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One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive." — Jeannette Walls
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Ike Broflovski was sixteen years old when he first discovered the change of his brother.
He was coming back from a semester abroad from Italy. It was an opportunity that came easily, like most things did, as a gifted child with near genius intellect.
Ike rarely missed things.
His mother was smothering him with a bone crushing hug. His father, the distant man, said with slight amusement: “Sheila, give him a chance to breathe.”
“Oh, but it’s wonderful Gerald.” gushed Sheila. She smiled warmly. “Both of my boys are back home.”
“Ma, you act like I left from war.” laughed Ike. He turned to his parents. “Where’s Kyle?”
His parents looked at each other for a moment. Gerald sighed, and Sheila tried her hardest to mask the emotion in her voice. “Kyle is indisposed at the moment, sweetheart.”
Ike nodded, slowly furrowing his eyebrows. He didn’t say anything after that.
A couple days later Ike waited for Kyle’s inevitable arrival but it never showed up. His parents tried to hide their worry but their muffled voices made it to the younger son’s ears anyway.
“Kyle is a big boy, Sheila, he just needs time…..”
“Look at how close our boys are….”
“Craig….bad influence…”
“Stan…..space…..”
Ike texted his brother several times. His brother seemed happy.
Hey, I’m back in town. Wanna do something?
That’s awesome, bro! Let me ask Craig if he wants to join us.
That was weird, he thought. Ike remembered Craig. His parents hated him, considered him a bad influence, for whatever reason or another. He was pretty stoic and almost unfriendly. He never saw what Kyle saw for him as a friend. The redheaded boy was always so friendly and helpful.
As soon as the two men became roommates then Ike understood.
Craig was down bad.
The few times he visited when Ike was still in high school he noticed Craig was always protective of Kyle. His brother took it with a grain of salt and a laugh. But Ike gained a bad feeling.
It wasn’t anything concrete he could put his finger on. Craig didn’t say anything harsh or offensive to anyone, including Ike. But that feeling didn’t go away.
So when Kyle comes with their parents to watch Ike leave for the semester, he gives the redhead a hug.
“You’ll see me soon,” said Kyle, laughing. “This is just a semester, remember?”
His eyes welled up. “I-I know, but please promise to call me if you need me.” he whispers to where their parents wouldn’t hear.
“Of course.” whispered Kyle back, before lighting pushing him away. “Now you need to go before you miss your flight.” added the redhead with a grin.
Time goes by. Ike enjoys his semester. He learns, oh he learns, and the sight is something to behold.
A part of him doesn’t want to ever leave. But, of course, he does.
He nearly forgot why he was so worried in the first place.
Why would Kyle need Craig to come with them? He never has before.
Ike doesn’t fight against it and later he meets Craig and Kyle at the movies.
Kyle suggested seeing the new sci-fi movie that came out. Ike agreed and they waited at the ticket line.
The first thing the younger boy notices is that they are in a relationship. Craig is always physical with him in some shape or form as if the world needed to know where their relationship stood.
“What happened to Stan?” asked Ike, never the one to mince words.
Stan and Kyle were practically dating before they knew what the word meant. As long as he could remember they were together, platonically or romantically.
Kyle’s smile dropped. Craig gave the redheaded boy a comforting squeeze of the hands. “Let’s not ruin the mood with the ghost of our exes past, shall we?”
Ike narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, sure,” he said.
Time was spent well but days passed long after that. Kyle was still distant. Ike tried to hang out with some friends that were back for the summer and looked into summer internships somewhere but his mind kept circling back to the same question.
Eventually Sheila takes matters to her own hands. “I don’t care, Gerald. He’s my son and I want to see him.” she declared.
Gerald no longer fought against her and Ike was on his mother’s side, feeling the opportunity that presented itself.
They ambush Kyle’s apartment with the subtlety of a dying parrot. Sheila knocks and knocks until Craig opens the door and she lets herself in.
Craig looks at Gerald and Ike with confusion. He lets them in with clear reluctance.
“Bubbly, there you are!” exclaimed the redheaded woman. She saw Kyle who was wearing a white tee shirt.
…….Just a white tee shirt.
Kyle squeaks. “Ma, I’m indecent.” He runs away to a bedroom and comes out with some athletic shorts on. His face is still flushed.
“Don’t be silly.” chided the woman. Sheila immediately gives Kyle a scolding look. “I changed your diapers. This isn’t anything to concern yourself over.”
Kyle rolled his eyes. Craig gives everyone a smile that looks vaguely practiced. “What prompted this surprise visit?” he asked mildly, giving Kyle’s shoulder a squeeze.
Gerald smiled awkwardly. “Sorry to visit without checking in first.” he said diplomatically, watching as Sheila huffed.
“Like I need a reason to see my baby boy.” she said.
Ike said nothing. He watched as Craig let them stay in the living room and exchange casual pleasantries. He listened as Craig gave work anecdotes with a blend of exasperation and fondness.
Once Sheila asks about Kyle, that’s when he stops. “How’s school, bubbly? I know you were interested in that internship too-“ rambled the redheaded woman before getting cut off.
“I’m not doing that anymore.” responded Kyle, casually eating his pizza with ease.
Gerald sat his pizza down. “Kyle, we paid a lot of money for this.” he said with caution.
“What-what-what!”
Ike looked at Kyle, tilting his head. “You were so excited.”
Kyle gave a slight shrug and motioned to the room around him and then smiled at Craig. “I have new priorities now.”
Gerald stared. “Are you becoming a stay at home boyfriend now? What’s the end game here, son?”
Kyle beamed, seemingly unfazed by the energy in the room. “Craig is going to save up and then we’ll get a place somewhere else, maybe Aurora. He’ll get a job he wants more and I’ll take care of the home.”
Craig smiled, his grey eyes warming. He kissed Kyle’s hands. Gerald continued staring.
“But this is what you want, right?” broke in Ike. He looked at Craig. “Not somebody else.”
Craig’s smile drops. His eyes harden. Kyle notices this and squeezes his hand. He looks at Ike. “Why would I imagine doing anything else?”
The visit is brief after that. Craig reassures Sheila that Kyle would be taken care of and to call him at any time. Gerald shakes his hand, politely, but a tad too firmly. Ike says nothing, his hands crossed.
He listens as his parents argue about Kyle.
“This won’t last, Shelia, I’m telling you.” insisted the older man. He scoffed. “Kyle is too much like you.”
Shelia was crying. “He’s not speaking to us, Gerald, or to Ike. That’s not Kyle and you know it.”
Gerald took his mother’s hand briefly and squeezed before putting his hand on the wheel. “Before you know it Kyle will be begging to go back to school, work, or something.” he reassured with a smile.
He tunes out his parents and puts on his earphones and listens to music as they head home. As Ike does so, he relaxes and briefly thinks of solutions.
Why hadn’t his parents contacted his friends? Stan, he can understand. If Kyle got hurt somehow then his ex can be fucked five ways till Sunday. But he had other friends.
He contacts Kenny McCormick. Although the blonde could be annoying and perverted at the wrong moments he remembered Kenny was always there for Kyle in some shape or form.
Even if it’s just to offer illegal substances.
Kenny was his favorite out of Kyle’s dumbass friends but the boy would never admit it.
Ike interrogated Kenny. He supposed he could have eased the blonde into it, but where did common courtesy get anyone?
Kenny wasn’t really helpful at first. So Stan pushed away Kyle and was drinking his issues away. That wasn’t much of a surprise. Ike didn’t believe for a second Kyle caused the break up. But as soon as he heard what happened at the intervention, he scowled.
“Stan did what?” he said calmly, but the edge in his voice betrayed him.
“Look, man, I promise you. Homeboy is punishing himself enough.” said Kenny.
“Whatever.” muttered the boy.
Ike updated Kenny on his end and was surprised to find out he was entirely in the dark. He wasn’t too upset, though. It was clear he had to babysit his roommate and that’s more than enough on anyone.
“Look, “ he starts with exasperation. “You are the only one out of Kyle’s friends I trust. Find out what’s going on.”
Ike rubs his eyes. The unspoken please is on his lips but he refuses to let it out. Begging is not in Ike’s DNA.
“I’ll do what I can, kid.” responded Kenny, before his voice became teasing. “Try to relax. You’ll get wrinkles.”
Ike waits.
He constantly checks his messages.
After a couple weeks he calls Kenny, his impatience thinning.
Kenny said he was cut off from all communication. Ike demands that his parents do a wellness check for Kyle.
“He’s controlling him,” said Ike.
Gerald sighed. “We don’t have any proof of that.”
Sheila nodded. “No, I agree. That was his best friend.”
The older man looked away from his laptop, looking somber. “Abusive cases are complicated,” he said. He gave Ike a scolding look. “Kyle would have to admit something is wrong.”
Ike put his hands on his hips, his eyes dark. “I don’t care! We can’t just sit here.”
His father sighed, looking at his mother’s teary eyes and Ike’s determined expression. “Alright.” he says with reluctance and starts dialing.
Kenny is with them when the officers do their wellness check. The blonde boy insisted on it. Whenever the cops fail to get anything substantial, they all sigh.
Craig came out. He was watching the police leave. The family and Kenny didn’t move. His eyes are icy as he looks at them, as if this was a personal betrayal. For a moment he locks contact with Ike and the boy doesn’t back down. He glared.
Craig refuses to acknowledge them and goes back inside.
Kyle doesn’t speak to any of them for several weeks. He doesn’t even respond to Ike’s message about Stan who was hospitalized.
Eventually Sheila breaks the no contact and reaches out to Craig personally. They aren’t friendly, not exactly, but they reach a point of communication concerning Kyle and his daily life. Nothing more, nothing less.
As life does it goes on. Ike applies to an internship with one of the most brilliant minds of Caltech. He goes on a couple dates. One of his childhood friends goes with him to the water park in Denver.
Sometimes Ike gets asked about Kyle. He smiles and evades the question. What’s there to say?
Then South Park completely turns on its head. Craig Tucker was found dead in his apartment, a knife in his stomach. Kyle was the one that found him but his memory of what happened was small.
The cops were suspicious. “What do you mean you don’t know? You were in the room.” said one of the cops.
Kyle’s eyes were red-rimmed around his green eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.” he repeated.
He’s considered the prime suspect for Craig’s murder for a month before evidence was considered insufficient.
Several people avoided him. Stan tries to reach out, predictably, but Kyle avoids him.
“Why are you ignoring him?” asked Ike, watching as Stan left their home again with sad eyes.
Kyle didn’t say anything for a moment. He bit his lip. “What can I say?” he whispers.
Ike reaches out to give Kyle a hug but he was already walking to his childhood bedroom with hands close to his chest.
He goes to Kyle’s bedroom and knocks. Kyle’s soft voice beckons to come in. He’s looking at photographs.
“Hey, what are you looking at?” asked Ike.
He looks at one and nearly throws the album. It was of his brother, in this same room, at fourteen. The redhead was pleasuring himself.
His face turned white. “What the hell is this?” he barked.
Kyle pointed at a photo. “I took this during Craig’s birthday party.” he said with an almost wistful tone.
It was a picture of Craig, frowning, with his birthday cake central frame. His party hat looked out of place with his serious expression.
“I don’t understand.” he said shakily.
Kyle didn’t even look like he knew some of these photos were taken.
“Why didn’t he ever tell me?” his older brother mused.
Ike looked at a photo. It was Stan kissing Kyle at Stark’s Pond. He looked back at Kyle. “K-Kyle, he stalked you.”
Kyle smiled. An almost dreamy look went on his face. “You know, he didn’t want to be my friend at first.”
Ike stared. Kyle continued, not wiping off the tears coming out of his eyes little by little. “He was so upset. Tweek died, you know.”
“I remember,” he said faintly. Their family came to the funeral to support the Tweak family.
Ike was watching as so many people cried or gave sympathy. Craig didn’t say anything. Mrs. Tweek was the most devastated of them all. Mr. Tweak comforted the woman while having Craig sit at the front row with them.
“Tweek would want him here.” said Mr. Tweak with bright eyes.
Funerals made him uncomfortable so he stuck to his brother's side. His brother wasn’t bawling as hard as the rest but his tears were everywhere.
“Why does this upset you?” asked Ike quietly. He looked at Kyle with confusion. “You guys weren’t that close.”
Kyle gave a subtle sniffle. “He was so young, Ike, so young.”
Ike gave Kyle a fierce hug. Kyle didn’t fight it. He let his arms lie. “This is not your fault.” he said.
“It all came to the same result, though, didn’t it?” said Kyle.
Kyle went up. He started putting the albums that were scattered in a box.
“Kyle.” Ike started to say. His brother ignores him. He continues putting another album in.
The redhead gave a forced smile. “I got to sort this out. We’ll talk later, okay?”
The brunette looks at Kyle. His brother doesn’t budge. He sighs and leaves the room.
A week later Craig’s funeral is held. Shelia insists the family goes. “None of us have anything to hide.” she said fiercely, her head held high. “Kyle staying in his room will only encourage this sort of talk.”
Ike advocated for his brother. He mentioned his sadness, the disturbing albums, and the fact that this may trigger more trauma.
Gerald backs up Sheila with grace. “Kyle is going to have to face these things eventually, Ike.”
Ike insists on sticking on Kyle’s side at the funeral. He didn’t make small talk like his parents did. He watched as some of Kyle’s old friends looked at him. Some, like Token Black, looked at the redhead with pity. Others like Clyde Donavon and Jimmy Valmer merely looked confused.
Stan comes to the funeral late. He nods at their old friends and goes to where Kyle was standing. “Hey.” he said simply.
“Hi.” replied Kyle, his voice nearly a whisper.
Nobody says a word as the funeral happens. Mrs. Tucker is grieving but her expression is one of watery sadness. Her husband, Mr. Tucker looks at everyone with an air of coldness.
Ike wants to laugh when they describe Craig. His mother says he was a caring and loving boy. Her husband says that Craig wasn’t the most emotional person but he always did the right thing.
Who were they trying to convince? The guests, Kyle, or themselves?
Token tells stories of childhood adventures, flights of fancy that made them all look humorous. Clyde spoke of their first meeting and the time Craig rescued a guinea pig that would eventually be the first Stripe he named.
Closer to the end of the eulogies being made Token whispers to Mr. Tucker. He looks uncertain. Token motions to somewhere unclear. Mr. Tucker sighs and gives a nod. Token gestures for Kyle to come up there.
Kyle looks around. He points to himself. “Me?” he mouthed.
Ike watches as Token nods and smiles kindly. Kyle goes to the podium with hesitance.
Kyle says nothing for a few seconds. He looks at everyone. He exhales.
“I've known Craig since we were five years old.” started the redhead. He gave a tiny smile. “Craig didn’t hang around with me and my friends. But we did notice him.”
Kyle spoke about how all his friends were intimidated. Craig didn’t speak much but you could tell nothing fazed him. By the time third grade started they used it as a betting opportunity.
“We get these two kids that don’t want to fight or even know how to dislike each other. Just because.” said Kyle, a light hearted laugh coming out.
The crowd laughs along with him. Stan smiles.
“By the time we are fourteen Craig is sort of friends with us. You know? There’s always that friend of a friend.” elaborated Kyle.
Kyle grabs a photo in his pocket. It’s a picture of Craig and Kyle in Craig’s childhood room. The redhead was smiling ear to ear and the other boy gave a half smile. “We became friends later that year. Well. Really, I bullied him into becoming my friend.”
More laughs came from the audience. Mr. Tucker gave a hollow smile. Mrs. Tucker looked at Kyle with a small fondness.
“Craig was like a pitbull. He hated that comparison but it was true.” said Kyle. He pointed at Craig’s photo. “You see a scary guy, a quiet guy. But he’s not. He cared so much. Once you let him in he cared more about you then himself.”
Stan looked at Kyle. His eyebrows were furrowing. He frowned briefly.
Stan notices Ike looking at him and he gives a small nod. Ike nods back.
Kyle began to laugh but it was a harsh one. His eyes watered. “We began dating nine months ago. It happened quickly. Like it was a whirlwind romance.”
Stan tensed up immediately. But he kept his razor eye focused on Kyle.
Kyle hiccuped. Their mother gives him an encouraging smile. Gerald mouths something inaudible.
“Craig cared a lot about my well-being.” said the redhead quietly. He looked at the audience with somber eyes. “I think if he could protect me from God himself he would. That’s just how he was.”
Mr. Tucker looked at Kyle with wide eyes. It was like he was looking at Kyle for the very first time. Mrs. Tucker sniffed softly.
“But I don’t think he wanted to protect himself,” said Kyle. He looked in the distance. It was a painting of Jesus. “Maybe he never did. I don’t know why, and I don’t think I ever will.”
Kyle held his head down. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help him.” he ended with a whisper. He walked back down to where Ike was.
The church was quiet enough you could hear a pin drop. For a moment nobody knew what to say.
The funeral ends after those moments. The family reminds everyone where the reception was with formality. Their daughter, who said nothing the entire time, looked at Kyle with curiosity.
Both boys opt out of the reception. Kyle is shocked when Mrs. Tucker hugs him. Mr. Tucker clears his throat gruffly. “You can visit us at any time, son. Don’t be a stranger now.”
Stan watches as the Tuckers leave and gives Kyle a hesitant smile. “You did good out there.” He scratched his neck lightly.
Kyle smirked. “Thanks, I guess,” he said dryly.
Ike lightly poked Kyle’s shoulder. “We better go before Ma worries.”
Kyle nodded. As the boys were about to walk to the car they all carpooled in, Stan stopped him.
“Kyle?” his voice calls. It’s tiny.
Kyle arched an eyebrow. “Stan?”
Stan smiled nervously. “D-do you want to come over? Play Guitar Hero? Like old times.”
Kyle smiled faintly. “I’ll call you.”
A month after the funeral Kenny is declared missing. He wasn’t found anywhere. Bebe Stevens said they haven’t seen each other in weeks. Karen McCormick said she hadn’t seen him since Christmas. Stan said the last communication he received was that he was going to be gone for a while.
Most people forget quickly. Kenny was a poor child that grew into a low income adult. He had few ambitions. They wrote him off as a statistic.
“He probably is on a bender like his Daddy used to do at his age.” gossiped an older woman at the drug store.
Kyle is there with him. His hands are shaking. Ike squeezes his hand. They are there to pick up the redhead’s antidepressants.
Stan shows up at their home in a panic. Ike doesn’t let him at first but the older boy practically bull rushes inside.
“Kyle!” he yelled.
Kyle immediately comes over to Stan. He looks panicked. “Did you talk to Kenny? Is he-“
Stan immediately steamrolls over him. “Cartman said Kenny left because of Craig.”
“Craig?” he questioned. His voice becomes high pitched. “S-Stan, Craig is dead.”
Ike looked back and forth between the men. “Stan, if you are going to upset my brother you can leave.”
“N-no. You don’t get it.” he said hastily. “Cartman said the last time he spoke to Kenny he was going to help Kyle. Then he was gone.” Stan looked at Kyle. “What do you remember about Kenny when you were with Craig?”
Kyle bit his lip. “It’s hazy,” he admits.
Ike patted his brother's shoulder. Stan looked at Kyle with desperation. “Please. Anything.” he begs.
Kyle grabbed a pen. He started clicking it. He paused. The redhead boy began to chew on it slightly. “He showed up one day.” he answered with wonder. Kyle looked at Stan. “Craig was in the bed. I think we were cuddling or something.” he murmured.
“Why would Craig just let Kenny break into your home?” said Ike.
Stan said nothing. Kyle grabbed his hair in frustration. “I-I don’t know. He was talking to me about something but I wasn’t listening.”
“He visited me at the hospital.” broke in Stan. He looked at Kyle with an apologetic smile. “We talked about you.”
“Why?” asked Kyle.
“Because, dumbass, we were worried about you!” exclaimed Ike.
The redhead grabbed a nail. He lightly started to bite it. “But I was fine, wasn’t I?”
Stan and Ike exchanged looks. “You blocked Kenny, dude, “ said Stan softly.
Kyle backed away a couple steps from them. His green eyes were wild with fury. “No! I didn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that to Kenny.”
Stan tried to grab his arm. Kyle breaks his arm away with a glare. “You’re lying!”
Ike took his phone out of his pocket. He gets to the messages with the name Kenny McCormick on it. He points to it. “Look.” he commanded, leaving no room for argument.
Kyle looks at the messages. He frowns. The longer he scrolls the longer his eyebrows furrow. “I don’t remember it happening that way,” he claimed.
“How do you remember it?” asked Stan.
Kyle started pacing. “You and I broke up, Stan. I was taking Ken’s advice to distract myself with school and stuff, you know?”
They both stay silent. Kyle stops pacing for a moment and looks at Stan. “Craig starts flirting with me. It’s weird. I don’t remember hating it. I didn’t flirt back. But I accepted it.”
“That conniving asshole.” muttered Stan. Kyle didn’t seem to hear him. He went back to pacing like a mad man. Ike glared at Stan.
“This is not the time for this.” hissed Ike. He made it low enough for only Stan’s ears. Stan smiled sheepishly.
“We started dating. I dropped out of school, and quit my internship.” recalled the redhead. Kyle scowled. “But it was my decision.”
Kyle grabbed a pillow from the couch. He threw it down to the ground. “Ma calls. Pa tells me to call. The guys reach out. Ken’s kind of MIA but eventually he texts too.”
The boys nodded. They remembered this clearly.
“I guess we never decided on a plan because we eventually lose touch,” said Kyle slowly. He looks at Ike. “Craig gave me some family recipes his mother gave him. I’m baking and cooking, like, every day.”
“You were always a good cook,” said Stan, giving a light smile.
Kyle’s lip quivers. “Craig is the only one I see for at least three months,” he said quietly.
Stan goes to the kitchen and starts the tea kettle. Ike stays focused on Kyle.
After a few moments the kettle screams and Stan puts the water in the mug. It’s Kyle’s favorite, a mug of his favorite basketball team logo. He puts the tea flavoring in. Stan lightly blows on it.
Once Stan was done he gave the mug to Kyle. The redhead accepts it and sits it down on the living room table. “The police came.” he said, his voice in disbelief. He looked at Ike with anger. “You guys had them checking up on me, asking me all these invasive questions.”
The younger boy didn’t defend himself. Stan looked at Ike with a satisfied smile.
Kyle took a drink of tea. “Fuck!” he said, before blowing on it again. He put it back on the coaster. “You think I would learn by now.”
Both of the other men give a small laugh. Kyle grins at them. He began to breathe slowly. “Okay, okay, I got this.” he muttered to himself.
“Maybe two months after the cops come Craig is acting weird,” said Kyle. He frowned. “He’s happy with how I’m taking care of things one minute then the next he keeps asking where I am.”
Kyle paced again. He looked at Stan. “He asks why I’m not angry. Why am I letting him make all the decisions?”
Stan shrugged, an easy smile on his lips. “I was lucky if I ever won an argument with you.”
Tears seem to flow in his eyes. “T-then I said something. A mirror broke.” he stuttered. Kyle breathed and took another sip. “Craig is upset. At one point the knife is there, then I’m waking up next to him.”
Kyle wasn’t looking at them anymore. He was pacing. Tears didn’t stop. “That day there were fireworks. Kenny shows up. I’m really happy to see him, guys. So, so happy.”
Stan didn’t let his pacing defer him. “What did Kenny say?”
Kyle’s eyes darkened. He was looking at them again but in a way that made it look deceptive. Almost like he was looking through them. “He asked what happened to Craig. But that couldn’t be right. I was right next to him.”
Kyle sat on the couch. He was staring at the floor. “I was acting like it was a normal day, it didn’t even matter that it was Kenny there. It could have been anyone. Then he says Craig is dead and I-I lose it.”
“You were in shock,” said Stan gently.
A sharp laugh escapes Kyle. “No, no. I wasn’t. Once Kenny said something I forgot it completely.”
Ike looked at Stan. Stan looked at Ike, a frown on his lips. Ike lightly kicked Kyle’s feet. “But that doesn’t make sense. Your attention span isn’t that short.”
Kyle put his face in his hands. “Kenny is speaking to me like I’m a goddamn child and I let him. Then he goes to the door for some reason and I’m back on the bed.” he stated with disbelief.
Ike couldn’t let this go. “But Kyle, there was a-“
Kyle cuts him off. “I know, Ike. I know.”
The redhead smiles bitterly. “I’m bawling. Kenny tries to get my attention but I push him away, literally, push him off the bed.”
Kyle cracks his fingers. “Kenny blows me off after that. He starts nosing around the room and then he leaves.”
“That’s it? He doesn’t tell you where he’s going?” said Ike incredulously.
Kyle nodded, a sad smile on his lips. “That’s it.”
“Wait, maybe this is a good thing,” said Stan. He looked hopeful. “Kyle, the Tuckers may still have his stuff.”
“You’re right.” said the redhead. For the first time he looked excited.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” said Ike impatiently.
After twenty minutes of arguing they finally settled to visit the Tuckers a week later.
“You can’t just barge in someone’s house after their son died, Ike, “ said Kyle.
So Ike relents. Not because he actually agrees. But because Kyle deserves final say.
They go to the Tuckers. Ike and Stan are standing awkwardly next to Kyle. Mrs. Tucker answers the door. Her blonde hair is messy, her blue eyes dark, and she smells vaguely of B.O.
“Kyle, oh baby, it’s you.” the woman answered softly. She either didn’t care or notice the other men beside him.
Kyle smiled shyly. “I hope I didn’t come at a bad time, ma’am.”
Stan clears his throat awkwardly. Ike shoves him.
Mrs. Tucker smiles briefly. “Don’t be silly, Kyle. You are welcome anytime.” she chided. She looked at the redhead. “It’s too cold for you to be standing out here. Come in, please.”
Kyle chuckled. “Um, I hope it’s okay. I kind of brought some friends.”
Mrs. Tucker blinked. She looked at Stan and Ike. Ike stayed expressionless. Stan waved, as if to say ‘remember me?’
“Oh, of course, “ said Mrs. Tucker softly. She gestured for the boys to come inside. As soon as she closed the door the blonde woman went to the fridge. “Can I get you boys anything? Kyle, I know you can’t have sugar. But I have a lot of options if you are thirsty.”
“No thank you, ma’am.” said Kyle politely.
“I’ll take some water.” requested Ike.
Stan declined anything, then Mrs. Tucker came out with a bottle of water and handed it to Ike. She gave Kyle a reproachable look. “No ma’am from you, okay? It’s Laura.”
Ike starts to take a sip of his drink. Kyle flushes. Stan is looking around, twiddling his fingers.
“Okay, Laura, “ said the redhead with some uncertainty. “I was wondering if Craig left some things behind?”
Mrs. Tucker pressed a finger to her lips. She didn’t say anything for a moment. “I’m not quite sure what’s left, sweetheart. We donated a lot. Bad memories, you understand.”
Kyle offers his hand. Mrs. Tucker’s eyes light up and she takes it. Stan and Ike exchange a look. The redhead squeezes her hand softly. “If we can find something, maybe it can be used for Craig. A memorial or something Craig would like.”
“Oh, why not. Better than you me anyway.” decided the woman with a bitter smile.
Kyle smiles softly. “Thank you.” he said, before looking at Ike and Stan and gesturing to the hallway.
They immediately follow. Kyle seems to go through the hall with muscle memory. He reaches the door at the end of the hall. The door has a paper nearly yellowing.
KEEP OUT
Kyle opens the door. It’s a typical teenage boy’s room. The bed is simple with one sheet covering. It’s properly made but Ike suspects that’s not because Craig made it so.
There’s posters all over the walls. There appeared to be sheet music on the dresser scattered.
Multiple boxes are in different places. Some were empty and never put away. Others were filled to the brim and never organized properly.
Kyle grabbed a music sheet. He lit up. “I remember this,” he said. The redhead smiled. “This is the first melody he taught me to play.”
He takes it and puts in his jacket pocket and zips it. Stan nods in understanding. “I remember you saying he was good at piano.”
Ike ignored them. He started going through the first box and looking. There were some books, clothes, some space camp memorabilia, and a frame with Tweek and Craig. They were ten.
“Take this,” he said to Kyle. The younger boy gently handed him the frame. “Might be good for that thing you were talking about.”
Kyle takes it. He doesn’t put it anywhere. Stan follows Ike’s lead and frantically goes through the heaviest box.
Stan immediately takes out a red bottle. He takes off the cap and gags immediately. “What the hell is this?”
Ike takes it from him. He smells it. “F-fuck, that smells like actual death.” he said with a cough.
Kyle puts the frame on the shelf briefly and goes to a different box. “Keep the bottle. I don’t know what it is but it’s important dude.”
All three search and immediately groan. The only thing that remotely looked like a lead was a bottle.
A random red bottle.
“Goddamitt it.” cursed Kyle.
Kyle takes the frame. He grabs Craig’s old chullo hat and beanie and shoves it in his arms. The hat falls and Stan grabs it.
“I can take this.” suggested Stan.
Kyle nods. He puts on the chullo hat and takes off his green one.
They walk to the kitchen. Mrs. Tucker smiles tiredly. “You found his favorite hat.”
“I think I know what to do.” confirmed Kyle. Mrs. Tucker gives an indulgent smile and listens.
Kyle describes the basics of what he found. He said Craig’s music sheets were there and his space memorabilia from camp.
“That’s amazing, honey, but I don't understand why that’s important.” said Mrs. Tucker.
Kyle grinned and his eyes crinkle. “I want to make an event in Craig’s honor. He taught me how to play something.” He takes out the music sheet in his pocket. Mrs. Tucker looks at the sheet.
“I was thinking we can get his stuff, I can play his music, and discuss Craig. Do what he would have enjoyed.” continued Kyle.
Stan watches, a proud smile on his lips. Ike thought for a moment this is the Kyle I know.
“I’ll talk to Thomas, but baby, this is a wonderful idea.” gushed the blonde woman. She put the sheet music down and hugged Kyle tightly. “I can see why Craig loved you so much.”
Kyle struggled before Mrs. Tucker finally let him out of her arms. “I loved him too.” he said quietly, his eyes conflicted.
Eventually they leave. For a while Kyle shines. He’s organizing Craig’s event with beaming pride. Shelia and Gerald are smiling and looking at each other with contentment.
The event goes out without a hitch. Because, of course, why wouldn’t it? His brother wouldn’t do anything halfway.
Weeks go by. Stan and Kyle are slowly becoming close again. He watches as the two come and go.
But then Kenny McCormick is declared dead. Nobody found a body. But his parents gave up.
Mrs. McCormick is devastated. Kyle told him that Mrs. McCormick was sobbing. Mr. McCormick looked tired. Karen was the only one that spoke to the boys.
“He’s not coming back.” said Karen. She looked at Kyle and Stan with watery eyes. “If Kenny wanted to be found, he would show it.”
Kyle stared. “W-what do you mean? Of course he wants to be found.”
Karen laughed spitefully. “Kenny disappeared for years and came back each time. Why now would he stay gone?”
“We miss him, Karen.” said Stan, tearing up. He gives Karen an unreadable look. “We know you do, too. Kenny was always there for you, huh?”
Karen sniffled. “Damn more than my parents ever were.” She briefly looked at where her parents were and rolled her eyes. “He wasn’t just my brother.”
The blonde looked at the men sharply. “That’s why I know Kenny isn’t coming back. Because he’d never leave me alone on purpose.”
Kyle recounted these events with tears. He couldn’t accept it. “Why would Kenny leave, Ike?”
Stan glanced over. Ike darted his eyes. The older man took the lead with ease. “Maybe it was for something important.”
Kyle went to his room. The other two followed. His mood rapidly changed. The redhead began to take his old posters and tear it.
“Kyle-“
“W-what are you doing?”
Kyle threw the torn posters on the ground. He went to his hat and tore it too. Stan gasped. Ike stared.
Kyle threw the hat and stomped it. He began to laugh manically. Stan softly took his arm and put it down.
“Kyle.” he said softly.
The redhead burst into tears. “Stop looking at me like I’m the victim.”
“We understand you are upset, Kyle,” said Stan. He patted his shoulder and then took it back within two seconds.
Kyle sniffled. “Don’t you get it? This happened because of me.”
Ike looked at Stan. He froze. What could possibly be said about this?
Kyle fell to the ground. He pushed his old hat away. “Craig died because of me. Kenny is gone, fuck, probably dead too for trying to help me.” he snarled, his face turning red and tears streaming.
Nobody comforts him. They want to, oh they don’t want to sit there, but how can you? Ike was sixteen years old. This was way beyond his ability regardless of his intellect.
Kyle is left alone for a while. After that visit he refuses any visitors. He ignores calls. Stan doesn’t push him.
One day Ike decided enough was enough.
“Open up!” he yells.
Sheila and Gerald look at each other. They don’t intervene. Gerald drinks his coffee.
Silence meets him. He tries again. “Come on. When did you become such a teenage girl?” he snarks.
Gerald chokes on his coffee. Sheila stifles a laugh.
Ike knocks loudly. Persistently. He vaguely hears angry music.
“Okay. You aren’t a teenage girl. “ determined Ike. He smirked. “You are a faggy goth kid now. Wow, I expected better bro.”
“Ike!” screams Shelia. She gave the younger boy a stern look. But Ike noticed a slight curve on her lips. “We don’t use that language in this house.”
Ike looked at the door, tapping. “I can probably introduce you to some of my old classmates. Maybe you can exchange poems.” he said dryly, before pretending to think.
Ike thinks he can hear the music shut off. He smiles. “Are you going to talk to Stan and complain about Britany Spears wannabes? You edgy boy, you.”
Kyle slowly opened the door. He was glaring. “What the fuck, Ike?”
Ike yawned. “Wow, Kyle, real original. Wanna come out to the pond with me?”
Kyle darted his eyes. He wasn’t going back to his room but he wasn’t moving either. Ike took his opportunity. Despite being younger, the boy was taller due to his biological parents genes and since Kyle wasn’t paying attention the younger boy grabbed him.
“IKE!”
Ike easily threw his brother on his shoulder like a sack of rice. Kyle frantically started to try to push himself out but the younger boy tightened his grip.
“You didn’t answer quickly enough.” lectured the boy. He ignored Kyle’s protests.
Kyle looked at his parents, eyes pleading. “Ma! Pa! Do something.”
Gerald was typing on his computer. “You heard the man.” he said casually.
Shelia nodded in agreement. “Have fun, bubbly.”
“I’m going to kill you!” howled the redhead boy as they walked outside.
Ike watched as Stan’s truck appeared on the street and stopped on the curve. Right on time. He grinned.
Stan went out of his vehicle. He waved. “Sup.” Kyle looked at him with disbelief.
Ike snickered. Stan opened the door to the back of his vehicle with ease. The younger boy proceeds to throw the redhead in there. Before Stan shuts the door, all Ike hears is a “What the fu—-“
Kyle ignores them the whole drive. Stan kept trying to make conversation and the redhead turned his head. Ike looks at Stan. “Don’t mind him. He’s still pissy from being cut off by his emo music.”
They arrive at the pond. Stan and Ike exit from their doors. Kyle is still sitting in the car.
Ike opens the passenger car door from the outside. “Are you going to come out or are you going to pout all day?”
“Do I have a choice?” huffed the redhead.
Stan grabs a cigarette and immediately inhales. He exhales easily and lets the smoke settle. “You always have a choice, man.”
Kyle went out of the vehicle. He crossed his arms. Stan tried to give what Ike assumed was a charming smile. It failed immediately when Kyle punched him.
“You kidnapped me with my baby brother, you asshole!”
Stan slowly came from the ground. The punch had a lot more force than he expected. He blinked. “So if you had an older brother then it’s okay?”
Kyle rolled his eyes. “Give me a cigarette, Marsh.” he demanded.
Stan hands Kyle a cigarette with no complaints. Ike giggles. “I thought you didn’t like smoking because it causes-“
“Zip. It.” growled the redhead.
Ike motions for Stan to give him a cigarette. Stan takes one. Kyle immediately throws it.
“Hey!” cried the younger boy.
They watched the pond silently for several minutes. Kyle is exhaling. He looked at the sky. It was turning a burnt orange. “Kenny’s favorite color.” murmured the redhead.
“Remember that hoodie he used to wear all the time?” said Stan. He looked amused. “I swear it took me years to understand what he said underneath the damn thing.”
Ike smiled. Images of the boy who was hanging around with his brother came like lightning.
Kyle giggled. “He didn’t even take it off when we played stick of truth. Princess Kenny.”
Stan gave a mock bow. “Ranger Stan at your service.”
Kyle put his cigarette down, unfinished. He pretended to hold a sword over Stan’s head. “I, Elf King, dub you my personal protector. From now and to eternity.”
Ike watched as they continued playing their game with a sense of childlike wonder. He took Kyle’s cigarette and Stan’s lighter and immediately lit the cigarette up. He inhaled.
He watched as the two men eventually landed on the ground giggling. Stan wasn’t even pretending to fight when Kyle playfully put him back down in losing position.
The redhead looked up. He looked at Ike. “Ike! Ma will kill me if she smells that on your clothes.”
Ike shrugged. He inhaled and exhaled. “Shouldn’t have smoked around your impressionable little brother, Kyle.”
Stan laughed. Kyle immediately stared at him. “Hey, man, you walked right into that.”
The redhead rolled his eyes but he immediately smiled at Stan afterwards. Ike pretended to gag at this.
Kyle sits down. He says something to Stan with his eyes that Ike doesn’t immediately understand. Then Stan grabs him and hands him over to Kyle. The redhead hugs him.
“Thank you, asswipe, “ said Kyle, ignoring Ike’s squirming and Stan keeping his legs from going anywhere.
“Well, I can’t let my brother become a gaywad.” responded the boy, trying to move more when Kyle acted like he was going to kiss him and mimicked Shelia.
The men let Ike go. Stan and Kyle wore identical expressions of mischief. “Kick the baby?” asked Stan.
“Kick the baby.” confirmed Kyle.
Ike gets kicked by Stan and into the pond. He’s not going to even question how that happened.
“I am not a goddamn baby!” he yelled.
Ike went out of the pond. He was soaking wet. “Judas.” is all he says.
The night went slowly and all of them just continued enjoying each other’s presence. No pressure.
Kyle looked at the sky. It was almost pitch black. “Where do we go from here?”
Stan offered his hand. Kyle takes it. Ike doesn’t say anything for a while. Neither does Stan.
Stan breaks the silence. “We live.”
And that’s what they did. Nobody ever finds Kenny again. Kyle tries to take his disappearance as hope. Maybe he’s happy, somewhere, the redhead said. Ike remembered Kyle adopting the color orange in his wardrobe every winter. No more ushankas or green coats. Every so often he tops it with Craig’s chullo hat. It looks absolutely ridiculous but Kyle wears it with pride.
Craig is an unspoken word of tension with Stan. He never lets Kyle see it. But every time Kyle wears his hats or goes through those albums Stan steps away for a moment.
Ike finds him one day. He’s smoking. “Why aren’t you with my brother?” he asks, sitting down on the porch. Stan doesn’t fight him when Ike steals a cigarette.
“It hurts.” whispered Stan. He closed his eyes. “Craig is gone but he’s everywhere.”
“Maybe that’s the point,” said Ike. His brown eyes looked at Stan’s blue ones with focus. “If we forget, nothing changes.”
Stan exhaled. His laugh is a little sad. “What if I can’t? I’m not like you or Kyle, dude.”
Ike takes Stan’s cigarette and blows it. He stomps it with his feet. Stan looks at him, wide-eyed. “Kyle doesn’t want you to be like him. I don’t want you to be like me, Stan. You are Stan Marsh, my brother’s best friend and disgustingly affectionate boytoy.”
Stan snorted. “Way to make me sound like a total fag, dude.”
“Aren’t you?” Is all Ike says as he takes one last inhale.
His mother calls them. She’s impatient. Ike knows she’s been cooking all day. He exhales. The young boy quickly grabs the cigarette and throws them in the outside trash.
Kyle’s head comes out of the door. “You guys better stop messing around. Ma is going to drag you both here soon.” he warns.
Ike walks to the door. He raises an eyebrow at Stan. “You coming?”
Stan looks at their faces and the cigarette pack in his hand. He puts it in his jacket pocket. “Like I’m going to miss your mom’s Hakkuana dinner.”
As Ike looks at his family around him all he can do is smile. Because while he will never know what happened to Kyle, and probably never will, is that his brother is right next to him.
Stan might never be around forever. But as Ike watches Kyle’s eyes brighten in his direction he realizes he didn’t care. He was here now.
His parents were closing their eyes. They beckoned the rest of them to do the same. It’s time, he thought.
His parents weren’t for everyone. Sheila is a force to be reckoned with. The PTA was her army of choice, and her husband was content to let her have that. Her children were her hidden treasure.
Ike never appreciated them more.
He remembers Kenny’s laughs and his jokes. How the older boy insisted that Ike was Kyle’s brother so he’s the baby of the pack. His unsolicited advice.
He prays.