Chapter Text
“Cut! Thank you, guys.”
As the camera lights dimmed and the staff started to clean up the room, Seeun sighed in relief. He liked doing content and fooling around with his pack, but after almost 4 hours of exclusively filming variety and interviews back to back, he was not only ready to go home and rest, but his bladder was also absolutely about to burst.
After following Minjae’s goodbye greetings to the staff and hosts, the group was quick to pack up their things, clearly as ready to finally go back home as Seeun was after an entire day of shooting. He could feel his scent patch starting to itch already, and he couldn’t wait to get home and pull it off, mixing it with the rest of his pack’s scents.
“Just so you know, I’m going to get you back for that joke you did back there.” Hunter bumped shoulders with him, smiling. Seeun laughed and bumped him back; knowing Hunter took his exercise and health very seriously, he’d wasted no time saying the youngest alpha’s muscles were just for show.
“There’s no point in fighting the truth, Hunter-ah,” he replied, knowing he’d just push his friend’s buttons even further. “I’m just stronger than you. You’ll accept it with time.”
Before the alpha could take the ragebait Seeun was clearly dangling in his face and reply, Sumin joined them, also laughing, Junmin following behind with a scowl.
“Did you guys hear Junmin-hyung’s scream when he thought the prop spider was real?” Sumin laughed obnoxiously, clearly also trying to ragebait Junmin. One of the games they had played was the mystery box, and it’d be an under-exaggeration to say everyone’s dignities would be on the line once the show aired. “I thought he’d jump out of his skin.”
Junmin, following the alpha closely behind, shot him a glare. “It looked real, okay? And that thing was huge!”
“You also reacted the exact same way, hyung,” Seeun added with a knowing smile.
“If not worse,” Hunter ended for him, the duo coming together quickly to bring their obnoxious hyung down. “Who do you think got to the highest decibel, Eun-ah? The scaredy beta or the one who claims he’s an alpha?” Junmin and Sumin had done their turns together, and at some point you couldn’t really differentiate one scream from another.
Before Seeun could answer, or Sumin retaliate, Minjae clapped his hands, breaking their banter and gathering all the members.
“Alright, everyone, we’re about to leave. Does anybody need to use the restroom before we do?” Their manager asked once everyone had gathered at the front.
As if bewitched by the question, Seeun felt the pang on his bladder return in full force, begging for sweet relief. He wasted no time in raising his hand, bringing out his best puppy eyes since he was the only one asking to go and usually they’d just wait to get home if only one of them wanted to use the bathroom.
“Alright, you have ten minutes, then we leave,” his manager sighed in response. “Do you need someone to go with you?”
Before anyone could volunteer (Seeun knew their protective streak very well), he shook his head with a huff.
“I can manage alone for ten minutes, hyung. I’ll be fine,” he said dismissively.
Being the only omega of the group, Seeun was no stranger to these types of questions, or measurements more like. More often than not, he could not go out in public without someone from his pack accompanying him, since it kept him safe (their words, not his) and also reassured the others of the same thing. He’s always glad to spend time with his pack, and enjoys feeling protected and cared for like any omega would, but the attention got tiring quickly after fighting every time he wanted to go meet a friend. Having only one omega, his packmates (mostly the alphas) went above and beyond trying to keep him safe, and that care sometimes left him feeling smothered.
This time, though, no one offered up as a chaperone, and Seeun was thankful for that. He decided to hurry and leave before someone could change their minds.
“Please try to be quick this time around, Seeun-ah,” Minjae added before he could leave.
“I promise I’ll try,” Seeun couldn’t help to tease him with a smile, which gained an eye-roll in return from the pack alpha.
Seeun quickly found the nearby crew restrooms, a clean, peaceful space away from the auditory and sensory explosion that was his pack. The men’s room was empty, thankfully, as he’d be able to enjoy a moment of silence. He pushed open a stall door, the click echoing in the tiled space.
Moments later, the outer door creaked open. Two sets of footsteps, heavy and decisive, entered. Seeun froze, his hand hovering over the flush button; he recognized the voices: two of the younger production assistants. He sometimes would joke with them on set, exchanging lighthearted jabs. They didn’t know he was here.
“Can you believe it? Seeun-ssi is an omega,” the first voice, higher pitched, carried clearly.
A snort. “I know, right? Shocking. He doesn't act like one at all.” The second voice, deeper, answered amused.
Seeun froze, his heart slamming against his ribs like a trapped bird. He pressed himself further into the corner of the stall, his muscles tensing. Out of everyone in the group, he was eavesdropping a conversation about himself.
“Exactly! I mean, Xikers. It feels like a group without omegas, you know?” The higher voice continued, a note of incredulity. “He’s so… loud. And tall. And always messing with the others.”
“You’d think an omega would be more… submissive. Or at least, you know, cute and gentle.” A dry laugh. “He’s practically a beta in an omega’s body. What a waste.”
A waste. The words struck Seeun like a physical blow. The air in the stall grew thin, heavy, suffocating.
“He even talks back to his pack alpha,” the first voice added, a hint of scandal in their tone. “Like, really bickers. Not in a cute way.”
“Yeah, not very omega-like, is it? No wonder people don’t realize. The group doesn't treat him like one either."
The conversation then drifted to scheduling, and the two staff members soon left the restroom, door creaking open, then closed with a soft thud. Silence.
Seeun remained rooted to the spot, the hand that was about to press the flush button slowly coming back down to his side. The staff’s conversation replayed over and over again in his mind, like a relentless loop.
Loud. Tall. A beta in an omega’s body. The group doesn’t treat him like one either. A waste.
He’d never given much thought to his actions corresponding with his status as omega, and no one had ever brought it up to him. At least not in his face. At least not until now. Of course, he knew society had certain expectations towards omegas; on how they should act, feel, be. The truth is, nowadays it wasn’t such an issue anymore, and he had always concentrated on acting less like an omega and more like Seeun. It didn’t bother him.
He wasn’t so sure about that anymore.
His head swam. Was it true? Did he really act nothing like an omega? Was that how everyone saw him? Was that how his pack saw him? A cold dread started seeping into his bones, chilling him from the inside out.
A light tap on the outer door startled him out of his thoughts.
“Seeun-ah? You in there?” It was Hunter’s voice, a soft rumble laced with a touch of impatience. “Minjae-hyung sent me. Ten minutes is up.”
Fuck. Act normal. You’re fine.
“Sorry, didn’t notice.” With a deep breath, Seeun pushed open the stall door, his movements stiff and unnatural even to him.
He squeezed past Hunter and reached the sink to wash his hands, in an attempt to feign innocence. He splashed cold water on his face, the frigid drops doing little to quell the heat rising in his cheeks. His reflection stared back, unfamiliar. Too tall, too sharp-edged. Not soft, not gentle. A stranger.
Hunter, leaning against the sinks beside him, pushed off the counter.
“What took you so long? You okay?” His eyes narrowed slightly at the omega, picking up on the faint tremor in Seeun’s hands.
Seeun quickly straightened up, throwing his typical defensive shield back up. Where he couldn’t wait to get rid of his scent patch before, he was now glad he had it, as his scent was probably a sour, putrid mess by now, and Hunter would’ve for sure picked it up.
"Relax, I’m fine. Did you miss me already, Hunter-ah? Are you that dependent on my presence?" he sniped back, trying to act normal, but the delivery felt flat and hollow. Luckily for him, Hunter seemed to believe his horrible acting.
"Yeah, yeah, the world stopped turning. Come on, Seeun-ah. Let’s go eat." Used to the banter, Hunter rolled his eyes, a small smile cracking his worried expression.
Once they returned to the group, Minjae sighed at him, an annoyed expression that Seeun knew the alpha didn’t really mean.
“Seeun-ah, you never listen. We said ten minutes.” He scolded lightly. It was familiar, almost affectionate.
"Yeah, yeah, sorry, hyung. Won't happen again," Seeun muttered, accepting the light scolding, the familiar rhythm of their interactions failing to soothe him. Minjae’s words, usually easily dismissed, now felt like a heavy weight. He didn’t listen. He wasn’t obedient. Not very omega-like. The thought burrowed deep, a persistent ache in his lower belly.
The drive back to the dorm was long.
He sat by the window, his gaze fixed on the passing city lights, mind a raging inferno ever since the bathrooms. His packmates, a tangle of limbs and soft scents in the cramped van, seemed oblivious, which he was thankful for.
Hyunwoo’s arm draped over Yujun’s shoulders in a distinct possessive gesture that his alpha always carried. Sumin and Jinsik were locked in a quiet, intense discussion about a new game. Minjae, ever watchful, offered a gentle correction to Yechan’s posture. Junmin, always the thoughtful beta, passed around a bag of snacks.
No one offered Seeun a soft blanket, nor asked if he was cold. No one scented him, or even noticed he hadn’t taken off his scent patch like they all did as soon as they reached the van. It wasn’t a slight. It never had been. It was just… them. Their dynamic. He was one of them: a loud, witty, sometimes bratty part of their whole. They didn’t treat him differently because he was an omega, they just treated him like Seeun. The worst part was, after the staffs’ conversation, he didn’t know if that treatment relieved him, or hurt him more.
A sudden, sharp jab in his ribs took him out of his thoughts. Junghoon, usually stoic, sat beside him. His fingers pressed against Seeun’s side in a silent question. Junghoon’s beta scent, a grounding, earthy aroma, seemed to wrap around him, trying to act as a quiet reassurance, almost as if he had noticed his omega being smothered. Maybe he had.
Seeun managed a weak smile, shaking his head slightly in response and hoping that it would be enough for the beta. Junghoon’s eyes, dark and perceptive, held his for a moment longer than necessary. Finally, he placed a large, steady hand on his knee and squeezed, the comforting weight lasting a few seconds before retreating.
It wasn’t unusual for Junghoon to quietly care for others if he sensed something was wrong, as the beta was surprisingly perceptive. He wasn’t usually showy with his affection or comfort. Still, Seeun couldn’t help the pang of disappointment he felt at the retreat, wishing it would’ve lasted a few more seconds.
It didn’t matter; the action didn’t mean nothing to Junghoon, who was used to doing that and more to show care for his packmates. Seeun being an omega didn’t change anything, his mind provided. He was already over it.
He was definitely not over it.
Once back at the dorm, everyone did the usual nightly routine they’d have after a long day; someone, probably Sumin or Yujun, would take everyone’s order for delivery, meanwhile others (namely Yechan, him and even Hyunwoo) would fight for the first shower of the night. Jinsik or Junmin would pick a movie to watch while eating and everyone would have at least two hours to decompress before going to sleep. It was how it’d usually go, and Seeun loved these types of nights, just being able to cuddle with his pack, all different scents mixing and dancing with each other, managing to ease his nerves after a long day and allowing him to start anew the next morning.
It was how it’d usually go, but this night in particular Seeun didn’t feel the warmth of his pack easing his nerves, nor the care they provided bringing him comfort. Instead, the knot that had started forming in his stomach a few hours ago managed to expand and reach his limbs and head, making moving an extremely difficult task. He didn’t fight for the first shower, and instead ended up taking the last spot (none of the alphas had given their place to him, his mind supplied, searching for ways in which they didn’t see him as the pack’s omega), the last bits of cold water managing to freeze his already chill body even more. He ate, but the food tasted like ash, and as soon as he finished his plate, he washed it and went straight to bed.
No one asked him to stay for the movie. Minjae even made a joke about having a Seeun-free night.
Once alone in the room he shared with Minjae, Hyunwoo and Hunter, he pulled off the scent patch he was too scared to remove while in the shower, fearing someone might smell him. What greeted him was the putrid, completely rotten smell of lemongrass and lavender; the citrusy scent that his pack would often compliment and search for now making it seem like he was a dead body walking. Seeun couldn’t find it in himself to care enough about if the other members could smell him all the way over to the living room or not, having mentally checked out as soon as the door to the bedroom closed behind him.
Seeun changed into pajamas with slow movements, all his limbs feeling like lead and brain too fuzzy to order them to move faster. Before climbing into bed, he opened a window, with the afterthought of cleaning the room off the putrid smell before the other three alphas he shared space with could come in. It would probably take the whole movie for the bedroom to smell like normal again.
He tried to go to sleep. He really, truly tried to. His body ached after being awake since early in the morning and on the constant move with little rest, and he was obviously mentally exhausted after the day’s events. Yet, as he laid in bed, counting sheep and purposefully slowing his breaths, his mind kept reeling back to the staff members’ conversation he had eavesdropped. He just couldn’t think about anything else, no matter how hard he tried.
Frustrated, and struggling with the feelings of inadequacy, Seeun reached for his phone with a purpose. His fingers, trembling slightly, typed his name into the search bar.
Xikers Seeun omega.
The results loaded, a dizzying array of images and articles. He scrolled past the official photos, the fan edits, the glowing reviews. His eyes, drawn by an invisible thread, landed on the comment sections.
I’m new to Xikers, is Seeun truly an omega? I honestly thought they were an omegaless group. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m glad they have an omega! I just didn’t expect it to be Seeun, lol.
I’ve never seen an omega as tall as Seeun oppa! i think that’s why he’s always going under the radar for non-roadys.
Does Seeun know he’s an omega? LOL, he keeps fighting his whole pack instead of submitting.
It's okay that Seeun oppa is different, but I always wish Minjae oppa would scent him more on camera and take care of him. Their dynamic is too equal, almost like they're just two alphas arguing. It makes me sad that he's not being protected properly.
Seeun shut off his phone, throwing it onto his pillow. A wave of nausea washed over him as the knot in his chest tightened, raw, painfully.
Comments kept repeating how tall he was, but then why was he suddenly feeling so small?
He felt… wrong. Defective. Had nature made a mistake? Was he a fraud? Did he not deserve his secondary gender? What did his packmates think about him being an omega? Maybe they just hadn’t noticed at all. Tonight was proof of it. But he couldn’t blame them, not really. He wasn't giving his pack what an omega should give, and his pack, in turn, didn't feel the need to treat him the way a pack should treat its omega; because he was such a convincing fake.
The doubt, once a tiny seed, now bloomed into a thorny, choking vine, wrapping around his heart. He was a mistake. Somehow, somewhere, someone had made a mistake when deciding to make him an omega, and he wanted nothing more than to meet them and ask them why.
Seeun could feel and smell the putrid scent he had been trying to fix come back full force, the whole room stenching of death. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to reign it in while pressing the phone to his chest, the cold glass a stark contrast to the burning shame within. Still, as he concentrated all his power into smothering the smell of rotten lemongrass, the dark thoughts kept creeping in: he didn't belong, not truly. Not as an omega.
Seeun only knew he laid there for hours once the bedroom started filling in with his roommates, their relaxed and content scents blending with each other and managing to clean out any trace of the stink he left behind. Scents that normally managed to bring him peace, to comfort him and reassure him, now only helped to deepen his doubts.
More time passed, as everyone fell asleep but him, mind still reeling and raging a nightmare inside his body. He curled up, pulling the blanket tight around his ears, desperately wishing he could rewind the clock to five hours ago when he still thought he was just Seeun, the bratty kid, and not Seeun, the failed omega.
Resolutely, he came to a conclusion: he might not act like a normal omega would, but from now on, he sure as hell could try to.
Sleep was hard to come by that night.