Work Text:
If anyone asks it’s Hayden and JJ’s fault that he’s here. He loves his best friends he does but the last place he wants to be is in the Sky Lounge, the exact place where he broke Ilya’s heart on the 2 year anniversary of said mistake but they’d insisted that Shane get out of the house and actually start living again. They’d beaten the Centaurs the night before and they had a couple days off before they headed to New York for a game against the Admirals.
And if Ilya asks why Shane Hollander is texting him at 2am it’s because he’s drunk and stupid.
He doesn’t know when he pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens his old conversation with Ilya but reading the last thing he ever sent that had been responded to was confirming they were going to meet up after Ilya’s last class of the day at the Sky Lounge hurts. He sees the sorries he’d sent that had gone undelivered and it’s like another dagger to his heart. He starts typing before he can think better of it
S: Sky Lounge after your last class? Can't wait to see you
I: Yeah see you then
June 17, 2013
S: I’m sorry. Read 10:23 am
S: I’m sorry. Read 5:34 pm
S: Ilya I’m sorry. I know I screwed up and that you hate me but I’m sorry. Undelivered
June 19, 2015
S: I wanna call you and tell you to “Come over”
S: Get drunk and tell you what I think when I’m sober.
S: Bring up a memory you forgot you remembered.
S: June 2013 naked by the lake.
His heart stops beating for a second when he sees the 3 little dots appear and disappear
S: Wait
S: Don't hang up
S: Give me a second to explain myself
S: I learned my lesson through a dive bar hell
S: Just give me a second, baby
S: You don't owe me shit
S: You know my secrets and it’s 3am
S: And I know your sleeping, but you’re still all that I’ve got
S: And I know that I blew my first shot
S: But could you give me a second
At some point he’d lost sight of Hayden and Jackie and JJ had left with some pretty little blonde earlier so he feels comfortable enough to keep texting Ilya without anyone stopping him. The longer he sits here the easier it feels to pour all of his feelings out.
S: Don't know what you have
S: ‘Til it slips through your fingers
S: But I knew what we had
S: So where does that leave us?
S: I said things I said I didn't mean
S: Like I took it all back
S: I was losing you right in front me
S: But ‘till you packed your bags
He’d fucked up. He’d been stressed about the scouts being at his games and trying to prove that he was worthy of being drafted and he’d neglected his relationship with Ilya. They'd been best friends since they were 8 when Ilya’s mom had moved him to Canada from Moscow and he’d joined the same youth team that Shane was playing for.
He thought they’d be together forever and maybe they would’ve been. They'd both been drafted and he had nothing of importance to show for it because he’d lost his love in the process.
S: I was blinded by the good times
S: And the way I used to make you laugh
S: And I hope I can change your mind
S: ‘Cause I can't change the past, baby
The dots appear and disappear a couple more times before they stop altogether and Shane feels his heart lurch. He takes another sip of his drink and works up the nerve to continue pouring his heart out.
S: Don't hang up
S: Give me a second to explain myself
S: I learned my lesson through a dive bar hell
S: Just give me a second, baby
S: And, no, you don't owe me shit
S: But you know my secrets and its 3am
S: And I know you’re sleeping but you’re all that I’ve got
S: And I know I blew my first shot
S: But could give me a second
S: Could you give me a second?
He’d stood across from the love of his life last night and Ilya wouldn’t even look him in the eye. The last few face offs of the game it’d been someone each time and after the game he’d tried to stop Ilya to try and ask for a few minutes of his time but Boodram and Barrett had stopped him from getting close enough.
S: No, you don't owe me shit
S: But you know my secrets, and it’s 3am
S: And I know you’re sleeping but you’re still all that I got
S: And I know that I blew my first shot
S: But could you give me a second
He takes one last drink of his lukewarm beer and sends one last text before he gets up to leave.
S: It was good to see you last night
S: Um, I really sure what I'm doing right now, but I miss you Read 3:01am
****
Ilya’s laying on his bed curled up with one of Shane’s old shirts laying on the pillow next to him when his phone starts going off constantly. The shirt doesn’t smell like Shane anymore and hasn't for awhile but it gives him a little bit of comfort to imagine that it’s Shane laying beside him in bed again like when they were in college before hockey had taken precedence over their friendship and them as a couple.
He reads the texts as them come in and starts to type a few times before he thinks better of it. Sue him he’s curious as to what the Shane Hollander has to say all this time.
The texts end almost as quickly as they’d begun and he's typing before he can overthink it.
I: Shane
I: I miss you
I: Where ar….
He almost hits send before locking his phone and deciding to go to sleep. If the text are real maybe he’ll text Shane back in the morning.