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"What ho, uh, mysterious, heavily armed vessel! I can't help but notice that, er, your photon torpedoes appear to be locked on to my derrière, and I was wondering, ever so politely of course, if you could perhaps, reconsider?"
The open communications line delivered only static to my ears.
"They appear to be charging the laser batteries, sir."
"Dear lord! Well, we might have to activate that old whoosywhatsit, wouldn't you say, Jeeves, you old fruit?"
"Might I be correct in presuming that sir means the experimental hyperdrive engine that was unceremoniously yanked from its original housing with altogether too little care?"
He tilted his head meaningfully.
"Mmm, yes, Barmy made quite a mess of that job. Not sure what I keep him around for anyways... but yes, indeed. Time to sally forth, and all that! Put one's shillings where one's mouthpiece is, as it were!"
"Very good, sir"
Jeeves pushed a few levers forward, and before me, the vast beauty of space screamed together into an altogether overwhelming mass of color...
—---------------------------------------------------------
The mass sort of solidified into a field, a vast expanse, and the nausea it caused me sort of solidified into a "vomit on the floor" scenario. I felt like quite an ass, but Jeeves, ever ready, merely mopped it up with the self-cleaning nanogel sponge. Our journey into this modern art gallery showed no sign of coming to an end, and I felt it prudent to ensure we were on course.
"Jeeves..."
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you know whereabouts we might end up after this jaunt?"
“I regret to say that I must answer in the negative, sir. The precise mechanism of this new faster-than-light transportation is generally regarded as purely theoretical.”
“Hmm, well, that does not bode well, not well indeed… and how might we leave this new realm?”
I reached for the levers Jeeves had pulled earlier, but he fixed me with one of his classic “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” looks, and, chastised, I withdrew my hand.
“One would think that the drive would automatically shut off once its destination had been reached, however in Mr. Fotheringay-Phipps’ haste to retrieve the device, I worry he may have damaged a component or two, sir. Our best course of action is to wait it out, I would say.”
“Wait it out?! Well, I must say, this is a frightfully risky scenario we find ourselves in! Stuck between a gunship and a… and a… ride on the cyber teacups!”
“Be that as it may, sir, attempting to stall such a device mid-transport may be liable to result in rather… unfortunate incidents. I am given to understand that a decision of a similar nature is what led to Mr. Glossop’s current disability after the destruction of the HMS Polecat.”
I sighed rather heavily (as I believe the situation called for), and rested back in my chair.
“May as well get comfortable then, Jeeves.”
—--------------------------------------------------------------
It felt like it had been hours, and the rather novel visual experience of this “supraspatial extrusion” (Jeeves, your knowledge never ceases!) was beginning to wear thin. I turned my attention astern, finding Jeeves already putting the finishing touches on a superbly-mixed Old Fashioned.
“You know, Jeeves… I can’t help but feel that I should’ve recognized that ship what was threatening us so fiercely.”
“Is that so, sir?”
“Yes. Yes, I… one would assume one would be well aware of the various families in one’s social circles, and I have a good many engagements in my rear view, as it were. Perhaps it was that Stoker fellow! He certainly wanted to have me spaced last we met.”
“While I am in agreement that the esteemed Commander Stoker would indeed desire to introduce your internal mechanisms to a vacuum, the particular vessel pursuing us was most definitely of Antoran manufacture.”
“Oh yes?”
“Certainly. The external heat vents on such craft are often quite visible on the port side due to their biological need for rapid temperature change in moments of extreme emotion.”
“Rather hot-headed, as it were, eh Jeeves?”
I thought I caught a glimpse of two eyes headed skywards (or rather, what served for skywards in the vast emptiness of space) as he placed the cocktail to my left, but as I turned to confirm, he was already returning to the other side of the bridge.
“Jeeves?”
“Will there be anything else, sir?”
“No, I just… why don’t you go ahead and make yourself one of those too? We may be here for quite a while, and without your quick thinking back there, we would’ve likely been blown to smithereens!”
“I appreciate it, sir.”
He began to make a second cocktail, and while I noticed what appeared to be a heavier pour for his own drink, I opted not to mention it, as he had indeed saved our astral bacon.