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Lars sat alone staring at a pile of clothes folded away in his closet. They were clothes he had from Bianca he kept to honor her memory, some from his mom he gave to her and others he bought for her. One in particular was a brown and orange plaid skirt that fell right before her ankles. She liked it that way, it made her feel secure and comfortable. He grabbed it…. It still smelled like the perfume she liked. He started to cry a tiny bit, It’s been almost a year and missing her hasn’t gotten much better. He didn’t know what he was doing, he just noticed he was beginning to wear the skirt and felt its soft texture on his fingertips. He sat holding himself and the skirt’s hemline. Then he sprung up somewhat coming back to himself and raced to a cabinet under his sink, her perfume! He sprayed it on himself and pictured Bianca was back holding him. Lars sat alone in the quiet afternoon sounds of the small town he called home.
A few weeks passed, he would continue to wear that skirt, her nightgown, a dress of his mothers but only at night and only in their memory, to feel close to them. He had his mothers old dress on, a brown dress that matched the skirt. It was simple and cute and covered enough that an undershirt covered and stockings covered the rest. Well not stockings more an underlayer he would wear to chop wood in colder months but still it worked all the same to keep him covered. He decided he was going to have a small tea party and stay inside tonight. He has been dating Margo for almost a year and would sometimes have date nights but he wanted time alone more these days ever since he started spending some nights sitting in his mother and Bianica’s memory. He had the window open watching the world go by as he sat and pictured all the happy times he had with his late girlfriend. After a while he got up, put on some music and slow-danced with himself once again picturing her holding him. That’s when he noticed a light on at his brother’s place. SHIT where Gus and Karin home sooner than they said?? What happened?? He rushed to close the window, no one saw he hoped to God. He ran to shut the curtains, heart pounding he sat on the couch trying not to freak out and losing.
After a while of putting on music and trying to lose himself in it Lars heard something outside. He quickly went to peak outside, just quickly. He let out a small scream and shrunk down upon seeing Karin standing at his door. He paused the music and panicked on what to do. He was still in that dress. “Just a minute”, he called out hoping she would leave. He had to do something quick. He ripped the dress off before folding it and putting it back. Lars scrambled on other clothes and went to the door. “Sorry” he mumbled, letting her in and trying to seem calm.
“No need… I was just going to let you know we had to head back early. Jackie got fussy and we decided to leave… but we were going to invite you over for dinner. You can see if Margo wants to join us if you wish” she smiled.
“Oh uh no I’m okay I’ve already eaten but thank you”. He faked a slight smile.
“ Okay well no issue”, a long pause that seemed like hours for Lars. Right as she turned to go, “ you know you didn’t have to change out of that cute dress for me Lars. Was it Bianca’s?”
His blood ran cold. His mouth went dry “huh” ….
“I saw you all dressed up. You didn’t have to stop just fo-” he cut her off.
“Don’t tell Gus please don’t tell Gus I don’t want you to tell Gus please” He’s now close to crying, shaking and repeating just that, begging her to never let Gus know afraid of what his older brother will do. Karin rushes to his side wanting to hold him but knowing she shouldn’t. She just stays close, shushing him letting him know it’s okay. She sits down close to him while still giving him space, she’s silent.
After a small while she finally speaks up, “ Lars… whatever it is just know we love you, people love you. We will be willing to listen and help once you want us to and don’t worry I won't ever tell Gus anything you aren’t ready to tell him yourself okay sweetheart”. Lars nods now crying slightly. She lets out a huff, “ not to sound like I’m being judgemental I just want to ask. Why were you dancing along in that lovely little dress?”.
Lars sits for a second swiping the tears from his eyes,” it was Bianca’s… you were right about that. I uh wear it to remember her and my mom… it feels nice”. He smiles faintly. “ skirts and nightgowns too. They still smell like her… Bianca”, he lets the truth out. He feels trust in Karin right now. He lets out a heavy sigh, “ I miss them so much. It just feels like I’m being held by her again”. A long pause goes by again, “ I like it. How they feel, how they look… on… me I just I don’t know I…”.
“They make you feel pretty?” Karin finally chimes in with a smile.
“Yeah…” Lars lets out hardly loud enough for her to hear.
“You looked beautiful in it”, she reassures him.
“Thank you…” he comments softly
“Of course dear” Karin says before stopping for a second. “Lars… can I ask you something a bit personal?” She looks up at him. He nods at her though his face twists into a concerned look not knowing what’s coming next. “ Now don’t feel the need to have an answer right away or even to say anything at all okay. But umm how do I put this… would you like it if um well called you, at least just here and between us, stuff like young lady or sweetheart or ma’am?” She finally felt any amount of anxiety wash away after just going out and asking.
Lars thought for a seconds then nodded with a small, “yeah I think I wouldn’t mind”
Karin clapped softly trying to keep back her excitement, “ okay well we can at least try it out. See if that makes you happy at least you know while you’re all dressed up or just when I see you… alone of course. But I think if it will help I can try that out”. Lars just smiled back and she knew that was a yes. She got up off the floor and reached for Lars’ hand, “ may I help you up ma’am?”.
He shook his head giving a quick “i’m fine thanks” before pushing himself off the floor.
“Well alright” Karen smiled and headed out the door. “ I’ll see you later okay” she said with a wink. Lars just waved and made his way to the couch to sit and process what just happened. He didn’t fully hear it but Karin once inside told Gus some lie about Lars needing help with something and that he already ate. “Another episode I assume” he could hear his brother say before his wife just shook her head, “ no not at all he just needed another set of hands with fixing something that’s all”.
Lars finally shut it all out with the music back on, he sat and let the music drift him off to an early sleep. He liked being called ma’am, he liked how he looked in the dress. But it was just the memories of the people who had them before he did. So why did it feel so right?
Another week went by, he avoided the dresses afraid of how they made him feel. But tonight he missed his mom more so than usual. He had out one of her skirts not wearing it but just holding it. He shot up and his hair stood on end when someone knocked. He set the skirt aside and peaked in the window before opening the door. It was only Karin. He hasn’t seen her much outside of the occasional wave hello in passing since she stopped by last week. “Can I come in really quick? I just have a question”, she called through the door.
“ yeah that’s fine”, Lars called back, opening the door. “ what’s uh, what's your question?”, he cocked his head to the side letting her go past him.
“Okay so I was thinking aaand I wanted to set up a girls night with you and Margo. You know makeup, nails, doing our hair. What do you say? I’d love it if you wore that adorable dress you have. It looked so nice on you!”She was beaming with excitement.
“You didn’t tell Gus did you” Lars’ voice was stern. Karin dropped her smile and shook her head.
She went to place a hand on Lars’ shoulder then retracted her hand, “ I wouldn’t do that to you… you still have my word. I won’t tell him until you’re ready. But do you think Margo would be fine if we told her? She cares about you Lars, we all do. I think she wouldn’t mind at all who you are and how you see yourself as long as you are happy”. He thought about it for a scene then nodded. “ Oh really!! Oh yay! Okay, how does Friday sound for a girls night? Does that work for you two? Friday after work? What do you say?” she clasped her hands together hardly containing her excitement.
“ I’m not doing anything… I’ll ask Margo”, Now getting a bit shy Lars blushed at the idea of being treated this way.
“Okay yay! See you two then! Alright bye! I’m so excited! Remember that cute dress you had on! We’ll all dress cute!” She skipped off with joy letting Lars close the door behind her.
Lars sank into the couch letting thoughts drift through his head. Girls night he repeated to himself for a bit. Besides having people touch him and see him all dressed up he seemed excited for it. Maybe it would be nice to let himself relax for a change. To trust Karin.
Karin's pov
She RACED off work leaving her desk at the elementary school she was the receptionist at. She still had a few hours till she had to meet Margo and Lars. It JUST hit 4 and that gave her two and a half hours to prepare. She still had to head to the store, get tons of beauty products, run home, grab every nail polish color she had, get Jannie from daycare, let Gus know she wouldn’t be home. She needed time to prep and knew the two of them would need time as well so she figured an hour or so would be more than enough time, mostly she knew Lars would need to sit and be alone after work.
After everything was done she still had a small while so she finished getting ready, gathering her things and grabbing a cute pair of pajamas to change into. “Shit it’s still only 6:23. Lars wouldn’t mind if I’m a little early right??”, she paced around her kitchen anxious to leave. She decided Lars wouldn’t mind or she hoped so and headed off. “I’m gonna head off to my girls night with Margo, love you bye”, she called down the hall to her husband. She heard a faint goodbye from Gus as she headed out the door and towards the garage. It was a beautiful spring evening so it wasn’t too cold outside, that and she didn’t have far to go. She knocked on his door waiting for the frantic sounds she heard inside to stop. She was greeted by a slightly nervous smile, a lovely dress and Lars rushing her inside. “You look lovely”, she smiled at him.
“Thanks…” Lars kept setting up around her.
“You wore the dress I liked”, she sat her stuff down at the table and took a seat.
“Oh uh… yeah. I like it”, Lars didn’t bother to look up.
She continued to hold the conversation till Margo showed up, “I brought some supplies, I have a mud mask, hair ties and clips, nail polish. You can do whatever one you like and feel free to do them on your own if you like. I can talk you through them and show you as I go if that helps. I just want all of us to have fun.” Lars nodded. “Your hair’s getting long”, it has grown a bit considering he hasn’t cut it much since Bianca passed. She wondered if it secretly had to do with all this. If it made … Lars feel more comfortable. “ Do you like it this way? It looks really pretty on you. You have beautiful hair uh Lar-”, she stopped short. “Can I admit something sweetheart? Nothing too scary I promise” she hopes.
Lars looked up from what he was doing,”... what” he said nerves rising in his voice.
“With calling you Ma’am and sweetheart and all these girly things I feel silly calling you Lars. It doesn’t fit. It doesn’t feel like I’m talking to the beautiful lady standing before me. Is there maybe something else you wanted to be called? I mean we can figure it out together or you can take your time no rush” She was just rambling at this point super nervous about what would happen next or if she said the wrong thing.
“Lila” said so soft but so stern and confident. “I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days and I started calling myself that in the mirror. It just felt nice to hear” she said, going back to setting up.
“Well it’s beautiful Lila and it fits you” Karin smiled. “Did you want me to tell Margo when she gets here or have you do it? She is your girlfriend after all. But if you’re not ready I understand. I won’t force you to do anything”.
There was a slight pause before, “ you can tell her. She’ll understand. Could you uh tell her before she gets here” Lila added nervously.
“Of course”, Karin said with a smile and offered to help finish setting up. Another minute or two went by and right at 6:30 Margo pulled into the parking lot. Karin ran out to join her. Partly to help her with everything she asked her to bring and half to tell her what Lila asked of her.
“Just so you know before you go in, there is a reason I had the three of us at girls night. Lars… Lila wants to be known that way and you and I are helping her try out being seen as a woman. So if you could please call her your girlfriend and Lila and her that would be really helpful” Karin explained, helping her with the snacks and stopping her before going in.
Margo nodded, “ yeah I can do that. You know now that I think about it all that kinda makes sense. I have to say I’m not super shocked to be completely honest but maybe I’ll like having a cute little girlfriend. Maybe we can spend more time doing each other’s hair and gossiping during sleep overs and I can give her the girly treatment she’s always wanted!”. The finally opened the door and after Margo set her stuff down and greeted her partner with a nice gentle hug. “ Hello my dear, how is my cute girlfriend doing this evening?” Margo places a soft kiss on her cheek.
“I’m fine, I just saw you dear” Lila returned, laying her head against her lover’s neck. “ But I always love seeing you. Thanks for coming to Karin’s party” Lila said as she pulled away.
“Of course sweetheart I’m so glad I got invited” Margo said with a smile turning to Karin. She continued to get settled in and cuddled next to her girlfriend on the couch.
“Now don’t get too lovey-dovey on me you two. Keep the PDA to a minimum while I’m here. No making out on my watch okay”, they nodded.
“Okay just a few kisses” Margo said as she placed a number of kisses on her girlfriend’s cheek causing both of them to blush. She took Lila’s hand as they sat peacefully on the couch.
Girls night went off almost better than Karin had planned. Her and Margo did a mud mask while Lila tried it out and decided it wasn’t really for her. Karin walked Lila though doing her own makeup and Margo stepped in to help her when she needed it. Lila learned she could sit and let her girlfriend brush and style her hair all night if she let her. She ended up with a braid and a butterfly clip in her hair pushing her bangs out of her face.
"You like it", Margo said fixing her girlfriend's hair.
"Oh um yeah" Lila said with a soft hum.
"It really does look lovely on you and that makeup is super cute. I think you did a wonderful job", Margo mentioned in a dreamy voice admiring her girlfriend. She places her lovers chin in between her fingers admiring the lovely soft pink eyeshadow and matching pink lip stick that was starting to come off from all the snacks and glasses of wine. Lila just smiled back and gave a soft thank you.
Lila’s pov
Lila had the biggest smile at the end of the night. She felt nice and loved feeling seen and understood. Karin started to leave and she waved the two love birds goodbye. It was now just her and Margo. She practically collapsed into her lover's arms after a night of excitement and mental exhaustion. “You tired pretty girl?”, Margo said with a slightly sleepy and drunk smile. Lila just nodded equally as sleepy and drunk. “ We don’t work tomorrow and I’m a bit too tired and drunk to head home, do you mind if I stay the night?”, she caressed Lila’s soft face, dragging her fingers down her chin.
“I don’t mind”, Lila said with a smile, leaning into her hand placing a gentle kiss into her palm. “I’d worry if you drove home after all the glasses of wine we all had” She said into Margo’s hand. Margo stopped and stood back and held Lila’s face. “What?” Lila asked, tilting her head to the side.
“Nothing. I just wanted to look at the most beautiful girl in the world. The most beautiful girl I am lucky to have all to myself”. She smiled, causing her to blush. Margo blushed back and Lila leaned in for a deep, sweet kiss they both wished could last forever.