Archive of Our Own

The air in the Pik dorm room was heavy with the scent of Jai's expensive perfume, a sharp, cloying reminder of another messy relationship he had just walked away from. Like clockwork, Jai tried to crawl into Pik's bed, whining about his exhaustion and automatically reaching to rest his head on Pik's lap for a familiar head scratch.

Pik sighed, running his fingers through Jai's hair on instinct before catching himself. This was the pattern. Jai would date someone, it would crash and burn, and he'd come running back to Pik's bed like it was his emotional safe house. Like Pik was nothing more than a comfort blanket he could use whenever his ego needed soothing.

Tonight, however, the phone rang at 2 AM, shattering the fragile peace.

Pik reached for it automatically, still half-asleep, until he saw the contact name glowing on the screen.

Teerak.

His blood turned to ice.

Pik froze completely, his hand hovering over the phone as it continued to ring. Teerak. The name Jai had saved for his most recent girlfriend. The one he'd been crying about just hours ago. The one Pik had held him through, stroking his hair and murmuring empty reassurances while his own heart cracked a little more.

Without thinking, Pik shoved Jai off his bed.

"Hey!" Jai landed on the floor with a thump, blinking up in confusion. "Pik, what the hell?"

Pik's eyes were dark, shadows pooling beneath them from years of exhausting, unrequited pining. His jaw was tight, every muscle in his body rigid with the effort of holding himself together.

"No," Pik said, his voice flat. "Not tonight."

"What are you talking about?" Jai scrambled to his knees, reaching for Pik's hand. "It's just a phone call, I—"

"I'm not your emotional safety net." Pik pulled his hand away, stepping back from the bed. "I'm not your therapist. I'm not your emotional punching bag and I am not your damn comfort blanket you get to use whenever your latest girlfriend breaks your heart. I'm a person, Jai with feelings. Or have you forgotten that?"

Jai's expression shifted from confusion to panic, the realization of what he was losing dawning on his face. He always did this, pushed and pushed until Pik pulled away, and then panicked when the distance became real.

"Fine!" Jai threw his hands up, a selfish, impulsive fix tumbling out of his mouth. "I'm completely done with dating her anyway. I'm just going to be your friend forever, Pik. Hug me."

He opened his arms, expecting Pik to fall into them like he always did.

Pik didn't move.

"Friends," Pik repeated, the word tasting like ash. "Is that what we are?"

"Of course we're friends." Jai's smile was too bright and too desperate. "Best friends. Come on, Pik, you know I—"

"No." Pik cut him off, his voice finally cracking. "If we're going to survive as just friends, we need boundaries."

Jai blinked. "Boundaries?"

Pik moved to his desk, grabbing his laptop. "I don't want to be misunderstood anymore." He sat on the edge of his bed, typing furiously into the search bar. "I don't want to be the one you use and discard. I don't want people looking at us and thinking there's something more when there isn't. So we're going to figure out how actual friends act."

Jai crawled onto the bed beside him, watching Pik's fingers fly across the keyboard. "What are you doing?"

"We're googling it." Pik's voice was clipped, controlled. "What shouldn't friends do? How should we act so people don't misunderstand me?"

Jai's lips curved into a smirk. "Are you that worried about being misunderstood?"

Pik ignored him, clicking on a results page. "Here. This is what friends shouldn't do."

He read the first rule aloud: "Do not hold eye contact for more than five seconds."

Jai laughed. "I don't think I can do that. Your eyes are pretty."

Pik frowned, his brows drawing together as he scoffed. "You're crazy."

"Am I?" Jai leaned in closer, his voice dropping. "Your eyes are gorgeous, Pik. Everyone thinks so. You think I can't hold your gaze for five seconds?"

"You won't have to hold it. We won't be looking at each other that long."

Jai just smiled, something dangerous flickering behind his eyes.

Pik continued reading: "No overly affectionate skinship."

Jai's hand, which had been inching toward Pik's thigh, froze.

"Don't be together in private."

Jai shot up, his laughter gone. "This is ridiculous. We're always together. I protest. This is wrong."

Pik sat up straighter, meeting Jai's gaze with steel in his eyes. "It literally says friends don't do things like that. Friends don't look at each other too long. Friends don't touch too much. Friends don't lock themselves alone in rooms together."

"Then what the hell are we supposed to do?" Jai demanded, his voice rising. "We live together. We train together. We're about to debut together. You expect me to just—to not touch you? Don't look at you? That's impossible."

"Then maybe we're not just friends," Pik said quietly.

The words hung between them, heavy and loaded.

Jai's expression shifted, his lips curling into that infuriating smirk that always made Pik's stomach flip. "Then," he said slowly, leaning closer, "what if I'm not your friend?"

Pik's body reacts before his brain does. He leans back unconsciously. But Jai follows, and suddenly Jai is almost on top of him, one hand braced on the mattress beside Pik's hip, the other beside his shoulder. Caging him in. The laptop has been pushed aside. It balances precariously on the edge of the bed.

Pik closes his eyes. The air between them is warm and Jai's breath ghosts across his chin.

Don't, he thinks. Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to me.

He opens his eyes.

Jai is right there. Looking at him with that expression, the one that has always been Pik's undoing. Something that says I don't know what I want, but I want it from you.

"Is this what you want?" Pik whispers.

Jai smirks. That infuriating, beautiful smirk. "Why?" he says, his tone teasing, light, as if they're playing a game. "What are you—"

Pik moves.

He grabs the front of Jai's shirt and pulls. Jai's eyes go wide as he's dragged down, his body hitting the mattress. Before he can process what's happening, Pik is on top of him as the weight of Jai sinks into the mattress.

Jai stares up at him. His lips are parted and his chest rises and falls rapidly.

Pik leans down, slow and deliberately. His hair falls forward, brushing Jai's forehead. Their lips are close—so close that Jai can feel the warmth of Pik's breath, can almost taste it. The air between them is electric, three years of want compressed into a space the width of a breath.

Jai doesn't move or breathe. His eyes are locked on Pik's mouth.

And then Pik stops.

Right there. Right at the edge where their lips are a millimeter apart.

"We're friends, Ai Sat." Pik's voice is barely a whisper, but each word lands like a hammer. "Not happening."

He releases Jai's wrists. Gets off the bed. Stands. Straightens his shirt.

Jai lies there, frozen, staring at the ceiling. His chest heaves. His hands are still above his head, as if Pik is still holding them down.

"So keep your distance," Pik says, walking toward the door. He pauses with his hand on the handle and looks back. One look. Just one to who was still sprawled on the bed, frozen in shock. "And act like a friend." Jai's hair was a mess, his shirt rucked up, his expression completely blank.

Pik walked out, heading for the kitchen to get water.

In the bathroom, he gripped the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His hands were shaking. His heart was racing. And his lips still tingled from how close Jai had been.

What the hell did I just do?

The rules went up the next morning.

Pik printed them out on a single sheet of paper. He taped it to the wall above his bed, where Jai would see it every time he walked into the room. Where he would see it every time he tried to crawl into Pik's lap.

Jai had laughed at first. A short, disbelieving sound that died in his throat when he saw Pik's face. When he saw that Pik wasn't joking or going to fold the way he always did.

"Three rules?" Jai had said, staring at the paper like it might catch fire.

"Just three rules," Pik had confirmed. "Follow them, and we can survive this."

Jai had opened his mouth—probably to argue, to whine or to probably do what he always did—and then he'd stopped. He'd looked at Pik's face, at the dark circles under his eyes.

"Okay," Jai had said quietly. "Okay."

Pik hadn't believed him.

He'd been right not to.

The first week was torture.

Jai followed the rules. He really did. He kept his distance during practice, his hands to himself, his eyes carefully averted. He didn't touch Pik's waist during choreography, didn't lean into his space during water breaks, didn't drape himself over Pik's shoulders the way he used to.

But he also didn't stop watching.

Pik could feel it. During dance practice, during meals or the long hours in the recording studio, Jai's eyes would find him across the room, dark ,hungry and utterly unreadable.

And then he would look away.

It was infuriating and heartbreaking. It was making Pik want to scream.

"Pik, your footwork is off," the choreographer called out. "Again, from the top. Jai, you're too stiff. Relax your shoulders."

Jai's shoulders dropped. Pik's footwork didn't improve. He couldn't focus or breathe. He couldn't think about anything except the way Jai's hand had accidentally brushed against his hip during the transition.

"Sorry," Jai muttered, stepping back. "I’m just tired."

Pik didn't look at him. He couldn't.

The rules lasted exactly three days.

On the fourth day, Jai broke the eye contact rule during dance practice. They were running the bridge for the seventeenth time, bodies slick with sweat, and Jai caught Pik's reflection in the studio mirror. Their eyes met for a full seven seconds before Pik wrenched his gaze away, jaw tight, a muscle jumping in his temple.

Jai smiled. Small and sharp and knowing.

By the fifth day, the skinship rule was a distant memory. Jai "accidentally" backed into Pik during formation, his spine pressing against Pik's chest, the heat of him searing through both their shirts. He turned, feigning apology, and his hand landed on Pik's hip. Squeezed. Held on for three counts too many.

"Sorry," Jai murmured, loud enough for the others to hear. His thumb traced a small, deliberate circle against Pik's hip bone. "Didn't see you there."

Pik stepped back. His face was stone. But Jai saw the way his fists clenched at his sides.

By the sixth day, Jai stopped apologizing.

He crowded Pik against the mirrors during breaks, blocking him from the others with his broad shoulders and easy grin. He leaned in close, breath warm against Pik's ear, and whispered things that meant nothing to anyone but everything to Pik.

You smell good today.

You look tired. Did you sleep?

I miss you.

Pik's throat moved but he didn't answer. He couldn't.

The other members pretended not to notice. They were used to Jai's possessiveness but something was different now. The teasing had an undercurrent of desperation, and Pik's silence was louder than any scream.

"You two are weird," Otd muttered during a water break.

Jai's grin was too wide. "What do you mean?"

"You're always like..." Otd gestured vaguely, "whatever this is."

"He's just dramatic," Pik said flatly, not looking up from his water bottle. "Ignore him."

Jai's expression flickered. Something cold slithered across his features before the grin reappeared, brittle and sharp as glass.

Two weeks. Fourteen days of watching Pik flinch away from his touch, past him in the hallway like he was a stranger and fourteen days of Pik's eyes sliding off Jai's face like he was nothing, not even just a frien—

Jai was going to lose his mind.

He found Pik in the dorm hallway at 1 AM, staring at the closed door like it held answers. The other members were out—late-night filming, some variety show Pik had begged off with a headache. Jai had stayed too, for some reasons he doesn’t have, at least not now. 

The rain outside had started hours ago, a relentless drumming against the windows that filled the silence between them.

"You think you can just shut me out?" Jai's voice was low, dangerous. His footsteps echoed in the empty corridor as he approached, and Pik's shoulders went rigid.

Pik didn't turn around. "Go to bed, Jai."

"I've been going to bed alone for fourteen nights." Jai stopped behind him, close enough to feel the heat radiating from Pik's body. "I hate it."

"Then get used to it."

"I can't."

Pik finally turned. His eyes were exhausted, bruised with sleeplessness. His jaw was set, his body coiled tight as a spring. "We have rules."

"Burn them."

"Jai."

"I said burn them."

Jai's hands slammed against the wall on either side of Pik's head. Pik's breath caught, his eyes widening as Jai's larger frame caged him in completely. The rain hammered against the windows like a frantic percussion.

"You want to play games?" Jai's voice dropped, dark and rough. "Fine. I'll play."

Pik's hands came up, pressing against Jai's chest. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Jai leaned closer, his lips brushing the shell of Pik's ear. "Don't touch you? Don't look at you? Don't—"

"Jai, stop."

"Make me."

Pik shoved him. Jai didn't move.

"You're being a jerk," Pik hissed, his voice cracking. "You're—"

"I know." Jai's hand found Pik's jaw, tilting his face up. "I know. I don't care."

The kiss didn't happen. Jai's thumb traced Pik's lower lip and Pik shuddered. His eyes fluttered closed, and for one suspended moment, Jai watched him—watched the way his lashes fanned against his cheeks, the way his lips parted and the way his breath hitched.

"We're in the hallway," Pik whispered. "Anyone could see."

Jai's smirk was sharp. "Then we should go somewhere more private."

He grabbed Pik's wrist and pulled.

The bedroom door slammed behind them. Jai's hands found Pik's waist and shoved him onto the mattress before Pik could blink. The weight of Jai followed immediately, pinning him down, trapping him against the sheets with no room to move, no room to breathe.

"You think you can run from me?" Jai's voice was wrecked, desperate. "You think you can just...put rules between us and I'll just—"

"Jai"

"I can't." Jai's grip on Pik's wrists tightened. "I can't do it. I can't fucking breathe without you. I can't—"

His mouth crashed against Pik's, and it was nothing like the almost-kiss weeks ago. It was teeth and fury, all the frustration of fourteen days poured into the slide of his tongue, the scrape of his teeth. Pik made a sound against his lips, something between a moan and a sob, and Jai swallowed it.

"I hate you," Pik breathed between kisses. "I hate you so fucking much."

"Lie to me." Jai's lips moved down his jaw, his throat, nipping and sucking. "Keep lying. I don't care."

Pik's hips bucked up, pressing against Jai's. The friction made him gasp, and Jai groaned, grinding down against him.

"You want this," Jai murmured against his collarbone. "You want me. You've always wanted me. So why—"

"Because you never want me." Pik's voice was broken, shattered. "You just want—"

"I do." Jai's hand fisted in Pik's shirt, yanking the fabric open. Buttons scattered across the floor. "I've always wanted you. I was just too stupid to—"

Pik yanked him back down by the hair, kissing him hard enough to taste blood. Jai groaned into his mouth, his hands already working at Pik's waistband.

"Don't talk," Pik said, his voice shaking. "Just don't talk. I can't.."

"Okay." Jai's forehead pressed against his. "Okay. Just.. just tell me if you want me to stop."

"I won't want you to stop." Pik's laugh was hollow, bitter. "That's the problem."

Jai kissed him again, softer this time. Then his hands moved with purpose.

He stripped Pik's shirt the rest of the way off, peeling away the layers between them until there was nothing left but skin. The room was dark except for the faint glow of streetlights through the blinds, and the rain was still hammering against the window, and Jai's body was a furnace pressed against Pik's, and every point of contact burned.

Jai took control completely. His hands gripped Pik's hips hard enough to leave marks—ten points of pressure that would bloom into bruises by morning. He pinned Pik to the mattress with his weight, his thigh shoved between Pik's legs, and his mouth never stopped moving, from Pik’s jaw, neck and collarbone to the hollow of his throat. Each press of lips and each scrape of teeth was a claim. A claim that Pik is his.

Pik's hands clawed at Jai's back. His nails dug in, raking red lines down the sweat-slicked skin, and Jai hissed through his teeth but didn't stop. If anything, the pain made him rougher.

"Look at me," Jai growled.

Pik turned his head away. His eyes were squeezed shut, his jaw clenched, his whole body rigid with the effort of holding himself together. He couldn't look. If he looked, this became real. If he looked, he'd see Jai's face then he'd fall apart completely.

Jai's hand found his jaw to force his face back.

"I said look at me."

Pik opened his eyes.

Jai was right there, only inches away. His pupils were blown wide, his lips swollen, his hair a wreck. He was staring at Pik with an intensity that felt like standing at the edge of a cliff.

One second.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Pik tried to look away. Jai's grip tightened on his jaw.

"No." Jai's voice was wrecked. "We're breaking that one too."

Six. Seven. Eight.

Jai didn't blink. His eyes were locked on Pik's as he moved the devastating thrust that punched a sound out of Pik's throat that he didn't recognize as his own. Then another. And another. Each one deeper and harder then the another. Each one accompanied by that gaze that made Pik feel like he was being cracked open and examined from the inside.

Pik's eyes were wide, glassy, filled with a heartbreaking mix of raw pleasure and something that looked a lot like grief. Because this was everything he'd wanted for there years and it was happening for the worst possible reason. Not out of love. It was purely out of possession, out of Jai's need to prove that the rules didn't apply to them and Pik couldn't shut him out. It was the claim that he still had access to every part of Pik whenever he wanted.

And Pik was letting him. Because even now, especially now—his body didn't know how to say no to Jai.

Jai shifted his angle and found the spot that made Pik's whole body seize. Then he targeted it, driving into it again and again until Pik was shaking apart underneath him, his composure shattered and his silence broken into ragged sounds that he'd been swallowing for years.

The orgasm hit Pik like a building collapsing. His whole body locked up, then shattered, back bowing, mouth falling open and hands tearing at Jai's shoulders. He came with Jai's name on his lips, and it sounded like a prayer and a curse in equal measure.

Jai followed seconds later, his rhythm stuttering, his forehead dropping to Pik's shoulder. He bit down on the skin there with the desperation of someone marking territory. His whole body shuddered, and the sound he made against Pik's skin was raw and wrecked.

Then it was over.

The storm was still raging. The room was dark and hot and smelled like sweat and sex and something bitter underneath, like the scent of a mistake that couldn't be unmade.

Pik lay there, still trembling. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling.

Slowly, he pushed at Jai's chest.

Jai rolled off without resistance. The mattress shifted. Cool air rushed into the space between them, and Pik felt the absence like a wound.

He rolled over. He reached for the blanket, wrapped it around himself like a cocoon and faced the wall.

The silence stretched. Ten seconds to twenty. A minute.

Then, from the dark, Pik's voice was cold, a bit shaky and barely audible.

"That was a mistake."

Jai's breathing stopped.

"Tomorrow, the rules go back up." Pik's voice was flat and empty. "Don't touch me like this unless a camera is on us."

Jai lay there, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t understand. He’d taken what he wanted, hadn’t he? Pik had wanted it too. That much was obvious. So why did it feel like someone had reached into his chest and hollowed him out?

He’d never fellike this before. He’d slept with people before. Plenty of people actually. It was easy come, easy go and He’d never once lay awake afterwards feeling like the ceiling was closing in. He’d never once felt the specific agonyof being told he was a mistake.

But Pik had said it. And the word landed somewhere deep, somewhere Jai didn’t have defenses, because he’d never needed to defense there before. 

He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

Pik's breathing evened out first. Not because he fell asleep, he'd cried himself empty and there was nothing left.

Jai didn't sleep at all.

The next morning, Pik woke up before Jai.

He always did. Even on the rare nights when Jai stayed in his own bed Pik's internal clock would pull him from sleep at the first gray light of dawn. His body was trained for it: wake up, make coffee, sit in the kitchen with his notebook and pretend he wasn't waiting for the sound of Jai's footsteps.

This morning was different.

This morning, Pik woke up and felt the absence of heat beside him like a physical wound. Jai was still there, sprawled on the other side of the bed, one arm thrown over his face, his bare chest rising and falling in the rhythm of exhausted sleep. The blanket was tangled around his waist, revealing the angry red scratches Pik had raked down his back the night before.

Pik looked at them. Then he looked away.

He got up. He showered and dressed. He didn't look at the bed again.

When he came out of the bathroom, Jai was awake. He was sitting up, the blanket pooling in his lap, his hair a disaster and his eyes still heavy with sleep. He looked at Pik while Pik looked at the wall.

"We have practice in two hours," Pik said. His voice was the same flat, empty tone from the night before. Like he'd drained all the feeling out of himself. "I'll see you there."

"Pik—"

Pik walked out.

The door clicked shut behind him. Jai sat in the silence, staring at the empty space where Pik had been, and felt something crack open in his chest.

The rules went back up.

Pik didn't print out a new list. He didn't need to. The original was still taped to the wall above his bed, a silent reminder of everything they'd broken and couldn't put back together. Jai saw it every time he walked into the room.

Five seconds. No touching. No being alone together.

Jai followed them this time. Not because he wanted to or he'd suddenly developed a respect for boundaries. But because Pik had looked at him in the hallway that morning with eyes that were completely, terrifyingly blank. Like Pik had packed up all the feelings he'd ever had and put it somewhere Jai couldn't reach.

That terrified Jai more than any rule ever could.

So he followed the rules. He kept his distance as much as he could. He stopped crowding Pik against the mirrors, finding excuses to touch him or letting his eyes linger for more than five seconds, even though every time he looked away, it felt like tearing off a piece of his own skin.

The other members noticed.

"Oh, so you two finally grew up?" Otd said during a water break, nudging Jai's shoulder. "No more weird tension? Thank god. I was getting tired of being your marriage counselor."

Jai forced a smile. "What are you talking about?"

"You know." Otd gestured vaguely. "All that—" he made a face, "—whatever you two had going on. The staring, touching and the way Pik would get all stiff every time you walked into a room. It was exhausting to just watching."

Jai's smile didn't waver. "We're just friends. We've always been just friends."

Otd snorted. "Sure. And I'm the King of Thailand."

Jai didn't respond. He couldn't. Because across the room, Pik had just laughed at something one of the other members said and Jai felt it like a knife in his chest.

Pik never laughed like that with him anymore. Actually, Pik never laughed at all around him anymore. He barely spoke. He barely looked and when their eyes accidentally met during formation, Pik's gaze would slide away like Jai was nothing— maybe less than nothing. Like a  stranger or even a ghost.

And Jai didn't know how to fix it.

Jai told himself it was a phase. That Pik would come around. That was the pattern, wasn't it? Pik would pull away, Jai would wait, Pik would let himself be caught, and everything would go back to normal.

But this time, Pik wasn't pulling away as a cry for attention. He was pulling away because he'd given up.

And Jai, who had never once had to fight for anyone's attention and who had never once been the one left waiting had no idea what to do.

And that terrified Jai more than anything.

The first week after that night was the hardest.

Jai couldn't sleep. Every night, he lay in his own bed and stared at the ceiling, replaying the night in Pik's room. The way Pik had looked at him and the way Pik's body had responded to his touch. The way Pik's voice had cracked when he said that was a mistake.

It hadn't been a mistake. Jai knew that. Pik knew that too. But Pik had said it anyway, had drawn that line in the sand and dared Jai to cross it.

And Jai, for the first time in his life, didn't know how.

He tried reaching out with small gestures and tentative offerings. He left Pik's favorite snacks on his desk. He sent him texts, asking about practice, about the new choreography and about anything that might get a response.

Pik never answered.

Jai would sit across the table during meals, watching Pik laugh with the others, and feel something twist in his gut. Jealousy, maybe. Or grief. Or the terrifying realization that he was watching Pik move on without him.

"Earth to Jai?" One of the other members waved a hand in front of his face. "Dude, you've been staring at Pik for like ten minutes. You okay?"

Jai blinked, dragging his gaze away. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You look like someone ran over your puppy."

Jai didn't answer. He just watched Pik across the room, laughing at something one of the others had said, and felt something crack inside his chest.

The second week was worse.

Jai started sleeping in the practice room. He was exhausted, barely functional, running on coffee and energy drinks. But because his own bed smelled like nothing, and Pik's room was locked, he couldn't stand being in that dorm a second longer than he had to.

The other members noticed. They weren't stupid. They saw the way Jai's eyes tracked Pik across every room, the way Pik flinched whenever Jai came within arm's reach and the way the two of them went out of their way to avoid each other. They whispered about it when they thought Jai couldn't hear.

"Dude, what the hell happened between them?"

"I don't know. Something bad, I guess."

"Should we say something?"

"Are you insane? I'm not getting in the middle of whatever that is."

Jai heard every word. He pretended he didn't.

It was on the fourteenth night that Jai finally broke.

He'd been watching Pik all day—watching him rehearse, eat and him walk past Jai without a single glance. By the time they got back to the dorm, Jai was a raw nerve, every feeling he'd been suppressing for two weeks clawing its way to the surface.

He found Pik in the dance studio at midnight.

The lights were off. The only illumination came from the city beyond the windows, a cold blue glow that cast long shadows across the floor. Pik was standing in the center of the room, still in his practice clothes, his back to the door.

"Pik."

Pik didn't turn around. "What do you want, Jai?"

"I want you to talk to me." Jai's voice was strained, his arrogance cracking at the edges. "I want you to look at me. I want you to stop pretending I don't exist."

"You wanted to be friends," Pik said flatly. "This is what friends do. They give each other space."

"I didn't mean it like that—"

"You always mean it like that." Pik finally turned, and Jai was shocked to see the exhaustion in his eyes. The dark circles. The hollowed-out look of someone who hadn't slept in weeks. "You always use me, Jai. You always take what you need and then push me away. I'm done being your tool."

Jai's composure shattered.

"I'M NOT USING YOU!" he screamed, his voice echoing off the studio walls. "I'm not—I never—" His voice broke, cracking into something raw and desperate. "I love you, Pik. I've always loved you. But you're just going to leave me? You're going to destroy our friendship because you're too scared to admit you feel something too?"

"Don't you dare," Pik snarled, storming across the room. "Don't you dare blame this on me. You're the one who made me your emotional punching bag. You're the one who refused to commit. You're the one who called me your friend every time I tried to get close. You're the one who—"

"Because I was scared!" Jai's voice cracked, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I was terrified of losing you! So I pushed you away before you could leave me!"

The room fell silent except for Jai's ragged breathing.

Then Pik snapped.

He shoved Jai backward, his hands trembling with raw, jagged emotion. His eyes were bright, the tears he'd been holding back finally spilling free.

"Friends are forbidden from looking into each other's eyes for too long," Pik rasped, his voice breaking with every word. "Friends are forbidden from touching too gently. If I'm not your friend... I can do anything I want, right?"

Jai's eyes widened. "Pik—"

Pik threw himself into Jai, delivering a bruising, heartbreaking kiss. There was nothing gentle about it. It was teeth and tears and the full weight of years of pain. Pik kissed Jai like he was trying to carve himself into Jai's soul—and then, just as quickly, he ripped himself away.

"I love you, Jai." Pik's voice was raw, shattered. "I've loved you since day one. But I am done being your secret toy. I am done being your friend when it's convenient and your pillow when you need comfort. Choose right now."

He took a shaky step back.

"Either we are together for real," Pik said, his voice dropping to a whisper, "or I leave the band and walk away from your life forever."

He didn't wait for an answer. He turned and walked out of the dance studio, pushing through the door and into the rain.

Jai stood frozen on the studio floor, the echo of Pik's kiss still burning on his lips, the image of Pik's tears still seared into his memory. He was completely shattered.

The rain was coming down in sheets by the time Pik made it outside.

He didn't have an umbrella. He didn't have a jacket. He just walked, letting the water soak through his clothes, letting the cold numb the ache in his chest. His feet carried him aimlessly through the empty streets, past shuttered shops and dark windows, past everything that reminded him of Jai.

Which was, of course, everything.

He ended up at the river. The Chao Phraya was dark and churning, the rain making it look like it was boiling. Pik stood at the railing, watching the water, and tried to remember how to breathe.

I love you, Jai.

The words hung in the air, even after he'd said them. They felt foreign in his mouth—and terrifyingly true. He'd never said them before. He'd thought them a thousand times, a million times, whispered them to himself in the dark when Jai was asleep beside him. But he'd never said them out loud.

And now he had.

And now everything was ruined.

Pik pressed his forehead to the railing, squeezing his eyes shut. The rain was freezing, but he barely felt it. He was numb all over. Like his body had finally caught up to his heart.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he whispered to no one.

The water didn't answer.

Back in the dance studio, Jai hadn't moved.

He was still standing in the same spot, staring at the door Pik had walked through. His face was wet—rain or tears, he didn't know. He just knew that Pik was gone. That he'd walked out into the rain. That he'd said I love you and then walked away like Jai had broken him beyond repair.

He had. He had broken Pik. He'd done it slowly, over years, one selfish choice at a time. And he'd never even noticed, because Pik had always been there, always been patient, always been waiting.

Until he wasn't.

Jai dropped to his knees. The impact sent a shock through his bones, but he barely registered it. He pressed his palms to the cold floor and let the tears come—ugly, heaving sobs that tore out of him like something dying.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean—I never meant to—"

But Pik wasn't there to hear him.

Jai stayed there for hours. The rain eventually stopped. The city lights flickered. And Jai knelt on the studio floor, his body shaking, his heart hollowed out, and sobbed until there was nothing left.

Three days passed.

Jai didn't sleep. He didn't eat. He barely functioned. He went through the motions of practice, meals and being a person, but he wasn't really there. His body was on autopilot. His mind was stuck in the dance studio, replaying Pik's face, his voice and his words.

Either we are together for real, or I leave the band and walk away from your life forever.

Pik hadn't left the band. But he might as well have.

He wasn't speaking to Jai. He wasn't looking at him. He moved through the dorm like a ghost, silent and untouchable. The other members had given up trying to get the story, maybe they'd taken one look at Jai's face and decided to stay out of it.

Jai was grateful. He couldn't have explained it anyway. How did you explain that you'd spent years pushing away the only person who'd ever mattered, and now that person had finally given up on you?

He stared at Pik's empty chair during meals.

He reached out in the dark, reaching for a warmth that wasn't there, and felt nothing but cold sheets.

He wrote text messages to Pik paragraphs of them but deleted every single one.

He didn't sleep. The bags under his eyes grew darker as day passed by. His cheekbones hollowed out. The other members started looking at him with concern, with worry and something that might have been pity.

"Jai," Otd said one morning, his voice careful, "when's the last time you ate?"

Jai blinked. "What day is it?"

Otd's expression flickered. "Dude. You need to—"

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You look like death warmed over."

Jai didn't answer. He couldn't. Because across the room, Pik had just walked in, and Jai's whole body had gone rigid with want and grief and desperate, aching love.

Pik didn't look at him. He didn't even seem to notice Jai existed.

Jai watched him walk past, and felt something inside him finally break completely.

On the third day, Jai made a choice.

He went back to the dance studio at midnight. The lights were off and the room was dark. And there, in the center of the floor, Pik was standing.

He was wearing the same clothes he'd worn days ago. He looked like he hadn't slept either. His face was pale, his eyes red-rimmed, his entire body radiating exhaustion. Like he'd been standing there for three straight days, waiting.

"Pik."

Pik didn't move. "What do you want, Jai?"

"I want to tell you something."

"Mmm"

Jai took a shaky breath. And then, throwing away every ounce of his pride, he dropped to his knees.

He wrapped his arms around Pik's waist, burying his face in Pik's stomach, and sobbed. The tears came freely, ugly and raw, soaking into Pik's shirt. He clung to Pik like he was drowning, like Pik was the only thing keeping him from sinking.

"I'm sorry," Jai choked out, his voice muffled. "I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry I was a coward. I used you because I was scared of losing you. I didn't think I deserved you. I called you my friend because I was too terrified to call you anything else."

Pik's body was rigid, frozen under Jai's embrace.

"Please," Jai begged, his voice cracking. "Please don't leave me. I don't want the rules. I don't want to be friends. I want you, Pik. I want you so much it hurts. All I want is you."

He lifted his head, his eyes swollen and red, his cheeks wet with tears. He was completely undone, every wall he'd built shattered around him.

"I love you," Jai said, the words tumbling out like a confession. "I've loved you since the moment I met you. I love you so much I can't breathe without you. So please,please, give me a chance. Give me one chance to be the person you deserve."

Pik stared down at him, his expression unreadable.

Then, slowly, something shifted in his eyes. The frozen walls began to crack.

"Say it again," Pik whispered.

"I love you."

"Say it like you mean it."

"I love you, Pik." Jai's hands tightened on his waist. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll say it every day for the rest of my life if that's what it takes. Just please… don't walk away. Don't leave me."

A single tear slid down Pik's cheek. Then another.

And then he was pulling Jai up, crashing their lips together in a desperate, hungry kiss.

The studio floor was cold and hard beneath them. Jai pulled his own shirt off and spread it, creating a thin barrier between Pik's skin and the floor. It was such a small gesture. Such a Jai gesture, thoughtless and considerate just like the kindness Pik fell for him.

Pik lay back. His dark hair fanned out against the dark fabric. His chest rose and fell with shallow, nervous breaths. His eyes were wet. He'd been crying silently,  keeping it contained even when it was killing him.

Jai settled over him. Not like before, with the crushing, punishing weight of someone claiming territory. He lowered himself slowly. Carefully. Like he was placing something fragile on a surface that might crack.

His elbows bracketed Pik's head. His forearms rested on the floor. His hands cradled Pik's skull, fingers threading through his hair, thumbs resting on his temples.

They were close. Close enough that Jai could count the tear tracks on Pik's cheeks. Close enough that he could feel the tremor in Pik's breath against his own lips.

"I'm going to do this right," Jai whispered. "The way I should have done it the first time."

He kissed Pik's forehead, slow and lingering.

He kissed the bridge of his nose.

He kissed each eyelid tasting the dried tears. Pik's breath hitched.

He kissed Pik's left cheek, his right cheek, the corner of his mouth, his chin and the hollow of his throat.

Each kiss was a consent. Each press of lips was an apology and each pause was a breath held like a prayer.

When he reached Pik's mouth, he didn't just take it. He asked. His lips brushed Pik's so lightly it was barely a touch. 

Pik's hands came up, found Jai's face and held him there.

And Jai kissed him properly, with the kind of slowness that comes from knowing you have time. All the time in the world. Because this person is yours, and you are his, and neither of you is going anywhere.

Clothes came off as weeks of walls between them came down, piece by piece, with reverence for what was underneath.

Jai undressed Pik like he was unwrapping something sacred. Each inch of skin was met with his mouth. A kiss here, a breath there, the barely-there drag of his lower lip across a collarbone, a hip bone, the soft inside of a wrist.

Pik trembled from being seen for the first time.

"You're shaking," Jai murmured against his hip.

"Mmm"

"Are you scared?"

Pik's eyes found his. "No." A pause. "I'm not scared."

Jai's hands mapped Pik's body with a tenderness that bordered on worship. His palms slid along Pik's sides, feeling the ridge of each rib, the dip of his waist, the sharp jut of his hip bones. He traced the line of Pik's sternum with his fingertip, followed it with his tongue.

Pik gasped. His back arched off the shirt-covered floor.

Jai paused and looked up. His eyes were dark with want, but clearer than they'd ever been. 

"I see you," Jai said. "I see you, Pik and I'm here."

The preparation was slow, too slow. Jai took his time because every sound Pik made was a revelation, and he wanted to collect every one. Each gasp, shudder, and the broken syllable of his name.

He pressed his fingers in slowly, watching Pik's face. Pik's breath caught. His hands gripped the shirt beneath him.

"Ah"

"Okay?" Jai's voice was careful. Like he was holding back something much rougher.

"Mmm." Pik exhaled. "Keep going."

Jai moved with gentle patience, watching every flicker of sensation on Pik's face. When the second finger was added,  Pik's hips shifted, pressing into the touch instead of away.

"More." 

A third one was added as Jai curled his fingers, searching, and when he found the spot that made Pik's back arch and a broken sound tear from his throat, he pressed against it with deliberate precision.

"JaiJai, right there."

"Here?" Jai pressed again.

"Yes. Right there, don't stop. Please."

Jai didn't stop. He kept his fingers there, rubbing in a slow rhythm, and Pik's legs fell open wider, his heels digging into the floor, his hips rolling to meet Jai's hand.

"God, you're beautiful like this," Jai whispered. His voice was rough, barely held together. "You know that? So beautiful, Pookpik. I've wanted to see you like this for so long."

Pik made a sound halfway between a sob and a moan. His hand found his own cock, stroking in time with Jai's fingers, and the combined sensation was too much, too fast, too good.

"Jai I'm ah—I'm going to.."

"Look at me," Jai said. "Look at me when you come, Love."

Pik opened his eyes. Jai was right there, inches away, watching him with an intensity that felt like being x-rayed.

Pik came apart. His whole body locked up, then shattered. His back arched off the floor, and he came with a sound that was half moan, half sob, spilling across his own stomach and Jai's hand.

Jai watched every second of it. His fingers didn't stop, slowing to a gentle press as Pik rode the waves down, and when Pik's body finally went limp, Jai brought his hand to his lips and tasted.

"You taste like mine," Jai said quietly.

Pik's breath hitched. His eyes were wet. "Jai.."

"I know." Jai leaned down and kissed him. "I know, my love. I'm here."

When Jai finally sank into him, it was slow. So slow that Pik could feel every inch of his body opening, adjusting, welcoming Jai warmly. Jai's forehead rested against Pik's and their breath mixed as their eyes stayed open.

"Tell me if it's too much."

"It's not enough." Pik's voice shook. "Come here."

Jai sank deeper as Pik's legs wrapped around his waist. His arms wrapped around Jai's neck as they were chest to chest.

"God," Jai breathed against Pik's mouth. "You feel so good, baby. You feel—God. I've wanted this. I've wanted you for so long."

"Then move," Pik whispered. "Please. Pik needs Jai to move."

Jai started to move and the rhythm was nothing like the last time. The last time was friction, anger and possession. But this feels like a conversation. Each thrust was a sentence and each roll of his hips was a word. His body spoke a language that only they could understand , something like, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm not going anywhere, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

And he watched. God, he watched.

He was hyper-aware of everything Pik did. Every micro-expression to every tremor and every breath.

Pik gritted his teeth and Jai's hand was there immediately, fingertips tracing the line of his jaw and thumb stroking the hinge of it. Then his lips followed, pressing soft kisses along the bone, before returning to Pik's mouth.

"Relax," Jai murmured against his lips. "I've got you, my love. Just relax for me."

Pik's hands found Jai's shirt spread beneath them. His fingers clenched, as his knuckles turned white.

Jai slowed down. His pace dropped to something barely perceptible, a deep grind that made Pik's breath stutter. Jai reached down, took Pik's hands, and interlaced their fingers, pressing their joined hands into the floor.

"Don't hold on to the shirt," Jai whispered against his ear. "Hold on to me."

Pik's grip tightened as his nails dug into the backs of Jai's hands.

Jai didn't even flinch. He welcomed the sting, or whatever Pik would give him.

"You fill me up," Pik gasped, his voice breaking. "Jai you fill me.. you feel so..ah—"

"I know," Jai breathed against his neck. "I know, baby. You're so tight. So perfect. You were made for me, Pookpik. You were always made for me."

The pace built gradually, like a tide coming in. Jai's hips snapped forward with more intention, not just harder but deeper. He adjusted his angle, searching, until—

Pik's whole body seized. A sound tore from his throat which was raw and devastating. His eyes flew wide as his back arched so sharply his shoulder blades left the floor.

"There?" Jai whispered.

Pik couldn't speak. He nodded. His eyes were filled with tears.

"Say it," Jai said. "Tell me, Pookpik. Use your words."

"There..right there. don't stop please—"

Jai hit the spot again. And again. Each time, he watched Pik's face contort with sensation and the tears well up from the sheer overwhelming of being touched this way and loved this way.

When the tears spilled over, Jai leaned down. His lips found Pik's right eyelid. He kissed the tears away as they fell, his breath warm and steady.

"Don't cry," he whispered. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not crying," Pik said, even as another tear tracked down his temple.

Jai smiled. The softest expression Pik had ever seen on his face. "Okay. You're not crying."

Their eyes met.

One second.

 Two. 

Three.

 Four.

 Five. 

Six. 

Seven.

 Eight. 

Nine. 

Ten.

Neither blinked or looked away. The five-second rule burned to ash.

"Your eyes are so beautiful," Jai whispered. His voice was rough, wrecked, reverent. "God, Pookpik, you're so beautiful. I was so blind. I was so stupid. How did I ever look at anything else?"

"Jai" Pik's voice broke. His body was wound tight as every muscle trembled. "I'm close—"

"I know." Jai's hand moved between them, wrapping around Pik's cock, stroking in time with his thrusts. "Come for me, my love. Let go. I've got you."

Pik came apart. His body shuddered, arched, settled, shuddered again. His hands gripped Jai's so tightly the bones shifted. His eyes stayed open, locked on Jai's, and what Jai saw in them was so raw, so trusting, so completely given that it pushed him over the edge.

Jai followed him. His forehead dropped to Pik's shoulder and his breath came in ragged, open-mouthed gasps against Pik's skin. His whole body shook with the force of the feeling of finally giving himself to the person he'd been withholding himself from for three years.

"Stay inside me," Pik whispered. "Just stay. Don't move yet."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jai said against his skin. "I'm right here, Pookpik."

They lay there, tangled up and alive.

The studio was quiet. The mirrors held their reflection of two bodies curled together on the floor, one shirt beneath them and their hands still interlaced.

Jai lifted his head. His eyes were red. His cheeks were wet.

"I love you." he whispered.

Pik looked up at him. His lips curved with something small, private, and devastatingly real.

"Love you too."

Three months later, the debut showcase was a global event.

Six members on one stage as lights cutting through haze. Thousands of people in the arena and others are streaming. The choreography was flawless, the vocals were perfect.

And at the center of it all was Jai and Pik.

They moved together the way they always had, like two halves of a sentence. But now there was something different. Something the cameras caught but couldn't name. The way Jai's hand found Pik's waist during the chorus and stayed, his thumb tracing a circle the audience couldn't see but Pik could feel through his stage costume. The way Pik leaned into it a micro-tilt that said yes, I'm yours, and I'm not pretending anymore.

The bridge section comes where the "moment" the creative director had insisted on. Jai and Pik faced each other. The choreography called for hands almost touching but stopping an inch apart.

Jai didn't stop an inch apart.

He took Pik's hand, interlaced their fingers and pulled him close. They become chest to chest as their foreheads nearly touching and held it.

The arena exploded.

Katanyoo Tonight. Late night talk show.

The group, all six members, was crammed onto a curved sofa facing the host, a genial man in his forties with a sharp smile and sharper instincts.

The interview had been going well. The members were all relaxed. The mood was lighter as it went on.

Then the host leaned forward.

"So," he said, and the tone shifted. "There was a lot of buzz about them as a pairing before their debut." He paused, looked directly at Jai and Pik. "Jai and Pik, you two seem really close."

The studio went quiet, as the members changed each other's look.

"Is there... anything going on between you two?"

Two seconds of silence. Then before Jai could open his mouth, Pik spoke first.

"I've also been wondering if there's ever been something between us."

The host blinked. The audience made a collective sound, half gasp, half laugh. The other members' jaws dropped.

Jai turned to look at Pik. His face was a masterpiece—surprise, affection, and a deep, private amusement. The kind of look that said you little shit and I love you so much at the same time.

Pik was looking at him, smiling as Jai held his gaze.

One second. 

Two. 

Three. 

Four. 

Five. 

Six. 

Seven. 

Eight. 

Nine. 

Ten.

The audience murmured as the host's eyebrows climbed.

Jai leaned in. His lips brushed Pik's ear. The camera caught the whisper in profile but the words belonged to Pik alone.

"Ai sat, I love you so much.. What should I do with you?."

Pik's ears went pink.

The host cleared his throat. "What did he say?"

Jai leaned back. The smirk was back like a performance.

"Oh," he said casually. "I'm just hungry."

The studio erupted. The host doubled over as the other members howled. The audience was on fire as they screamed Jai's name.

And when the camera cut to a wide shot, if you looked very carefully, you could see Jai's hand on the couch cushion behind Pik's back, his pinky hooked around Pik's pinky that was hidden by the angle.

The dorm. Later that night.

The celebration was over. The other members had gone to their rooms. The dorm was quiet as the city hummed outside the windows.

Pik's bathroom was a small luxury. The tub was circular and deep enough to submerge to the chin. It sat against a floor-to-ceiling glass window overlooking Bangkok. City lights shimmered through the glass, reflected in the water.

Pik had already filled the tub. The water was the way he liked it. Clouds of bubble bath floated on the surface, catching the light. He slid in with a groan, his muscles giving up. He leaned back, letting the water lap at his collarbones, and watched the city through the glass.

From the bedroom, he could hear Jai playing a game on his phone. Tinny explosions and the occasional grunt of frustration. The domesticity of it made something warm settle in Pik's chest.

The bathroom door opened after five or ten minutes.

"Took you long enough," Pik said without turning around.

Jai walked in wearing a robe. His hair was still messy from the day's styling. He padded across the tile and stopped at the edge of the tub.

Pik looked up.

Jai stood there, backlit by the warm bathroom light, the skyline framing him through the glass. He looked soft and real.

Jai's hand went to the robe's string and he pulled. The knot unraveled. He shrugged one shoulder, and the robe slid down his shoulder. Then the other. Then it pooled at his feet.

He stood there naked, watching Pik watch him.

"Let's share a bath with a friend every day, yeah?”

The word landed. Friend. 

Pik's eye twitched. "The fuck you mean, friends?"

Jai chuckled as he stepped into the tub, guiding Pik to lean forward so he could settle behind him. The tub was wide. Jai pulled Pik back against his chest, wrapping his arms around him from behind.

Pik's head rested against Jai's shoulder. The back of his neck pressed against Jai's collarbone. Jai's arms wrapped around his waist, hands interlacing against Pik's stomach. The water rose around them, warm and enclosing.

They sat there for a while as the bubbles slowly dissolved.

"What are we?" Pik asked suddenly.

"What do you think?"

"Well, I don't know." Pik's voice was carefully neutral. "You haven't asked me out."

Jai chuckled. "Oh yeah, I thought I said it tha—"

"You didn't."

It was clean and decisive. The kind of interruption that meant Pik had been keeping track.

Jai smiled. "Pik," he said, leaning forward and nibbling Pik's ear lobe.

"Mm."

"I love you." Jai kissed his neck. "Will you be my boyfriend?" His breath was warm against Pik's nape.

Pik's eyes welled up as he looked back at Jai.

"Hey, don't cry. Answer me. Will you?" Jai kissed his lips softly.

"Of course I'll agree."

Then they kissed. The small, emotional kiss slowly turned hungry.

Pik turned in Jai's arms, water sloshing over the rim. His knees found either side of Jai's hips. His hands gripped Jai's shoulders as the fingers slipped on wet skin, and he kissed Jai like he was trying to crawl inside him. 

Jai's hands found Pik's hips under the water. He gripped as he pulled him closer.

"You've been teasing me all day," Pik breathed against Jai's mouth. "Every interview, every stage where your hand on my waist, your breath on my neck and—"

"Is that what that was?"

"Don't play dumb." Pik's nails dragged down Jai's chest underwater. "You knew exactly what you were doing."

"I did." Jai's hands tightened. "I always know what I'm doing with you."

"Then do something about it."

Jai's hand slid from Pik's hip to the small of his back, pulling him flush. The water rose and fell as the city lights moved across their skin.

"Spread your legs for me, baby," Jai murmured against Pik's jaw. His voice was low, rough, the kind that vibrated in the chest. "Wider. Let me feel you."

Pik's breath hitched. He shifted his knees wider, and Jai's hand slid between them under the water. Pik's head fell back, exposing the line of his throat, and Jai's mouth found it—kissing, biting, tasting warm water and skin.

"God, you're so hard already," Jai whispered against Pik's collarbone. His hand wrapped around Pik slowly, and Pik's hips jerked forward. "You've been like this all day, haven't you? Since the show. Since I whispered in your ear."

"Jai."

"Tell me." Jai's thumb traced the head, slow, maddening. "Tell me what you've been thinking about."

"You." Pik's voice broke. "You touching me, inside me and the way you looked at me on that stage, like.. Ah. like you wanted to take me apart right there—"

"I did." Jai stroked him slowly, his grip just tight enough. "I wanted to bend you over right there in front of everyone and show them you're mine. I really wanted to show them what you sound like when I'm inside you."

Pik whimpered as his nails dug into Jai's shoulders. "Please.."

"Please what?"

"Please fuck me."

Jai's hand stilled. His eyes darkened. "Say that again."

"Please fuck me, Love. I need you inside me. Please—"

"Turn around." Jai's voice dropped into something rough and commanding. "Turn around and hold onto the edge."

Pik turned in the water, his hands gripping the smooth rim of the tub. The city lights reflected off the surface, casting moving patterns across his back. Jai's hands found his hips, positioning and  pulling him back.

"You're so beautiful, baby," Jai said, pressing his chest against Pik's back, his lips against the nape of Pik's neck. "So beautiful it hurts. Every time I look at you, it hurts."

"Then stop looking and do something about it."

Jai laughed—a low, breathless sound. "Brat."

His fingers found Pik first. One, then two, stretching him open slowly. Pik's arms trembled, his grip on the tub edge tightening.

"Ah..JaiJai."

"Tell me if it's too much."

"It's not enough. It's never enough with you."

"You take me so well," Jai whispered against his ear. "So good, Love. You were made for this. For me."

Pik made a sound that was half sob, half moan. "Inside now. Please."

Jai pushed in slowly, inch by inch. The hot water made everything slicker, warmer and  more intense. Pik's mouth fell open as his fingers tightened on the rim until his knuckles went white.

"God Jai.. you're so—ah—"

"You're so tight," Jai groaned against his shoulder, as his forehead pressed against the back of Pik's neck. "You feel so good, baby. I could stay inside you forever."

"Then move," Pik gasped. "Please..move—"

Jai started to move. It was slow at first, each thrust deep and deliberate, the water sloshing around them in rhythm. The tub was wide enough that the water didn't spill but it rose and fell with every movement, lapping at Pik's chest, at Jai's stomach.

"Harder." 

"Yeah?"

"Harder. I want to feel you tomorrow, every time I move."

"God, you're going to kill me." Jai's hips snapped forward. Pik's back arched, and the sound that came out of him echoed off the bathroom tiles. "You sound like that and you expect me to last?"

"I don't want you to last. I want you to fuck me until I can't think."

Jai's hand found Pik's jaw, turning his head sideways. Their eyes met as Pik's glassy and desperate eyes met Jai's dark and burning gaze.

"You can't think?" Jai whispered. "Good. That means I'm doing it right."

He kissed him, sideways, awkward and messy as their tongues slid together and water sloshing over the rim onto the tile floor. Neither of them cared.

Jai's hand moved from Pik's jaw down to his cock, stroking in time with his thrusts. Pik's whole body shuddered.

"Jai, I'm close."

"Not yet."

"Jai. Ah.. please—"

"Wait for me." Jai's voice was rough, commanding, tender all at once. "Come with me, Pookpik. I want to feel you fall apart around me."

"I can't.. it's too much!"

"You can. Look at me."

Pik turned his head. Their eyes met as Jai's forehead pressed against his temple.

"I love you," Jai whispered. "Come for me, my love."

Pik shattered. His body clenched around Jai, his back arched, and he came with a sob that echoed off the tiles. Jai followed two thrusts later, his arms locking around Pik's waist, his face buried in Pik's neck and a low groan grinding out of him.

They stayed like that. Jai still inside Pik and arms locked. The water had gone lukewarm, and the floor was soaked, and neither of them moved.

"I can't feel my legs," Pik murmured.

"Good."

"That's not a compliment."

"It is from where I'm sitting."

Pik elbowed him. Jai laughed and pressed a kiss to Pik's shoulder.

The bedroom.

Pik's back hit the mattress of clean sheets, cool cotton against overheated skin. Jai followed him down, covering his body, pinning him with his weight.

"Again?" Pik's voice was wrecked.

"Again."

"Jai, I literally can't feel my—"

"You will." Jai kissed him. Slow, deep, filthy. His tongue slid against Pik's, and Pik opened for him, letting him in. "I'm going to make you feel everything. Every inch of me. Everywhere."

Pik's hands fisted in the sheets. "You're going to kill me."

"What a way to go."

This time was different from the tub. The tub was water and warmth and yielding but the bed was friction and pressure and the solid reality of Jai's body driving into him with intention.

Jai pressed Pik's knees toward his chest, opening him wider. "Look at you," he breathed. His eyes swept over Pik's body like he was memorizing it. "God, you're beautiful. So beautiful. I don't deserve you."

"No." Pik said, his voice cracking. "But you have me anyway."

Jai's face changed. Something raw flickered across it.. Disbelief and love so fierce it looked like pain. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to Pik's.

"I have you," he repeated. Like he needed to say them out loud to believe them.

"You have me," Pik confirmed. "Now stop talking and fuck me."

Jai laughed. Then he pushed in watching Pik's face the entire time, the way his eyes widened, the way his mouth opened and the way his jaw went slack.

"You feel that?" Jai whispered. "Feel me filling you up?"

"Yes..God yes"

"You take me so well." Jai's hands found Pik's, interlacing their fingers, pressing them into the mattress. "You’re made to be mine."

Pik's eyes were wet. "I've always been yours. You were just too stupid to see it."

"I see it now." Jai started to move deep and  deliberate. "I see everything now."

The rhythm built. Jai's hips snapped forward with intention, angled to find that spot that made Pik's vision white out. Pik's hands gripped Jai's so tightly the bones shifted.

"Jai.. right there. don't stop. please don't stop—"

"I won't. I'm not going anywhere." Jai's voice was rough, wrecked. "I'm going to stay right here and love you until you can't take it anymore."

"I can't take it. I already can't—"

"Then come for me." Jai's hand moved between them, wrapping around Pik. "Come for me, my love. Let me feel you."

Pik came with a sob. His body clenched around Jai, his back arched, his nails raked down Jai's back. Jai followed moments later, pressing deep, his face buried in Pik's neck.

"God Pookpik I love you.. I love you."

They didn't let go. Jai stayed inside while wrapped his arms around him and pressed against him like he was afraid Pik would dissolve if he moved.

The bathroom mirror.

One moment they were in bed. The next, Jai was pulling him up, walking him backward through the dark bedroom, hands everywhere, mouth everywhere, and then the cold glass pressed against Pik's back.

The mirror was foggy from the bath, but not foggy enough. Pik could see their reflection. Two bodies pressed together, Jai behind him as his hands on Pik's hips and Pik's hands braced against the glass.

"Look," Jai said. His voice was low amd rough. His lips against Pik's ear. "Look at us."

Pik opened his eyes.

He saw himself, all lushed, wrecked, lips swollen and eyes dark. He saw Jai behind him with jaw clenched, hands gripping Pik's hips.

”Watch," Jai said.

Pik obayed.

Jai's hand slid from Pik's hip to his stomach and then lower. Pik's muscles contracted and his breath hitched.

"Watch me love you," Jai whispered. "Watch me make you fall apart."

Pik watched in the mirror as Jai's hand wrapped around him as his own mouth fell open. He watched Jai's lips trace a path along his shoulder, his neck and ear.

"Spread your legs," Jai murmured. "Wider. Ride it for me, Ter."

Pik shifted his stance, and Jai pushed in from behind. The angle was different, deeper and  more intense and Pik's forehead dropped against the glass. His breath fogged the mirror in quick, ragged bursts.

"Look at yourself," Jai said. His hand gripped Pik's jaw, turning his face toward the mirror. "Look at how beautiful you are when I'm inside you."

Pik looked. He saw his own face, wrecked, tear-streaked and mouth open. He saw Jai behind him, eyes dark, moving with slow, deliberate thrusts.

"Jai.."

"You're gorgeous." Jai's thumb traced Pik's lower lip. "Every part of you. I was so blind. I should have been worshiping you since day one."

"Then worship me harder."

Jai's hips snapped forward. Pik's hands slid down the glass, leaving streaks.

"Like that?" 

"Harder."

Jai grabbed Pik's hips and drove into him. The mirror rattled against the wall. Pik's desperate and beautiful sounds filled the bathroom.

"God, you feel so good," Jai groaned against Pik's shoulder. "So tight. So perfect. I'm never letting you go. Never. You're mine, Pik. Say it."

"I'm yours." Pik's voice shattered. "I've always been yours. I've always..ah—Jai.."

"Come for me." Jai's hand wrapped around Pik, stroking fast. "Come for me, my love. Let me watch you in the mirror."

Pik came with his eyes open, watching himself shatter in the reflection. His body clenched around Jai, and Jai followed with a groan that vibrated through both of them.

They slumped against the mirror. The glass was smudged with handprints and breath. The city lights still shimmered through the window.

"I can't feel my legs again," Pik murmured.

"Good."

Later. Much later.

The bed was destroyed, sheets tangled and pillows on the floor. The mirror smudged and the tub drained.

They were back in bed, both lying. Jai on his back, one arm behind his head and the other around Pik's shoulders. Pik curled against his side one hand on Jai's chest, tracing patterns.

"Jai."

"Mm."

"You're not allowed to call me your friend anymore."

"I know."

"Ever."

Jai smiled against his hair. "Never again. I promise." 

Silence.

"Jai."

"Mm."

"Your eyes are pretty too."

Jai's chest vibrated with a laugh.

"Go to sleep, Khun Sanit."

"I'm not tired."

"You're exhausted."

"I was.."

Jai pressed his lips to Pik's hairline. "Five more minutes. Then sleep. It's a new rule."

"We don't do rules anymore."

Jai smiled against Pik's temple. "You're right. We don't but I will if you keep being stubborn."

Pik tilted his head up and Jai tilted down. Their lips met, soft and unhurried. 

"Goodnight, Fean," Jai whispered.

"Goodnight."

The city didn't know. The fans didn't know. The cameras and interviewers didn't know about them.

But It didn't matter.

Because the rules that lasted for almost months were gone. The counting was over. And the five-second limit was nothing but a memory of a time when they were too scared to look at each other too long.

Now, they looked at each other like lovers and they didn't look away.

END