Chapter Text
Sometimes, Rose found herself missing home.
Homeworld, she means, because Earth was her home now. Beach City was a lovely little seaside town. She had chosen this for herself. This was what she had worked so hard to protect.
The Diamonds were not kind to her, so why did she miss them so much right now? She had Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst to fill the hole they left. She had met Greg and was pregnant with their child. She had more than she left behind.
The Diamonds were cold and impossible. They didn’t love her; they loved to control her. They were possessive and conditional with their love. She had spent millennia trying to escape them and the shape they were trying to carve her into.
And yet, even so, she missed them.
She did not miss their cruelty, their expectations, nor the suffocating perfection they pushed onto her.
She missed the feeling of belonging to something larger than herself.
She missed the time she spent singing under the water of the onsen with Blue. She missed looking over Yellow’s shoulder whilst she commanded dropships. She missed the balls she would throw. Most of all, she missed the time she spent sneaking around with Pearl.
She looked down at her stomach, resting a hand where her gem laid. She felt Steven shift beneath her skin, a tiny reminder of the life she held within her. She was growing a human inside of her. She would gladly trade being a Diamond for this sort of miracle.
Not only this, but she now had her Crystal Gems. She had Pearl, who was deeply and unconditionally loyal, Garnet, who showed her what love truly looked like, Amethyst, who taught her how to feel free, and Greg, who helped her learn the beauty of humanity.
Finally, she had Steven, who would become the one thing she wished she could be: a human. He would live the life of a human and a gem, have the abilities of both, yet have the freedom no gem could ever hope to obtain. He would join this world with endless possibilities. Rose formed knowing what she would be, but Steven had the ability to choose his path. She was endlessly grateful that some part of her would be able to experience this, even if it would just be her gem.
She would become Steven, yet he would still be his own person.
So why did she miss the life she used to have? Why did her heart ache?
Is it the knowledge that there is no way for her to come back once Steven is born? She is leaving everything and everyone she’s ever known behind, after all. She would be the first gem to ever “die.”
The thought settled over her like dust did on an old surface: thick and nearly impenetrable. It was suffocating. Gems did not die. They didn’t grow old like humans. They did not change or disappear. They just existed. They were eternal. Even when they could no longer be seen, they remained in the form of a gem. Gems never truly left the universe. They could still reform at some point. They paused; they did not end.
She was about to do something no gem had ever done. She was going to stop being.
Time would not pause for her, it would stop. She would not poof, nor would she be able to come back. She was going to disappear.
Forever.
She was not afraid of dying, no. She was afraid of leaving everything behind to never be experienced by her again.
But maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to experience it all through Steven.
That thought had her looking closer at her gem, as though she’d be able to get a glance at Steven through it.
Pearl came to mind at that moment.
Pearl, who was fierce, loyal, dedicated, and heartbreakingly hopeful. She knew Pearl would care for Steven the same way Rose wishes she’d be there to herself. Pearl would raise him with all of the love her heart could conjure. Even so, Rose knew a piece of Pearl would break with her absence. The 8000 years they had spent together would be gone in the blink of an eye. That was not long for Rose, as she had existed for far longer, but that was a long time for Pearl. It was her entire life, actually. Pearl did not know a life without Rose.
Garnet, on the other hand, would not suffer as much from Rose’s departure. She was strong and steady. Ruby and Sapphire held each other together in a way Rose had never seen in any other fusion. Garner would endure. Rose knew she would.
Amethyst, however, would pretend she is fine. She would shrug it off, laugh at how silly Steven is, and ignore the pain. Amethyst had never experienced loss like this. This would be her first.
Greg would grieve in a way Rose could barely comprehend. Humans felt emotion so deeply and loudly. Rose had fallen in love with this part of humanity. While it was the most painful, it was the most beautiful. Now, it brought her fear. She feared what her absence would do to him.
She did not want to think of the Diamonds and how they felt about her being gone. She faked her death, but she doubts they care. They saw her as a burden- as a child to be scolded. If they knew she was still alive and was actually going to stop existing, they’d make an attempt to stop her for sure. Not out of love, of course not. They’d do it out of a need to control.
That is the difference between those on Earth and those on Homeworld.
Here, they actually felt love for her. There, they did not.
She felt Steven kick, taking it as him telling her to no longer ruminate on her past life. She let it go, for the both of them.
She rested both hands on her stomach, pretending his little hands were on the other side. “I hope you never feel this kind of ache, Steven. I hope you never have to choose between who you were and who you want to be. Above all else, I hope you know that I will always love you for who you are, no matter what path you choose.”
Her gem pulsed once, then twice, like a heartbeat.
It was almost time.
She looked up at the waves ahead of her, knowing that this would soon be what Steven woke up to every day. This would be his beach soon, not hers, and that knowledge made her happy.
She stood, looking back at the mountain in the shape of her fusion with the other Crystal Gems and smiled. She knew he’d be in good hands here.