Chapter Text
The term ‘co-parenting’ was beginning to feel like a very thin veil for what was essentially a domestic comedy written by a sadist.
Buck stared at the ceiling, carefully keeping his breathing rhythmic and shallow. Beside him, Eddie was asleep, facing Buck, a single hand reached out to hold onto Buck’s bicep like it comforted him.
And Buck - Buck was spiraling.
He did this often now, ever since he and Theo had moved into the Diaz house. The excuse - the one they told their friends, the one they told the kids - was that it provided stability. A better routine. Christopher was hitting the peak of his teenage years, and little five-year-old Theo needed a yard to run in and a family to guide him.
Logic dictated that they save money on rent. Logic suggested that sharing a bed was the only way to ensure both kids had their own rooms.
"Pathetic." Buck whispered to the drywall.
Being in love with his best friend? Pathetic. Co-parenting Chris, and then co-parenting Theo with the same man? A little bit obsessive. But living in a domestic bubble - witnessing Eddie sleep, smelling his laundry detergent on the sheets, listening to the soft huff of his breath - while pretending there wasn’t a gravitational pull between them? That was a special kind of masochism.
The house was quiet. It was the kind of silence that was rare now due to a busy household so it was weirdly eerie.
He turned to his side, back away from Eddie in an attempt to sleep but as soon as he closed his eyes, Eddie decided to move, arm wrapping around Buck’s waist and pulling him close. Buck let out a gasp when his body was pulled, back now firmly against Eddie’s chest. Snores echoed against the back of Buck’s head as Eddie squeezed his stomach in his sleep.
His heart was thundering inside his chest and instead of pushing away, Buck allowed himself to be spooned. He allowed himself the tender touch.
It was selfish.
But fuck, it felt so good.
When he woke up, he was in the same position, cuddled against Eddie, but what woke him up was Theo poking him in the cheek. His curly hair sticking up in all directions, bright eyes and a smile, his dinosaur teddy bear hooked under his arm.
“Hey, buddy.” Buck whispered, voice croaky from sleep.
“Hi! I’m awake!” The boy said too loudly.
Buck couldn’t help but grin, checking the clock on the nightstand, finding it was six in the morning. “I see that. You hungry?”
“Yeah!” Theo nodded enthusiastically.
“Shh,” Buck murmured, lifting a finger to his lips, though his heart sank a little as he felt the warmth behind him shift.
Eddie groaned, the sound deep and resonant, vibrating through Buck’s spine. A heavy hand tightened possessively around Buck’s waist for a fleeting second before Eddie finally blinked his eyes open, squinting against the sliver of morning light cutting through the blinds.
“Too loud.” Eddie rasped, his voice thick with sleep and irritation, though there was no real bite to it. He blinked at the ceiling, then at Buck, and finally at the small, energetic intruder inspecting them. “Theo, bud. It’s six am. Even the sun is still sleeping.”
“No, the sun is awake!” Theo insisted, unbothered by the grogginess. He climbed over Buck’s legs, balancing on the mattress like it was a trampoline, and poked Eddie’s nose with the tail of his dinosaur. “Breakfast? Yesterday, Buck said we’d have pancakes!”
Buck felt his face heat up, acutely aware that Eddie’s hand was still resting on his hip, his thumb absentmindedly tracing the line of Buck’s pajama pants. He scrambled to sit up, shifting away from the contact, though the empty space left behind felt like a sudden, chilly draft.
“I said we could maybe have pancakes.” Buck corrected, clearing his throat and rubbing a hand over his face. “But I think I’m currently leaning toward cereal. Mostly because my brain hasn’t quite booted up yet.”
Eddie pushed himself up, resting on his elbows. His hair was a chaotic mess, and he looked at Buck with a lazy, soft gaze that made Buck’s internal monologue go completely silent. “Cereal works.” Eddie looked at Theo, his expression softening into that specific, patient warmth that Buck had fallen for years ago. “Is Chris up yet?”
“Nope! He’s lazy.”
“He’s a teenager.” Buck said with a grin.
Eddie chuckled softly, “Go get him up and we’ll all have breakfast together.”
Theo let out a whoop of delight and scrambled off the bed, his small feet pattering down the hallway.
The silence that followed was different from the night’s peaceful quiet. It was heavy, charged with the lingering ghost of the embrace they’d shared in their sleep. Buck didn't turn around; he kept his gaze fixed on the closet door, waiting for Eddie to get up.
“You okay?” Eddie asked, his voice now stripped of the morning’s grumpiness.
Buck turned, offering a tight, practiced smile. “Yeah. Just tired. Bad dream.” He lied, because telling the truth - I was awake, and I didn't want to move, and I’m terrified that this is all just a dream I’m going to wake up from - felt too dangerous for a Tuesday morning.
Eddie paused, watching him with an intensity that suggested he saw right through the deflection. He reached out, his hand patting Buck’s shoulder.
He then heard Theo’s cheering and Chris’ grumpy voice from the teen’s bedroom, making both adults laugh.
“Let me get Theo before Christopher starts a war.” Eddie said as he swung his legs out of bed, the floorboards creaking.
Buck watched him go out the door.
The room felt suddenly cavernous, the air still thick with the scent of Eddie - that specific mix of sandalwood soap and the faint, lingering heat of a lived-in bed. Buck stood up, his movements sluggish, and began the ritual of making the bed.
He could hear the muffled chaos starting in the house. Christopher was already wielding his sarcasm like a blunt instrument and Theo was shrieking with laughter as Eddie tried to corral him toward the kitchen like a dog herding sheep.
Buck caught his reflection in the dresser mirror. He looked like exactly what he was: a man trying to play house without breaking the foundation. He smoothed his curled hair that matched both Chris and Theo, took a breath that felt like he was inhaling glass, and stepped out of the bedroom.
The kitchen was a war zone of half-opened cereal boxes and spilled milk. Eddie was standing by the counter, expertly flipping a pancake - it seemed the ‘cereal’ plan had been overruled by a five-year-old’s charm. As Buck entered, Eddie looked over his shoulder.
"You look like you're still in the land of sleep." Eddie said.
“You’re making pancakes?”
“Theo was very persuasive.”
Chris chimed in, a mouth full of cereal, “He caved in seconds.”
Buck laughed, before going to Eddie, looking over his shoulder to watch as Eddie placed a golden pancake on the plate.
Eddie rolled his eyes and nudged a plate of pancakes toward the edge of the counter. "Stop hovering and eat."
"I'm not hovering." Buck defended and took the plate and sat beside Theo. He picked up a fork, his eyes flickering toward Chris, who was busy shovelling his breakfast. “Didn’t want pancakes?”
Chris shrugged, “I already poured it before dad was ‘persuaded’.”
Buck chuckled at that, shaking his head, “Wanna swap breakfasts?”
“Nah. I’m alright.” The teen insisted, “Your pancakes are better anyways.”
“Hey!” Eddie called from the stove, pointing a spatula at his son, making everyone at the table laugh.
After breakfast, the house boomed into a routine of chaos.
Between the dishes, showers, trying to get Theo into something other than dinosaur pajamas and Buck putting his shirt on backwards before Eddie informing him of it, Buck found himself dreading the moment the domesticity would shatter. He shook off the negative thoughts. There was too much to do.
"Come on, boys!" Buck yelled at the open front door, gathering the keys. "Theo, shoes! Chris, bag! Eddie, lunches in the fridge! We’re officially behind schedule!”
"I'm ready!" Chris said, stomping in with his backpack on and hair freshly styled. He and Buck high fived.
“Theeeeeeeeeeeeo? Come on!”
“Coming!” Theo came running through, screaming and waving his dinosaur teddy. He still didn’t have his shoes on.
Eddie came running after him, the boy’s shoes in hand, “Theo! Your shoes! Theo stop running away!”
“I’m gonna be late!” Chris groaned.
“So are we.” Buck said then turned to Eddie who was trying to catch a barefoot Theo in the front yard. “Eddie! Get him in the car! We’ll deal with shoes later!”
Eddie managed to snag Theo by the waist just as he reached the garden gate, hoisting the giggling, wiggling boy into his arms. “Gotcha,” Eddie huffed, breathless, his eyes meeting Buck’s over the top of Theo’s head. For a second, the frustration vanished, replaced by that familiar, private look of shared exhaustion that only they understood.
Minutes later, the car was finally pulling out of the driveway, the radio playing a muffled pop song that Theo was currently trying to harmonize with - badly.
Buck sat in the passenger seat, texting Bobby to inform him that they were gonna be late. Luckily their Captain was understanding and sent a message of ‘No problem, kid’ with a thumbs up emoji.
A hand on his thigh made Buck look up from his phone. Eddie’s hand squeezed the muscle, glancing over to him. “You okay?”
“Just texting Bobby.” He said, “He knows we’ll be a little late.” He looked back at the boys - Christopher was showing Theo something on his phone, the two of them happily huddled together. His eyes went back to the hand still on his thigh, his cheeks reddening.
When they pulled up to Christopher’s High School, they barked out front and waited until Chris was out and on the steps.
“Bye, bud!” Buck called from the open window, waving.
“Have a good day, Mijo!” Eddie called too.
“Chris!” Theo all but screamed from his seat, waving violently “Bye, Chris! Chris, bye!”
“You guys are so embarrassing!” responded Chris - who rolled his eyes but he was smiling and waving back.
They drove away as soon as Chris went through the building’s doors, making their way to Theo’s school.
On the way, Theo decided to play a game of ‘Ask 100 questions and hope one of the adults knows the answer’. It was his favourite game.
“Why is grass green?”
Buck knew that one. “Grass has a pigment that absorbs red and blue light which makes it reflect green light into our eyes.”
Eddie looked at Buck in astonishment, “How do you know that?”
Buck shrugged.
Theo then asked, “What is pigment?”
“Colour.”
“What’s reflect?”
“Like shine.”
“Do cows drink milk?”
“Only the young ones do.”
As the questions and answers continued, Eddie just happily listened to the two converse, glancing at them both with a permanent grin on his lips. He felt pride when looking at his family. Like his brain was saying ‘Look at them. They’re mine’.
When they got to Theo’s school, Buck got out to retrieve Theo from his car seat, putting his shoes on beforehand and strapping his Spiderman backpack on his shoulders.
“Ready for a great day at school, buddy?” Buck asked his kid with a beaming smile.
Theo jumped and squealed, “Yes!” He then ran to the gates of the school, Buck rushing to catch up.
“Bye, Theo! Have fun!” Eddie called to the boy and watched as the Buckley boys went through the gate.
Buck returned a few minutes later and climbed back into the car, sighing deeply. “Mrs Blue asked me if Theo’s ADHD test results came back yet.”
Eddie frowned, “And what did you say?”
“The truth.” He shrugged, “That we didn’t have the results yet and it will be in his medical records as soon as we know.”
Sensing something deeper, Eddie put a hand on Buck’s shoulder, getting him to look at him, “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I just don’t want the diagnosis to label him. He has ADHD. We know that but there is so much more to him than that.”
“And you too.”
Buck sighed, looking away from Eddie, “We’re gonna be really late if we don’t-”
“Buck.” Their eyes met again, “You two have ADHD. That’s okay.”
“Not officially yet.”
“Buck.”
“Sorry.”
“That.” Eddie said, poking Buck’s chest, “Your apologising like having ADHD is some sort of crime. It’s not. You are you and Theo is Theo. Me and Chris love you two just the way you are.”
Buck felt the familiar sting of tears pricking at his eyes, a reaction he still found frustratingly unpredictable. He stared down at his own hands and took a shuddering breath.
"I’ve made so many mistakes. Did so much stupid shit. Begged for love in all the wrong places." Buck admitted, his voice small. "I don't want him to ever feel like he's 'broken' or 'too much.' I don't want his teachers to stop seeing the brilliant, creative kid who builds rocket ships out of cardboard and loves dinosaurs, instead just see a kid who can’t sit still."
Eddie didn’t pull his hand away. Instead, he gripped Buck’s shoulder a little tighter, grounding him. "Theo isn't a problem to be solved, Buck. He’s a light. And so are you. If the test comes back positive, it isn't a label - it's a manual. It just means we learn how to help him navigate the world in a way that makes sense for his brain, not anyone else’s."
Buck finally looked back at him, the tension in his jaw softening just a fraction. He saw the unwavering certainty in Eddie’s gaze, the kind, steady and quiet strength in them. He gave him a genuine smile as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I don't know how you put up with the two of us."
Eddie chuckled, finally dropping his hand to shift the truck into gear. "Trust me, without Christopher’s teenage sass and the two of you, my life would be incredibly boring. Now, come on. If we don’t get to the station, Bobby is going to have us running drills until our brains melt."
As they pulled away from the curb, Buck felt the heavy knot in his chest begin to loosen.
They made it to work. They were twenty seven minutes late.
Bobby was standing near the apparatus bay, arms crossed over his chest. As the car pulled in, Buck caught Eddie’s eye. Eddie just offered a small, reassuring wink before clicking his seatbelt off.
“Well,” Buck whispered, a nervous tremor in his voice, “this is it. The lecture.”
“Just let me handle it.” Eddie murmured, nudging him toward the door. “You’re the one who needs to stop apologizing, remember?”
They stepped out of the truck, and almost immediately, Bobby strode over. He looked from his watch to the two men, his expression unreadable. For a second, the station felt unnervingly quiet, the usual hum of pre-shift activity fading into the background.
“Twenty seven minutes.” Bobby said, “You told me only a few minutes late in your text.”
Buck opened his mouth, the word ‘Sorry’ already forming on his lips, but he felt Eddie’s hand brush against the small of his back to keep him steady.
“The kids were a bit energetic today, Cap,” Eddie said easily. “But we’re ready to start now.”
Bobby studied them for a moment. He looked at Buck and then at Eddie and his hard expression softened, the tension in his shoulders dropping as he sighed.
“Are my grandsons okay?” Bobby asked, an amused eyebrow raised.
“Theo refused to wear shoes this morning and Chris called us embarrassing." Buck informed.
Bobby gave a single, knowing nod with a little smirk. “Sounds right. Get your gear on. Chimney and Hen are already checking the tanks. Ravi is sorting storage. We need the ambulance stocked up and the engine polished. Let’s get to it.”
As they turned toward the locker room, Buck let out a long, exaggerated exhale that made Eddie laugh. Under the harsh fluorescent lights of the locker room, Eddie leaned in close, his voice low.
“See? No lecture. No fire and brimstone. Just Bobby.”
Buck began unbuttoning his shirt, feeling the familiar rhythm of the firehouse finally settling back into his bones. The anxiety about the ADHD assessment didn’t vanish completely, but sitting next to Eddie’s locker, the weight felt manageable.
They got dressed quietly until….
“You were right.” Buck admitted, pulling his pants on. “About the manual thing. I think… I think I just needed to hear that he’s not a problem to be solved. My parents always made me feel like that and I refuse to have Theo think that about himself.”
Eddie paused, his boots in his hands, and looked at Buck with an intensity that made the air feel suddenly thin. “Buck, you’re doing a great job. Truly. Theo is lucky to have you, and Chris is lucky to have you and I’m lucky to have you. That’s not changing, no matter what a medical report says.”
Buck felt a warmth bloom in his chest. He felt seen in a way he’s never had before. He felt… loved.
And that’s a dangerous thought for him.
Their first job was re-stocking the ambulance. Buck would open the boxes and hand whatever was inside to Eddie and Eddie would put it in their rightful place. It wasn’t really a two person job but with Buck and Eddie, they could make any solo act a duo one.
“Soooo… Thirty minutes late, huh?” Chimney’s voice came through with a mop and bucket at his side. “What was it you two were up to?”
Hen beside him giggled, slapping Chim’s shoulder at his teasing.
Buck’s face turned as red as a ripe raspberry.
Eddie just rolled his eyes, “Just lost track of time.”
“Doing….??” Hen wiggled her eyebrows.
Buck felt the heat crawling up the back of his neck, his hands fumbling slightly as he held a box of saline flushes. He opened his mouth to stammer out some sort of deflective, overly detailed explanation but Eddie stepped in before a single stutter could escape.
"Just going through some parenting hurdles." Eddie said, his voice perfectly composed. He didn't even look up from the cabinet he was organizing. "Turns out, getting a five year old to put on shoes is impossible because shoes are ‘too loud’."
Chimney blinked, his smirk faltering as he realized he wasn't going to get the scandalous scoop he’d been hoping for. "Too loud? What does that even mean? Do shoes talk now?"
"To Theo, apparently," Buck added, leaning against the side of the ambulance, "He said they felt like they were screaming at his toes. We think its a sensory issue thing. Like how he also hates the feeling of velvet. Or when his clothing tags scraped against his skin so we had to cut them all out."
“Did he go to school barefoot?” Chim asked.
Buck gave an unsure gesture, “Nearly. Eddie chased him around the front garden in an attempt but I managed to get crocs on him in the car at the school drop off.”
Hen laughed, a warm, genuine sound that made the atmosphere in the bay feel lighter. "Sounds like a normal morning in the Buckley-Diaz household to me."
"It was the good kind of chaos I’ve grown to love." Eddie said, finally turning to face them with a small smile aimed squarely at Buck.
The alarm suddenly shrieked, slicing through the talking and snapping everyone into professional focus.
"Engine 118," Bobby’s voice boomed through the room, his tone all business. "Medical call and crowd control, allergic reaction and possible fight in progress. Buckley, you’re man behind."
As everyone else rushed to the engine, gathering supplies, Buck looked to Bobby.
“Sorry, kid.” The Captain said, patting Buck’s back, “Keep the room in order. We won’t be long.”
Buck huffed, not liking being left behind but nodded. “Sure, Cap.”
Buck watched the heavy bay doors rumble shut, the sudden silence of the station feeling stark after the frantic energy of the morning. He stood there for a moment, the saline flush box still tucked under his arm, before he went to finish restocking by himself.
He forgot how much he hated doing things alone. He was always used to Eddie being by his side. It’s astonishing how codependent he was.
Another reason why he was so pathetic.
He was nearly finished when an alarm made him jump.
Normally he was used to alarms going off but this wasn’t an alarm he was used to.
It was different.
An alarm he had never heard before except…
Buck was out of the ambulance so fast, it almost gave him whiplash.
He made it to the other side of the station and he stopped from where he was in front of the Safe Haven Baby Box.
His fingers shook as he grabbed the handle and lifted. As soon as he did, the alarm stopped. He took a deep breath and widened the latch, the sound of the alarm was replaced with the wailing of a newborn baby.
Instincts overtook him and he reached in and collected the most beautiful baby he had ever seen into his arms.
Tanned skin, jet black hair that covered the head thickly. Dressed in a white shirt and a diaper that felt wet and didn’t smell good. No note. No birth certificate. No identification.
He bounced the newborn in his arms and stroked the soft hair on top of their head.
“Shh. I’ve got you. You’re okay. You’re safe.” He whispered. And as if hearing the words, the babe settled a little but the tears still streamed, clearly unhappy but didn’t feel unsafe.
“Let’s go get the Baby Box emergency kit. Yeah? Get you out of that wet diaper. Huh? Will that be okay with you?”
The baby let out a sorrowful cry.
“Oh, it’s okay. Shh. I know. It must feel awful. I’ve got you.”
He found the emergency kit in the storage room and found bottles, formula, wet wipes, new diapers, creams, clothes and all inside. He took the baby up to the loft sitting area and placed the newborn on the sofa so he could change the diaper. That was where he found out that she was a girl. He put on her a new diaper and a pink floral onesie and lifted her back up so she was cradled against his chest. She kicked and whined.
“You hungry, baby girl? Yeah? Is that it?”
She began to cry.
Buck moved with an efficiency that felt muscle-bound. He quickly prepared the formula - thankfully he knew what he was doing due to babysitting baby Jee and Nash.
“Almost done, baby girl. Shhh. I know. You know who also gets cranky when they're hungry? Eddie. He gets so grumpy. That’s why I always make sure to have a tub of his favourite baked goods with me at all times.”
When the bottle was finally ready, he sat back down on the sofa, cradling her in the crook of his arm. As the nipple touched her lips, she latched on with a ferocity that made him let out a shaky, half-laugh. He looked down at her tiny, fluttering eyelids and the way her small hand had clamped onto his index finger, gripping it as if she were afraid he’d vanish into thin air.
"You're a brave girl, aren't you?" he whispered, his voice thick with a sudden, sharp emotion he couldn't quite name. "Just you and me for now."
She ate with her eyes closed as if enjoying herself, her tiny hand gripping his shirt tightly as she did.
After a while, the baby paused, unlatched, and let out a soft, satisfied sigh, her little head lolling back against his forearm. She looked up at him, her eyes were a pretty dark brown.
“You have the same eyes as Eddie and Theo. They have deep brown eyes. Like a cow! They get so big and wide when they’re sad or mad. Christopher has lighter brown eyes. Did you know that brown is the most common eye colour in the world! But I must say, yours are so beautiful.”
He kept talking to the babe as he burped her and cheered gently when she let out a big belch. Buck laid her on his lap, cradling her in his massive frame, taking in all her features while stroking her hair.
He didn’t know how long he did that for but he was brought out from his infatuation when he heard the firetruck come into the station and the footsteps and talking of the 118 returning to the loft.
“Buck? Why isn’t the ambulance finished?” Bobby asked as he journeyed up the steps.
“He probably got distracted by something again.” Chim accused, not far behind.
“Buck, you alright up here?” Eddie called through.
They all froze as they made it to the loft’s sitting area, all eyes on Buck - or more specifically, the baby resting on his thighs.
Buck made his lips into a tight line and gave an awkward wave. “Hello.”
Bobby sighed a huge exhausted sigh and rubbed his temples. “Just wanted one normal day.” He muttered into his hand.