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It felt good. It felt good to finally have that conversation out of the way. Now, everything intimate and sexual between them was also more openly emotional, full of tender kisses and terms of endearment. And it felt great.
They had already been pretty close before, but Sieun wondered if their friends noticed they had grown even closer. If they did, they were damn good at hiding it. And, if they did, Sieun wished none of them would ever bring it up. He didn't know how to talk about it, and didn't really want to, either. Words are useless anyway.
That was something he also understood whenever spending time with Suho meant simply sharing silence together. Silence that was comfortable and precious, natural and refreshing, because sometimes, feeling one another's presence is just enough.
On one of those days, Sieun was sitting at his desk and completing homework assignments, while Suho lay on his bed, alternating between watching videos on his phone and daydreaming. He was the one to disrupt the silence, though this time it actually took much more guts.
"Have you ever thought about doing it for real?"
"Doing what?" Sieun replied without looking up from his notes.
"...Having sex? Like, you know, real sex."
The sound of the pen scratching against the paper stopped. That was certainly not the topic Sieun expected today, but he figured it had to come up one way or another. The room remained silent for a few more seconds as he attempted to gather his thoughts and formulate an answer.
"Yes," he said finally, and only then did he turn towards Suho. "I just," he sighed, "I don't really know how to go about it."
"Me neither, but... maybe we could read about it? On the internet? There must be some guides out there."
Sieun looked down at the floor and imagined how embarrassing that situation would feel. But he came to the conclusion that a bit of psychological discomfort was certainly better than a fissure, or... whatever. He grabbed his laptop and sat down on his bed beside Suho, who sat up and linked his arm with Sieun's, resting his chin on the other's shoulder.
Still trying to fight the heat spreading on his face, Sieun turned his laptop on. He opened an incognito tab. Just to be safe.
And so, they spent the next half hour reading every guide from the top of the list, even though they all pretty much said the same things. What helped Sieun get over his initial nervousness was Suho's presence – right there beside him, completely relaxed. Little did he know, Suho was anything but relaxed. In all honesty, he still couldn't believe he managed to start this conversation.
Mostly focused on reading, they didn't speak much. That is, until Suho asked a very important question, one that probably should've been raised a bit sooner.
"So... who does what? Do you have a preference?"
Although it was phrased rather vaguely, Sieun understood what Suho was referring to.
He hesitated for a moment before saying, "I'm not sure I could take control like that."
"It's okay, honey," Suho replied and planted a kiss on Sieun's temple, "I'll make you feel real good."
And that was enough to make Sieun blush like he was coming down with a fever. But they were not quite done yet. They had to order a widely recommended silicone-based lubricant, though they opted against douching equipment – too much of a hassle, and you could supposedly damage your intestinal flora. They were also aware that, technically, everyone should always use protection, but they couldn't help thinking there was not much risk in their case. And when Suho said "wouldn't it be cool to like actually feel it", Sieun couldn't disagree with him.
It seemed weird to schedule such a thing like an appointment, but it was a big step for both of them. They decided to do it on the next Saturday – the package would arrive by then, Sieun's dad would still be away, and Suho had that weekend off anyway.
Neither of them ever admitted to each other how nervous they felt every single day of the following week.
×××
When Saturday came, they met in town in the afternoon and spent time like they usually would. Arcade, snacks, riding around on Suho's motorbike. The day passed in the blink of an eye, and it was evening when they started driving back to Sieun's house.
Their mouths met in a hungry kiss immediately after the door fell shut. It didn't last long, because Sieun ran his hands through Suho's hair and reluctantly forced himself to pull away.
"I'm gonna go take a shower," he said and pressed one more kiss against Suho's lips before heading to the bathroom.
Suho felt a brief urge to ask to go with him, but he figured a moment alone would be good for both of them. He entered Sieun's room and undressed, leaving only his boxers on. He sat at the edge of the bed, feeling a bit chilly, but knowing it would pass very soon.
He let his thoughts wander and quickly regretted it, because anxiety and self-doubt were the last thing he needed right now. Is he able to do it correctly? Will it actually feel good? What if he accidentally hurts Sieun?
Completely zoned out, he didn't notice Sieun standing in the doorway, a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. He snapped out of it when Sieun approached him and cupped his cheek, caressing it lightly with his thumb. Suho responded by planting several kisses right above the towel, pulling it off, and tossing it on the bed. Sieun then began getting onto the bed, but Suho saw him hesitate.
"Lie on your back," he said softly, "I want to see you."
Sieun gulped and did as he was told. Then he spread his legs as wide as he could and felt so exposed that his eyes darted around the room avoiding Suho's face.
Although horribly nervous himself, Suho wanted to do everything in his power to make Sieun feel more at ease. He turned off the ceiling light and turned on the smaller one on the bedside table instead. He considered putting on some background music, but they'd never really done that, so it would probably be more distracting than calming. Once he settled between Sieun's legs, he leaned in to try to relax Sieun by kissing – all tongue and shaky breaths, but he could feel Sieun melting into the touch. You can't trick hormones, after all.
Sieun really appreciated Suho's efforts. He didn't know why, but he was rather expecting him to just get right into it. When he was done expressing his gratitude with his mouth, he grabbed Suho's face and pulled him away gently.
"The bottle is in the nightstand."
Suho didn't react at first – he was busy once again falling in love with those beautiful brown eyes – but eventually he nodded and retrieved the item.
"Oh, it's very sticky," he said upon squeezing the lubricant onto his hand and coating his index finger with it. He then found a comfortable position and began circling the entrance before slowly pushing his finger inside.
Truth be told, it didn't really feel like anything. Just like having a slimy finger up his butt. He wanted Suho to curl it already, see what all the fuss was about, but it seemed that Suho found a different approach. He kept on moving his finger around, massaging the muscles, and focusing on relaxing the sphincters.
Oddly enough, it worked – after a while Sieun could clearly feel less tension and resistance down there.
"Add another one," he said, a little impatiently.
Suho obeyed, and soon there were two slimy fingers prodding at his anus. That was when it started feeling like an actual stretch. But he had to admit, the lubricant was doing its job well and making the process much easier.
Suho was still very slow and careful, rubbing the inner walls while pushing inwards. When his fingers were as deep as they could go, he finally curled them, and Sieun understood immediately.
It was similar to what he'd felt before, and yet so, so different. It might have been the same type of pleasure, but this one was not limited to his crotch. This one originated somewhere deeper, radiating through his body, spreading like a wave. The unexpected intensity made him throw his head back and bite his lip.
Suho smiled. Sieun's penis was so hard, practically begging to be touched, but the guides said to refrain from stimulating it for the best experience. So he started pulling his fingers out just a bit and pressing back on the prostate repeatedly – Sieun's body reacted so beautifully each time.
They continued like that for a while, with Sieun whining and squirming and becoming lost to the world. He didn't even care if he came from this alone; matter of fact, he wished Suho would press harder and push him over the edge.
But he suddenly realised the waves stopped, Suho stopped moving his fingers. Then he became aware of something wet all over his torso, dripping down his sides and soaking the bedsheets. He opened his eyes and, surely enough, his body was covered in some kind of a fluid, and once he connected the dots, he felt panic bloom in his chest.
"I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop it, I didn't even—" His words caught in his throat when he noticed Suho staring intently at the mess, staring with something... different than disgust.
"That was hot," Suho said abruptly. He then reached for the towel and cleaned Sieun up, but mostly because it must've been uncomfortable sensory-wise – he personally wouldn't mind the view at all. Quite the opposite. Well, you learn something new about yourself every day.
Suho withdrew his fingers carefully, concerned about Sieun's sensitivity and that it might've been too much. He didn't realise the contrary was true – it wasn't enough – until Sieun blurted out, "Just put it in."
"What? Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he said. "...Please?"
And how could Suho ever say no to that face.
He wiped his fingers sloppily and realised he never took off his underwear. A bit unfair of him. He fixed that quickly, returned to Sieun, and grabbed the bottle again. Once he was ready, he lifted Sieun's legs for a better angle and began moving his lower body forward, very slowly.
It was a slightly bigger stretch, but at this point everything was so slick that it didn't feel uncomfortable or painful in any capacity. Still, he appreciated how careful and patient Suho was.
When he was all the way in, he propped his arms above Sieun's shoulders and stayed like that for a while, breathing heavily. To avoid looking Sieun in the eyes, he snaked his arms under Sieun's neck and hugged him.
"It's so tight... Sieun-ah..." he mumbled, and Sieun heard how shaky his breaths were.
When he started to move, the thrusts were very slow and shallow. Sieun was about to tell Suho that he could go faster, or harder, but suddenly Suho stopped moving altogether. Before Sieun could ask what happened, he felt the spurts of semen and Suho's penis twitching inside of him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we'll continue, just— just give me a few minutes," he said with his face buried in the crook of Sieun's neck. It really felt so good, so tight, so different from hands or mouths, it was almost overwhelming, and he thought he could manage, just breathe deeply or something, but the moment he started moving he realised he couldn't, and when he stopped – it was already too late.
Sieun wanted to say that he was not mad at all, in fact, he thought it was insanely hot and kind of cute, but he couldn't quite find the right words. He just caressed Suho's back soothingly.
Suho pulled out, and they filled those minutes with making out, which was always a fun thing to do and, eventually, resulted in Suho getting hard once more.
He reapplied some lube and entered Sieun again, this time more confidently. It was weird to feel this specific fullness suddenly after a break, but Sieun got over it when Suho brushed against his prostate. He wrapped his arms around Suho's frame, and he was ready for the ride.
It started out slow and stuttery, but pleasant nonetheless, definitely creating better pressure than fingers. Suho's thrusts gradually became less restrained, then quicker and deeper, hitting right where they were supposed to.
It wasn't long before Sieun was digging his fingers into Suho's back, and the sounds escaping his throat were getting totally out of his control. Because with every thrust, he thought that was it, the climax, but it never was, so he was just suspended in this continuous state of intense pleasure, waiting for it to spill over.
And when it finally did, it was everywhere.
He almost screamed. He felt it in his pelvis, his groin, his thighs, his lower back, his skin. His whole body spasming, his eyes squeezed shut.
If his previous orgasms felt long, this one was an eternity. Just waves and waves of warmth washing over his entire body – so intense and overwhelming he couldn't even hear his own moans or whatever his mumbling was supposed to be. Suho's name, probably.
In all of it, he didn't even register the fact that his orgasm triggered Suho's.
After the last few weak thrusts, Suho just pulled out and collapsed onto Sieun, only then realising how sweaty they'd gotten.
Still trembling and out of breath, Sieun felt like he'd just ran a marathon. So for a while, they simply lay like that, listening to each other's breathing – their limbs all sore and tangled together, their minds drifting back to Earth from their own planets.
"I feel like jelly," Suho said out of nowhere, and Sieun smiled.
"Me too. Wanna take a shower together?"
"If we even manage to get to the bathroom – sure."
Sieun still needed some more time to recover physically, but eventually they managed to get up and reach the bathroom. Both exhausted, they helped clean each other up, and, in the comforting sound of water, they told each other how it felt, and that it was better than anything they could've expected. Full of surprises, in its own way, but mind-blowing nonetheless.
And most importantly – theirs.