idiotic opening line: "Ahoy ladies, would you like to set sail with me on the ocean of flavor..." Robin rolled her eyes, then her gaze wandered to a plastic board. And the idea was born.
"And another one bites the dust," Robin saw from Steve’s posture that he knew what was coming. "You are six to zero, Popeye," the woman said and drew a line in the *You Suck* column on the plastic board.
"Yeah, I can count," Steve crossed his arms in front of him.
"You know what that means?" Robin asked but continued immediately. "You suck!"
"Yeah, I can read, too." Sometimes the woman was almost certain that Steve gave her such easy openings on purpose just so she could knock them down.
"Since when?" Robin asked.
"This is a stupid hat! I’m telling you," Steve started toward Robin, "totally blowing my best feature."
"Yeah, company policy is a real drag. You know," they both leaned their elbows on the counter, "it’s a crazy idea, but," until then her gaze had been scanning the counter, now she fixed it on the man, "have you considered telling the truth?"
"You mean that I couldn't even get into Tech and my douchebag dad’s trying to teach me a lesson, I make three bucks an hour, and I have no future? That truth?"
"Hey, twelve o'clock!" Robin pointed to the door.
"Shit, shit," Steve turned there, then quickly back toward the woman. "But, screw company policy!" and he threw his hat into the room. Robin had to admit that he really looked better without the hat.
"Oh, my God! You’re a whole new man," she replied, feigning shock.
Actually, it was quite entertaining to watch Steve get rejected over and over. Although she was afraid at the beginning that she’d have to listen to Steve’s date reports, it didn't seem like any date would be happening for him anytime soon. Steve had lost his charisma, that much was clear. He believed about himself that just because he wasn't accepted into college, he was worth nothing. Yet that couldn't be further from the truth. In these few weeks, although she really didn't want to, Robin still noticed several changes in Steve. Or maybe those tiny things had always been there, just no one had paid enough attention to notice them. One of the most shocking things for Robin was how the man let himself be taken advantage of by a group of kids. There were times they got free ice cream from him, sometimes he was a peacemaker in an argument, but most of the time they came for the back hallway connecting the shops so they could sneak into the cinema.
"Please don't tell anyone about this, okay?" Steve had asked back then. It wasn't in Robin’s interest to stay quiet, but since the man seemed more worried about the kids getting into trouble than himself, she decided not to say anything.
Then there were a sea of other little things that further cracked Robin’s "stay away" resolution. Small kindnesses the woman never asked for, yet Steve did them anyway: when he went to buy coffee, he brought one for Robin too, black, with a few sugar packets and a little plastic cream because he didn't know how she drank it. He watched her make it; the next day he already brought her the coffee ready.
"This isn't some pick-up move, is it?" Robin asked then, and that was perhaps the first time she got a mocking look from Steve.
"Does every action have to have a purpose? I’m just being nice." He sat down at the table across from Robin.
"With you, one can never tell."
"Do you really think that little of me?" Steve snorted. Robin wasn't sure if the man really expected an answer to the question, but she spoke up anyway.
"No, actually, lately I’ve been thinking more and more..." she took a sip of the coffee. She herself didn't know why her voice softened so much, and she saw on Steve that he also became embarrassed.
"Oh, so you think about me a lot?" the man brushed it off with a joke, making the woman laugh.
"And see, there’s your pick-up self again!" Now Steve was laughing too.
"Just kidding, just kidding!" he held up his hands as if surrendering.
"Oh, you’d just like me to think about you!" Robin looked at him over the paper cup. Steve hadn't even taken a sip of his own yet, just circled the rim of the cup.
"Yeah, maybe I really would," his voice was barely more than a whisper, Robin could have thought she was just imagining it, but when Steve looked into her eyes, it left no doubt. Then they heard the bell on the counter followed by a sharp voice.
"Is anyone here, sailors? I want to taste the mint ice cream!"
But neither of them moved, they stared each other down in silence, finally Robin spoke.
"We should go out to the customers." Steve nodded.
"Yes, we should," he replied, then stood up. "Finish your coffee, it’s fine." Then he went out to the sales floor.
Robin still doesn't know how she was able to get through that shift. Her palms were sweating, her stomach felt heavy. She kept telling herself that Steve didn't say that, didn't mean it that way, etc. By the end of the day, she almost believed it.