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“I need help.”
The entire Straw Hat crew looked up. That sentence alone was strange enough. Because the person saying it was Roronoa Zoro.
“The big Roronoa Zoro needs help?” Nami asked suspiciously. “What kind of help?”
Zoro looked unusually annoyed. “I lost my wedding ring.”
Silence. Complete utter silence.
Usopp blinked. “Your what?”
“Wedding ring.”
Usopp laughed nervously. “Ah, I must be going deaf. I could've sworn you said wedding ring.”
“I did.”
The silence somehow became even louder.
Nami's jaw dropped. “YOU HAVE A WEDDING RING?!”
“Who did you marry?” Jinbei asked calmly.
“Sanji.”
“SANJI?!” the crew screamed together.
Brook nearly detached his skull. “Our Sanji-san?!”
“Do we have another Sanji on this ship?” Zoro rolled his eyes. “Of course it's our Sanji.”
Franky pointed dramatically. “BROOOO! SINCE WHEN?!”
“A month ago.”
“A MONTH?!” Nami yelled. “You got married a MONTH ago and didn't tell us?!”
“Can we talk about that later?” Zoro said. “Find the ring first before Sanji and Chopper get back.”
The crew stared.
“Wait,” Robin said with a smile. “You are more afraid of losing the ring than revealing you're married?”
“Exactly.”
“Wow,” Usopp said. “This is serious.”
Nami cracked her knuckles. “You owe me.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Not money.”
Zoro looked confused.
“You owe me an explanation.”
“Fine.”
“After we find the ring.”
And thus began the greatest emergency search operation in Straw Hat history.
For the next thirty minutes the Sunny looked like it was under attack.
“CHECK UNDER THE TABLES!” “LOOK IN THE STORAGE ROOM!” “BROOK, STOP CHECKING YOUR EYE SOCKETS!” “But I don't have eyes! YOHOHOHO!” “THAT'S NOT HELPING!”
Zoro sat on a crate watching everyone search.
Nami immediately smacked him. “Why are YOU sitting down?! This is your wedding ring!”
“I already checked.”
“You checked for three minutes!”
“That's enough.”
“NO IT ISN'T!”
Meanwhile Robin was carefully examining every corner. Jinbei searched methodically. Usopp searched while complaining. Franky practically dismantled half the ship. Luffy searched for about five minutes before becoming distracted by meat.
“This isn't helping,” Nami groaned.
“Where did you lose the ring anyway?” Usopp asked.
“Ummm…” Zoro thought for a second. “I don’t remember. The last time I saw it is in the kitchen. ”
“Then, let’s go to the kitchen.” Robin suggested.
“You guys go, I'll keep looking here.” Franky said.
A short while later,
“Sanji! Wait for me!”
Chopper and Sanji returned carrying groceries.
Sanji opened the kitchen door. The moment he stepped inside, every crew member turned toward him. The atmosphere was weird.
Sanji narrowed his eyes. “Why do all of you look like you're planning a murder?”
“SANJI!”
Luffy pointed dramatically. “When did you marry Zoro?!”
Sanji froze. The grocery bag slipped from his hands. A tomato rolled across the floor.
“...”
“...”
“...”
Slowly, Sanji turned. “I—” Then he looked at Zoro. “How did they know?”
At the exact same moment,
“ZORO-BRO!” Franky burst through the doorway. “I FOUND YOUR RING!”
The kitchen exploded into silence.
Franky stopped.
Sanji stared at the ring. Then at Zoro. Then back at the ring. Then back at Zoro.
The smile on Sanji's face appeared. It was a dangerous one. The one that made even pirates reconsider their life choices. “Roronoa Zoro.”
Zoro visibly swallowed. “I found it?”
“Excuse us for a moment.” Sanji grabbed Zoro by the ear.
“OW!” And dragged him out of the room.
The crew listened as their footsteps disappeared down the hallway. There was silence. Then—
“YOU IDIOT!”
“Yep,” Nami said. “Called it.”
“Should I prepare medical supplies?” Chopper asked.
Robin smiled. “That would be wise.”
“Why?” Chopper asked.
Brook nodded. “It is very clear Zoro-san is about to be kicked.”
“Oh!” Chopper immediately ran for his medical kit.
Meanwhile, far away from curious crew members.
Sanji held the recovered ring in one hand while glaring at his husband. Zoro stood against the wall looking thoroughly guilty.
“I told you.”
“Yeah.”
“I told you MANY times.”
“Yeah.”
“I specifically said it was a stupid idea.”
“Yeah.”
“And what happened?”
“I lost it.”
“YOU LOST IT!”
Sanji waved the ring. “I said putting your wedding ring inside your sword wrapping was stupid!”
“It usually stays there.”
“Usually?!”
“Yes.”
“Usually means sometimes it falls out!”
“Well...”
“Well what?!”
“...you were right.”
Sanji pointed dramatically. “Exactly!” He shoved the ring into Zoro's chest. “I told you this would happen.”
“Yeah.”
“I told you.”
“Yeah.”
“I warned you.”
“Yeah.”
“You ignored me.”
“Yeah.”
“You know, whoever suggested storing a wedding ring inside a sword is a complete idiot.”
“You know that's me, right?”
“Yes.”
“You weren't trying to be subtle?”
“No.” Zoro laughed.
Sanji rolled his eyes. “Put it on.”
“I can't.”
“Why?”
“It doesn't fit over the glove.”
Sanji groaned. “You're impossible.” He pulled a chain from his pocket. “Here.”
“A necklace?”
“A wedding ring necklace.”
“You had this ready?”
“Because I knew this would happen eventually.”
“You planned for me being stupid?”
“I've known you for years.”
“Fair.”
Sanji carefully threaded the ring onto the chain. Then he placed it around Zoro's neck. “Keep it under your shirt.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Don't lose it.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Don't take it off.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Don't put it in your swords.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Don't—”
Zoro suddenly leaned forward and kissed him. The lecture immediately stopped.
Sanji blinked. Then his face turned pink. “You can't use kissing to escape consequences.”
“Seems like it worked.”
“It didn't.”
“Really?”
Sanji kissed him back. “Maybe a little.”
Zoro grinned. “Sorry.”
“You should be.”
“I promise I won't lose it again.”
“You better.” Sanji smirked. “Besides.”
Zoro immediately became suspicious. “Besides what?”
“You lost the bet.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I thought you forgot.”
“I never forget.”
“That's terrifying.”
“You lose your ring, you lose the bet.”
“What was the punishment again?”
Sanji's smile widened.
Zoro looked terrified. “Don't smile like that.”
“Three more times and you're banned from alcohol for four months.”
“BABY PLEASE.”
“Nope.”
“That's cruel.”
“You almost lost our wedding ring.”
“Sake is important.”
“I'M important.”
“You're more important.”
“Good answer.”
A few minutes later they returned. The crew was waiting.
Nobody had moved. Apparently everyone had been sitting there in anticipation.
“Welcome back,” Robin smiled.
“Now explain,” Nami demanded.
“Yes,” Jinbei added. “Please start from the beginning.”
Sanji sighed. “Well, as you can clearly see, me and the mosshead are married.”
“We can see that NOW,” Usopp shouted. “When?”
“A month ago,” Sanji replied.
Zoro nodded. “A month.”
The crew collectively looked offended.
“A MONTH!” Nami shouted. “Do you know how long a month is?!”
“Thirty days,” Robin answered helpfully.
“Thank you, Robin.”
“You're welcome.”
Nami pointed accusingly at the married idiots. “You hid this for THIRTY DAYS.”
“We were busy,” Sanji said.
“Busy getting married!”
“We were already getting attacked every other day.”
“Fair,” Jinbei admitted.
“Between Wano and Egghead there wasn't exactly time to organize a wedding,” Sanji continued. “So we got the marriage certificate first. We never actually had a ceremony.”
The crew blinked.
“Wait,” Chopper said. “You don't even have wedding photos?”
“Nope.”
“No wedding cake?”
“Nope.”
“No party?”
“Nope.”
“No invitations?”
“Nope.”
“No decorations?”
“Nope.”
Luffy gasped. “That means we can still have a wedding!”
The crew immediately became excited.
“Oh.”
“Oh!”
“OHHHH!”
Nami's eyes sparkled. “We are absolutely planning a wedding.”
“Agreed,” Robin said.
“SUPER wedding!” Franky shouted.
“YOHOHOHO!”
Sanji immediately looked concerned. “Maybe not.”
“Too late,” Nami said.
“Way too late,” Usopp agreed.
Brook nodded. “The decision has been made.”
“By who?”
“The crew.”
“The crew doesn't get to decide our wedding!”
“We do now.”
“That's not how that works!”
“Wait,” Brook said. “If Zoro hadn't lost his ring... would we ever have found out?”
Sanji laughed. “Of course. We planned to tell everyone eventually. We wanted an actual wedding first.”
The crew relaxed.
Then Sanji casually added, “Besides, this isn't the first time he's lost the ring.”
The room exploded. “WHAT? AGAIN?!”
Nami looked ready to murder someone. “How many times?”
“Three.”
“THREE?!”
Everyone turned toward Zoro.
“Do you hate your ring?” Usopp asked.
“It falls out.”
“THREE TIMES?”
“It wasn't my fault.”
“It was absolutely your fault,” Sanji said.
“Not proven.”
“It literally fell out of your sword.”
“That's an opinion.”
“An opinion?!”
Sanji crossed his arms. “I told him if he loses it three more times, he's banned from alcohol for four months.”
The room went silent. Everyone slowly turned toward Zoro.
Zoro looked horrified. “Baby, please.”
“Oh, so sake is more important than me?”
“No!”
“Wow.”
“Wait!”
“I feel so loved.”
“Love!”
“Too late.”
“I'm sorry!”
The crew stared.
Then Usopp pointed. “WAIT.”
“Yeah?”
“You weren't afraid Sanji would kill you.”
“No.”
“You weren't afraid he'd kick you.”
“No.”
“You weren't afraid he'd be angry.”
“No.”
“You were afraid of losing alcohol.”
“Yes.”
The crew collectively facepalmed.
“That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard,” Nami said.
“Agreed,” Robin said.
“Extremely dumb,” Jinbei added.
“SUPER dumb!” Franky shouted.
“Yohohoho!”
Sanji sighed.
“See what I deal with?”
The crew nodded immediately.
“Every day,” Sanji said.
“Every day,” the crew agreed.
Zoro looked around. “Hey.”
Nobody defended him.
“Traitors.”
“Protect the ring,” Nami said.
“Protect the sake,” Luffy corrected.
“NO!” Sanji shouted.
And the entire Sunny erupted into laughter.