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Ragatha always hated the cold. She liked the sunbeams on her face, soaking into her skin. She liked it when her hair flew through the wind as she rode Daisy Bell and heard the gallops of her hooves on the ground.
She liked it when the weather was just right for a picnic outside. Bees would buzz, birds would chirp, and she’d smile.
So, why, oh why, was she smiling now while shivering as snowflakes fell?
Well, there was only one answer to that question.
Pomni was smiling back at her.
Ragatha’s always felt the need to be there for her since day one. She told herself it was what she did for the others, and that was true.
She just didn’t remember when it began to shift and shape into something a bit more…romantic? God, was she going insane?
Her mother would kill her if she knew.
Or maybe she always knew, and that’s why she was never perfect in her eyes.
“Ragatha!” Pomni yelled.
She snapped out of her trance and looked up at Pomni. A snowwoman was next to her. Even though it was more like a lump, she could see the extra snow piled onto the chest.
As the left boob began to droop, Ragatha laughed.
“Well, I give an A for effort, but I hope that isn’t me you’re trying to recreate.”
Pomni rushed to wipe the extra snow off the chest with wide eyes. “What? Of course not. Oh my god, no, I’d never do that to you.”
When Ragatha stepped closer and smirked at her with her eyebrow raised, Pomni’s mouth turned into a little frown. Her eyebrows slightly furrowed.
She loved it when she did that.
“Okay, fine. Yes, it was supposed to be you, but I didn’t mean to give you saggy boobs.”
Ragatha giggled. “Maybe let Zooble and Gangle handle the art side of things.”
Pomni scoffed. “And what am I? Chopped liver?”
“You’re plenty good at other things. Like being smart, funny, compassionate, and always having a knack for keeping us in line.”
Pomni tilted her head. “I guess I’ll take that.” She turned back around to pile more snow onto the head for her hair, and absent-mindedly said, “You’re quite the catch yourself.”
Pomni’s words almost took Ragatha’s breath away. She desperately wanted her to repeat them. “What’d you say?”
Of course, Pomni didn’t answer. Instead, she admired her with those blue-red eyes that seemed to stare through the souls of her choice.
Like her scrutiny was nothing, she returned to her sculpture of Ragatha.
It made Ragatha feel like a muse. She’d never been a muse before.
“Speaking of Zooble and Gangle, do you hear them throughout the night? They bang like a bunch of bunnies,” Pomni remarked.
Ragatha’s doll face turned red. Yes, apparently, faces here could do that now.
“I, uhm, no. Can’t say I have.”
She didn’t know why she lied. Everyone heard them. Even both sides of Kinger had knocked on the door and respectfully told them to quiet down because people were trying to get through their day or night.
“I thought it was kind of a weird suggestion from Zooble when she brought it up, but I get it now.” Pomni carved her hands through the snow to make the lines in Ragatha’s hair. Ragatha watched Pomni’s fingers press into the walls. “I’ve kissed plenty of people, but intimacy wasn’t exactly necessary for me. Now, it feels like an itch I can’t scratch. I desperately want to just…let go, but I can’t.”
Ragatha swallowed a lump in her throat. “And, uh,” her voice cracked, “why exactly are you telling me this?”
Pomni stared at her in surprise. “Are we not friends?”
The words stabbed her in the metaphorical heart like a stake, but she didn’t twist it in. It was true. They were still friends. Ragatha should be grateful that they were anything at all.
“I, yeah. We’ll always be friends. I’m just…surprised. I guess after everything, we still don’t know each other all that well.”
And she yearned to keep learning—every secret, every curve, every doubt she’s ever had.
“Well then, what about you?”
Ragatha didn’t think she was capable of sweating until now. “What about me?”
“I mean, your relationships, and what you did with them. I won’t mind if you tell me. Only if you want to, obviously.”
Of course, Ragatha wanted to, but at the same time, she couldn’t have desired anything less. She didn’t want to talk about past lovers with someone she felt so viscerally towards.
“My mom didn’t let me get too close to anyone, so most of the relationships I had were secret. And I didn’t have many, either. Actually, I was quite behind for my age. I only had a handful of kisses. And sex…I only had it once.”
Pomni nodded.
Then, she asked something so egregious that Ragatha thought she was dreaming.
“Was it good?”
“Was…what good?”
Pomni studied her with a smirk. “The sex? Was it good?”
Ragatha opened her mouth and closed it, like a fish out of water. “I, uhm, Pomni, I think that’s a bit too personal for us to be sharing.” She rubbed the nape of her neck. “I don’t think—”
“You’re right,” Pomni immediately interrupted as though she were embarrassed as well. “My curiosity got too carried away. You know my mouth. It just rambles sometimes.”
Yes, she did know her mouth.
Pomni stepped away from the snowwoman. It still looked like a blob, but it was clear it had a lot of thought put into it.
“I’m going back to the circus to drink some cocoa and get the shivers out of me,” Pomni said and then shuddered with a smile. “I hate the cold.”
Ragatha tilted her head. “Then, why did we come up here?”
Pomni appeared just as confused. “You told me you loved watching the snow fall from your bedroom window. I guess I thought, up here, you’d feel more at home.”
Before Ragatha could respond, Pomni closed her eyes and disappeared, leaving her standing in the white snow and feeling the crisp winter air brush her cheeks.
Ragatha blinked at the snowwoman, who began to droop once again, but she couldn’t mistake the drawn-on hair so intricate that Pomni made with her fingers.
+++++
Ragatha couldn’t sleep.
How the heck could she after that conversation with Pomni?
And also the distant moans of Zooble and Gangle that she could somehow hear across the hallway.
She sighed and stared up at the ceiling, biting her lip.
As much as she hated the thought of Pomni sleeping with other people, Pomni was right. For some reason, especially tonight, Ragatha wished someone could put their hands on her and make her feel like she was the sole woman in the world.
Even though she was only a brain scan in a digital circus, she was still human.
And humans craved sex.
Ragatha’s eyes trailed to her pelvis under her comforter.
She’d never tried pleasuring herself here before. How would it even work? Maybe it’s different than a human body. Maybe she just needed to discover it herself.
Ragatha slowly drifted her hand down her stomach, closing her eyes.
She should probably think of someone to get her into the mindset.
Okay, perhaps it should be—
Pomni.
Ragatha’s eyes flew open.
No, she could not use a friend of hers in the circus to masturbate to. That was just morally wrong. She couldn’t do that.
It had to be someone she used to know. Maybe the same girl she had her first time with. Yeah, she’d think of her and definitely not—
A knock rattled her door, and Ragatha immediately jolted, leaning out of bed in lightning-quick speed.
She was not doing anything. Nothing inconspicuous. Nothing sinful.
Ragatha walked to her door and opened it to—
Oh, god.
“Pomni,” she whispered. “What are you doing? It’s pretty late.”
Pomni had taken off her hat. She wore a t-shirt that hung off her shoulder and some sleep pants. It definitely contrasted Ragatha’s lavender nightgown.
“Can’t sleep,” she responded. Like that was enough of an answer.
Ragatha bit her lip in anxiousness. “Did you…want to come inside?”
Pomni smugly pursed her lips. “If you’re offering.”
Right. Okay. Sure. She was letting her best friend in seconds after almost touching herself to the thought of her.
Ragatha opened the door wider, and Pomni studied her room.
“Nice place.”
Ragatha shut the door behind her, blocking out the moans that bounced off the hallway’s walls. She leaned against the floral-patterned wallpaper and curled her hair behind her ear.
“Thanks. I didn’t exactly get to choose it, but it’s scarily alike to my actual childhood bedroom back home.”
Down to the chipped rocking horse in the corner.
Pomni sat on her quilt comforter and snorted, smoothing her hand on the bed. “Well, Caine always had a way of getting into our minds.”
“Yeah.” Ragatha nervously laughed.
Pomni leaned back on her arms. “You’re not going to join me?”
Ragatha rushed and sat next to her, scared of what Pomni would think if she refrained. They’re very good friends. What very good friend wouldn’t sit next to their other very good friend? What kind of friend would do that?
“You’ve been really nervous lately,” Pomni said. “Is something on your mind?”
Ragatha straightened her posture, yet her hands in her lap twitched. “No. Not much.”
Pomni didn’t believe her. “Okay,” she said, unsure. “But if this is about what I said earlier, the sex thing, then I’m sorry.”
Ragatha’s eyes widened. “What? There’s nothing to be sorry about—”
“I was too personal. And a bit out of line. There’s…sides to each friendship, you know? And I guess us talking about sex is kind of treading that line.”
Ragatha bit her tongue. She wished to refute her. To yell at her that she could share anything on her mind and anything she wanted. No limits.
So, before she thought of it as a bad idea, she admitted, “The sex was good.”
Pomni turned her head in shock.
Ragatha continued, not being able to stop, “I was sweating and nervous the whole time. We were in a damn cornfield, and bugs surrounded us. I’m pretty sure I almost facepalmed to the ground, fumbling with my clothes. But she was gentle. Caring. Kind. We took it slow. My mom almost caught us, and that would’ve been a nightmare. I mean, you know my mom. So, yeah, it was awkward, but it was a good first experience. Better than most, I assume—”
“‘She’?”
Ragatha slightly gasped. Her metaphorical heart dropped down to her feet.
Shoot. Actually, she could cuss now.
Shit.
She nervously laughed and shook her head. “Did I say that? Sorry, must’ve been a slip of the tongue. Or my lisp came back. I used to have a lisp as a child—”
“I’ve kissed girls before, too.”
Ragatha couldn’t decide if Pomni’s quiet voice saying that was Heaven or Hell. The consequences would burn her alive.
But perhaps she’d like to be burnt alive right about now.
“Did you like it?” Ragatha asked, steadying her voice and slowly looking up Pomni’s body until she met her eyes.
Pomni, so courageous and strong, never backed down. “I did,” she whispered.
Ragatha’s hands twitched again—a stupid tell she had whenever she was nervous. “Was it good? The kiss?”
Pomni’s mouth curved as her eyes became half-lidded. “Yes. I still remember the trick she did with her tongue.” She looked at Ragatha’s lips. “You want me to show you?”
Ragatha nodded with no hesitation, her breathing shaky. Her lips crashed with Pomni’s, and she held the back of Pomni’s head as she felt hands cupping her cheeks.
It was clear Pomni was testing the waters, being gentle in the midst of the kiss.
Yet, for the first time, Ragatha didn’t want gentle.
She moved her tongue and licked the inside of Pomni’s mouth. Pomni’s breathing heaved, and finally, after what felt like years waiting for it, she used her tongue back and—
Ragatha might have made a slight…sound.
She immediately pulled back, her face and body hot from embarrassment.
“I’m so sorry! I don’t even know why the noise came out of me, I—”
Pomni cupped her face again and admired the mess she made out of her. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted this?” her raspy voice, already wrecked from the kiss, asked.
Ragatha’s eyes wavered. “As long as I have?”
Pomni smirked and pecked her lips. “Yes. I like hearing that noise. And I also really like winning.” Pomni fell to her knees and settled between her legs. “So, how do you feel about giving Zooble and Gangle some competition?”
It made her entire body feel weak like the Jello she used to eat.
Rendered speechless, she nodded. She nodded so violently that she thought her head would detach from her neck.
Pomni smiled and pulled up her nightgown. Ragatha took deep breaths in anticipation until—
She felt it.
The sunbeams on her face, soaking into her skin. The wind in her hair. The sounds of nature surrounding her.
The sound of home.
With that, she smiled and opened her mouth to let out another pretty sound.