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“Ryan.”
“Ryan.”
The ghost of the truth lingered. Naim stared to his side. To everything he couldn't have but wanted desperately. Someone he needed to be honest to. Right now.
“Stop talking.”
Two words.
“Just let me explain myself—”
“If you don’t stop talking right now then I’m stopping the car.” Ryan huffed—eyes faced forward and to the road. The road that promised the town they knew so well.
Naim turned to the window. His eyes welled with water as he tried to hold them back. His arms brushed his face, a pathetic attempt to put the tears to a stop.
“You said it yourself, Ryan. You said it.”
Ryan pursed his lips into a thin line as he clung onto the steering-wheel. His hands were covered in callouses. His hair was covered with dirt. His mind was covered with a million things to say.
Naim fidgeted with his seatbelt as he turned to face Ryan.
“You told me that you wanted me to come,” Naim’s breathing quickened as he continued. “You said you’d rather live with someone like me than some other dickhead.”
“Why the fuck are you repeating what I said?” Ryan let out, turning to face Naim.
A silence hung in the car. Their eyes locked in a long stare. Something about the way Ryan’s eyes were narrowed knocked the air out of Naim's lungs.
“I—”
Before Naim could finish speaking Ryan turned to the road.
“We’re not fucking doing this. You can’t just turn around when I speak.”
“I’m keeping my eyes on the road, Naim. Do you want us to die? Oh wait, you don’t care that much about death, do you? Given Hunter and all.”
Naim’s throat dried up. His eye’s the opposite.
“What the fuck, Ryan?”
“What?”
“Why the fuck would you say that? Do you think I had any idea? Any idea of what would happen?” Naim yelled, tilting his head closer to Ryan.
“Why would I know anything? I thought I had you all figured out. Do you know how horrible it is hearing that you ratted on me and Hunter from someone else and not you?”
“I was going to tell you.”
Ryan’s feet eased off the gas as he looked over to his side mirror. The car rolled into a gas-station parking lot. The words on the gas station were peeling off.
“Oh, were you? Were you really going to tell me?” Ryan’s eyes spilled with tears of his own. He continued staring down the windshield despite Naim’s proximity.
“Yes, for fucks sake.”
No response.
“Yes. Yes! God, yes. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Why would you do something like this in the first place, Naim?”
Ryan’s voice had a rough edge to it. It faltered with every word.
“Because, I,” Naim’s voice cracked as he yelled.
“Because of what?” Ryan turned.
“Because I loved you.”
“Loved? That’s so very reassuring—”
“—Love. I love you Ryan and I don’t know how you fail to see it. I didn’t know how much I did back then, okay? I just—I don’t know—freaked out when I saw you with Hunter. The preachers son out of all people. I saw you with him, and it hurt. It really hurt. It scared me. It scared me to be confronted with the reality that maybe the only good thing I had in this town was going to,” Naim words tumbled out of his mouth at an insanely fast pace. “Going to leave me too.”
Ryan’s face hardened into stone.
Everything but his eyes stopped moving.
But then, his mouth started moving too.
“I know what I did was,” Ryan tried finding the words. “Was fucked up.”
“Yeah, it was, Ryan.” Naim cried. “I thought you were against all that church shit. The son of the preacher? That’s what shocked me the most.”
“I know. I am. I don’t believe in all that bullshit. I just, I don’t know. When I found out Hunter was gay I just—”
“What?”
“He didn’t tell his dad he was gay. I thought whatever we heard was going to get out eventually. So, I don’t know—I just thought—that maybe, if he knew I was like him he wouldn’t say anything. Whatever we were doing could be ignored.”
“What we had was going to get out eventually Ryan. I wouldn’t let that happen.”
“Oh right.” Ryan huffed once again.
“What the fuck does oh right mean?” Naim snapped back, his tone getting increasingly more defensive.
“It means that you care more about it than I do. Care more about people knowing. The first time we kissed, you got off of me out of nowhere. Do you think I don’t know why?”
Naim went frozen.
“I saw you looking at yourself in the mirror. Me and Hunter may have scared you but the shame surrounding us scared you more didn’t it?”
Naim’s body remained stilled. His eyes filled with more tears.
“Don’t you get it? I love you, Ryan. I don’t have to say it a billion times, do I?”
Ryan just stared. No expression on his face.
“Do I?”
That’s when Ryan cracked.
“Show me.”
“What?”
“Show me that you love me, now that there's no mirrors. There’s no eyes. There’s nothing. It’s me, and it’s you. Because I love you too Naim, and I’m not going to throw that away.”
Naim went frozen once again, before speaking.
“For fucks sake.” Naim twisted his head away.
“This is what I’m saying—”
Before Ryan could finish his half-baked retort, Naim’s lips had met his, and Ryan's hands were enveloped with the boy’s in front of him.
Naim’s breath hitched against his mouth.
“Shit.” He muttered, getting the seatbelt the fuck off of him.
Ryan giggled.
“Oh, shut up.”
The second it was unbuckled Naim took his chance. Making his way up and off of his seat and closer to Ryan. To his thighs, he nudged him slightly, pushing his head to the cold car window.
“Isn’t this,” Ryan mumbled, turning to Naim’s face and taking his jaw in both hands, “My job?” Naim rolled his eyes, more impatient than anything—so Ryan inched even closer. His body now fully pressed against the glass.
“Let me show you how much I mean what I say.” He moved his left hand up, sinking his fingers into Ryan’s blonde hair and pulled. Ryan let out a strangled noise. His other hand, however, focused on other things, slipping down the blonde’s waistband in one swift motion.
Ryan inhaled sharply.
“Please.”
Naim’s fingers found their way around Ryan’s dick warm and rushed. Ryan’s eyes fluttered shut. He felt like he was seeing stars, and at some point he was gonna come crashing down.
“This is what you get for the bus.”
Ryan groaned in pleasure, his fingers gripped Naim’s shoulders so tight his knuckles were white. Ryan was going to cum, he realized.
And fast. Embarrassingly fast.
“I’m gonna—” His words came out in moans. Naim gripped him harder. Ryan opened his eyes.
Seeing Naim with his hair all messy was the straw that broke the camel's back. Cum trailed down his dick. “Fuck.” He finally let out, his chest heaved up and down in an attempt to regain energy. “You're really good at this.”
Naim grabbed a wipe from the dashboard.
“No shit.”
Ryan rolled his eyes.
He opened his mouth.
“I’m getting you back for this.”