Chapter Text
Taehyung felt like a bucket of ice cold water had fallen over him when he realized what just happened.
One moment he had been laughing and joking with Jungkook about everything and nothing that had happened during their mini tour through South Korea and Japan, and the next moment he was kissing Jungkook on his lips like it was the most normal thing to do with friends.
'Fuck" Taehyung breathed out while his lips were still only a few centimeters away from Jungkook's. The younger oner looked shocked and didn't made any sound with his whole body locked up.
"Shit, fuck! I need to go" Taehyung muttered as he quickly stood up and rushed out of Jungkook's hotel room. The 95-liner basically ran across the hallway, cursed at his shorts when the hotel card was stuck in the too small pocket and threw himself inside the room once the door unlocked.
"What did I do?" the boy mumbled under his breath as he walked up and down the room, his pace picking up when he realized more and more what just happened. "What did you fucking do, you idiot?!!! You stupid stupid stupid!!!"
He growled angrily and even pulled at his hairs. He wanted to hit something, but hitting the walls or the door would definitely wake up Seokjin whose room was next to his, so Taehyung decided to punch his pillow but it did nothing to ease his emotions.
"You fucking idiot!!!" he muttered to himself "He was drunk! I'm his hyung for fucks sake!"
Taehyung cursed a few more words, before he slumped down on the bed and stared at a tiny spot on the wall when he thought about the past couple of hours. It had started as the best night ever. The group had successfully ended the last concert of their tour in Japan and the crowd had been wild. All members had been high on adrenaline and satisfied with their performance, so they had decided to go out for drinks to celebrate before they would head back to Korea to practice for their next part of their tour that would be in the USA and South America. After two drinks, Seokjin and Hoseok were the first to go back to the hotel to get some much needed sleep. The others decided to do one more round of drinks because the bartender has promised to make them a special unique cocktail just for them. They had all laughed at Jimin for falling of his chair and decided to head back as well. Taehyung remembered challenging Jungkook for a Mario Kart race on his switch, so that's how the two ended up in the same hotel room while the rest had gone to bed.
After that, time passed fast. The two were known for their close friendship, especially since it was Taehyung who had made Jungkook come out of his shell when he debuted as the most scared and scared boy. Namjoon had even once said 'They are the same person in two bodies'. They shared the same hobbies, the same interests, the same humor, they could talk without words and knew the other was near without seeing or hearing them. So it wasn't a surprise that ARMY had made many videos about 'Taekook', because there were simple so many videos about the two youngest being near each other but also them cuddling and being playful with each other. But Taehyung had never considered 'Taekook' to be real, never considered to be more to Jungkook than close friends...
... or did he?
Taehyung sighed as he scratched the back of his head and closed his eyes. Because deep down he knew he was just denying his feelings. He was lying if he didn't feel more for Jungkook than he felt for the others members. But he never allowed those thoughts or feelings to be real. To be present. Because he knew it would only hurt him, and if he wasn't careful, it could also hurt Jungkook.
And fuck... Tonight he did the last thing he ever wanted to do, because he had hurt Jungkook badly.
The 95-liner felt nauseous and stood up to go to the bathroom. He turned on the water and splashed cold water over his face, keeping his head over the sink a little longer to let the water fall back down.
"Fuck!!" Taehyung cursed again. He grabbed his toothbrush, but instead of brushing his teeth he took the plastic object and threw it hard against the wall. "You stupid moron!" he growled under his breath.
Knowing that he wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, he decided that getting ready for bed was useless, so he sat down on the ground of the bathroom and let his head rest on the cold tiled wall behind him while he tried to calm himself down again.
Even though it was only a small kiss, to Taehyung it felt like he had forced himself on Jungkook, especially since the two of them had been drunk. Not crazy drunk, but enough to be a bit more careless. But Taehyung knew he could never forgive himself for what he did tonight. He was the older one, he was the one to protect Jungkook, but tonight he did nothing but hurting him.
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In the meantime in the other hotel room, Jungkook wasn't feeling any better. The youngest had needed a minute to come back to earth after he had kissed Taehyung, but after that he couldn't stop crying.
Today had been such a great day. They had never experienced a crowd so loud before and Jungkook had pushed harder than ever. Immediately after the concert, he saw Tiktok exploding with fancams of him and his hyungs dancing their hearts out and wow, they had looked great on stage. While still buzzing from energy, Hoseok and Jimin had proposed to end the night with drinks, which Jungkook agreed without hesitation. It was the first night for Jungkook to go out for drinks with his hyungs in Japan, because he hadn't been old enough to drink here before, and that alone made Jungkook feel over the moon. After turning 20 years old, he felt like everyone was taking him more seriously and saw his less as the baby of the group. He was ready to be treated like an adult, so maybe that was also a reason why the cocktails tasted extra nice tonight.
Once back at the hotel, he didn't feel like sleeping yet, so when Taehyung challenged him for a game of Mario Kart, he gladly accepted the offer. He did feel a slight flutter in his stomach being alone with Taehyung, which he had every time he was alone with his youngest hyung, because he couldn't deny his secret crush on him. He has thought many times the past year about talking to Taehyung about his feelings, especially since he was an adult now, but he had never found the right time. Or the right moment, because living with 7 boys in one house was basically a life without privacy.
So when he and Taehyung had been alone tonight and when they had stopped playing Mario Kart after Jungkook had won race after race, the two were simply laughing and chatting with each other. At that moment Jungkook thought about talking to Taehyung, but they were just too goofy and maybe a little too drunk, and Jungkook couldn't get the right words before Taehyung made another crazy comment or joke. The youngest couldn't remember exactly what happened, the only thing he could remember was that the room suddenly became quiet and that Taehyung was looking at him with his big puppy eyes. Jungkook wished he could only remember the part where he had leaned towards Taehyung to kiss him, but right now he could only see Taehyung looking shocked and running outside the hotel room after the kiss.
It took a few moments before Jungkook had realized he was sitting completely stiff and locked up on his bed, and that his hands were trembling hard.
"What have I done?" he thought and tears starting to fall from his eyes. The boy started to hyperventilate as he thought about how he messed up and had destroyed his only chance with Taehyung. For years he has had feeling for his hyung, and for a good year he has tried to find the courage and the right time to talk to him, so he could hopefully show Taehyung his feelings and love without hiding it. But tonight had turned into the worst day of his life as he had never felt so disappointed in himself before and guilty towards Taehyung for making him uncomfortable.
"Why.. why couldn't I just ask or talk to him?" Jungkook thought and hiccuped through his tears "Why did I mess up so badly?"
While Jungkook cried throughout the night, Taehyung was still sitting in the cold bathroom, as neither of them got to sleep that night.