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Silver age: 4
“You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.” Malleus sung softly, a Silver cradled against his chest. Silver yawned, sleepy, but desperately clinging to consciousness in order to spend more time with his big brother. Malleus chuckle softly, the sound rumbling through the child. “Still awake, child of man?” Malleus asked softly.
Silver nodded slightly. He felt like he was fighting a loosing battle against sleep. That was, until a question popped into his mind. “Why do people write music?” Silver asked curiously. He was still tired, but the new curiosity kept him a bit more awake.
Malleus was a bit caught off guard by the question, having assumed that Silver was too close to sleep to be curious about something random. But the young one never failed to surprise Malleus.
“Hm. Well, some people write songs for others, some write to portray a meaning, and some write as an outlet for their emotions.” Malleus replied, trying to explain as best he could in a way the child would understand.
Silver hummed sleepily in thought, as much thought as he could manage with sleep stubbornly tugging at his mind.
If people wrote music to portray their emotions, then Silver wondered why some songs were so sad. He hoped those people were okay…
~*---------------*~
Silver age: 7
Silver was starting to understand why some songs were so sad.
Ever since he found out that he was human and that father and Malleus were fae – and that even Sebek was a half-fae – nothing felt the same. It almost felt as if everything were numb, drowned out by a layer of sadness.
Today, Lilia had brought him to the palace, where Malleus apparently lived. Lilia had to leave for another mission from the queen, and he was leaving Silver in Malleus’ care, as he almost always did.
Silver felt terrible for most likely being an inconvenience to his big brother prince.
Lilia had intended to see Silver off to Malleus himself but had stopped when they came across a scary looking fae. The fae looked over Silver and his gaze hardened, before the harsh gaze fell on Lilia.
Lilia glared back before looking down at Silver softly. “Go find Malleus, okay Silver?” Lilia asked softly, gently pushing Silver away from him and the scary looking fae.
Silver wanted to protest, wanted to cling to Lilia as tightly as he could for as long as he could, but he ignored the want. Silver nodded and quickly scurried off obediently.
As he left the room, he heard the scary fae speak. “Really general Vanrouge? You kept that stupid human?” Silver flinched and broke out into a run from the room.
He heard Lilia respond, loud and angry, but didn’t manage to catch the words he yelled out.
Silver ducked into a random room, closing the door and sliding down to the floor. Silver pulled his knees to his chest and covered his ears, trying to ignore how painfully round they felt against his hands.
Silver quietly cried trying to ignore the vague sounds of arguing he could still hear.
After a few minutes, Silver felt himself drift off to sleep and into the dream realm, where everything was calmer.
~*--------------*~
Silver was shook awake by strong but gentle hands. Prying his eyes open, Silver saw Malleus, looking at him with a worried expression. “There you are, child of man. I was beginning to worry when I could not find you, despite Lilia grandmother saying Lilia had already dropped you off here.” Malleus spoke, keeping his voice quiet and gentle.
Silver felt a pang of guilt in his chest. “Sorry, I fell asleep…” Silver said, purposely leaving out the part about the scary looking fae that Lilia had gotten into a screaming match with.
Malleus’ expression softened. “I figured as much. Come now, I’m sure the bed in the guest room is much more comfortable than a storage room floor.” Malleus spoke softly.
~*--------------*~
Silver curled up in the bed of a guest room just down the hall from Malleus’ room. Malleus had shown him where both rooms were and said that Silver could come to him if he needed anything.
Silver had thanked him quietly and said goodnight, mentally knowing that unless it was life or death Silver would not dare to disturb Malleus. Not anymore. Not knowing the differences between them.
Yet now that he was here, curled up in a bed and under covers that were indeed much comfier that the floor of that storage room, sleep illuded him. It was a rare occurrence, but it still happened from time to time.
Silver had too many thoughts and emotions swirling around in his head. When suddenly he remembered what Malleus had told him years ago.
Sometimes people write songs as an outlet for emotions.
Silver pulled out his notebook, it was new and unused. He sat at the desk in the guest room, carefully taking the pen out of the inkwell and started to write, letting his emotions flow freely through his hand.
I had to shut the door, while my father yelled in the distance
I faded into the dream realm, ignore the waking and try not to think
About every new fight, cause neither one seems right
I swear to never be like them.
Silver blinked, his mind hitting a blank on what to write next. After nearly an hour of thinking, Silver decided to close the book and put the pen back.
Silver returned to the bed, sleep finally managing to pull him under.
~*----------------*~
Silver age: 10
Silver swung his practice sword in the yard of the cottage. He had decided a few years ago to become a knight, so he could one day live up to Lilia, be the son that he deserved. Prove that he could be useful.
He had yet to add more to the song, but he never forgot about it, still laying that notebook, now hidden under his pillow.
But right now that wasn’t the thing to focus on. Right now he needed to focus on training, especially considering that for some reason Lilia seemed particularly annoyed.
Silver didn’t know why or if he had done something to anger the elder fae. He that Lilia had something at the palace to attend to earlier, and ever since he got back.
Silver rarely saw him annoyed, so he tried to tiptoe around Lilia for the most part in order to avoid frustrating him further. But Lilia insisted that he still needed his daily training.
So, here they were.
“You’re doing it wrong.” Lilia snapped, his voice cold.
Silver froze immediately looking over to Lilia. “What?” Silver asked.
Lilia sighed harshly, walking over to Silver. “Your stance is wrong.” Lilia grabbed Silver’s shoulders, his grip tight enough to make Silver have to hide a wince, and moved him into the proper position. Lilia lightly kicked Silver’s left heel, an indicator that he needed to move his foot. Silver shifted obediently.
“Better.” Lilia said, finally letting go of Silver’s shoulder. He could feel a slightly present ache in them where Lilia’s hands had been. Lilia moved back to where he’d been standing previously to resume observation. “Again.” Lilia commanded.
Silver obeyed, as he always did.
~*------------------*~
Later that night, after a tense dinner that made Silver nauseous both from the food and his nerves, Silver sat on his bed.
For the first time in three years, Silver reached under his pillow, pulling out his notebook and flipping it open. Silver grabbed a charcoal pencil from his desk and scribbled out the lyrics he’d written years ago.
He wanted to keep them, but he needed to change them around a bit to fit properly now. The properly write new lyrics, and jot down his thoughts, anything to get make his mind shut up long enough for him to drift into a peaceful slumber.
I used to shut the door, while my father yelled in distance
I’d fade into the dream realm, ignore the waking and try not to think
About every little fight. Cause neither one is right
I swore to never be like them,
But I was just weakling back then
The older I get, the more that I see
My father may not be a hero, he might be like me (Definitely not human though)
And loving is hard, it seems not to work (For a human and fae at least)
He’s just trying his best, not to get hurt (I hope it’s that and that he doesn’t actually hate me)
I think that I’m upset (I shouldn’t be) But now I wonder
If sometimes it’s better to let someone go
Maybe it just hasn’t hit me yet
The older I get
Silver put the pencil back on his desk, satisfied with his work for the night. He would need to scribble out his thoughts the next time he updated the song, but at the moment he didn’t care to.
Silver closed the book and hid it under his pillow again. Laying down, Silver allowed sleep to pull him under.
~*--------------*~
Silver age: 15
“You would do well to remember that lord Malleus and Lilia do not have to keep you around human. You are truly indebted to them for keeping you around.” A member of the fae council said for what had to be the tenth time since Lilia and Malleus had left for NRC two weeks ago.
The fae council had taken this as an opportunity to instill more ‘proper’ training on Silver. According to them, the prince and former general were too soft on him, allowing him to so freely refer to them as family, despite how Silver hadn’t called Malleus his brother in years.
“Yes sir.” Silver replied automatically. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep himself together and not fall apart if the fae council kept reciting the same things to him.
He couldn’t help but wonder why. Why could he never please them? Silver did his best, put his best and all his strength into training and studying to be the best he could be for Malleus. So why? Why was it never enough? He could even beat other knights-in-training that were full-blooded in fae in one on one fights. So why was it never enough for them?
“Silver? Whatever are you doing here, and with him?”
The voice of Maleficia made both of them snap to attention.
“My queen.” The fae council member said, bowing deeply. A sharp glare subtly turned his way made Silver follow the action quickly.
“No need for that, Silver.” Maleficia said gently, her hand on Silver’s shoulder guiding him to stand straight. Silver could still feel the glare digging into his side from the fae council member, so he kept his head down to avoid angering them further.
Maleficia, of course, noticed this, and sighed. She had noticed Silver was more subdued and jumpy since her grandson and Lilia had left for Night Raven College. She was worried about the small human. She knew that he was technically a teenager but compared to her and the way that fae aged, he was practically a baby.
Maleficia would be lying if she said that didn’t tug on her instincts, especially given how close Silver is to Malleus. At the end of the day, he was family, whether by default because Malleus cared about him or because Maleficia truly saw him as a grandson. Either way, he was a part of her hoard.
But she didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it or even how to find out what was wrong.
Perhaps she should inform Lilia the next time she sees him…
“Take a break Silver. You look like you could use it.” Maleficia said gently.
“Yes my queen.” Silver replied quietly, bowing once more before quickly taking his leave.
Maleficia sighed as she too left the room, uncaring of the fae council member that still lingered in the room.
~*---------------*~
Upon arriving back home in the cottage, Silver made a beeline for his bed, pulling out his notebook. Silver grabbed his pen and sat at the small desk in his room, flipping the book open to a new page.
I used to shut the door, while my father yelled in the distance
I’d fade into the dream realm, ignore the waking and try not to think
Cause neither one was right
I swore to never be like them
But I was just a weakling back then
The older I get, the more that I see
My father may not be a hero, he might be like me
And loving is hard, it seems not to work
He’s just trying his best, not to get hurt
I think I’m still upset, but now I wonder
If sometimes it’s better to let someone go
Maybe it hasn’t hit me yet
The older I get
I sometimes wonder why, why I could never make them happy (The fae council)
I sometimes close my eyes, and pray that everything was like before
When everything was fine, before I asked that stupid question (the one that made me realize what I was)
Silver gently closed his notebook, placing it back under his pillow for safe keeping. Where no one would know what his thoughts were.
~*---------------*~
Silver age: 16
“I don’t want you to call me father while we’re here.” Lilia said. His voice was soft, yet Silver felt like his whole world was crashing down, one of the fae council’s particularly cruel phrases echoing in his head.
“It’s likely that the only reason Lilia still lets you call him father is because everyone already knows you’re his ward. If given the choice, I highly that he would want anyone to know.”
Why didn’t Lilia want Silver calling him father? Had Silver done something wrong? Were the fae council right?
“Because Malleus already has a rather scary reputation here, and everyone knows that I’m his retainer. I don’t want everyone to be wary of you as well.” Lilia responded.
Oh. What that it?
“But… I don’t care if they don’t like me. I’m more than content with you and lord Malleus.” Silver responded. For once, he wasn’t lying about how he felt.
Lilia’s expression softened. “I know, my little bat. But it’s good for kids your age to be able to branch out and make friends. I want you to have more than just me, Malleus and Sebek.” Lilia said.
Silver looked down. “Yes fa- Lilia…” Silver said, having to correct himself.
“Good.” Lilia responded gently, patting him on the head.
Maybe the fae council were wrong…?
~*-------------*~
“What did you wish for, for new years fa- Lilia?” Silver asked.
Lilia chuckled. “Oh, the usual, peace and harmony between species.” Lilia said happily.
“Peace and harmony?” Silver asked, tilting his head to the side.
“Yes. Everyone living together peacefully without the concern of discrimination or racism just because of the biological differences between us.” Lilia explained.
Silver blinked, taking the thought into consideration. He had never really thought about a world where humans weren’t less than fae, where everyone was treated the same regardless.
Sure, peace had been established in Briar Valley, but that didn’t mean the fae liked humans, and some humans disliked fae.
“Peace is hard, yes, and people are bound to get hurt. But I think it’s worth it if one day we can all truly live in harmony.” Lilia said, bringing Silver out of his thoughts.
Silver nodded. “Perhaps it is…” Silver said.
~*------------*~
In the safety and quiet of his dorm room, Silver pulled out his notebook from under his pillow. It was a childish hiding place, now that he thought about it, but he couldn't bring himself to change where he hid it after so long.
Placing it open to a new page on his desk, Silver sat down and grabbed his pencil, beginning to write.
I used to shut the door, while my father yelled in the distance
I’d fade into the dream realm, ignore the waking and try not to think
Cause neither one was right
I swore to never be like them
But I was just a weakling back then
The older I get, the more that I see
My father may not be a hero, he might be like me
And loving is hard, it seems not to work
He’s just trying his best, not to get hurt
I think I’m still upset, but now I wonder
If sometimes it’s better to let someone go
Maybe it hasn’t hit me yet
The older I get
I used wonder why, why I could never make them happy
I used close my eyes, and pray that everything was like before
When everything was fine, before I asked that stupid question
I swore to never be like them
But I was just a weakling back then
The older I get, the more that I see
The fae council aren’t heroes, just for being stronger
And peace is hard, it don’t always work
Everyone just tries their best, not to get hurt
I used to be confused, but now I wonder
If sometimes it’s better to let some things go
Maybe it just hasn’t hit me yet
The older I get
Silver yawned, putting his notebook away and laying down for some much needed sleep.
~*-------------*~
Silver age: 17 (Pre-Malleus Overblot)
Silver sat, curled up on the floor by his bed, sobbing.
How had this happened? How could Lilia be planning on just leaving? Leaving them behind? Leaving as if nothing had happened? As if he wasn’t tearing Silver’s world apart?
Silver pulled his notebook out from under his pillow, hurriedly grabbing his pencil and scribbling down lyrics, desperate for something to calm him down before someone wondered where he was and found him like this.
I used to shut the door, while my father yelled in the distance
I’d fade into the dream realm, ignore the waking and try not to think
About every single fight, cause neither one was right
I swore to never be like them
But I was just a weakling back then
The older I get, the more that I see
My father’s not a hero, he’s just like me
And loving is hard, it don’t always work
You just try your best, not to get hurt
I used to be upset but now I know
Sometimes it’s better to let someone go (Father said he wants me to be happy and move on.)
It just hadn’t hit me yet
The older I get
I used to wonder why, why I could never make them happy
I used to close my eyes and pray that everything was like before
When everything was fine. Before I asked that stupid question
I swore to never be like them
But I was just a weakling back then
The older I get the more that I see
The fae council aren’t heroes, just for being stronger
And peace is hard, it don’t always work
Everyone just tries their best, not to get hurt
I used to be confused, but now I know
Sometimes it’s better to let some things go (I may never be able to be a knight, it’s pointless now without Father here anyway. The entire point was to repay him)
It just hadn’t hit me yet
The older I get
A knock snapped Silver out of his thoughts and he hurriedly hid his notebook in his jacket.
“Silver?”
“Come in.” Silver said.
The door opened and Malleus stepped in.
~*-------------*~
Silver age: 17 (During Malleus’ overblot)
Silver sat curled up by the fire, his hands absentmindedly trailing over the lyrics. The notebook had been brought with him into the dream realm when he had hopped through dreams to get here.
He felt numb, seeing what Lilia was like back during the human-fae war. How cold he was to everyone. How hateful he was.
He didn’t even remember Silver.
“What’s that?”
The voice of his father, no Lilia, made Silver snap out of his thoughts, looking up at the general.
“Just some thoughts I had put into lyrics.” Silver replied quietly.
Lilia sat down beside him. “May I?” Lilia asked, and the way he held his hand out for the book felt more like an order than a request.
Not that Silver would ever deny him. A part of him had been secretly hoping Lilia had found the notebook sooner comforted confronted him about it before this whole mess.
Silver laid the book open in Lilia’s outstretched hand, letting the war general take it, his eyes skimming over the lyrics.
Silver saw the way Lilia eyes softened with sympathy, shifted with confusion, then hardened something else, then softened with sympathy once again.
After a moment, Lilia handed Silver’s notebook back. “Seems like you have a lot on your shoulders, for someone so young.” Lilia said.
Silver could only nod, taking his notebook back. Lilia didn’t even know the half of it. Yet Silver forced that retort down, knowing he didn’t have a right. This was the least he shoulder for his family. “Though I would keep those thoughts about the fae council to yourself, it’s not wise to make them mad.” Lilia said.
Silver nodded. “Thanks for the advice” Silver said softly.
Lilia nodded stiffly, his expression turning hard again. “Don’t mention it. Ever.” He said, his voice harsh in a way that made Silver flinch. Lilia stood, hesitating for a moment before speaking again. “If you ever need something, come to me, no one else, okay? Apparently that father of yours can’t be trusted with you.” Lilia said sternly.
Silver heart swelled at the offer of comfort, to the point that Silver didn’t feel like pointing out, or even realize, that Lilia had unknowingly insulted himself. “Sure.” Silver said.
And with that, Lilia walked away, back to his tent.
~*---------------*~
Silver age: 17 (Post-Malleus overblot)
Silver laid, curled up between the members of his family in Malleus room. Lilia had remembered reading Silver’s notebook and had told Malleus and Sebek.
Lilia laid on his left, his arms wrapped around Silver, pulling him close. Lilia had tucked Silver head under his chin, letting Silver lean his head on his chest. Lilia kept one hand on the side of Silver’s neck, just over his pulse point, reassuring himself that Silver was still there, still alive.
Sebek was on his right. He had originally refused to cuddle, but once he fell asleep he had curled up under Silver’s arm, laying his head on Silver’s chest, just over his heart.
Malleus was behind Sebek, laying half on top of the poor half-fae in order to have hold of Silver in his own way. Malleus had his wings and tail out, one his wings laying over the three of them like a blanket. His tail draped lazily over their legs. Malleus had a strong hold on one of Silver’s wrists in order to feel Silver’s pulse.
Silver, for once, was the only one left awake. Not because he was uncomfortable or felt unsafe, or had any thoughts that needed to escape, for once. Though thoughts did occupy his mind.
It seems he had been wrong.
His family still loved him unconditionally, regardless of his humanity. Regardless of his usefulness.
And now everyone knew, no matter what.
“I’m giving you my last name. You’re my son, no matter what.”
Lilia’s words to him echoed in his mind.
Silver Vanrouge. Forever and always belonging with his family.
Silver’s eyes started droop closed, exhaustion catching up to him.
Perhaps he should scrap the entire song, it didn’t truly fit with how he thought of the things anymore.