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Naim had just finished another dreary day at school. He had learned quickly how to survive in this town. Be quiet, keep his head down and don’t do anything to make waves in the community. But on this day, he was having trouble with the last part. All because of Ryan.
Naim clenched his fists as the memory of Hunter in Ryan’s backyard washed over him. The one good thing he thought he had here wasn’t even his. He felt stupid for thinking there was anything redeeming about this place. The hurt, anger and shame swirled in his stomach like liquid concrete. His jaw began to ache, he wondered how long he’d been clenching it for. He walked aimlessly, not wanting to return home but not knowing where else to go either.
Eventually he found himself in front of Hunter’s house. He paused as he tried to make sense of his thoughts.
What was he going to do? Waltz in and tell Hunter to fuck off? He shook the thought out of his head, he had no claim on Ryan. Another thought began to creep into his mind, one much more insidious than the last.
I could tell his dad. Being gay isn’t a good look for the preacher’s son.
Naim sat with the idea for a moment. Initially, it felt good. Imagining Hunter never being able to touch Ryan again. Never hurling any more rocks at his pretty face, running his hands through that beautiful blonde hair. He could feel the thought beckoning him towards the front door.
He paused and took a deep breath. The feeling began to fade, replaced with raw guilt over even having the thought in the first place. Outing someone was bad enough, but he had no idea what sort of reaction this community would have. He remembered hearing whispers about a girl who was sent away shortly before he moved here. He hadn’t gotten the full story, it was hard to piece together all the details without asking directly about it, but the fact that she just disappeared like that sent a chill down his spine.
Would they send Hunter away? Ryan too?
The thought of Ryan leaving snapped him out of his stupor as he backed away from Hunter’s house and began walking back home. He kept his head down as he walked, a familiar sense of shame washing over him. His strides were eventually cut short as he spotted the source of his grief.
There in front of him stood Ryan, a surprised smile on his face.
“Hey you,” he said as he walked up to Naim.
Naim felt his face burn with shame as he struggled to find any words to speak.
“Are you alright? I came by your house to ask if you wanted to hang out but your mom said you hadn’t been back from school yet.”
“...I was just going for a walk, clear my head ya know?” Naim said with a shrug, he prayed that would be enough to stop the questions.
Ryan’s eyes scanned over him.
“Alright you’re being weird…but lucky for you, I still wanna hang out soooooooooo wanna hang out?” Ryan said with an easy smile. Naim brushed past him, purposely avoiding eye contact.
“Just not feeling great today, maybe tomorrow,” he said as he picked up his pace before Ryan could properly respond. He didn’t look back the rest of the walk home. With a short “hello” to his mom, he skipped dinner and went straight to bed.
______________________________________________________________________
Naim woke up feeling exhausted. That feeling persisted throughout the day as he felt his head reel from yesterday’s events. He counted down the seconds until school was over, and when the final bell rang, he made a dash for the exit. He slowed his pace at seeing a familiar face standing by the front gate.
Ryan gave his usual smirk, though Naim could see that it was more put on than his more natural expression in the warehouse.
“Hey,” Ryan said as he walked beside him to clap a hand on his shoulder. A gesture that looked perfectly platonic to any of their classmates, but to Naim it was so much more.
“Wanna hang out today?” he continued.
Naim opened his mouth to respond, but his train of thought was interrupted by the sight of Hunter passing them by. He felt a familiar anger start to bubble inside of him.
“Why don’t you ask Hunter?” Naim said, bitterness seeping through the words as he shrugged off the hand.
“What?”
Naim fully turned to look at him. He knew it was over once he looked into the other boy’s eyes. Everything came rushing out of him all at once.
“I saw you two in your backyard the other day. Didn’t realize you were just fucking every other guy in school.” He immediately regretted the words once they were out of his mouth, especially once he saw the hurt in Ryan’s eyes.
“Naim, please just listen. My thing with Hunter isn’t even really a thing. We just fool around sometimes.”
“Is that what we were doing in the warehouse? Just fooling around?” Naim could feel the tears threatening to run down his face. He took a step back only to be met with Ryan stepping forward in turn.
“God, Naim, no. It’s different with you.”
“Oh yeah? How? I’d love to fucking hear it.”
Ryan took another step into his space, Naim could almost feel his breath ghosting over his face.
“Because you make me feel like this isn’t bad,” Ryan said. He stepped even closer and took his hand, thumb stroking softly against his palm. Naim felt his shoulders relax. Ryan must have noticed as he pressed on.
“With Hunter, we have to beat the shit out of each other. It’s like we’re punishing each other. But with you, it doesn’t feel like a punishment. You make me feel like I’m not a monster when we’re together.”
Ryan’s face turned blurry as Naim tried to meet his gaze through teary eyes. He let himself fall forward into the other boy’s embrace. Strong arms wrapped around him as he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“...then why do you keep seeing him?” he spoke gently, his words muffled by the crook of Ryan’s neck.
“Because…I thought you were going to leave me.”
Naim pulled back ever so slightly, so he could look Ryan in the eye.
“Ryan…you thought I could leave you behind?”
“Can you blame me? You aren’t exactly forward with your feelings. You remember that day in the warehouse when we were smoking together. You said there was nothing in this place that you really liked. I thought that was your way of saying that this is just casual for you. That you liked me enough to fool around, but not enough to stick around.”
“I was being cheeky, Ryan. I wasn’t trying to make you feel like you don’t matter to me. You’re the only good thing about this shithole of a town that I have in my life.”
Ryan’s eyes lit up as he crowded Naim against a nearby fence, away from any potential onlookers. He circled his arms around his waist as he brought their lips together. Naim let out a muffled moan that he was all too happy to swallow up. Naim’s hands found the nape of his neck, fingers running gently through his hair. They enjoyed each other’s warmth before reluctantly breaking apart, checking their surroundings to ensure they were still alone.
Naim was the one to finally break the silence.
“Man we’re kind of all over the place, huh?”
Ryan looked at him with so much affection that he could burst.
“Definitely,” he chuckled before adding “but you’re the only person I want to be all over the place with.”
Naim let out a laugh.
“Dude, that was so corny!” he said, though there was no edge in his voice.
Ryan pulled him into another embrace, their laughter reverberating between their chests.
Eventually the laughter subsided.
“So…does this mean you’ll stop seeing Hunter?”
Ryan pretended to think for a moment.
“That depends. Am I taken?”
Naim smiled and grabbed his hand before interlocking their fingers together.
“Yeah, you’re mine,” he said, giving Ryan’s hand a gentle squeeze.
Ryan returned the gesture before pressing a kiss to his temple.
“I’m all yours, babe.”