Chapter Text
Connor and Michaela's much needed bestie day out was on its way to being a success . They had hit the road early that Saturday morning, making it to their first stop on the Brandywine Valley Wine Trail around 11 AM. Connor, in his infinite wisdom , suggested that they leave Michaela's Prius parked at the first winery stop. Ubering while tipsy was his own constitutional amendment these days . Michaela of course had no objections, she had plenty of reasons to act more responsibly these days than she may have had a couple years ago.
Connor rolled down the window of the Malibu cruising them to their winery next destination. He threw on his fancy shades and sighed dramatically, " I needed this mini retreat so bad. We've spent most of the past year going through every layer of hell in Dante's inferno...I'd say we deserve a fancy turn up, away from middletons skeevy frat parties and Old City's lame pub crawl."
Michaela smirked on the other side of the backseat, half thinking about the truth in Connors statement and half entranced by plethora of Fall colors painting the landscape they passed by. Her eyes glanced forward and back out the window with child like excitement ; it was mid fall so naturally the burnt orange leaves fell where they may, dancing across the miles and miles of green land. The imagery instinctively brought someone in particular to mind. Luckily the uber driver's abrupt stop at the next winery's entrance brought Michaela's thoughts to a pause. "Thanks Aaron. I'll make sure to leave you a good review," Connor winked at the former back street boy-esque looking driver. Michaela rolled eyes extra hard and linked arms with her best friend as they made their way into the winery. "I really thought you'd be tired of being a hoe by now, " Michaela zinged.
"Michaela , don't slut shame me," Connor feigned as if he was offended. They were both feeling the affects of that Premium Red tasting from their first stop as they giggled their way into the next tasting journey.
"C seriously, why are you and Olli still on the outs," Michaela queried as she sipped her 1st glass of Pinot. "It seemed like you guys were getting back to that good place ..leaning on each other amidst all the calamity and-"
"Dude. Yes Oliver and I had tons of 'I'm happy you're not dead ' sex after what happened but it just wasn't enough." Connor took a huge gulp from his glass and unbuttoned his salmon colored shirt a bit before replying flatly. Michaela hated when other people pried endlessly so she decided to drop the Olli talk for now; even though she herself was a huge Coliver supporter. "I could easily be pleading the same case for my dawwwwg Asher," Connor almost choked on his wine trying to imitate Asher's fratboy accent.
"Don't do this," Michaela gave him the death stare of all stares before continuing, " Asher and I had a short fling that anyone would half a brain could see wasn't going to make it past spring semester. Especially with everything that happened , him summoning my mother to Philly without my consent. Just no." A cool fall wind cozied up along Michaela 's cheek, actually coming to her aid since the wine had her feeling a bit heated. She unwrapped her her plum colored scarf from around her neck tighter and opened her blazer.
She took another sip and glanced up into the sky, "ill always be here for him as a friend though." Michaela hadn't fully expected Asher to take the fake break up as hard as he did; it wasn't until like two weeks ago that he finally accepted that her and the sessions with "little Asher" we're never no more. She cared about him as a person but frankly saw no future with him outside of friendship, evading jail time and possible meaningless boning. Her decisions in love and lust were pretty much pathetic for as long as she could remember. It was no shade to Asher but after having gone from relationship with closeted gay guy to supposed drug dealer to sociopathic killer perv...Michaela had finally made the executive decision to put her vagina on timeout and truly focus on herself and properly healing for once.
"I can't even blame you for needing your Eat Pray Love moment away from romantic debauchery ; I mean you're practically a step mom these days. No time for boys ," Connor sliced a piece of the artisan cheese and smirked across the table. "You're really good at it you know ...helping Laurel do mommy things for Baby Luz." Michaela takes a mental note of the funny feeling that camps out in her stomach the moment Laurel's name is mentioned...there's no forgetting the way her heart flutters at just the thought of baby Luz. The blue eyed butter ball that she could hold forever if time would permit.
" Trust me when I say that 90% of the baby population still give me hives, " Michaela started. " It's still surreal to me. Laurel has a baby...not just any baby but like my favorite person to be around these days," She mused. Connor chuckled feeling half slighted by the confession but also finding it endearing to see the genuine glow consuming Michaela as she described her baby friend . She was practically going into full blown first time mom mode as she whipped out her phone to show him the first picture in her camera roll which unsurprisingly was a picture of Luz sleeping contently on her chest. She scrolled through a dozen or so pics of Laurel's little baby, repetitive photographic proof of her adorableness. "Look at her liddle hands and her liddle brown curls ," Michaela gawked. Connor was side eying the silly baby voice that Michaela was using but certainly couldn't deny that Laurel and the name that need not be mentioned had created a gem of a baby. Luz was truly the light against the down pour of darkness that filled all of their lives not too long ago. After Wes. After everything.
The next picture was one of a stoic looking Laurel , pursed lips and messy hair, holding Luz toward the camera. "She has this tiny dimple that shoes up outta nowhere when you get her smiling," Michaela moved the screen closer to Connor's face. Her smile could easily give the sunrise a run for its money. His eyes scanned up from Luz in all her adorableness and locked in on Laurel. Her eyes were far from empty , replete with sadness that instantly made him think about the night the group learned that Luz was a fighter and that she would definitely be making her way into the world eventually ; sadly, it was that same fateful that they learned they would never see Wes again. "How has she been..with the postpartum and just everything? Has she finally kind of opened up to you about any of it." Connor asked.
Connor was grateful that despite their differences , Laurel had allowed him to be there for her by him pretty much letting him be her body double for spring semester. Well really she no choice in the matter; she had been overrun by grief. Pregnancy and the first couple months of motherhood were arduous for Laurel to say the least. There was no way she could heal from her injuries and mourn a loss so deep, all the while keeping her grades up. Despite throwing in the towel mentally on school plenty of times over the past year, the gang would simply not let Laurel give up on her studies. Connor was barely keeping his GPA higher than his blood alcohol level himself but somehow managed to keep Laurel up to date in all of her classes, paying for lecture notes and recordings for classes she missed. Taking online exams for her, you name it. Not entirely ethical but getting it done the Keating way low and behold. He considered it his moral contribution to' project Laurel.' It was his way of helping because regardless of how cute Luz was , the fact remained that babies scared Connor shitless and Michaela was simply better at playing Mrs. Doubtfire than he was. He had no qualms in admitting that and forr as much shit as Connor liked to give Michaela about the whole thing, he also recognized that she was doing more than just babysitting for Laurel. She was truly showing Luz love and being there for Laurel in ways unimaginable despite getting pushed back at every turn.
"We don't talk about...that. Per se," Michaela said and the disappointment in her voice was more than detectable. "We talk about Luz and doctors visits. Maybe school stuff sometimes but not about that. She has her breakdowns where she might sob into a pillow randomly. And I just kind of know to take Lu Lu out the room and let Laurel go through her motions." Michaela so wished that Laurel would let her in and let her be there for her finally as a friend or really as more but she knew it couldn't be forced. "She sees her counselor twice a week now so at least we know she's talking to somebody. Repression is toxic ." Michaela sipped more of her Chardonnay, catching the slightly nervous gulp Connor took. He was forever paranoid about someone slipping up and pretty much snitching on all of them about the horrible stuff they've done in the past. "Connor don't look like that, I'm sure she's only talking about her grief and trying to find ways to cope." She assured him. "She's got Luz to think about now...the last thing she would do is give us all up at this point."
"Yea I know," Connor finished his glass in its entirety. "Speaking of step mommy duties , aren't we stopping at Walmart aka satans scrotum in order to pick up baby stuff for Luz ?" Connor asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yea..um, never mention my baby and satans scrotum in the same sentence again," Michaela raised her brow and couldn't help laughing . She stood up from the bench and her dusted off her pants before holding her hand out to her best friend. "I'm glad we did this day date..we need to come back here with Laurel . Maybe even Asher if he's behaving." Connor accepted Michaela's hand and pulled her in for a big hug. " I could do wine tasting and shit talking with you any day of the week chick."
Their uber back to the first winery was waiting for them at the entrance by the time they finally got done snapping selfies against the posh winery backdrops. Connor made busy pulling the life story out of the uber driver transporting them back to Point A. Michaela on the other hand was busy starting and deleting a text to Laurel. Laurel's communication skills or lack there of could sometimes be unnerving ; calling her was always better than texting.
Michaela heard a huge yawn on the other line before the other girl finally put the phone to her mouth, " Yes Michaela?" Laurel asked sleepily.
"Oh..Sorry to wake you up it sounds like . Darn I shouldn't have called, you barely get enough sleep as is, " Michaela offered. Even when Luz was sleeping heavy or out for the most of the night, Laurel seldom allowed herself good rest.
"She's been out for like an hour; I was only sleep for about 10 mins. No biggie."
" Laurel you need sleep..nap when she naps the doctor-"
"Michaela did you call to give me a sleep clinic consultation or was there something you actually needed." Laurel snapped. Michaela was so proud of her ability to not go back and forth with this woman...she used to be obsessed with having the last word in arguments, especially with Laurel throughout their history of frenemies. Not anymore. Laurels well being and state of mind were far more important to her than winning some false sense of pride or righteousness.
The old Michaela could've easily rerouted them to a 15 minute back and forth of petty jabs but instead, she bypassed Laurels snarky remarks and got to the point."I called because I told you I would be stopping at Walmart on our way back to Philly. Text me the name of the diaper rash cream that we used last month. I remember the aquaphor made her red but we there was that one..." Michaela pondered.
"You bought the burts baby bees cream last time, not sure if Walmart carried it but let me know. Hey....did Amazon say how it would take for that nipple balm to get to my house," Laurel was still sometimes taken aback by how entwined Michaela was in pretty much all areas of her life. Namely the assistance with the biggest thing in her life now and really Laurel's reason for living: her daughter Luz. She had thanked Michaela casually here and there for helping with the baby but truthfully , she might've not survived her last trimester of pregnancy nor the first month of breastfeeding had it not been for Michaela. " I used the pump today and got her to take a little bit from the bottle even though she hates the it. I really don't think I can nurse until I get that cream. " Getting the baby to latch correctly and comfortably had been an on going issue for her although recently she thought her and Luz had a feeding groove. Unfortunately the past week or so had been a return slump of low milk production , a fussy baby and aching nipples.
"I can track the shipment but I doubt it will come today or tomorrow. I'll find something that can hold you over until the balm arrives. Are both your nipples out of commission? I know she practically ripped the left one off when she was feeding last night. Remember to use a warm compress across your chest so you don't get engorged and just keep pumping when you can." Michaela sounded as if she shoulda took up med school instead of law. She was already looking up the number to Laurel's lactation Nurse from her GYN when Connor who had been eves dropping elbowed Michaela in her side and whispered, " Damn girl, sounds like you babysit Laurels boobs also. Can't even lie, Laurels boobs post -baby are award worthy and she doesn't even know ." Michaela twisted Connors hand playfully and cursed him out with her eyes while she listened to Laurel respond. Granted, Laurels breast were magical in Michaela's eyes but she felt wrong admitting it privately let alone with Connor. Laurel's breasts were the food source of Luz, yes that's it and that's all Michaela assured herself. And right now, in all their outward glory, Laurels boobs were being a pain the ass when it came to nursing. Circle of Life it seems. Connor shrugged in triumph; getting under Michaela's skin was pretty much his favorite past time.
Michaela shushed him pulling the phone away from her face , "hardy har. Grosse, when you talk like that you're basically Asher but with great hair. " Laurel hadn't even heard Connor appraising her boobs but didn't want to impede any further on the 'besties day out'.
"Tell Connor I said hi. Drive safely please, Lu and I will see you soon." Laurel dismissed Michaela dryly, not letting on to the fact that she had actually been thinking about the other girl moments prior to her calling. Luz had smiled this morning when Laurel turned on the Brazilian Girls station on Pandora. Her baby loved music and she knew it was directly connected to all of the interactive jam sessions Michaela shared with Luz during their bonding. She really had wanted to send Michaela the video of Luz wiggling her tiny body in excitement to the songs playing; she decided not to though. "Ok Laurel , " Michaela replied softly. There was never time to navigate the weird energy between them. Neither of them could initiate the conversation nor articulate the feelings shared.
Michaela and Connor loaded her car with the wine they had purchased from today's adventure. About 5 minutes into their drive back into reality, Connor of course had to ask,
" you're good to drive right ? Want to get you back home to wifey and baby in one piece." Michaela's eyeroll was instinctive and she turned up the Beyoncé song humming through the car stereo. "Don't interrupt my playlist with your nonsense Con," was her only reply. Eventually Connor slipped off into a red wine induced nap in the passenger side, leaving Michaela alone with her pesky thoughts.
The sun was setting as she cruised down the winding Pennsylvania road, eyes forward but also in tune to the scenic settings before her. So serene and thought provoking. She snickered to herself thinking about Connors 'wife and kid' comment. She knew that it was just a silly joke that he and Ollie recycled. But still, somehow the concept behind that joke meant something to Michaela . She had never admitted it but here in the privacy of her thoughts with Beyonces "Rather be with You" song as the soundtrack of her daydream...she acknowledged thoughts and words her lips couldn't form. Mainly, her thoughts followed the magnetic pull she felt whenever she was away from Laurel and Luz was real, even if she had simply been in class or at her own place tidying up. She had this need to simply be around them. It was more than just wanting to help out with the baby. It was more than feeling guilty about being mean to Laurel up until that day of the fire. It was so much more. She couldn't name it , but whatever it was had started off as a root in her heart and was now growing like a weed. Michaela saw the sun dip off the edge of the world in her rear view mirror and looked at the time to guesstimate about how long it would take her to go to Walmart, drop Connor off and finally get to Laurel's.
She muttered to herself and turned off Beyonces love song for something a little more light. The plan was for Michaela to simply put all of those thoughts in the backseat of her mind for now. And despite her hulk hogan mental efforts to think about anything else, imagery of Laurels piercing blue eyes remain parked her subconscious .
" I'm so screwed."