Chapter Text
Regina and Emma had a complex history, that was certain and there had always been something between them. Their trip to New York together had brought previously dampened down feelings to the surface. For Regina anyway.
Her feelings for Emma Swan were not the kind of feelings that you had for a friend, it went far beyond that. She had been managing them for so long, trying to not let them out. Sometimes in unexpected moments of extreme vulnerability she’d find herself gazing at the blonde as if she were all that mattered in the world. She wasn’t supposed to feel this way, Robin was her soulmate and they’d fought so hard to reach the point where they could be together.
When Robin was alive it was far simpler because she did love him, she just also loved Emma. She’d let her feelings for Robin consume her and it allowed her feelings for Emma to go on the back burner, she didn’t have to think of what she felt for her unattainable friend.
Robin had barely been gone days and she was already pining after Emma, what did that say about her? She was still grieving for Robin but that process was now made a whole lot more complicated with her newly risen feelings for Emma thrown in the mix.
Things had always been complicated where Emma was involved, so she shouldn’t be surprised that the younger woman managed yet again to snake her way in at the most unexpected time. In the beginning, she had wormed her way into their lives and Regina hated it, she hated her. Well, that might be a bit strong of a word.
She’d desperately wanted to drive the woman out of town but yet she had also loved the challenge of Emma. No one had given her that kind of challenge for years and she’d found it intoxicating, the tension between them, it was almost sexual. Later on, it developed into so much more than that.
Emma was with the pirate though and even if she wasn’t Regina could hardly believe that her feelings would ever be returned. How could they? After all, they’d been through and everything that Regina had done in the past. It still surprised her that Robin had been willing to stay with her knowing even a second of her past. Though if she looked deeper Robin hadn’t really known her, not all of her. Given time maybe, but that had been robbed from them.
It was evening, they had returned from New York earlier in the day and Regina was sat on her couch a glass of apple cider in hand whilst contemplating her Emma problem. Henry was upstairs asleep, hopefully anyway since they’d had a tiring day. It had certainly done a number on Regina, her mind was a confused muddle of emotions that she couldn’t quite get a handle on.
She slowly sipped her apple cider, the resurfaced feelings for Emma had actually distracted her from what she probably should be processing. Robin’s death for one but also- she’d split herself today and had barely begun to examine how she felt about it. The queen was gone, really she didn’t feel all that different. Lighter perhaps. It was difficult to pinpoint her exact feelings on the subject; time might yield a more solid answer.
As always in Storybrooke a new foe had reared its head the moment they thought they might get some semblance of peace. That foe being in the form of Hyde and his land of untold stories which had invaded the town. That was a huge dilemma in itself and she had spent a good amount of her time upon their return trying to just begin to sort it. A whole host of new people added to the town was not what any of them really needed. Hyde had disappeared not long after arriving in Storybrooke so god knows where he was now, they’d have to find him and soon but for now they all needed time to rest.
She massaged her temple, she had a steadily worsening headache and the more she thought the worse it got. Really she should go to bed but how on earth could she sleep with her mind still chasing itself around in circles, concentrating on anything let alone sleep would be difficult. Already resigned to staying up all night she decided to at least try and do something productive with her time, it was now just after midnight and it would be a long night.
Hours later she awoke, head on her study desk and feeling far worse than she had previously. She was incredibly groggy and groaned when she looked at the time to see that it was a little after 5 am. Bed was definitely in order now.
Despite being in her soft, comfortable bed sleep would not come and she tossed and turned before drifting off again sometime later. When her eyes next opened it was 9:46, light shone through partially closed curtains and it was much later than she had planned on waking up. She shot out of bed and had to steady herself when a wave of light headedness washed over her from getting up too quickly. She showered and dressed in record time.
Downstairs in the living room she found Henry glued to the TV with an empty bowl of cereal next to him. She kissed him good morning, though he paid her little attention as he was completely focused on the TV, before she headed to her study to grab her cell from her desk where she had left it the night before. There were a number of missed calls and texts from Emma, Snow and Zelena.
The texts from Emma and Snow said that they were at Granny’s so she replied asking if they were still there. It didn’t take long for Snow to confirm that they were and for Regina to reply saying she and Henry would be there as soon as possible. Zelena’s text was enquiring after her wellbeing and she replied with a quick as good as can be expected, she really didn’t want to have to go into any more detail, before moving to make sure Henry was ready to leave.
It took longer for them to arrive at the diner than she would have liked since Henry was not dressed but otherwise they were there in 45 minutes. Emma, Hook and Snow were sat in a booth together and although she greeted them in a friendly enough manner, she found herself acting stiffer towards the pirate. She couldn’t quite forgive him for everything that had happened as easily as the others seemed to have. Her gaze lingered on Emma far more than was probably suitable, she worried about the younger woman. When the blonde caught her staring she’d look away pretending to be interested in something else entirely, though she was probably not fooling anyone.
Snow had ordered coffee for her and she gratefully gulped it down, she certainly needed it after her night. Henry had his usual hot chocolate and cinnamon and he happily talked away to the others. Regina felt Snow’s eyes on her but she refused to meet her gaze, she’d prefer not to be reminded of how easy it was for the other woman to read her. After briefly catching up they fell into a discussion on possible locations where Hyde could be holding out. There had still been no sightings of him since yesterday but they had never the less been trying to scour the town, keeping everyone on high alert.
There was not a lot they could do without knowing where he was so they moved onto the new residence that Hyde had brought with him. It was suspicious though that he would claim himself the owner of Storybrooke but then shortly after disappearing, that’s what had them worried. Granny’s was exceptionally busy because of the new arrivals and the town was definitely more crowded than was usual.
Violet came to see Henry and the two of them went outside together, the adults around the table sharing knowing looks though they refrained from saying anything embarrassing. There would be plenty of time for that later when there were less pressing issues at hand. Regina was certain that Henry had told Violet that they would be at Granny’s, she was still getting used to the idea of him having a girlfriend.
By afternoon Regina was sat at her desk in City Hall and trying hard to keep her eyes open which was proving difficult. She gulped down mugs of coffee to keep going but she was soon going to have to admit defeat and call it a day.
It was 5pm when she finally quit and decided to head home since she was not actually getting anything done in her state of exhaustion. Her eyes drooping and reading the same line over and over was not very productive.
The mansion was eerily silent when she got in, Henry had requested earlier to stay with Emma and she had accepted on the basis of the pirate not being there. She mistrusted him after everything and who could blame her really. The one handed wonder was staying on his ship for the night so that Emma and Henry could have some alone time together which was sorely needed since they had been through so much and needed to repair their relationship.
Now alone by herself in the big empty house she was regretting her decision, the thought of asking Zelena to join her did cross her mind but she was just too tired. Zelena had a little one to care for anyway so despite the early time she decided on just going straight to bed.
Halfway up the stairs, however, there was a tap at the door. Puzzled, she paused to listen and then there it was again. She headed back down to answer but when she cracked the door open she found that there was nobody there. She couldn’t see anybody on the walkway either and so assumed someone was playing a trick or her deliriously tired brain was playing tricks on itself. She went back inside and locked the door securely behind her.
Just as she was about to turn back around a horribly familiar voice said “hello dear.”
Her blood ran cold. No, she refused to turn around. “You’re not here, I killed you.”
“Did you really think it would be that easy?”
Regina turned then. She had to be hearing things. It was the exhaustion and everything that had happened recently or maybe she was really asleep and dreaming. The Evil Queen could not be standing in front of her with a devious smirk plastered across her face, but there she was anyway and it did seem to be very real.
“How? What do you want?” her voice quivered far more than she cared for.
“What do I want? Why you of course. You’re suffering will do just nicely, watch me tear apart everything you hold dear.” Her voice was so cold. It sent shivers down Regina’s spine.
Her first thoughts flashed to Henry and Emma, hoping against hope that they were currently safe. “Don’t you dare-”
The Queen advanced into Regina’s personal space till they almost nose to nose, her breathing heavy as she growled out, “you just threw me away despite everything and look how weak you’ve become. You love. Worst of all you’ve allowed Snow White in, the wretch that betrayed us.” Her eyes were lit with anger, a fire flaring behind them.
“No, I-we won’t let you,” Regina replied a tremor audible though she tried hard to appear indifferent to the Queen’s words.
“No,” the Queen retorted sharply. With a flick of her wrist, she had the air cut off from Regina’s lungs as if a tight grip was held at her neck.
Regina tensed and clenched her fists, she tried not to fight the familiar suffocating sensation, she knew from experience that fighting it only made things worse.
“There’s no way you can stop me, I’m you but more. I know everything about you, your weaknesses and experiences, it’s all here in my head and I will exploit it all. When I use what I know, you will have torn yourself apart by the time I am done with you.”
With a whoosh, the Queen was gone and Regina could breathe again, she took in great lungs full of air. Her first priority was to get a hold of Emma or Henry, she fumbled through her pockets, hands shaking, for her cell phone and automatically brought up Emma’s number and hit dial. The wait for an answer was excruciating and it felt like forever with her mind on overdrive filled with thoughts of them being hurt.
“Regina?” Finally, Emma answered.
“Emma,” she breathed out. “Are you and Henry ok?” She couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “She’s here, she’s still alive, I don’t know how but she is.”
“Woah, Regina calm down. Who’s here?” Emma sounded urgent but calm and Regina was definitely anything but calm.
“Are you both ok?” She needed that answer first.
“Yes, we’re fine, now tell me who’s here?” Emma’s voice was soothing.
“Her,” she whispered, voice barely above a whisper. “The Evil Queen.”
Silence.
“Emma?” Worry laced the word.
“Sorry, I’m here. Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure!” her voice raising, exasperated.
“Alright, I’ll come over with Henry, we’ll be there soon ok?”
“Ok, hurry.” The line went dead. She took a deep breath, she’d feel a lot better when they arrived and she could see that they were safe. For now, she needed to stay calm or try to at the very least.
She headed into the kitchen and took a seat on a stool, her mind was running on overdrive. The last thing the Queen had said echoed through her head and left a sense of dread deep in her gut. How could the Evil Queen still be alive? She’d crushed her heart and watched her turn to dust, what happened? She needed answers, what was the Queen up to? Then there was an overpowering sense of blame, she blamed herself for her evil half being loose, if anyone was hurt then it would be her fault. Not only would she have technically committed the act but she never should have split in the first place. What seemed like a good idea at the time suddenly was not, not with the Evil Queen roaming free around Storybrooke.
A short while later she was startled out of her deep thoughts by the loud knock on the door, she quickly bounded towards the sound. When she saw Emma standing in the doorway with Henry it was incredibly relieving, they were both safe, she felt like she could breathe again for now. She engulfed Henry in her arms, breathing him in, solidifying that he was safe, that she hadn’t got to him. Then she turned to Emma and choked out a thank you that came out more like a sob but the blonde still seemed to understand and returned it with a weak smile.
Regina stepped out the way to let them enter and as Emma walked passed she gently gripped Regina's arm in comfort before letting go. That brief contact had her feeling dizzy, everything felt more intense but she didn't know whether it was because of the split or all the other things that were going on in her head. It was all too much.
They all headed into the living room and sat, Emma alone in a chair and Henry by her side on the couch.
"Mom," he started tentatively. "What happened?"
He had always been an intuitive child, some days she felt that he could read her as well as she could him. There was no use hiding things from him so she told them everything. That she'd been so tired and was going straight to bed when there had been someone at the door. That it had been her standing there, threatening everything.
"But how?" Emma stuttered out.
Swiping at a stray tear that had fallen she replied with, "I don't know, I crushed her heart. She should be dead. But then I don't really know much about this kind of magic."
Ever the optimist Henry leaned into his mother taking her hand in his as he said, "don’t worry mom, we'll fix this, we always do."
Regina smiled softly, not wanting to admit in front of him that she really didn't feel his optimism. She did, however, look towards Emma whose eyes shone at her, it was one of those moments when their eyes met and she felt like the air had been robbed from her lungs.
For safety reasons Emma insisted that they all should stay in the mansion tonight, the blonde called her parents to let them know what had happened. There was little they could do tonight, especially with a powerful magic wielder on the loose. They would wait till morning and talk to Jekyll about what he knew. They already had protected their residences as best they could when they realised that Hyde was missing, for now, they just needed to get through the night, on alert for the slightest disturbance.
It was comforting to have Emma there with her. When Henry went to bed there was an atmosphere in the room that she couldn't quite put her finger on, it wasn't awkward but neither was it particularly pleasant.
Regina looked up from where she had been leaning forward and staring at her hands to find that Emma had sat next to her where Henry had just vacated, the blonde’s eyes were on her. It was an intense moment of silence that conveyed a lot between them, just from that look Regina knew that Emma was going to be there for her.
She sat up straighter, they were so close, closer than they had been in a long while. Regina’s eyes dropped to Emma’s lips, when she looked up into green eyes again they were inches apart. Of course, it was at that moment Emma’s loud obnoxious ringtone came blaring from her pocket and they snapped apart as if burned, the moment passed.
Emma pulled her cell out, answering as she jumped up from her seat. “Killian?” she squeaked out.
Regina’s heart sank. The pirate, of course. She watched Emma leave the room and couldn’t help but wonder if she had just completely imagined what had just happened there. She could have sworn that they might have kissed had it not been for the interruption but no, she really had to have been reading into things that were not really there.
Shortly after that, they both headed to bed, Emma in the guest room. Regina found herself longing for the younger woman’s company, to curl up next to her and have her whisper words of comfort in her ear. That was a wishful fantasy.
She began getting ready for bed but stopped when she caught her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She felt disjointed from her reflection, as if the woman staring back at her were a stranger. Her eyes were swollen from tiredness and the amount of crying that she seemed to have been doing lately. She needed to change, she was no longer the woman she was mere days ago.
Without much thought she picked up a pair of scissors that were on the counter and roughly cut through her hair. After the first locks hit the floor it was easier to keep going till a sizeable amount of brown hair lay strewn around her feet. Now her hair rested just above her shoulders and it was enough of a difference that she sighed, she felt calmer than before, it was cathartic to cut those pieces of herself away. She neatened the ends and swept away the hair, wishing that it would be just as easy to rid herself of another piece of her that now stalked the streets of Storybrooke.
Although there was a lot going on in her head, once in bed Regina found herself drifting into sleep quite quickly. It wasn’t the most restful sleep, images of Emma, Robin and the Evil Queen chased each other around and more than once she awoke startled from a nightmare. On those occasions, she checked on Henry out of habit, despite knowing that if anything had happened to him she would already know but she needed to see him safe.
His door stood ajar and she peaked through watching him sleep for a few moments till she felt herself calming. When he was younger she would often wake in a panic and not believing herself worthy of her little prince or of all the love he had for her when no one else did, she’d run to check on him, to make sure he was still there. She always felt that he would slip from her grasp or one day see her for who she really was and turn his back on her. Of course all those things came true but they’re in a better place now, still she can’t help but fear losing him again. How would he and Emma react to seeing the worst part of herself on display? Usually she would bury her darkness deep inside of her and now it was out to play for all to see.