Chapter Text
Even though progress was slow, the inhabitants of the circus eventually did find a way to reverse abstractions. With that being said, even though it was possible doing so was easier said than done. It also seemed that the longer someone’s been abstracted the harder the abstraction is to reverse.
Despite everything that’s happened Jax was still by far the most recent abstraction meaning that they were the first that came back.
As the kaleidoscopic visions started to fade they eventually began to see the circus again.
After the shock of being back wares off, which takes quite a while, they rub their eyes and start to take in their surroundings.
They seemed to be in some sort of giant circus tent shaped pillow fort.
‘It kind of looks like a bigger version of the one Kinger had.’ They think to themself as they eventually try to stand up which also takes a while, but when they are up they make their way to the front of the tent and move the curtain to the side.
They notice all of the other denizens of the circus sitting around the semi-circle of couches they often hung out at.
It seems like they were too caught up in what they were doing to notice them, or maybe they were just being particularly quiet.
“...Um…Hey guys…” Jax says with a wave of their hand.
As soon as Pomni realized what happened she rushed over to give them a hug.
“...Jax…I…I thought…” Pomni tried to say as she immediately started to cry. “...I never thought that I’d be able to see you again, man…”
Jax doesn’t say anything in response to this. They just reciprocate the hug.
Pomni’s tears eventually dry up and she lets go of them.
“...So…Uh…” Jax tries to come up with something to say, but nothing comes to mind so they decide to make small talk instead. “...It’s been a while…”
“Yeah, we only thought you were gone and that we would never see you again for a couple months. No big deal.” Zooble sarcastically states as they cross their arms.
“...I’m…I’m sorry…” Jax says as they look over at Zooble as their ears droop. They then notice that Gangle seemed to be hiding behind Zooble with a look of fear and confusion on her tragedy mask.
“...No…I’m sorry…that was a bit harsh…” Zooble says with a sigh. “...Just…don’t do that again…please…”
“...So…how are you feeling?” Ragatha asks as she tentatively paces towards them while rubbing her arm.
“...I…I think I feel…weirdly okay…” Jax says with a slight shrug.
“Are you sure about that? You don’t look okay.” Kinger says as he tips the bucket on his head up to get a better look at them.
He then conjures a mirror so Jax can get a look at themself.
…What they saw surprised Jax so much that it made them flinch…
…Even though they weren’t completely abstracted anymore there were still noticeable bits and pieces of the abstraction all over their body…but they also had cartoonishly exaggerated eyeliner and a red bow on top of their head…
“…What is this doing here?” Jax whispers to themself as they try to remove the bow…only to realize it was attached to their head… “...Why won’t it come off?”
“...I…I think that it’s attached to you…” Pomni says as she puts a reassuring hand on their back. “...Kinda like my hat…”
“...Oh…” Jax says with a sigh.
“...How fascinating…” Kinger says as he strokes where his chin would be if he weren’t a chess piece. “...I’ll ask Caine and see if he might know anything about this…”
“...Wha…Caine…What do you mean Caine?” Jax manages to ask through their shock. “I thought you deleted him?”
“...Oh…yeah…that…” Kinger says as he rubs the back of his neck. “It seems like I didn’t delete Caine after all. I just…sent him to the void and…after you abstracted…he eventually came back to the circus and apologized for what he did…”
“...And you all forgave him…” Jax says as they begin to bristle a bit.
Everyone did or said something like a shrug or an ‘eh’ sound, but none of them gave them a clear answer.
“...Things are…still complicated with Caine…but he did truly feel bad for what he did so we’re letting him…earn our trust back I suppose…” Kinger responds with a sigh.
“...Oh…I see…” Jax says as they rub their arm as they wonder if they should do the same.
“...Alright…I’ll get Caine…” Kinger says before setting out to do as he said.
Jax turns to Pomni and notices that she was holding out her hand which they accepted and she leads them over to the couch to take a seat.
“...I’m…I’m just so glad you’re back…” Pomni says as she leans her head on Jax’s side.
Jax turns to the others and takes a deep breath.
“...Um…I’m…I’m sorry…for what I did to you guys…I guess…” Jax says as they thread their hands together while they fidget nervously. “...I don’t expect you all to…forgive me or anything…nor do I deserve it, but…yeah…”
Ragatha gives Jax a soft smile and sits on the other side of them.
“...Despite everything…I’m glad to have you back too…” She says as she feels a weight lift from her shoulders.
“...Even though you treated us all like garbage and I still kind of hate you for it…I think that I’d be willing to…learn more about this new side of you…” Zooble says as they gesture towards the bow on Jax’s head. “...I know how that kinda stuff can really fuck a person up…”
Gangle builds up her courage and steps from behind Zooble.
“...Um…I…” Gangle stumbles over her words as she tries to vocalize how she feels. “...You…treated me so badly Jax…”
Gangle started to tear up a bit.
“...I…I just have to…process this…” Gangle says as she turns away and starts to walk towards her room.
Zooble gave Jax a small nod before they turned to follow Gangle.
Kinger was finally back with Caine right behind him. Caine was holding his hat in his hands with a despondent look on his teeth.
“...Hello Jax…It’s been a while…” Caine says with a small laugh before he awaited Jax’s response with bated breath.
“...Hey…” Jax said with a small wave.
…Then an awkward silence filled the room for a little while…
Kinger eventually decided to break this silence with a fake cough.
“...So…you can fix that…right Caine?” Kinger said as he gestured towards the abstracted parts of Jax.
“...Oh…Yes…I can do that…” Caine says before looking over at Jax. “...Only if you want me to that is…”
“...Um…” Jax looked down at one of their partially abstracted hands and thought this over. “...I…I’m okay actually…I…I think I’ll keep them as a reminder to not repeat the past…”
“...Oh…yeah…That makes sense…” Caine says as he fidgets with his cane. “...So…I’ll leave you to it…If you need me…just say my name…”
After this Caine floats away from the sitting area to give the others their space.
Kinger then decides to take a seat on one of the other chairs.
“...So…do you wanna talk about…this…” Pomni says as she gestures towards the bow on Jax’s head.
“...You don’t have to if you don’t want to…” Ragatha says with an apologetic hand wave. “...It’s just…we're here if you need to…talk about anything…”
Jax glances around at all three of these people as they all look at them with soft concern.
“...Um…I…I don’t want to…abstract again…so…” Jax says with a small yet awkward laugh as the thought of deflecting with another joke crosses their mind, but they can’t go through that again. “...I guess…it would be in my…best interest to do so…”
“...Don’t force yourself…” Ragatha said as she put a reassuring hand on their shoulder. “...You only have to tell us if you want to…”
Jax looks at Ragatha’s reassuring smile and sighs.
“...No…I…I think that it’s finally time…” Jax says as they take a deep breath. “...So…I think Pomni already knows some things about…me…Has she…told you guys anything?”
“...No…” Pomni says with a slight shake of her head. “...I…I thought that if you were to come back that It’d be better if you explained this yourself…”
“...Okay…thank you…” Jax says as they rub their hands over their face as they mentally prepare themself. “...So…I think that I might…not actually be…a man…”
Jax slowly opens their eyes while dreading the reactions that they might see…but everyone still has the same soft expressions as before…
“...I guess that…I…I kind of…wish that…I could…possibly…maybe be…a…a…” Jax says as they pull their knees to their chest and rest their head down. “...God, this is hard…”
“...It’s okay…” Ragatha says as she hugs their side. “...Take your time…”
“...We’ll support you no matter who you are…you know that, right?” Pomni says as she does the same. “...We won’t laugh at you…We won’t think any less of you…This is a safe place…”
“...Well, safer than it was before at least…” Kinger chimes in before realizing it might’ve not been the right time for such a comment. “...Sorry…”
“...No…It’s…it’s fine…” Jax says as they take another deep breath to settle themself again. “...Okay…let’s try this again…here we go…I think that…I might…actually be…be a girl…”
Jax immediately gets embarrassed by what just came out of her mouth and felt the need to explain herself.
“...I mean…I know I’m not actually a girl, but…but I just always…wanted to be one…I guess…” Jax says with a small laugh. “...That’s not very manly of me, I know…but it’s…how I feel…so…there you go…”
“Don’t say that.” Pomni says with a sympathetic look on her face. “You are whoever you say you are.”
“If you really want a girl doesn’t that…I don’t know…make you a girl?” Ragatha says with a small shrug. “...I mean…I admittedly don’t know a lot about this kind of stuff growing up in the south and all…but I do think that people should just…live and let live…I suppose…”
“...Oh…” Jax says as she processes this.
‘Was it really that easy this entire time?’ She thinks to herself.
“...That…went a lot better…than I thought it would…” Jax says as she rubs the back of her neck. “...I was…honestly expecting you all to hate me after this…”
“As we all said before, we’ll support you no matter what.” Kinger says with a soft expression. “What made you think we wouldn’t if you don’t mind me asking?”
“...It's just that…” Jax says as she closes her eyes again. “...When I came out to my mom…things…didn’t…go well…”
Upon hearing this Pomni’s hug tightens.
“...I mean…my situation wasn’t exactly the same as yours…” Ragatha says with a smile. “...but I have experience with…moms like that…believe me…I’ve been there…”
Jax, for quite possibly the first time in her entire life, just lets herself be loved for a moment, but then another thought crosses her mind.
“...What…what about the others?” Jax says as a slight amount of worry enters her brain again. “...I know you guys reacted well, but that isn’t guaranteed to happen with everyone…”
“...Well, Zooble’s nonbinary so I’m sure they’ll understand…” Ragatha says as she reassures her.
“...And Caine’s an AI so the only way he’d be unsupportive would be if he were programmed to do so, but if he’s fine with Zooble I’m sure he’d be fine with you…” Kinger continues.
“Also, even though Gangle’s…been through a lot…” Pomni says with a slight grimace. “...I’ve seen a lot of her art…and I’ll spare you the exact details of what I saw exactly, but…if that’s anything to go by I’m sure she’d be fine with you too…”
“...Oh…okay…” Jax says as her facade cracks even further than it already has as she realizes that she probably would’ve been fine here this entire time.
“...I’ve wasted so much time…” Jax softly says as she begins to tear up.
It didn’t take long for this to turn into a full on sob.
“...I didn’t have to do that…” Jax manages to say through her tears and snot. “...God, why did I do that?”
The others continued to reassure her as Jax continued to weep.