Archive of Our Own

Life on Erid was, as Ryland Grace would put it, perfect. He had his best friend, he had his classroom with wonderful students, and most recently in the past year, he had Simon.

Eridian scientists took the Taumoeba to the stars who weren't so fortunate to have the technology to save themselves. In the process, they found a moon, where they found Simon. Covered in blood.

Ryland couldn't describe the feelings that surged through him when he saw Simon for the first time. Fear, wonder, curiosity, a dose of holy cow look at those muscles before labeling himself a creep. Their first meeting, Simon was covered in blood and angry. Defensive. He'd lash out if you got too close, shout and scream about things Ryland had no clue existed. Like a blood ocean, or a giant eel monster, or a giant eye in a blood red sky that called itself God.

A Consolidation of Iron that sent Simon into the blood ocean in the first place. Simon originally thought they were with this C.O.I. before realizing they had far too many resources at their disposal than the dying version of humanity he came from.

Simon wasn't quick to trust. It took Ryland a few days to learn his name, a few more days to earn the fragile trust Simon placed in his hand when he asked to look over his injuries. When Ryland wasn't checking on him, he was sitting in the corner of the medical wing, curled into a ball. It broke Ryland's heart seeing him like that. So small and scared. It reminded him of himself when he woke up alone aboard Mary, light years from home and no clue how he got there.

Once Simon trusted Ryland, though, it was like nothing else mattered to the man.

Simon adopted the nickname Angel for him because, in his own words, Ryland was an angel sent to save Simon from hell. Even though Ryland didn't drag him out of the blood ocean. He still looked at Ryland with complete, unfiltered devotion. Ryland didn't know what to do with that. Especially because if he was working or cooking or doing something, Simon would be right by his side. His shadow, offering a kitchen utensil he needed or a marker, or his laptop. He was helpful in his hovering.

Ryland couldn't complain. With Rocky being busy sorting out things with Eridian scientists and helping them prepare for more expeditions amongst the stars, Ryland was left to his own devices until Simon came along. It was nice not being alone anymore, coming back from class to someone in the house. Reading, cleaning, watching TV. Something. It was nice.

Dare he say domestic.

Which was why life on Erid wasn't necessarily perfect. That was the wrong adjective. It was… good, but it could be better.

"Grace like Simon, statement," Rocky said one day when he came over.

Simon was, thankfully, busy in the garden behind the house. He took well to plants. He cared for them with surprising gentleness. Countless times had Ryland found himself staring out the window to the garden, watching Simon water the plants carefully and run his finger along their leaves. He'd smile, then, small but genuine. Ryland's heart would flip upside down at the sight.

"Wha—Rocky!" Ryland exclaimed, feeling his face flush.

"Only stating truth, statement."

"Y-Yeah I like him! He's great!"

"But Grace like Simon like Rocky love Adrian. Grace love."

"What? N-No, you're mistaken, bud," Ryland chuckled awkwardly, busying himself by putting his empty coffee mug in the sink.

"Why Grace heart go so fast when look at Simon, then?" Rocky asked with two taps of his foot.

"Because—"

"Grace like Simon."

"Rocky!"

"Why Grace so upset, question? Is natural to love person of same species," Rocky said simply.

Ryland sighed, fingers clutching the counter as his eyes returned to the man in question. Still outside.

"Rocky, some humans… some humans don't like the same gender humans. I-I have no clue if Simon even likes…"

"Oh. Human constructs. Stupid."

Ryland snickered. "Yeah. They're stupid."

"Then why Grace care so much about them?"

"Because, just because I don't care about gender and stuff doesn't mean Simon doesn't. And I don't want to make him uncomfortable. He's only been here for a few weeks and I just got him to open up a bit more. I don't want to… to scare him away."

"Why human friend scared of Grace? Grace no threat."

He sighed. "Human construct."

"Oh. I understand." Rocky tapped his foot sadly. "Want Grace friend happy. Thought new human make Grace happy."

"Happier than you'd think, bud."

"But Grace want mate, statement."

"Rock—" he started, an admonishment on his tongue before he let it go with another sigh. No use in arguing. Rocky could read him like a book. "Maybe not a mate, but just… maybe a hug."

Rocky had been present for many breakdowns Ryland had during the journey to Erid. Some breakdowns were about the food situation, about starving and getting sick, but others were about another kind of sickness. Touch starvation. He didn't really think of it as something to be concerned about back on Earth because as much as he liked to be alone, he got a fair share of touches. Carl liked to pat his shoulder whenever they made a breakthrough. Yao was very fatherly in his firm pats on the back. Ilyukhina liked to rest her head on the person who was closest to her sometimes if she was tired.

In a spaceship millions of miles from home, with Yao and Ilyukhina floating somewhere near Tau Cetti, he'd never felt so desperate for those touches.

With Simon on Erid, things changed. Ryland was careful with touching. He didn't know what Simon liked, if Simon was okay with it or not. He would do small things here and there. He'd poke, not pat, Simon's shoulder to make him scoot over on the couch. He'd announce his presence before gently touching Simon's arm to get by. Simon didn't seem to mind the touch, but Ryland couldn't be sure and it was killing him. He had this urge, almost uncontrollable, to just wrap his arms around the man. He'd caught himself a few times from acting on it, horrified to find his arms already outstretched towards Simon. He quickly retreated whenever those urges came up.

"Rocky give good hugs," Rocky said as he bounded up to Ryland.

Ryland snickered, kneeling down before his best friend. "Yeah, you do. C'mere."

"Rocky give hug. Good good good, make Grace happy."

Rocky really did give some good hugs. He'd wrap to warms around Ryland's middle and use a third arm to ruffle his hair. The weight on top of his head was nice, something Ryland didn't know he missed until Rocky did it. He squeezed his best friend tight, his eyes once again finding Simon outside. He was smiling at a plant that had started growing taller by the day.

Ryland stared longingly. Maybe one day, he'd find the courage to be brave again.

"Savior Grace! Grace friend!"

"Hm?" Ryland grumbled as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He checked the bedside clock. Nearly ten in the morning. Jeez, he slept in. He and Simon had a movie night the evening before and stayed up a little too late talking about media from their respective lives. Ryland could listen to Simon talk about old children's fables from Eden forever.

"Grace friend, is urgent!"

It wasn't Rocky's voice, which immediately put Ryland on high alert. He tossed the covers aside and slipped into the slippers he requested a few months ago. Eridian ingenuity knew no bounds. And they were quick, too, delivering them within a few hours to his doorstep.

Ryland hurried to the front door, barely pushing his glasses up before opening the door. There stood an Eridian about the same size as Rocky, though they were a pinkish-red color. Ryland internally dubbed them Bubblegum on the fly, though he'd never seen this Eridian before. They must've been on the biodome team.

"What's going on? Is everything okay?" he asked hurriedly.

Bubblegum jumped. "New human friend have accident near biodome entrance! Grace friend follow!"

Simon had an accident? What the hell happened?

Ryland didn't bother changing shoes before running after Bubblegum. The weather of the biodome never changed. Ryland loved the fog, and Simon didn't seem to care about the weather at all. Though, Ryland had been working with a few scientists about simulating the sun for a few select weeks out of the year. Simon was part of the biodome now, too. He deserved to have whatever he requested. What's mine is yours, or however the saying went.

The gentle breeze turned into rippling winds as he sprinted alongside Bubblegum.

"Over this way!" the Eridian chirped before taking a right.

They ran over the tall grass that went near the edge of the biodome. Ryland didn't really go over there for a multitude of reasons. It was too far, he loved the beach more. He didn't really see a need to walk above the beach when he could be on the sand. But, he did plant a few tree seeds as soon as he got into the biodome. He'd check on them every other month, make sure they were alright with their drip irrigation system he had the Eridian scientists set up.

Now, over a year later, he could see they were making progress. Good.

What wasn't good was Simon kneeling in the grass with two more Eridians on the other side of the biodome tapping their limbs nervously.

Ryland picked up the pace and made it to Simon in no time. "Simon! Are you okay?"

He kneeled in front of the man so he could see him. Simon had his eyes squeezed shut, his one hand scrubbing at his face. He was grunting, grimacing, making pained noises that broke Ryland's heart to hear. Ryland glanced around for the culprit, finding a small, crushed flower on the ground in front of Simon's knee. He reached for it.

"No! Savior Grace do not touch!" Bubblegum exclaimed, gently putting their claw atop Ryland's hand to stop him. "Bad plant!"

"Bad plant—what?"

The two Eridians on the other side of the biodome tapped again.

"Is natural plant on Erid," one of them explained. A rusty colored one.

The other one, a light purple one, spoke. "Plant release spores when touched! Make recipient act weird!"

Great, so it was a plant that released a spore that could effect Eridians, too. Ryland jumped when a hand suddenly found his arm, squeezing painfully.

"Ryland?" Simon breathed shakily, his eyes still clamped shut. His fingers dug into Ryland's skin. Clutching, burning.

Ryland put his hand on Simon's wrist, squeezing gently. "It's me, Simon, I'm here. We're gonna get you some help, okay?"

Simon continued to take deep, measured breaths.

"H-How do we help him? What do we need to do?" Ryland asked the Eridians.

"Must scrub eyes and face. Get rid of residue. Spores will take few days, maybe a week, to flush from system," the rusty Eridian said.

"Okay."

"Might affect humans differently," the purple one said.

"Must monitor human friend."

"I'll monitor him. Just send me all the data you have on these flowers," Ryland requested.

"Of course," Bubblegum said. They shook their carapace. "Greatest apologies. Eridians thought we got rid of all detrimental plant life from biodome to keep savior Grace safe. Apology."

Ryland smiled gently, patting Bubblegum's leg. "It's okay. Nobody's perfect. He'll be fine in no time."

"Ryland—" Simon groaned, his nails digging into Ryland's arm "—my eyes… burning."

"Crap, okay. I've got you, Simon, don't worry." Ryland helped the man to his feet before turning to the Eridians. "Just get that data as soon as possible, please."

"Yes, work on it now!" the purple Eridian said before scampering off into the darkness.

"Will go get Rocky!" Bubblegum said before taking off.

Ryland kept his arm around Simon's waist tight. Simon was a bulkier man, and with Erid's gravity, he was… heavy. No offense to him. It was a good thing, with all that muscle—

Stop it.

Ryland huffed as they walked, bringing Simon's one arm to rest over his shoulders for stability. All the while, Simon kept breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. His breaths whistled through his teeth, reminiscent to the wind.

"You'll be alright, Simon. We'll get you fixed up," Ryland kept muttering as they approached the door to the house.

They stepped inside. Ryland kicked off his slippers, uncaring of wherever they ended up. He entered the living room, helping Simon sit on the couch before backing away.

"I'm gonna go get a bowl of water and a rag. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere," Ryland warned.

Simon's arm reached out, searching. His brows furrowed worriedly. "Ryland?" he called.

Ryland rushed into the kitchen, filling up a bowl with warm water and grabbing a rag from one of the drawers. He also made sure to grab some painkillers and a water bottle. Who knew how much pain he was in? Ryland returned a moment later to see Simon trying to stand up.

"Ryland—" he kept calling shakily.

"Hey, I'm right here. Right here," Ryland reassured, setting the bowl of water on the coffee table. He helped Simon sit back down and joined him on the couch. The man grasped Ryland's knee and didn't let go. Ryland swallowed back the emotions that threatened to rise and dipped the rag in the water, wringing it out. "I'm gonna wipe your eyes, okay? It's gonna be warm."

"Just please, make it stop."

Ryland nodded before chastising himself internally. He got to work, gently using one hand to cup under Simon's chin and the other to wipe at his eyes. He looked at the rag after the initial swipe, finding speckles of yellow dotted on the white. Ryland turned the rag over and continued dabbing away the spores. Simon grimaced every once in a while but stayed still otherwise, though the weight of his hand on Ryland's knee remained constant.

"Talk to me. How're we feeling?" Ryland muttered.

"Better," Simon said, his posture sagging as Ryland dipped the rag in the bowl of water. More spores fell into the water.

"Good."

He wrung the rag out again and finished cleaning up Simon's face. Then, he took Simon's hands and washed them for good measure.

"Okay, you should be good to open your eyes now. I need to see if the spores got in your eyes 'cause if so, I think you'll need some eyedrops or something to flush them out."

Ryland tossed the rag into the bowl and watched as Simon slowly blinked. Simon's eyes were slightly red and irritated, but Ryland couldn't see any yellow. Inky irises locked onto him. Ryland watched his eyes widen slightly, his calm expression suddenly turning into… something. His gaze was suddenly intense, sparkling. He'd only seen Simon look at the plants in the back garden like that.

"Can you see okay?" Ryland asked.

Simon's grip on his knee tightened slightly. "Perfectly."

Ryland exhaled, standing and grabbing the bowl. "Great. I'll go update the scientists. You should probably shower just to be safe. We don't want any more spores getting anywhere."

He wandered into the kitchen, carefully pouring the bowl of spores down the drain. As he moved to grab bleach from the cabinet, he jumped, because he was not expecting to see Simon just standing there. Staring. Eyes glazed over with something Ryland couldn't name.

"Oh. Did you need… something?"

Simon just kept staring, not saying a word. The scientists did say that the spores would make the recipient act weird. The worst part was that they never actually told him what kind of weird he'd be dealing with. Maybe he should check his laptop to see if they sent the information over.

Ryland sprayed the sink with bleach and let it sit, retreating to his office. He sat on the office chair and opened his laptop. He opened his inbox, finding a new piece of mail from a few minutes ago. He opened it and clicked on the link they included. He stilled when he felt Simon's chest press against the back of the chair.

"You okay, Simon?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah."

"You um… probably need to go shower. Change."

"But then I won't be able to see you."

Ryland frowned. Sure, Simon had trouble during the first few weeks on Erid using the shower because it reminded him a lot of the submarine he was trapped in for God knows how long. He wouldn't use the shower unless Ryland was sitting in the bathroom, looking away as he did his business, but yapping. Making some other noise that kept Simon out of the submarine and in the present. He'd been scared to be in a room alone for an extended period of time, which meant more often than not, he was acting as Ryland's shadow.

Simon hadn't had the need to cling to him for a while. He really needed to see what the data said.

"Do you… need me to sit in again? I-I will if you need me to, it's no trouble."

"Please," Simon said and oh, his voice was right by Ryland's ear.

Ryland suppressed a shudder and grabbed his laptop. "I'll grab you some clothes and meet you in there."

Simon seemed eerily happy about that. He went to the bathroom without complaint, another red flag. Simon would grumble if Ryland told him he smelled like dirt and sweat. Ryland shook his head and entered Simon's room, grabbing a simple t-shirt, new pair of boxers, and sweatpants for him. He headed into the bathroom, though he kept his eyes on the laptop screen. Still, out of the corner of his eye, he could see Simon's tan skin as he tossed his shirt aside.

Ryland sat on the countertop by the sink, crossing his legs as he focused on the research while Simon hopped in the shower.

The Eridians loved spreadsheets and graphs. It made Ryland's job a whole lot easier, too. He raked his eyes over the pie chart, reading the inscription below: Recipients who experienced unstable emotion in column 15. Recipients who experienced heightened desire in column 16.

Looks like the Eridians experienced more unstable emotion than heightened desire. The charts were a rough 75% to 25% in comparison. Ryland furrowed his brows as he looked deeper on the spreadsheet. A symptoms box.

Common Symptoms:

Dizziness

Stillness (not moving)

Clinginess

Devotion

Cough (possible human symptom)

Excretion

Okay, well, Simon wasn't excreting anything which was good. He was a bit clingy and he had many bouts where he just sat still, unmoving. Dizziness he could rule out since Simon was moving around completely fine on his own. Or maybe it was a symptom that would show up later. He kept it in mind as he continued reading.

Flower spores dangerous to Eridian, make Eridian act out of normalcy. First account from an affected Eridian states they could not control their body as well as usual. Cognitive decline in favor of mate.

In favor of mate? What did that mean? Ryland ignored the shower turning off, as well as Simon stepping out to grab a towel.

Eridian seemed focused solely on mate and nothing else. Not their job or close friends. Scientists believe spores increase desire/emotions affiliated with mate, force Eridian to stay by mate's side until effects wore off. Eridian explained great pain at being separated from mate.

Okay… so the spores made the recipient go crazy for their mate? Simon didn't have one, so maybe the spores just made him attach to the first person he saw after opening his eyes. No wonder Simon had followed him around the house. If he was separated from Ryland at all, what level of pain would he experience?

So many questions, so many theories. The Eridians would definitely be asking for updates and information as the spore sickness makes it's way through Simon's system. Ryland made a mental note to carry around a notepad or something to document Simon's behavior for further study. Maybe he should take a blood sample.

Ryland started typing into the spreadsheet near the bottom of the pie charts, logging his initial findings: clinginess, fear of being alone, staring, silence.

"What's the verdict, doc? Am I dying?" Simon asked.

Ryland made the mistake of looking up. Simon had slipped into his sweatpants that hung low around his waist to where the waistband of his boxers poked out. He was picking up his shirt, though his eyes remained firmly on Ryland. He had a small smirk on his face. Teasing. Ryland could see a few stray drops of water running from his pecs down his abs and—

"Uh—" he stammered, moving quickly to adjust his glasses and glance back at the computer screen "—nothing bad as of right now. We'll just have to keep monitoring you."

"There's no cure?"

"Well, there is; they just have to flush out of your body, so it might take a few days."

Simon hummed as he shimmied into his shirt and good God Ryland, stop staring at his abs!

The muscles moving. Would they move the same way under his fingertips?

"Other than that, you might experience some bouts of dizziness. Maybe some heightened emotions, whatever that means. But no, you're not dying," Ryland concluded with a small smile, trying desperately to push the thoughts of muscle away. He exited the bathroom and returned his computer to his desk, nearly knocking into Simon when he turned around. He was a little too close. "Oh, sorry."

"Why're you sorry?" Simon asked with a sudden frown. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I… you… I almost ran into you." Ryland awkwardly went back to the kitchen to clean up the spores from the sink. They didn't need an instance where they both were feeling the effects of them. He scrubbed the sink all the while Simon stood close by. Close enough to where Ryland could feel the heat radiating off of him, the warmth starting to seep into his back.

Ryland's face hadn't returned to it's natural paleness for, like, thirty minutes and it was killing him. He managed to clear his throat. "Uh, Simon?"

"Hm?"

"Could you maybe grab something for dinner?"

Simon was quick to open the fridge, taking the intoxicating warmth with him that suddenly left Ryland's skin covered in goosebumps. He stared at the contents: a few containers of fruits and vegetables from the garden, a few canisters of vitamin slushies.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I don't care."

"I do. What do you want?"

Ryland sighed, turning on the water. "Um… maybe just a vitamin shake? They last the longest, I feel like."

Simon got to work as Ryland finished cleaning up the sink. He washed his hands for good measure, wiping his wet palms on a new dishrag before Simon shoved a cup into his chest with a small smile. Ryland sent a tired, grateful smile back and took the slushie.

"Thanks," he said, taking the straw in his mouth and sipping. He started back towards the office, ignoring Simon's eyes boring into him.

Except, he would've gone into the office if Simon's arm didn't wrap around his waist and stop him. Ryland froze, once again feeling the warmth return from Simon's body. He sweat nervously.

"Um, Simon?"

"You work too much," Simon said with a huff. His chin rested on Ryland's shoulder, his body pressed flush against the scientist. "Should take a break."

It wasn't like he and Simon didn't touch. Over the year that Simon had been on Erid so far, he'd opened up considerably. Simon was sure in his touches, and he was a pretty tactile person. He'd press their sides together during movie night. He'd bump their knees together, brush Ryland's waist as he moved about the kitchen. Hell, there was one time where Simon ran his hand through Ryland's hair and Ryland couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks. How nice it felt.

They shared casual touch. That was the difference. Shoulder pats, back pats, little touches here and there as they moved about the house. Friendly. This was uncharted territory. Simon's arm was snug around Ryland's middle, a slight pressure keeping him in place as his thumb traced circles in the space above Ryland's hip. This kind of touch Ryland remembered being exchanged between that of lovers. Or whatever friends with benefits/situationships were happening during Project Hail Mary.

It's the spores. It's the spores, Ryland told himself as he felt the tips of his ears flush.

"I-I'll feel better if I get some work done—"

"Shhh."

Did he just shush me?

Yes, he did. Simon, indeed, shushed him, his arm tightening around Ryland's middle. He started swaying from foot to foot, almost like a little dance, his head still resting on Ryland's shoulder.

"Should go to sleep. You never get enough sleep," Simon muttered against his neck, and Ryland once again found himself to be a flushed, shuddering mess.

"I'll go to sleep when the dome is dark. Right now I need to work," Ryland said shakily.

"No." Simon's arm squeezed him tight. God, he was strong. Ryland couldn't move out of his grip, no matter how much he wiggled. "Why don't you want to spend time with me?"

"I-I do, I just need to do more research. I don't want you to get hurt any more than you already have today," Ryland tried to reason.

"But I'm not hurt. I feel great. You're here with me."

That's the spores talking.

Ryland huffed. "Simon, you're probably experiencing a high, like a drug. You might be hurt."

"Might."

"Simon. Please let me go."

Simon's lips brushed the shell of his ear as he reluctantly peeled himself away from Ryland. Ryland's heart ran a marathon in his chest, his tongue like putty in his mouth at the sight of Simon's eyes half-lidded and his lips in a… pout. Simon. Pouting. Simon didn't pout. The sight sent Ryland's heart into early cardiac arrest.

He cleared his throat with a cough, a meek attempt at trying to compose himself.

"I-I'll just be in my office. Why don't you grab a book or something and come hang out while I work?" Ryland offered, feeling a bead of sweat forming at his brow.

Simon immediately brightened again, his smile wide. "Okay."

He turned to go to the living room, and Ryland quickly sat down at his desk before Simon's hand could grab him again. He took a few deep, measured breaths as he heard Simon's bare feet padding down the hall.

A few days. He could deal with this for a few days.

No he couldn't. He admonished any part of him that thought he could, because he couldn't.

Simon had elected to read while Ryland worked, though Ryland felt more often than not that Simon wasn't focused on his book and was instead watching him. Sometimes he'd ask a question, like:

"How's the research coming along?"

And Ryland would hum and nod and say something like, "fine. How's the reading?"

And Simon would hum. "Eh, it's fine."

"Just fine?"

"I dunno if I like textbooks."

Why on Earth Simon grabbed a textbook was beyond him. He forgot he even had textbooks on the Hail Mary.

"Why don't you grab a different book?" Ryland would suggest.

"'Cause I don't wanna get up."

"Why not?"

"I'd be leaving you. I don't want to leave you, angel."

Ryland would turn to look at Simon. Big mistake. Simon would be looking back with utter conviction in his eyes and nothing else. He'd have this look in his eyes that reminded Ryland of people back on Earth who believed in something with their entire beings. Like a religion or a belief. Except Simon's devotion wasn't to a God, but to a mortal man he insisted was an angel.

And Ryland would send an unsure smile his way with a light chuckle. "I'm not going anywhere."

And Simon would keep staring.

Once the biodome turned dark, Simon hopped onto his feet and pulled Ryland's office chair backwards a few feet from the desk. It was like he was waiting for the sky to turn dark to finally move. Ryland spluttered as he tried reading the Eridians' response to his recordings.

"Wha—Simon!"

"Bedtime," was all the man said before he used his one arm to somehow bring Ryland over his shoulder. With immense ease. Ryland flailed a bit as his world turned upside down. Simon's arm curled over his back and yup, those are muscles.

"Oh my God! Simon! What the—fudging—" he exclaimed as Simon exited the office.

Simon took them to the bathroom, setting Ryland gently on his feet with a genuine smile. As much as Ryland wanted to argue that he didn't need to go to sleep just yet, he felt the effects of the day pushing down on him. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and become dead to the world for a few hours. So, he begrudgingly brushed his teeth, making sure Simon was doing the same as he watched the man in the mirror. Simon stared right back. Silent.

After that awkwardness, Ryland headed towards his bedroom, surprised to find Simon following. He stopped in the doorway, chest tightening as his thoughts grew conflicted.

The Eridian notes stated the recipient feels great pain when separated from the person (or Eridian) they latched on to. He didn't want Simon to feel any pain, but there were no notes from the Eridians as to what distance qualified for the patient to feel pain. It could've been for a few yards, a few miles, and he wouldn't know.

What better time to test it out?

Ryland raised his hand to stop Simon. The man tilted his head in confusion. They'd shared a bed a few times over the course of the past year mostly due to persistent nightmares, but they never spoke about it. It was just a thing that happened. One of them would wake up and hear shouts of distress from one room over and go running, only to find the other having a nightmare. Kicking at blankets, gripping the bedsheets for dear life. The touch helped. Tonight, Ryland feared it would keep him up the entire night for reasons he did not want to disclose.

"I have a meeting with scientists tomorrow morning. Pretty early. I know you don't like getting up early, so I don't want you to wake up to my alarm," Ryland reasoned. It wasn't a lie. He was going to meet with scientists tomorrow to discuss the matter further. He felt horrible seeing Simon's expression fall into the equivalent of a kicked puppy.

"I want to sleep with you, though."

Ryland closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Diction. Word choice. That's the definition of diction. Focus on that.

"You need to observe me, too, right? So I'm not dying?" Simon persisted.

"Y-Yeah, but that can continue tomorrow."

"Why not tonight?"

"Because… meeting tomorrow…"

"But what if I die?"

"You're not gonna die."

"You don't know that, so I should sleep close by in case I do."

Ryland neglected to point out that regardless of where Simon slept, a sleeping scientist was no help to an already dead man. "Goodnight, Simon."

He started to close the door only to have Simon's foot stop it from shutting completely. Ryland quickly opened the door, a chastising comment on his tongue that would've left his mouth if Simon didn't rush forward into a hug. His one arm clung to Ryland like he were water in a desert. Simon's fingers twisted the fabric of his shirt in an iron-clad grip.

"Please. It hurts if I can't see you."

"Simon—" Ryland sighed. Simon just held him tighter in protest. He sighed again, accepting that this was his life now. "Okay, okay, fine. You can sleep in here."

Simon pulled back to smile at him. "Thank you, angel." He completed his statement with a soft press of his lips against Ryland's cheek.

Ryland's brain blew up. Fried. Donezo. If steam could hiss from his ears, there would certainly be steam coming out of his ears. Not because he was angry but because Simon's behavior was killing him. The domesticity of it, the fact that this was something that couples did, not friends. He and Simon weren't a couple and sometimes Ryland thought there was never a possibility for that to happen. It was sad, but it was his reality.

Those stupid spores.

"Ryland? Are you alright?" Simon's soft, worried voice brought him back. That, and his hand cradled Ryland's jaw as if he were a precious jewel. He'd never heard Simon's voice simmer that low, almost like a growl but too soft to come off as something malicious.

Ryland had self diagnosed himself long ago aboard the Hail Mary, when he and Rocky were headed to Erid. He was touch-starved. A phrase he never thought he'd find himself using. Rocky accepted it and even built his thinner xenonite suit to try and help Ryland through it, and for a while, it did help. Unfortunately, Rocky was not comprised of the same flesh and bone as Ryland, so he continued to starve for a type of contact he could only receive light years away. Skin to skin.

Again, standing there with Simon close enough to see the speckles of black in his brown iris, it suddenly felt a bit overwhelming. Too much and too little at the same time. A constant push and pull between Ryland wanting to envelop his arms around Simon and push him out into the hallway.

"Angel?"

"I'm okay," Ryland said hastily as he staggered towards the bed. He hadn't made his bed that morning in his haste to get to Simon. He sat on the right side of the mattress, the one he usually occupied that was closer to the alarm, and worked on setting the alarm for the proper time.

Simon literally hopped onto the other side of the bed, sliding under the covers as if he lived there. He huffed against the pillows. The dip in the mattress was strange for Ryland to feel. They hadn't shared a bed in months. He'd shared a bed plenty of times before going into space, but he always told himself to never get used to the weight of another beside him. It was some stupid shit about not deserving contact or whatever, or not wanting it. Now, when he did want it, he told himself the same thing.

Don't get used to it. It's the spores.

Ryland set the alarm and turned off the bedside lamp, finally lying on his back after a long day full of nothing but trying to compose himself and stop his blood from rushing to his face. It was, frankly, exhausting work. That, and adverting his eyes whenever Simon initiated a one-sided staring contest.

He sighed, feeling the tension from the day start to peel away from his muscles.

Until Simon decided to once again put his arm around him. This time, since Ryland was on the right and Simon didn't have a left arm to use to cuddle, his arm went under Ryland's head like a pillow. Simon's hand rested just above Ryland's right collarbone, his thumb tracing lines on the visible skin there as he scooted closer. Simon's body wrapped around his side like he was trying to hide Ryland from the world and keep him to himself.

Ryland once again took deep breaths as his heart leapt to his throat. Especially when he felt Simon's head rest atop his, the brush of lips on his scalp.

"G'night, angel." Simon's deep timbre rumbled in his chest, sending shivers down Ryland's arm where he felt the vibrations.

"'Night, Simon," he whispered back.

Part of him wondered if it was okay for him to sink deeper into the embrace. Simon wasn't himself, after all; he was under the effects of some stupid flower. Ryland was taking advantage of Simon, wasn't he? He was being a shitty person because all he could think about throughout the day was touch, of how much he missed it. How much he missed being held like he was important. How much he missed touch that wasn't four pairs of hands pushing him further into the dirt as he begged for his life.

He sometimes still felt those hands pressing down on his back, when everything became too much to think about and he'd wind himself into a panic attack.

Simon's even breaths puffed against his hair. This wasn't the touch of people hellbent on sending him to space. This was Simon. Under the effects of a magical flower that made the patient clingy. So, was it actually him?

From what Ryland understood, the flower's spores heightened emotions. It made him question whether the spores fabricated feelings to go along with the clinginess the patient felt for the first person they saw, or if the feelings were already there but amplified under the spore's influence. He could remember sometimes seeing Simon's gaze linger on him, but he figured Simon had good reason for it. Simon was always observing, always downloading a database in his brain of his surroundings, differentiating between good and bad. Something that could kill him and things that can't.

It was a survival tactic, and now the spores were likely using his thoughts against him.

Ryland would have to ask if the thoughts were fabricated or not in the morning.

In the meantime, he tried his absolute best to fall asleep. It took a while for thoughts of the spores to dissipate into nothingness, but it left his body behind to stare at the ceiling. He didn't know how long he laid in silence for. He listened to Simon's breathing. He tried counting his breaths like people used to say to count sheep, except whenever Ryland tried to count, his mind went to other numbers that had to do with Astrophage. Thoughts of Astrophage led to thoughts about the Hail Mary, which led to the circumstances of which he left earth, which led to—

A giant rabbit hole he couldn't claw out of.

Ryland blinked, lifting his arms to dig the heels of his palms in his eyes. He thought things would be fine once they got to Erid, and for a while, things were perfectly fine. Why did this have to happen? Why did this have to happen when Ryland was slowly coming to terms with the idea that he and Simon wouldn't ever…

Maybe he was being too pessimistic.

He'd get his answer in the morning if he could just fall asleep.

It was hard to sleep, though, when Simon's leg raised to cover his. He didn't feel trapped, though. The weight was comforting. Simon huddled closer, his hand moving lower to Ryland's ribs. He squeezed Ryland tighter, as if he were a teddy bear. Maybe he was, at least for the night.

But the touch reminded him of mornings spent with his ex-girlfriend. Odd to think of his ex now of all times, especially since he was light years away from her. He couldn't help it. He remembered how she liked to play with his hair, or how she liked to draw circles on his chest. Simon seemed to love drawing circles on his skin, too, with how his thumb moved over his ribs. Even in sleep, he loved drawing circles.

He was horrified to find that tears had sprung to his eyes. One tear plopped onto Simon's arm.

Simon held him like he was worth something. Like he was special. Like he loved him. Except he was under the delusion of a stupid flower.

It was too much.

Ryland sniffled as quietly as possible, putting his hand over his mouth and using his thumb to cover his nostrils as if it'd help cover the noise when Simon was so close. His chest stuttered as more tears started to fall. Uncontrollably.

Get ahold of yourself, he thought.

As if sensing distress in his sleep, Simon's arm curled tighter around him. He sighed, his breaths landing in Ryland's hair. The warmth and weight of Simon was enough to have Ryland blinking sluggishly. God, he was so tired. He needed to sleep.

Except since Simon's arm was under his head, he was using Simon's very thick arm as a pillow. It left nothing for the imagination, and all he could think about was that arm around him forever.

Wow. Okay. Creepy.

That, and Simon's shirt had ridden up a little bit when he moved his leg. Ryland could see the bottom of his abs moving as he breathed.

You're such a horrible person, he told himself.

The other part of his brain told him there was nothing wrong with admiring someone. Except when they're sleeping. That's a bit weird.

Simon held him tight until the warmth and weight of the man slowly but surely lulled him to sleep.

Ryland met with Eridian scientists, who took his findings with intense seriousness. They said again that there was no definitive cure other than letting the spores run their course. Simon, who insisted to tag along, had not left his spot from standing behind Ryland with his arm around his waist, his head resting between Ryland's shoulder blades.

The Eridians said nothing about it. They must've chalked it up to the spore's effects.

The walk back to the house was a bit tense on Ryland's part because Simon just couldn't keep his hand to himself. He was touchy the day before, sure, but this was a whole other level. It was like Simon couldn't go ten seconds without touching Ryland in some regard. They shared casual, friendly touches, sure, but this was crazy.

When they had woken up and gotten ready for the meeting, Ryland tried to change in the bathroom with the door shut only for Simon to open it with a panicked look in his eye. Ryland had been mid shirt change when Simon put his hand over Ryland's heart and told him to not scare him like that again.

Even when they ate breakfast, Simon had rested his leg atop Ryland's under the table. Like it was just any other day. Like his behavior wasn't eating Ryland up on the inside, causing increasing moral dilemmas surrounding the matter.

Walking to the meeting, Simon had kept his arm around Ryland's shoulder.

Walking back, Simon's arm was around his waist, his fingers digging into the fabric above Ryland's hip.

It was driving Ryland crazy.

It was no secret to his own mind that he had a bit of a crush on Simon. It almost felt natural, you know, since they were the only two humans around for light years; but Ryland didn't want Simon to feel like he had to like him back. Ryland would stay silent in his truth because he didn't want to make Simon uncomfortable.

It was biting him in the ass right now. All those unintentional daydreams about muscles and fingers brushing skin were haunting him, taunting him, killing him slowly. Agonizingly, forcing him to acknowledge that this wasn't a real possibility because Simon was only acting this way because of the spores.

Getting back to the house, Ryland kicked his shoes off by the door and sighed. He was hungry again. If he was hungry, then so was Simon. He fixed up vitamin slushies (not without Simon attaching himself to Ryland again) and headed towards the couch for some well deserved rest. He sat on the middle cushion to the couch, reaching for the panel that controlled the TV. Simon plopped himself on Ryland's left, sipping on his slushie.

Ryland put on some random nature documentary, hoping it would take Simon's mind off of touching. While the contact was nice, Ryland couldn't go ten minutes without feeling like he was on fire, and all those daydreams came flooding back and all of a sudden he's thinking about how Simon easily carried him into the bathroom last night and how easily he manhandled Ryland—

Ryland shook his head, focusing on the image of penguins. Poor little guys. He hoped the wildlife near Antarctica was able to survive.

For a while, Simon focused on the documentary, much to Ryland's relief. He kept his hand to himself, though his leg knocked into Ryland's about ten minutes into it. It was like he physically couldn't keep away, as if he were being drawn in by magnets. They were opposing magnets facing each other and Simon couldn't pull away.

The narrator was talking about polar bears and their predator-prey relationship with seals when Simon's arm snaked around Ryland's waist again, his fingers making themselves at home on his hip. Ryland tensed for a moment as Simon pulled him into his side, his thumb brushing the skin where his shirt rode up above his hip. Ryland suppressed a shudder, focusing on finishing the rest of his vitamin slushie instead of Simon's inherent need to keep him close.

It's just the spores. It's just the spores.

He kept telling himself the same thing.

Simon didn't really like him like this. It was just the spores.

When Ryland finished his vitamins, he placed the empty pouch on the coffee table and leaned back. Simon's hand wandered, gently pushing Ryland's head to rest on his shoulder. Ryland's cheeks flushed involuntarily.

"You can lean on me," Simon muttered. His voice was a low rumble that rippled through Ryland's body.

Ryland didn't respond. He just let his head rest on Simon's shoulder as Simon wished, feeling the man's hand return to his waist. At least Simon was a comfortable pillow.

It's 'cause of all that muscle—

Nope, he was not going back down that rabbit hole of thinking.

It was hard not to when Simon's thumb was rubbing small circles into the sliver of skin exposed on his hip.

Stop it!

Ryland tuned back in. Polar bears. Eating seals. Oh. Poor seals.

Ryland hadn't realized just how comfortable Simon was as a pillow until he was blinking awake. The TV was still on, playing another nature documentary about the Amazon Rainforest. The living room was quiet otherwise. He glanced out the window, finding the biodome in its beginning stages of sunset. The sky was darkening slowly but surely.

Simon's hand hadn't left his waist.

Ryland ignored his heart leaping to his throat and sat up, stretching his arms in front of him. Simon was already looking at him with such… adoration. Fondness. His eyes were sparkling. It was hard to look away from them.

"Sorry, didn't mean to—" he yawned "—fall asleep."

"You needed it. Hardly get enough sleep as is," Simon replied with a small but coy smile that once again made Ryland's face flush to the tips of his ears. "You still look tired."

"Eh, but I'm awake now. Might as well get something—" he failed to suppress another yawn "—done. Need to see if the Eridians have more research for me to look at."

"But it's nighttime. You should go back to sleep."

"I'll be okay, promise," Ryland said with a smile and nod. He got to his feet, stretching his arms above his head. Damn, did he sleep good. He hadn't felt this well rested in a while. "I'll go to bed after a bit of—"

He cut himself off with a strangled yelp. Simon's arm held him by the waist. He'd lifted Ryland onto his shoulder to where Ryland was now facing the floor. The switch of gravity made him flail for a moment before his hands clutched the back of Simon's shirt for dear life.

"Simon! Holy—crap!"

"You're going to bed, angel."

Ryland's face was already red. He felt it grow impossibly redder. His heart ran a marathon in his chest and his hands suddenly grew clammy. Thoughts from earlier about Simon's arm and manhandling came back tenfold because how was he lifting Ryland like he weighed nothing?

"Simon! Put me down!" Ryland exclaimed, though it came out more like a squeak. He saw Armando in the living room stare as they traversed down the hallway.

Simon didn't respond. Ryland saw the beginnings of the carpet that covered his bedroom floor. He kept holding Simon's shirt, fearing one wrong move would send him hurtling towards the floor. He saw Simon using his leg to kick back the covers and quilt from the top of the mattress.

A second later, gravity shifted again. Simon was leaning down, oh so very gently lowering Ryland onto the mattress. Ryland’s stomach was in knots. He felt too hot. Simon was so close. Ryland could see the muscle in his shoulders working hard to make sure he didn't hit the bed roughly and—

Stop with the muscles, Ryland!

Once Ryland's back hit the soft mattress did Simon start to retract his arm, though he continued to sit on the mattress beside his hip and hover over a very flustered Ryland Grace. His smile was genuine, happy to have overpowered Ryland's desire for research time with brute strength.

The air felt charged. The silence was palpable. Ryland tried not to breathe too hard even though every single nerve and fiber in his body was on fire.

Simon's hand carefully took his glasses off his nose and folded the legs, placing them on the nightstand. "There. Much better, hm?"

"S-Simon, you can't just—" Ryland said, his chest continuing to constrict as Simon stared at him "—toss me over your shoulder a-and carry me everywhere you want me to be. I-I didn't even brush my teeth—"

"You can do that tomorrow morning."

"Why are you so…"

Simon tilted his head. God he was too handsome for his own good. "So what?"

The words kept tumbling out in the wake of Ryland's agitation of being tossed around like a ragdoll (even if it did something to his brain that made him want it more).

"You're so much more clingy than usual," Ryland said. "I mean like, I know it's the spores and you can't help it but it's… it's a lot, okay? It's a lot for me a-and I know you’re probably hurting—they mentioned it could hurt if I'm not near you, but I—"

"I'm making you uncomfortable," Simon finished his sentence for him. Though, Ryland was going to use a more softer phrasing because he didn't know how Simon would react to that information. He seemed to take it about as well as Ryland thought, but he couldn't tell if it was the spores making his expression turn devastated or not.

"Kind of. I'm… Simon, where I come from, a lot of the uh… the touching that's been happening is between couples. People that are in love. I don't know if it's the same case where you're from, but it just kind of caught me off guard, you know? I'm not mad or upset, just a little…"

Simon raised his brow. Confused. "A little what?"

Ryland placed a hand over his eyes. Might as well tell the truth since Simon seemed incapable of telling a lie right now. "Flustered."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I can go—" Simon started, his eyes full of despair. Despair at what? At the thought of Ryland being uncomfortable because of him?

"Hey, I said I'm not mad." Ryland caught Simon's wrist before he realized he moved at all. His skin was warm. Like a furnace. "You have a sickness, for lack of a better term, that's making you act this way. It's not your fault. I don’t want to see you in pain, Simon. Does it… hurt if you aren't touching me?"

Research. He didn’t need his computer to conduct a bit of field research. The artificial moonlight cast through the window, bathing Simon in a silver light. It really made his eyes look like deep pools of ink.

"Yes," Simon admitted quietly. His shoulders relaxed a little as he flipped his hand over, his fingers holding Ryland's pulse point on his wrist. Simon's expression was soft, accepting. "It hurts. Spores aside, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable."

"But you just said—"

"Maybe at the start of all of this, yeah. It's just, like I said, a lot. I haven't…" Ryland started, his heart once again racing in his chest. He never really spoke about these kinds of topics with Simon because they were never brought up. It was always awkward. "I haven't had someone hug me like you've been doing in a very long time. I'm just not used to it, you know?"

Simon nodded slowly, his thumb running over Ryland's skin. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You can't control it."

"I tried. But I can't stop."

"I know. It's not your fault."

"You know why I was out there? Out that far?"

"Why?"

Simon briefly let go of Ryland to flash the pendant he kept wrapped around his wrist. "I was looking for a spot to plant this. I don't know if it can grow or not, but I wanted to try. It's time to stop looking at everyone who wronged me and start looking at the future. Here. With you."

That plant seed was arguably Simon's most valuable possession, and he was trying to find a spot to place it. He was trying to come to terms with Erid being his new home, in his own way. Ryland knew Simon would take very good care of that tree like he does the other plants, which includes trying to find the best spot for it.

He was trying to bridge the little gap that remained between himself and Ryland; to break down the remaining barrier he kept curled around himself like a shield, never fully letting Ryland in. But he wanted to.

A future. With him.

Simon's hand found his again. "I saw that flower and it didn't look like anything you had in the garden. I thought it could be neat to try and harvest a seed to plant one of our own, but then it kind of just—"

He made a poof noise.

"—blew up in my face. Burned my eyes and nose. Thought I was going to die, but then I heard your voice and I knew I was going to be okay." Simon squeezed his hand. "And when I saw you, it was like I couldn't let you out of my sight. I'd get this, like, almost stabbing pain in my chest if I couldn't see you."

Ryland made mental notes. Stabbing pain. He'd have to update the Eridian spreadsheet of symptoms.

"But now if I can't…" Simon lifted their joined hands and continued with a sheepish smile, "feel skin, I feel like I'm on fire. Like I can't breathe, can't… can't function without holding you."

He once again ignored the way his heart raced in his chest. He remembered the early days when Simon started living on Erid. He was untrusting. He shied away from touch like the plague. He never let Ryland reach out. Only when Simon initiated any sort of touch did he not shy away. Understandable. Simon had been through unimaginable horrors. Ryland didn't expect him to talk about his past or anything like that right away, but once he opened up, Ryland didn't know what to think.

He tried not to think about the existence of blood oceans or monsters too much in favor of making sure Simon was okay.

He felt immense guilt after realizing he had been so focused on himself that he didn't think about Simon. What the spores were doing to him. They were amplifying his emotions, probably making him think things he hadn't considered before simply due to the nature of the spores. It was like he was being controlled by them, right? The Eridian scientists never said anything about the spores controlling the victim, like a parasite, but it was entirely possible, right? There was a chance the spores effected humans differently than Eridians.

Was it due to the Eridians' hard exteriors? The fact that they only have one orifice that the spores could effect? Humans had many: ears, nostrils, eyes, mouth. Not to mention the completely different biological makeup of humans to Eridians.

"Simon, do you maybe feel like the spores are controlling you?" Ryland asked, prepping his brain for more mental notes. Simon's fingers slid against his. "Like they're making you do these things when you don't want to?"

At that, Simon's head tilted again. It reminded Ryland of when his mother used to do the same thing. He'd ask a question, probably something stupid for a four year old, and his mother would move her head a few degrees and say something. He forgot most of his memories with her. Thanks for that, Stratt.

He shook those thoughts away because Simon was looking at him with glassy eyes. So full and dark against the moonlight. Ryland's stomach tied in knots.

"Who said I didn't want to do this?" Simon asked softly.

Ryland forced his mouth to close, forcing his brain to stop focusing on his eyes and focus more on the words. "You… I thought—"

"I've been wondering what this feels like for a year. To hold your hand."

"Oh."

"I've been wondering what a lot of things feel like."

Ryland felt like he was going to spontaneously combust when Simon squeezed his hand, leaning forward again. Their noses were inches from brushing. Ryland couldn't move. He was effectively trapped between the mattress and Simon, who was also conveniently blocking the only exit. His hovering never felt cagey, like the guards that held Ryland down and drugged him. He gave ample time for Ryland to move and he didn't.

He'd chalk it up to his anxiety, or the curiosity, wondering if Simon was about to say something important that should be added to the list of symptoms. In reality—the thing he didn't like to face—he would say he just wanted an excuse to see Simon up close. The flecks of black in his brown iris.

The tip of Simon's nose brushed his. The silence was abnormally loud, ringing in Ryland's ears. Every hair on his arms and neck stood at attention from the goosebumps that flowed down his body.

"I've been wondering for so long, angel," Simon whispered between them. His breath fanned Ryland's lips. Though his half-lidded eyes never left Ryland's. "Long before the spores."

Ryland swallowed. Simon's gaze followed the movement of his throat.

"Wondering what?" Ryland managed. His voice was raspy, desperately trying to cling to professionalism when Simon had crossed that line when he leaned into his personal space. The mental dilemma from before came back. Was this really Simon? Was this really Simon's real internal thoughts, or was it the spores?

He almost didn't care. Simon's warmth was so nice. He wanted to grab him and never let go before admonishing himself for the thought. Simon was completely unwell. That was taking advantage of someone. He couldn't do that to anyone, let alone Simon.

Heat crawled under Ryland's skin as Simon's gaze dropped to his lips. It was a split second, blink it and you miss it moment, but Ryland saw. Simon's hand let go of his to come up and brush Ryland's cheek. He failed to suppress a shuddering breath. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling Simon's fingers tenderly moved his hair away from his face. The dirty blonde locks were getting longer. He'd been meaning to cut them.

Simon's hand rested on his cheek.

"You know," Simon mumbled. His thumb stroked Ryland's skin in circles. "You can't tell me you haven't wondered, too."

Ryland could barely breathe. Simon was so close to him, the proximity more than that of any kind they'd shared before. Sleeping together to keep the nightmares away didn't count.

But Simon was right.

He couldn't say anything in rebuttal. He had wondered. Of course he had. He hadn't seen another human in years and then Simon crashed into his life. Ryland had questioned what Simon's muscles would feel like under his fingers, what his lips felt like. They always looked a little chapped, bruised from biting. Or would they be unexpectedly soft?

"I've worked so hard, shown penance, just to make myself believe I deserved your touch. I still don't think I deserve it, but I'm dying, angel. You're the answer. Always have been."

"Simon, you're not thinking right," Ryland faltered. Even with his eyes closed, it was like he could feel exactly where Simon was in relation to his body. Still hovering, still inches away.

"I've never been so right in my life than right now."

"The spores—"

"Only amplify what I feel. That's what the scientists said."

"But they amplify feelings they create. They have aphrodisiac effects, make your brain produce more dopamine—"

"Trust me, these feelings have been here for a while. Before the spores." Simon's thumb brushed Ryland's bottom lip. "Open your eyes, angel. Let me see you. Please."

Ryland breathed slowly, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. He peeled his eyelids open. Simon was still there, still close enough to where Ryland could see his individual eyelashes. He was smiling softly. Oh, if that smile didn't make Ryland fall just a little more in love. He'd seen Simon smile many times before, but this one was different, somehow. It was small, though it made lines around the corners of his eyes. It made him look relieved, happy, relaxed. He'd been a bit uptight lately, and Ryland had a feeling it had to do with his past.

Now, since he knew what Simon was up to with the tree seed, his behavior made sense. Still, the smile was intoxicating. Ryland wished he had a camera to capture the moment forever. And his smile only grew once Ryland met his eyes.

"There you are," he said. His thumb moved back to Ryland's cheek.

The contact mixed with the proximity was killing him. He wondered. Of course Ryland did. But he couldn't trust Simon's word with the spores still taking effect. Otherwise, he probably would've pounced already.

"Simon."

"Yes?"

"You aren't in the right headspace. Y-You don't want this."

"Fuck the spores, Ryland, I've been in love with you for months."

Huh.

What.

Ryland had to be hallucinating. He had to be going crazy. There was no way. It had to be the spores talking. He shook his head insistently.

"No, you're not, Simon."

"Yeah, I am. I've been in love with you for months, trying to figure out the right time to tell you and driving myself crazy thinking about you all the time."

"You can't be in love with me."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to think this—our relationship—has to be transactional. I don't mind sharing the biodome or the plants or anything. I-I don't need anything in return—"

Simon huffed a laugh. "I know. You made that clear when I got here. Is it… that hard to believe that I like you? Love you? Want to love you?"

Yes. It was difficult to believe. He'd tried relationships on Earth. They didn't work out. He was better off staying platonic with everyone he met, including Simon, because at the end of the day he was the problem in the relationships. He wanted alone time. He wanted to spend time in his lab or office. He didn't want contact 24/7 like his ex.

Then again, he wasn't the same person he was on Earth. His priorities changed. He changed. He had people to protect and care for. People to be brave for. He missed touch. Hell, he just thought a few minutes ago how he wanted to hold Simon and never let go. He was the clingy one.

Simon's expression fell somber, his forehead knocking into Ryland's. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met. Inside and out."

That managed to make Ryland smile. He never thought he'd see another human again and here he was, being called an angel and beautiful by a very handsome man. A handsome man that claimed he'd been in love for months. Who wanted to love him.

"I dunno about that," Ryland muttered, still smiling.

"Let me show you." Simon leaned even closer, nuzzling Ryland's nose. "Please."

Everything in Ryland's body told him that this wasn't right, that Simon was under the delusion of the spores.

But Simon's eyes didn't lie. He didn't fake that kind of devotion. That look of utter desperation.

Their breaths mingled in the limited space between them.

Ryland had wondered for so long, too…

He needed to know.

He nodded.

Simon was on him in an instant, his lips sliding against Ryland's messily, teeth clashing.

Something broke within Ryland at the touch. The research side of his brain took a vacation, allowing his selfishness to take hold.

Simon was unbearably warm. He kissed like a dying man in a desert. Ryland's hands found Simon's waist and rested there. All of the questions he had were being answered at once and he couldn't handle it.

Ryland pulled away to catch his breath, his heart leaping to his throat seeing Simon's eyes so dark. So full of love and something darker, something hungry. Ryland had a few seconds to breathe before Simon was moving again. His hand held Ryland's face firmly in place as he straddled the blonde, diving in again.

Ryland pushed back with equal fervor. Simon's lips were slightly chapped, though he didn't mind the texture because Simon was kissing him. All he could think was Simon Simon Simon. The way he smelled like something salty and metallic. The way he tasted like warmth. The way he used his hand to tilt Ryland's head up and to the side for better access. How he pressed Ryland deep into the pillows, his presence looming but gentle at the same time.

He kept his hands on Simon's hips, squeezing him in a bruising grip.

Simon's tongue pushed through his lips. Ryland couldn't hold back a breathless groan. Simon's movements grew more erratic, more desperate at the sound. His hand tangled in Ryland's hair, his body pressing further into the blonde as if trying to mesh into one being, his kiss intoxicatingly messy and hot as his tongue slid against Ryland's teeth.

Simon exhaled deeply as he broke the kiss, though he didn't go too far. He peppered kisses on Ryland's cheeks, his nose, his forehead, moving to his earlobes and pulse point on his jaw. The stubble on Simon's jaw rubbed against Ryland's skin. With each kiss, he whispered, driving Ryland even more insane.

"Thank you, angel, thank you," Simon breathed. "You're so perfect. You're everything."

"Simon." He couldn't muster anything else. His brain was melted mush oozing out of his ears. Caution and hesitation were out the window. He squirmed under Simon's touch, unused to it but wishing desperately for it to continue. His fingers dug into Simon's waist, feeling the hard structure of his build.

"Love you so much."

The way Simon said it, almost between a plea and a prayer, made Ryland's blood light aflame. He exhaled shakily as Simon's lips found his again. He let his fingers slide under the hem of Simon's shirt and oh, God, it was everything he imagined it to be. Simon's muscles twitched under his touch, rolling against him eagerly.

Ryland pushed harder into the kiss. He couldn't hold back the small noises he made whenever Simon's fingers tugged gently at his hair, or when Simon bit his bottom lip. The silence in the room was, again, deafening, only broken by a shaky whimper from Ryland or a guttural groan from Simon; though their saliva slick lips made incredibly lewd noises that only made Ryland's heart race faster.

Never did he think his day would end with Simon straddling his lap, kissing him senseless, making him forget he was on a completely different planet. Kissing him like he was the angel he spoke so highly of.

He only made Ryland's frazzled, shaky state even worse when he rested his full weight onto Ryland's lap, giving a small roll of his hips that sent a jolt through Ryland's body. He couldn't hold back a low moan.

"Oh, God, Simon—" he breathed as they parted, moving one of his hands up to cradle the back of Simon's head. The black strands were soft. He let out a pitiful whimper as Simon's hips rolled again experimentally. He could feel him. He wanted Simon closer. Closer. It felt like he was the one under the spore's control with how fuzzy his brain felt under Simon's touch.

Simon's mouth trailed open-mouthed kisses down his jaw again, leaving a trial of spit and fire. As if claiming. Ryland's chest heaved, small grunts and moans escaping his lips as Simon kept going. He kept kissing, kept licking. Ryland lurched with a yelp, feeling Simon's abnormally sharp teeth dig into the skin on his neck.

"So beautiful," Simon whispered, kissing the stinging bite he just made before continuing. "So pretty, angel. So pretty."

No words. Ryland couldn't formulate words, just groans, his brain totally fried. Simon kept kissing downward, biting, while his hand moved from Ryland's hair to touch any and all visible skin he could. His hand ran over Ryland's arm, his hand, his collarbones and his neck. All gentle, careful, as if Ryland were a glass vase on the edge of a table. Though he practically worshiped Ryland's being.

His teeth sunk into Ryland's collarbone and sucked, eliciting a deep moan from him. His hips jutted up involuntarily, his back arching off the mattress. His skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat that Simon seemed to lap up eagerly. God, he was so fucking hot, Ryland couldn't take it.

He tugged Simon's hair, bringing the man's face back up to capture his mouth with his own. The kiss held the same intensity as the last few, though it was more languid while Ryland's hand explored the expanse of Simon's abs and chest. Finally he knew what those muscles felt like as they stuttered beneath his touch. He wanted to touch them forever. He wanted to splay his fingers over the hardened muscle, to let Simon realize how much he was loved.

Simon continued the flow of friction; moving his hips slowly, agonizingly as he devoured Ryland's mouth and swallowed every single noise he made eagerly.

Ryland had forgotten what it felt like to be like this. To love, and to be loved in return. Two beings thinking of each other as one as they move in tandem.

Simon broke the kiss to grip the hem of his shirt and tug it over his head in one swift motion before attacking Ryland's lips again.

Holy fuck that was so hot.

The feeling of Simon's tongue sliding against his was indescribable. He wanted Simon to keep kissing him like this forever, to let Ryland trace each muscle that stuck out from his chiseled body, to offer the same worship that Simon seemed so hellbent on giving him.

Ryland's hands clawed at Simon's back, tugging him impossibly closer until their chests were inches apart. He couldn't stop his hands from running over Simon's back from top to bottom. He grinned into the kiss as Simon's back arched. Ryland made a mental note. Simon's middle to lower back was a bit sensitive—the touch had his muscles spasming and arching involuntarily, knocking his hips into Ryland's again and drawing heavy moans from the two. Desire pooled in Ryland's gut, blood rushing south.

Simon's hand rested on Ryland's stomach, pressing him further into the mattress. He pulled away, the wet smacking sound echoing in the room with their heaving chests as he pulled the hem of Ryland's shirt up. Simon's lips latched onto Ryland's neck again, leaving little nips and soothing kisses as he trailed lower. Lower.

"Si—" Ryland tried, but he couldn't form the words. He was too high, too drunk on Simon's love to properly say a word. He just kept breathing heavily, ignoring the goosebumps that rose on his exposed skin and focused on Simon's mouth worshiping his chest. How Simon helped him out of his shirt with ease.

"It's okay, angel. I've got you." Simon looked up at him, eyes dark, full of lust and adoration. The sight sent Ryland's heart soaring. He grinned, pressing a kiss to Ryland's sternum and smiling at the low hum it got from the blonde.

"But you—"

"I'm fine. It's about you, love."

God, the pet names. Ryland couldn't take a full breath with Simon calling him such lovely names and making him feel so good.

"You—" he huffed, his hand finding Simon's shoulder, though the man continued his attack on Ryland's torso. The mix of the cold air and the heat radiating from Simon's body atop his was mind melting. "You should get to—oh God—feel good, too."

"I feel amazing," Simon said breathlessly, pressing one last kiss to the space right below Ryland's heart before coming back up to meet him face to face. There it was again. The eyes. So full of devotion. Ryland didn't know how he had so much of it in him.

Ryland was just an ordinary person. He wasn't special. He was smart, but that didn't make him special. He didn't know what Simon saw in him that made him think of a biblical figure. But he didn't care as long as Simon would keep looking at him like that.

"Angel. Hey, where'd you go?" Simon asked, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "There you are. I promise, I'm right where I want to be."

"Are you—"

Simon cut him off with another kiss. Slower. Taking his time, just the gentle of lips sliding in sync. He pulled away a second later, leaving Ryland trailing after him for more. Simon chuckled, nipping at his nose.

"I'm sure. If you are," he smiled.

Ryland's hands cupped Simon's face, thumbs brushing his cheeks. He smiled when Simon leaned into the touch, pressing a chaste kiss to the inside of Ryland's wrist.

"I'm sure," he said.

"Good, 'cause I can't stop now that I've tasted you."

Simon dove back in. Ryland met him eagerly.

Simon's hand squeezed his hip.

His legs tightened around Ryland's waist. Trapping.

Ryland couldn't take it anymore. He needed more. He moved his hips to meet Simon's, the touch electrifying. More, more, more.

There was still a small part of him that thought this was wrong. That Simon didn't really want to kiss him. Hold him. That the spores were increasing in their effect before they fully flushed from Simon's system. Making him feel love that, sure, was possibly there but not as grand as he claimed.

The other part of him, the one that had spent so long without another human's touch, didn't give a flying fuck as long as he could keep feeling Simon's weight on top of him. If Simon's hardness kept grinding against his.

Simon's hand palmed his length. Ryland moaned loudly into the deep kiss, which Simon devoured hungrily.

"So perfect, angel, please."

Ryland didn't know what Simon was begging for but he tried his best to give. He kept moving his hips against Simon's hand, heat twitching in his gut.

"What, Simon? What do you need?"

Simon's movements grew even more frantic, desperate, as he ground their hips together. Chasing a high, the inebriating friction. Ryland's body felt like the fiery depths of a volcano, so hot and moving towards a climax he hadn't felt in years.

"You, angel, I need you. My name…"

Say my name.

"Simon," he breathed. He cried out when Simon's teeth latched onto his neck. The sting going right to his raging erection. "Simon, holy shit…"

Simon kept biting, kept sucking his skin that would one hundred percent leave marks later. The deep groans that tumbled from Simon's lips vibrated against Ryland's throat. Ryland didn't even realize how frantically his movements had gotten, how deeply his core ached and forced his back off the bed, his body flush against Simon's.

He could feel Simon grinning against his neck. Ryland almost never cussed. This was arguably the only occasion that felt right to do so. Sue him. He didn't want Rocky learning new expletives.

Simon's fingers picked at the waistband of Ryland's bants.

"Simon, please."

"Anything for you, my angel."

Ryland's body lurched when Simon's hand enclosed around his aching length. Simon enveloped Ryland's lips in an agonizingly slow kiss as his hand moved up, then down. Lazily. Though, the more desperate moans that Ryland made, the faster Simon moved.

"Simon—" Ryland breathed, throwing his head back against the pillows. Simon didn't leave. He buried his face in Ryland's neck, nipping. Biting. Licking up his neck as his hand pumped up and down. Ryland's breathy moans filled the room, the usual chill of the bedroom long gone under Simon's care. He arched off the mattress, desperate to keep his skin in contact with Simon's. His hand tangled in Simon's hair, tugging, eliciting a groan from the man. "Simon, so… I'm—"

"It's okay," Simon muttered, peppering the bites he made with soft kisses. Each press of his lips made the twist in Ryland's gut deepen, the heat crawling up his body. "I've got you, my love. Let me take care of you."

The sweetness of his words rolled over Ryland, intensifying the desire stacking in his abdomen. It was too much. Simon's hand on him, his lips kissing and making wet sounds that had Ryland arching harder against him, his devotion clear as day as he brought Ryland to his release.

He came undone with a guttural moan that Simon swallowed with an eager kiss. Ryland fell back against the mattress, his one hand cupping Simon's cheek and the other sprawled through his hair as they shared a sweet, wet, languid brush of their lips.

Ryland pulled away a second later to catch his breath, his chest stuttering and heartbeat slowly starting to return back to a reasonable pace. Simon's forehead pressed against his, lips pressing the corner of Ryland's mouth as he retracted his hand.

"Stay here, angel. I'll be right back."

"Si…"

Ryland felt like a blubbering mess, his chest still heaving. Simon gave him one more kiss before he was gone, footsteps padding into the bathroom. Ryland was still reeling from what just happened. He breathed slowly. He could still feel Simon's hand all over him. A welcome pressure. He missed the feeling of Simon on top of him, of the security he felt as Simon showed just how much love he held in his heart.

It was a bit odd to think about. In a way, Ryland felt like they moved a little too fast, especially with the effects of the spores in consideration. He remembered when Simon was standoffish, how he barely let Ryland talk to him before walking away. Ryland persisted because he wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything about Simon; where he came from, who he was as a person. He'd met the rough exterior Simon portrayed. It didn't compare to the teddy bear of a man Simon actually was.

Speaking of, Simon returned with a towel and a smile. He sat at his bedside and nudged his leg.

He let Simon wipe away the sweat, the mess covering his lower abdomen and length. Simon was careful, almost unbearably so, in his motions. A stark contrast to the man who pounced on Ryland and bit him. Once Simon was satisfied, he got back up and grabbed Ryland a change of clothes. He tossed them on the bed and pointed at them before leaving once more. Ryland's muscles shook as he changed, heart full and warm. He tossed his old clothes somewhere near the door for him to worry about later.

Simon came back a moment later with a glass of water in his hand. Ryland didn't care about the water. He ate up the sight of Simon's chiseled torso in the moonlight, the way his muscles slightly twitched as he sat by Ryland's hip, offering the glass. Ryland took it and gulped down half the glass.

"Easy," Simon chuckled, gently taking the glass from him and setting it on the nightstand. "Don't want you to make yourself sick."

"I'm fine."

"I know you are."

Ryland flushed. "Shut up."

"You weren't saying that a minute ago—"

"Simon!"

Simon laughed, his smile wide and joyous. Teasing as he moved to sit on the empty side of the bed, maneuvering Ryland so his back rested against his chest. He'd gotten a taste of what Simon felt like as a human pillow, but nothing compared to how it felt against bare skin. Pure muscle. He sighed, settling further against Simon, loving how Simon's arm wrapped around his waist. Protective.

Simon pressed a kiss to Ryland's scalp. "You alright, angel? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, no. I'm okay."

"You're quiet."

Ryland shrugged. "Just… thinking."

"You do that too much," Simon complained, resting his cheek atop Ryland's head. He huffed. "Thinking about…?"

"Your… your feelings. You've felt this way before the spores?"

"Yes." Simon poked his side, chuckling when Ryland squirmed.

"Hey."

"Sorry. But stop listening to your brain for once. It's not the spores that made me like this. Well, a little bit, but I've been wanting to kiss you for months, Ry. Almost did last week."

"Really? When?"

"The rain."

The Eridians had been fascinated by Earth's weather, and decided it would be a fun idea to try and replicate that in the biodome. They first tried snow, which didn't work out at all due to Erid's natural temperatures. The next best thing would be rain. They set up this whole elaborate system that Ryland was still trying to wrap his head around. But they sent him an announcement that they were going to try it out last week.

When the rain came, it was mid-afternoon. Ryland had been eagerly waiting, watching the windows. Simon had been sitting on the couch with a book in his lap. The first few droplets hit the window, and Ryland was out the front door in an instant.

He looked at the sky. The foggy, overcast sky that never changed. A droplet hit his cheek, making him jump. From there, the rain came in sheets. Ryland got soaked, but he didn't care. He laughed, spinning around, feeling the slightly cold water seep into his skin. Simon had stood in the doorway of the house, looking around in pure wonder. Ryland had motioned for him to come outside.

"Come on, Simon! Look! It's raining!"

But Simon didn't go outside. He stood in the doorway, watching Ryland run around and spin. Thinking back on it now, Ryland could see the same look in his eyes. The fondness.

"Believe me, the spores just made me… braver. They didn't give me these feelings. I've always had them." Simon pressed a soft kiss to Ryland's temple. "Should probably get some rest, angel."

"Yeah, but what about you?" Ryland asked.

"What about me?"

"You took care of me. What about you?"

"We've got plenty of time to swap places, now, don't we?" Simon murmured in his ear, his grip on Ryland's waist tightening as he shuddered. "Don't worry about me. We've got time to have some more fun."

Ryland tilted his head to look at Simon. He couldn't hold back a soft smile. "Okay."

Simon captured his lips in a chaste kiss. "Go to sleep."

He was too tired to say anything else. He let his head rest on Simon's chest, let Simon bring up the blankets around them, and allowed himself to relax.

The mental notebook he scribbled in was long gone. He'd have to update the spreadsheet in the morning with what he remembered. He'd leave out the more… confidential bits.

Ryland was a few seconds away from sleep before he realized. He never responded to Simon.

"Love you, too, Si," he muttered, sealing it with a kiss to Simon's collarbone. Simon's arm curled tighter around him.

Sleep found Ryland easily now that he had a comfortable pillow to lie on, and someone who loved him unconditionally. They would discuss the spores again in the morning, probably have another meeting with the Eridians to make sure the spores were out of Simon's system; but Ryland hadn't felt this light and happy in a while.

He didn't know how he got so lucky to have this outcome to the mission that should've killed him. But he didn't care as long as he got to experience a type of love he'd forgotten, and give it in return.