Chapter Text
Soft tapping bounces on the floor by me. It echos in my brain as my brow furrows. The first thing I feel is hunger. Gnawing hunger. I groan softly and roll off my belly onto my back.
"Grace awake? Sleep well?"
I squint my eyes open and stare up at the ceiling. Right. I'm not in the bedroom. I'm in the central hub on the floor. I stretch my back slowly with a sleepy groan, hearing it crack and pop. I really need to add more pillows next time I sleep out here. I turn onto my side to face the xenonite glass. Rocky trills a soothing sound and presses a hand against the glass.
"Morning, Rock," I mumble groggily. I rub my eyes and yawn before closing them again drowsily.
The Eridian taps a foot on the floor a few times. "Friend Grace sleep too long..." he trails off a bit. I crack an eye open and look up at him.
"Hm? What time is it?"
"Is approximately noon in human time. Grace wake later than normal, statement. Bad bad bad."
I sigh and sit up slowly, stretching my back again. Ugh. I know Rocky prefers I sleep here so it's easier to watch me, but I'll have to make a lot of changes if we're gonna continue to do this long term. I rest my cheek against the glass.
"'m sorry. I didn't mean to. Just feeling tired lately, bud." I hope my reassurance is enough, but I doubt it. Aaaaaand I'm right. Rocky is squeaking frantically and tapping on the glass.
"Bad! Bad! Bad! Grace sick! Rocky help!"
"Wait! I'm-" I sigh again and rub my face. I grunt at the feel of the xenonite ball bumping into my back, practically demanding I stand up. This brat is waaaayyy too fast.
"Ok, ok. I'm getting up," I grumble. I stand slowly and shakily, using Rocky's ball for balance. He chirps and hold steady for me. As much of a nuisance as he can be, he's my nuisance. And I really appreciate it. Having a friend out here is the least a man could ask for.
I trudge to the bedroom after Rocky and grab myself a coma slurry. There's only enough left for maybe two weeks. Good thing there's only a few months left until we get to Erid. It'll just be absolutely miserable for a little while living on taumoeba alone. But let's look at the bright side. I have enough to be fairly comfortable for now. I have my best friend with me. It's all good.
"What do you wanna do today, Rock?" I ask as I head back to the common area. I sit myself down on the makeshift couch and slurp on my breakfast. Rocky settles next to me on the floor and thinks a bit.
"Rocky will sleep. Very tired. Grace slept long time," he decides. I wince a bit guiltily. Poor guy. He must've been exhausted. And apparently satisfied now that I proved I can walk.
"Alright. You sleep. I'll watch." My Eridian friend chirps and rolls off to get back in his side of the xenonite. After a second, he taps on the glass to indicate where he is. I get up and move back to my blanket pile.
"Grace watch?" he trilled.
"Grace watch," I agree. I can't help it. I gotta adapt my speech to his sometimes. I smile when he spins around and loafs. I should really tell him more about cats someday. He'd probably love them. And man will I have to refrain from comparing him to one. He would absolutely complain and smack me for comparing him to a pet.
I finish my slurry and get up to throw it away. I head to the dormitory and grab myself the pillows off all the beds. They'll be suitable for a mattress. I walk on my toes back to the common area. Breakfast gave me back some energy I desperately needed. Serves me right for skipping dinner, I suppose. I pick up my quilt and other blankets and get to work making my...nest. That's the best term for it. The pillows serve as the base and the plain white sheets go over them. I settle on top and pull the quilt over my lap.
I rest the side of my head against the glass and look over at Rocky. He looks peaceful. Dead, really, but that's just how he sleeps. It still scares me a little after he almost...died, but I know it's normal. He's not going anywhere. And neither am I. I can't. Not when we're this close. I just need to ration and balance what I eat. That's no problem at all.
I decide to busy myself with a nature documentary and turn on the "tv." It's just a screen I repurposed as a tv, really. I turn it onto a video about birds. I've always liked birds. They're interesting little things. If I hadn't gone into molecular biology, maybe I would've majored in zoology in college. Thank you Stratt for giving me lots of science things to watch in my free time.
I wiggle free of my "nest" to grab a cup of water. If I have to go hungry, I can at least stay hydrated. I watch the screen as I fill up my cup. It's talking about mourning doves right now. Pretty basic, sure, but still interesting regardless. I can't help but feel intrigued towards the detail of them mating for life. I already knew that, but still. It's stupid that this is what piqued my interest. Bird relationships? Really? Am I that bored? I sit down in my pile of pillows and sip at my drink. The video details the doves' courting rituals and displays of affection. Without even realizing, I brush a hand over my undamaged arm. I get a small wave of goosebumps just from that. That's sad. Pathetic. Thank goodness Rocky is asleep or he'd be pestering me with questions. I run my hand over my arm again and sigh. I've never been a fan of people touching me. It just makes my skin crawl. But I suppose being alone for so long without any sort of contact has gotten to me more than I thought.
I glance over at Rocky. He's still unmoving in his space. I wonder what Eridian relationships are like. Are they romantic like they are on Earth? Are they more like social contracts for reproduction? Rocky has raved about his love for Adrian, so I assume the former. But he's also been alone for so long that maybe he's just desperate to return to his own. I smile a bit to myself. Thank you humanity, for not getting in the way of my hobbies anymore. I can study Eridians to my heart's content now.
I think again of Rocky's previous ramblings about him and Adrian. I wish I had paid better attention. It's hard to when I'm focused on surviving. I can recall him mentioning courting behaviors consisting of activities like dances, gift giving, and the equivalent of going on dates. Minus dinner dates, of course. That would be scandalous for them. I scowl in disgust at the thought of what that would be equal to on Earth. I look up at the tv again. Eridian courting is similar to the birds on screen to some degree. Plenty of animals dance, of course. Birds of paradise, for example. Even various crabs dance to impress mates, fiddler crabs being a known one. I suppose Rocky is more similar to crabs that way, but the gift giving is very much like birds. Male bowerbirds build elaborate nests with lots of colorful gifts inside to impress females. I snicker at the idea of Rocky building a nest for Adrian. But maybe that is how it went down. It does seem pretty sweet. I guess that's the kind of thing that would weird out women, though.
I sigh and lean my head against the xenonite glass. I wonder how Linda is doing. I don't feel any resentment or longing for her, I just hope she's doing well now. Maybe she and Mark got married. I sip at my drink again with a frown. I wish I had done more for her when we were together. I know she felt neglected, but I still don't entirely understand how. I enjoyed her company and tried my best for her. But I was just...too head in the clouds somehow. I still don't get it. She was mad that I didn't pay attention to her enough or express affection. She never fully explained why, but I'm guessing it's because I could never pick up on what she really wanted. And also cause the sex was awful. I wince slightly in guilt. I tried my best, but it wasn't enough. That's fair. We weren't compatable so she went to find someone else. I think it hurt more that I failed to fulfill her needs rather than the actual break up. It was just...easy to move on. I still feel bad admitting that, but it was. Everyone talks about how heartbroken they are after breakups, but I bounced back almost immediately. If anything, I was more upset that I couldn't really talk to her anymore after that. I tried. She was cold and uncomfortable. Fair, I suppose, since she felt neglected, but I still don't understand why we couldn't just be friends.
Ugh. Stop it. I sound like an incel. It was entirely my fault and she deserved better. She wanted nothing to do with me, and that's ok. I sigh and focus on the documentary again. The mourning doves preen each other as the narrator explains their behavior. I lean forward a bit and rest my hand on my cheek. They're so sweet towards each other. Amazing how wild animals have the capacity for that. Sure, it's just basic survival skills. Keeping a mate through shared affection is pretty necessary for species that mate for life. But it's still cool how similar it is across species, especially when they're so different. I smile a bit to myself sadly. Lucky birds. It must be so simple to find someone for company. I cringe at how pathetic it sounds to envy birds. But it's hard. It's hard to find someone. Especially when I apparently don't understand how it's supposed to work.
I sigh and look over at Rocky. Please wake up. I'm getting bored. This is how he must have felt earlier. I guess I'm just stuck watching the rest of this bird video. I snuggle down into my quilt and resign myself to the long wait. My stomach growls, but I ignore it with a wince. I can eat again this evening. I just need to wait.
~~~
I look up from the sound of a small trill and smile. "Good morning, sleepy head," I tease. Rocky stretches much like a cat and makes a grumble sound.
"Is not morning. Is approximately 3:30 human time," he states matter of factly. I roll my eyes.
"It's just a saying, Rock."
"Human sayings dumb."
I chuckle and lean my head against the glass. "Yeah. I know."
He scurries over to his ball and joins me on my side. I open my arms, and to my delight he rolls over so I can hug him. Well, kind of. I can hug the ball and he can lean against it. I can feel a little bit of the heat from him but that's it. "Grace miss Rocky, question? Not asleep long," he chirps. I sigh and reluctantly pull away to lean back against my hands.
"Yeah. It's just really boring when you're asleep," I answer. Maybe I'm a little dependent on him now. I should probably work on that when we get to Erid. There's no way it'll be healthy long-term. Rocky certainly doesn't do his part to help. He makes a happy trill and spins around in delight.
"Rocky make Grace happy, statement!" He scuttles up and leans against me again. I think he's using affection as an excuse to check my weight. I grunt in annoyance as he jabs at my ribs through the mesh.
"Ow. Too hard, dude." I shove at him a bit. I don't want to worry him. Not anymore than he already is, anyway. He just warbles in disapproval and raises his two front arms scoldingly.
"Grace thinner than last week. Bad bad bad. Need more nourishment," he says. I rub the back of my head, feeling my hunger a bit more strongly now.
"I know, bud. But there's only so much I can do. I need to ration the last of what I have. I promise you it's enough to make it to Erid. I'll feel pretty bad once we get there, but I'll live." Rocky makes a small whine sound and scoots up against me again. I rest my arm on top of the ball.
"Grace hurting. Rocky fix," he mumbles. I smile sadly and rub my hand along the ball a bit as if he can feel it himself.
"I know. And I thank you for it. I owe you everything, Rock. Please don't feel stressed for me. I'm gonna be ok." I hope my reassurance helps at least a little bit. He makes a small huff sound that I've learned means grudging acceptance. I hold back a snicker.
"Rocky trust Grace. Take care of each other," he trills. I lean my cheek against the ball.
"Always."
We fall into a comfortable silence. He's pressed himself against the ball against me and is making a low purring sound. I don't know how much longer I can keep my comparisons to myself, but I hold back for now. After a little while, I speak up. "Hey, Rock. Wanna tell me some more about Adrian?"
Rocky immediately perks up and makes an excited sound, spinning around a couple times before facing me. "Yes! Adrian! Best mate!" He makes a series of sounds I don't understand yet before settling down and loafing. His carapace continues to vibrate a bit in excitement.
I smile and lay on my side against the pillows and blankets, resting my head up on a hand. "I'm just kinda curious about what Eridian relationships are like. You've told me all about you and Adrian, but is that the norm? Do couples pair out of love or social contract?"
Rocky chirps and taps a couple claws on the ground. "Very normal. Mates love each other very much on average. Rocky and Adrian no exception." Ok. So they do operate off romantic interest. I tilt my head a bit as I think.
"So...How do you feel attraction towards each other? Is it physical attraction? Attraction to personality?"
"Mix of things. Personality most important. But appearance and sound also matter." He trills proudly. "Adrian most beautiful"
I chuckle. "I have no doubt about that," I mutter. I'll probably find most Eridians to be pretty when I get there. I don't know their beauty standards. The ugliest block of coal would look pretty. Or cool, at the very least.
"Yes yes. Adrian perfect shape. Is very beautiful," my friend repeats. "Has good sound, too. Melodic and clear." He sounds very pleased with himself. He must've pulled a good mate.
I find myself curious about the physiology of attraction within their species. They obviously don't feel sexual attraction. They don't reproduce that way. But how does their romantic attraction work? They don't have hearts. They presumably don't have adrenal glands either. But maybe they do? I'll have to go more in-depth on that later. For now I can just ask Rocky.
"How does your species feel attraction? Physically, I mean?" I ask.
He taps his claws thoughtfully. "Is pleasant buzzy feeling in brain. Spreads through body and in limbs. Makes Eridian happy." Interesting. So it's not too dissimilar in feeling to that of a human. I frown a bit. Have I ever felt that tingly feeling before? I was with Linda, but I can't recall ever feeling anything like that when thinking about her or being around her. I feel a bit of guilt in the pit of my stomach, but try not to think about it.
"So..." I start. "When an Eridian is attracted to another, they feel that buzzy sensation and then proceed to attempt at courting?"
"Yes, yes!" he trills. "Does not always work. Some do not feel the same. Adrian feel same way! They initiated first. Rocky was too nervous." He fidgets with his front claws a bit sheepishly. I smile. He's told me that before, but it's still cute to hear.
"Rocky appreciate Adrian's voice. Was main appeal." Oh. Right. Eridians court through sound as well. I forgot he mentioned that before. It makes sense given that they literally see with sound.
"Sounds like Eridian relationships are pretty similar to humans' then. We just court through shared company for the most part," I tell him. Why is this the first time we're talking about this? Why did neither of us get interested before? I don't know. I face palm internally at my lack of scientific interest across literally five years. Stupid human body needing food to function.
"Human courting seem inefficient," Rocky states. "Grace perform correct courting on ex, question?" I cringe a bit. I hoped he wouldn't ask.
"Well, uh..." I sigh. "I don't know. I thought I did, but I guess she didn't think so." I fidget with the quilt. "I, uh...really wasn't a good partner. I just didn't know what I was supposed to do, I guess."
My friend taps his claws a few times before chirping. "Takes time to learn some things. Maybe humans need to learn courting?" he proposed.
"Huh..." I blink a couple times in thought. "Yeah, I guess so. A lot of first-time relationships are certainly really messy. But that's usually cause they start in high school when they're adolescents. I wasn't in a relationship until I was fresh out of college." My face burns a little. That means I was as inexperienced as a high schooler. Ugh.
Rocky seems to sense my discomfort and leans against the side of his ball. "Rocky think Grace good candidate. Caring, brave, good. Linda miss out," he warbles happily. I chuckle and lean against him.
"Thanks, buddy. But it's not about Linda. I, uh...don't really care that she left, to be honest. I just wish I was better for her. If I got the opportunity again, I'd really just want to..." I trail off. What do I want? Another unhappy relationship? I guess just some sort of connection again. Preferably someone I could live my life with. I sigh and wrap an arm around the ball. "I guess I want to actually be able to interact with you more. This really doesn't let us do much together." I knock on the glass.
He trills sympathetically and taps back. "Rocky will work on solution on Erid. Not enough supplies here."
I smile. "Thanks, Rock. But don't do too much. I'm gonna owe you another life-saving event at the rate you're going."
Rocky trills angrily and bangs the glass. "No no no. No more danger. Grace save Rocky. Rocky save Grace, statement."
I chuckle and stand slowly with a stretch. "We'll do the best we can. I'm gonna grab dinner."
"Rocky join."
I grab myself one of the remaining coma slurries and bring it back to the common area. Finally I can relieve my hunger again for a little while. We're so close to Erid. So close I can already practically touch it. The idea of starting a completely new life is scary, but also exhilarating. I can build it however I like. And I can have my best friend with me through it all.