Chapter Text
“Oh my fucking god, i didn’t pass…”
Jooyeon was in disbelief, sitting in his dorm bed. Not passing his year meant going back home and having to say goodbye to his dream to be a musician. His savings were almost empty and he couldn’t afford another year of tuition. He needed to go back home but how was he supposed to do that ? His father was long out of the picture and his mom stopped talking to him when he went to college to pursue his music dream at 18. He was now 23 and regretting his decision.
But luckily for him, he had a little sister that still loved him so much and cared about him. Unfortunately to get her help, he needed to call her, but was he ready ? Was he ready to admit that he failed ? That the path he thought was his, wasn’t what he should do ?
He took a deep breath and looked around him. On the walls of his dorm were all his college years, the memories of creating his future, erased just by failing his last semester… Five years of trying and trying to achieve something, and yet nothing. He really thought that he had the talent for it. He did his best : singing until his vocal cords were shaking, playing the bass until his fingers were bleeding and learning everything about music theory even if he wasn’t interested in it. Jooyeon even played the piano while hating this instrument, even if it reminded him of someone he had lost.
After debating with himself for nearly an hour, he took the courage he needed and called his younger sister, she responded at the second ring…
“Jooyeon Oppa, you remembered my phone number ? I’m glad you did, I wanted to call you for like two weeks but I didn't want to disturb you ! I know exam season is the worst for you as you’re all focused and things… Oh my god, I didn't even let you speak Oppa ! How are you ?”
Jooyeon smiled at his phone, he loved how excited his little sister was to speak to him every time. “I’m fine, I guess… Thanks for asking Haewon, I missed talking to you.., he whispered. I think I need a favor..
Sure, tell me what you need, you know I’ll help you no matter what !”
He took a deep breath, he had to admit he failed but he wasn’t really ready for it
“I failed my exams and… I need somewhere to go, just for a little while, I promise I won't make myself a home for too long, I just need two months, I swear. It’s just.. I have no one besides you…, he said on the verge of crying.
“Oppa oh my god, of course you can come home ! You know the door is always open for you and Lily won’t mind, she literally adores you. You don’t need to be scared, I’ll always be there for you just like you always were for me…”
The phone call with Haewon made him lighter, for a moment, he forgot that he wasn’t alone, he’ll always have his sister by his side, just like he would always be by hers. He stood up from his bed and looked around him once again. Most of his dorm was junk or things he didn’t really need, he just kept them “just in case” but the case never happened so today he’ll throw everything out. He started with his desk, so many papers, researches, and notebooks filled with lyrics he never finished. Seeing all this made me think that his failure was just under his nose. If he wasn’t good enough to just finish a lyric, how would he be good enough to pass a simple exam? Angry at himself, he wrecked everything on the floor, crying his emotions out. He held them for so long that they were playing at himself. He never opened to someone in college, afraid that it would distract him from his path. Every relationship that he sacrificed, every hour of sleep, and for what ? Failure.
That’s what he was : a failure. And he was forced to start over.
Cleaning his dorm took him approximately two days, because of his tantrum. It took him time to be sure about what to keep. Did he have enough space for them ? Did it matter to him ? Even himself didn’t really know. He was just surviving trying to achieve a dream that was slowly killing the person he was.
He was finally set and ready to close this chapter of his life, or was he really ? All he kept was his bass, obviously, 2 notebooks filled with lyrics, all his band shirts and a few things to dress himself. His objective was to keep the least amount of things that could remember his college years, just like he did the first time when he left his hometown. He took the train back home, with his suitcase and two bags. The ride home felt awkward, the thought of having left this town and all his memories behind haunted him during all his journey. He fully believed that he’ll never have to come back ever again except to visit his sister and her girlfriend.
Looking through the train window, his mind went thinking of his high school best friend he stopped talking to, Jiseok. They were inseparable, teachers even knew to never separate them even as troublemakers. They did everything together, they were driven by the same hobbies and yet, only Jooyeon pursued his. Should he text him ? Just to let him know that he’s back in town. All these afternoons passed in Jiseok’s garage playing the bass and guitar together, like the world belonged to these tiny highschoolers made him nostalgic of this era. He never was too much with Jiseok. He felt at home, anywhere, he just needed him. Their plan was to start a band together, but he left… All his regrets fueled his trip back home. He felt like a 17 years old again, not sure if he had made the right decision.
Arriving at the station, he got out of the train and the first thing he saw was his sister and her girlfriend waiting for him. Haewon welcomed him with a hug so comforting he almost cried. He didn’t even remember the last hug he received, maybe it was his but he couldn’t think about it now. His priority for now was to catch up with his sister. The car ride was calm, they didn’t talk, didn’t need to.
Once they got home, Lily did a little presentation of her artwork as she called it, aka, the interior decoration. She chose all the details with the agreement of her lover, of course, but all the ideas were hers. She was really proud of it. Jooyeon got set up in their guest room and laughed a little at the decoration, an all pink room, not very suiting for a guy with a rockstar like appearance. But he felt a bit more at home than ever did for the last five years.
The next day, Jooyeon was already on track to, at least, find a job. He didn’t want to depend on his little sister for too long. To show his gratitude, he tried to make breakfast for the girls in the morning but was quickly banned from the kitchen by Lily. “As much as I would love to have a personal chef at home, I unfortunately know that you can’t cook anything besides noodles, which questions me about how you survived all these years alone,” she said. A question that Jooyeon asked himself too, but he wasn’t really alone, that’s kinda part of the problem of him failing his year…
Jooyeon tried three different shops before he found an old lady that needed help in her tiny shop. Most of his job would be heavy lifting and stocking shelves up. He was confident in his capacities. Later, if his work satisfied the last, she’ll let him handle the register and even do openings or closes. She really needed help so having Jooyeon around could save her. He came home pretty excited, which was noticed by Haewon, who was happy to see a bit of his brother spark coming back. She knew that something happened for him while he was away to have lost his happy self but she wasn’t gonna push it. Jooyeon had his boundaries and she respected them.
To cheer him up more, she decided to bring up the record store that opened in town while he was away. It was always a dream of his to have one in town as the closest one was a few towns away and his mom was always too tired to take him there. Hearing about this, Jooyeon got excited because he, in fact, needed new cords for his guitar and maybe a vinyl to start his collection again as he had to sell them all or most to make money to pay his tuition last year. But he brushed off the idea quickly, he needed to make more money before thinking about this. He’ll go maybe after his first or second paycheck as he was paid bi-weekly. And maybe it was for the best, he hadn't touched his bass since the news, and usually he had to play with it once a day or he would collapse - not literally but almost.