Chapter Text
Tabby Lloyd was giving Kay Faraday the skinny on how editorial meetings were run at The Hart Times tabloid newspaper.
"So whut you gonna do now is just.. listen, okay?" Tabby said.
"Just listen. Got it," Kay said.
"Sit next to me too, ya hear?"
"Right beside you, Ms. Lloyd!" Kay said.
"Ah, honey, it's just Tabby. We're pals. If the boss ask you summin'… just say 'Yes ma'am'. And uh.. if the Boss drops a blue word.. that's just how it is around here, okay?"
"Yes ma'am!" Kay said, with a wink and a smile.
"Okay! Yee-uh! You got it!" Tabby laughed. "Let's head on in."
Lotta Hart's voice could already be heard filling the hallway leading to the conference room.
"….we got a new member joinin' our family today. Her name is Kay Faraday. Y'all gonna be nice and polite to her. Introduce yourselves, be cordial." Lotta said.
Kay and Tabby walked in.
"Good mornin', Chief," Tabby said.
"Good morning, Ms. Hart," Kay said.
"Good mornin' to the both of ya. Tabbs, sit right next to me here. Kay.. you mind standin' up just a lil' bit so I can introduce you?" Lotta stood beside Kay and locked her arm into Kay's arm.
"No ma'am," Kay said.
"This is Kay Faraday, y'all. Our newest reporter. She used to be at the San Kaguya Chronicle, but now she's with us," Lotta said.
A mishmashed cacophony of "hi Kay" and "good morning Kay" was all Kay heard.
"Lemme give you a run down, Kay." Lotta walked around to where Tabby is sitting and got behind her chair. She put both of her hands on Tabby's shoulders. She noticed a bit of tension in them.
"Awhh.. is my prizefighter editor, head of the investigative desk, and Chief Number Two stressed?" Lotta put special emphasis on Tabby's roles and winked each time to Kay. Tabby laughed and was touched by Lotta's introduction.
"I'm okay, Boss," Tabby said. She softly tapped Lotta's left hand.
Lotta leaned down to Tabby's head-level. "I'm workin' on your vacation, T, alright?" Lotta said, in a one-on-one voice.
"Appreciate it, Chief," Tabby said.
Lotta shared a smile with Tabby and left her with one firm pat on both shoulders.
"Alright! Who's next?" Lotta said.
Kay closed one eye, raised her eyebrow, and gave the 'OK' sign to Tabby. She was impressed.
Lotta continued walking around the roundtable. Lotta came to a stop behind the woman who was giddily waving at Lotta as she approached her.
"This is Desiree DeLite, our fashion editor. All things feminine beauty goes through her and her alone. Ain't that right, Dee?"
"Yes ma'am. Nice to meet you, Kay," Desiree said.
"Nice to meet you too," Kay said.
Lotta walked over to Myriam Scuttlebutt, who was sitting at the farthest end of the roundtable. Myriam Scuttlebutt had replaced the cardboard box of her teenage years with a climate-inappropriate get-up of wearing a baseball cap, a hoodie, and sunglasses all the time, giving her serious FBI-sketch-of-the-Unabomber energy.
"Now this one… she's a tough case, but by God, can she crunch them numbers! Myriam Scuttlebutt, our sports editor."
"Kekekhhhe… Nice to meet you, Kay."
"Nice to meet you, too, Myriam."
Lotta lost steam as she approached the last person she had to introduce.
"And…" Lotta sighed and then took a deep breath as if about to recite something from memory.
"….by contractual obligation and as stipulated by the Amano group, a mandatory presence at current and all future editorial meetings of The Hart Times… our attorney-by-appointment Mr. Eddie Fender, from Edgeworth and Co. Law Offices." Lotta walked away and threw her hands in the air as Eddie drew a big mischievous smile. He did an air drumroll the entire time Lotta was doing the formal acknowledgement.
"Thank you kindly, boss-wo-man. Hiya, Kay." He gave Kay a double-barreled salute with his fingers.
"Hey Eddie…" Kay had seen him as soon as she walked into the room, but tried to not look at Eddie for as long as she could.
"Alright, Kay, you can take a seat now," Lotta said, gesturing over to the open seat next to Tabby.
"Niceties and due politeness done, let's get to work! Now… Tabbs, what's on the slate? I heard you done got us a serious scoop!"
"You can bet the farm I did, boss. And this ain't just a lead," Tabby said.
"Woah now…" Lotta said.
"And it ain't just summin' a source said or a rumor neither!'
"I'm shiverin' and shakin', T" Lotta said.
"I got me a boatload of PHO-TOS…" Tabby tapped the envelope with her palm twice.
"Lord above, T… photos of whut?" Lotta leaned in to hear Tabby and perhaps catch a glimpse of the contents of the thick manilla envelope she had in front of her.
"Phoenix Wright…"
Lotta withdrew herself away from Tabby.
"….that boy old news, Tabs," Lotta said, crossing her arms and swiveling her eyes left and right.
"…Hold on now, boss… I have him cavortin'," Tabby said.
"Cavortin', you said?"
"Yes ma'am, cavortin'… with one very famous fellow attorney," Tabby said.
"The frilly one? That Miles boy? That story done got picked clean already, T," Lotta said.
"No ma'am… The Gavin boy" Tabby said.
"The pretty one or the killer?" Lotta said.
"Aren't they both kinda pretty?" Desiree said. Myriam concurred.
Lotta pondered Desiree's question for a moment. "I'm sayin' one of em' has evil all over his face while the other one is just a cutie-patootie."
Desiree wrote down "MURDER MAKES U UGLY?" in her notepad, potentially a fruitful series of articles in the future.
"In any case… the killer, ma'am. The one that done called everyone in the courtroom swine. Kristoph Gavin," Tabby said.
"Oh, my... rude with a streak of mean and a killer to boot!" Lotta said.
"Phoenix Wright was shootin' the breeze with him night after night at The Borscht Bowl Club. Stuffin' their face fulla spaghetti. Alla' these photos are from 2 years ago."
"That… rah-shin restaurant?" Lotta said.
"Yes ma'am," Tabby said.
"Oooh, T, lemme see.."
Lotta examined the photos. Phoenix, dressed like hobo, sat across from the immaculate Kristoph Gavin. He was twirling spaghetti while Kristoph appeared to be cheerfully talking. In many of the photos, both men are laughing.
"Alright then.. I wanna ask y'all sumthin'…" Lotta began, ominously. "Two men, being seen at night, time and time again, at a restaurant. What that mean?"
"It means—"
"Uh-uh, Tabs. I'm sorry to cut you off, but you already done did too much. Let's hear from your fellow reporters. Dee?"
"Uhmmm… like.. they can't sleep?" Desiree said, with an innocent lilt in her voice and a sincere smile.
"Uh-uh. Scuttles?" Lotta said.
"They share a passion for Italian food, kehehe…" Myriam said, filled with self-satisfaction at giving the perfect answer.
"That's not it either…" Lotta said. She was disheartened about having to once again resort to Tabby, her restless workhorse.
"It implies a relationship of some kind," Kay said.
"It implies a relationship…. it implies… a relationship… Bless her heart… first day on the job and she already doin' somethin'…. That's goshdarn right, Kay, now we're really goin' somewhere!"
Kay was beaming. She leaned back in her chair, content with the fact that she put away a win with the Boss on her first day.
"Folks, what happens when two people are in a relationship? Ain’t they liable to get in bed?" Lotta said.
Eddie, smelling potential litigation like a shark smelling blood, intervened immediately.
"Not necessarily. Could be a professional or familial relationship."
Lotta sucked her teeth, turned around, and pat down her agitated afro. Everyone heard Lotta take a very deep breath. She turned back around and faced Tabby.
"Tabs, imma need you to help me cuz I don't think I got it in me to argue with Mr. Fender over there right now…" Lotta said.
"Lay it on me heavy, Chief," Tabby said, with the air of someone taking on a solemn duty.
Kay saw Desiree, Myriam, and Eddie laughing.
"Is Phoe-nix Wri-ght… related by blood to Kris-toph Ga-vin?" Lotta said. Her words were springy, as if she was spelling out something as clear as the sun.
"No ma'am."
"So they ain't family now, is they?" Lotta said.
"Sure as bees make honey they ain't, Boss," Tabby said.
Lotta glanced over at Eddie to make sure he was closely following along this Hart-atic dialogue with Tabby. He gave Lotta a breezy smile.
"Could Phoenix Wright, disbarred attorney that he was at that time, step one foot into a courtroom without being thrown back out on his ass?"
"No ma'am."
"So it could not have been a professional relationship what-so-ever since such a relationship requires both sides to be workin' professionals?" Lotta was articulate whenever being a country gal' just wouldn't cut it with block-headed, pencil-pushing types like Eddie.
"Slap me on the face and call me Sally if that ain't the truth, Boss," Tabby said.
"Were they just two lawyerly peas in a pod, yuckin' it up, hangin' out, havin' a good time?" Lotta said.
"Friends don't let friends present forged evidence… nawh, they don't, Chief," Tabby said.
"Were they ever seen anywhere else other than this restaurant?" Lotta said.
"I got me a few photos of them at a bar, too," Tabby said.
"Did they go to church together by any chance? Did Phoenix Wright sit, God-fearin' cheek to God-fearin' cheek, next to Kristoph Gavin, readin' the Good Word together in hopes of baskin' in the Lord's benediction?" Lotta said.
Tabby, too distracted by the mental image of two men sitting butt-naked on a pew, Bible splayed across thigh-to-thigh, hesitated.
"Uh…"
"Tabbs?"
"N….no ma'am. The two have not been seen heading to the house of the Lord on a crisp Sunday morning," Tabby said.
"So if they ain't brothers, they ain't co-workers, they ain't chums, and they ain't choir boys, then…"
The staff of The Hart Times always left the inescapable conclusions to Lotta.
"They lovers! They slippin' n slidin' n fuckin' an' suckin! Ain't that clear to y'all?"
"Ms. Hart, what you're saying is slander. If you write it down, it's libel," Eddie said, laughing.
The entire room was in muffled hysterics. Whenever Eddie and Lotta butted heads, it was always the one day everyone (except Lotta) loved their job.
"By God, not if we sub-stan-ti-ate it," Lotta said. "Can we do that, y'all? Can we substantiate our claims?"
"Yes ma'am!" a rousing affirmation from everyone in the room except Kay, who did not know the rallying cry of The Hart Times, and Eddie, who was too busy laughing at the prospect of substantiating anything like that.
"I know you think we're a low-down, good-for-nuthin' tabloid, Mr. Fender, I know that. But we have real journalists here. My girls aren't second-rate shutterbugs. We do good work. We never pull the pin on an allegation and duck for cover." Lotta said, pride softly radiating from her.
"Except that one time," Eddie said.
"Except that one time, indeed, by God… An unacceptable blot on our pristine record of integrity. Which is why, Mr. Fender, I will personally present to you the work of my hard-working reporters and consult you at every stage."
"Thank you, Ms. Hart," Eddie said.
"yerwelcumyadamnleech" Lotta muttered.
"What'd you say, Ms. Hart?" Eddie said.
"I was thankin' the Lord for blessing me with such a diligent lawyer, Mr. Fender," Lotta said.
"I'm always here for you, Ms. Hart," Eddie said.
Ever since Eddie was appointed, Lotta had taken up fantasizing about how to erase that slick smile off his face. Methods imagined have included hot coffee, stapler mishaps, and, on a day where Lotta felt particularly mean, a trip to the printing press gone terribly wrong.
"Now then… I want Kay to scout that Brushed Bowl Club and Tabbs will head on over to the Wright Anything Agency. I want everything there is to know about Mr. Wright. If he won a trophy in middle school but couldn't bring himself to throw it away, I wanna know bout' that. Everything and anything, Tabbs."
"Everythin and anythin' comin' right up, Chief," Tabby said.
"Can I have some of the photos before I go to the restaurant, Tabby?" Kay said.
"Yeah, sure. Take em'"
"Dee and Scuttles will visit the killer Gavin and chew the fat with him, too," Lotta said.
"On it, Chief," Myriam said.
"Ooooh I've only been to the prison when they were holding Ronny before… I wonder if they changed it…" Desiree scrawled "MAKE-OVER… FOR BUILDINGS?" on her notepad. Today's meeting was very productive for her.
"Last but never ever least, Mr. Fender will be going down to the basement floor and gettin' in his motor vee-hicle and drive all the way back to the esteemed offices of Edgeworth and Company, ain't that right Mr. Fender?" Lotta said.
Eddie, getting up, addressed the whole room. "That's right, Ms. Hart…. You guys always brighten my day. I love seeing y'all," Eddie said, heaving serious air-quotes around 'y'all'.
"Bye Mr. Fender!" Dee said.
"Don't forget the parlays you wanted to show me, kehehehe," Myriam said.
"Go on, Mr. Fender. I'll send you whatever I write up as soon as I can," Tabby said.
As he approached Kay, he gestured for a hug, which Kay promptly rejected. They both smiled at the continuation of this little game they shared.
"Thank you, all. Until next time," Eddie said, tipping his fedora.