Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1: a another loss
I sit in the cold bathroom floor groaning in pain
Tears fall freely from my eyes
The scent of sweetened cedar with blooming poppies is now gunpowder with rotten poppies with the scent of metallic blood
Speaking of blood ……
Blood slowly drips from my thighs if not already caused a puddle
I feel something coming out
I see the tiny flesh
With another chunk of flesh connected to it
The tiny flesh has black dots on its blob that resembles a head
In a fetal position
I whine and hagger
Huehuehuehue
Tears coming in like a waterfall
I hear the door slowly open and footsteps carefully walk in
The scent of sandalwood with intense charcoal seeped out
The scent I once feared
Is the scent I now seek refuge in
I feel his warm tan hand wiping my tears from my face
To show affection
And his other hand on my lower back
Drawing circles
“Don’t you weep you little germ, don’t you worry it will catch next time”
I cried harder leaning to the crouched up man
I welcomed his body heat
I look up in my teary eyes to the rectangular glass es showing his brown eyes looking
He smiled
It’s was meant for comfort though it looked like he wanted to torture me
His hand is now in my messy blond hair and he brought me closer to him
“ we can make a another one,my love “
He murmured
Another one ?
For me to lose it again?
This is my 3rd miscarriage…
A sense of dread, hopelessness and tiredness come over me
Shouldn’t he be disappointed
After all he was the one who did everything to me
No no no no no
Why am I feeling like this ?
I don't want pups anymore !
But I do have a longing for pups right ?
Why do I feel like it’s torture..?
Maybe Harley said is right ….
We can try again
Next time I might get a a pup
I feel the warm water on my body my remains clothes has been taken away I stare at Harley cleaning up our dead child
This ingrained my brain too much
I closed my eyes and slowly sank under water
I feel the water rushing in trying to suffocate me
Until
I feel a harsh tug on my hair and my lungs are met with air
Open my eyes and look at sawyer’s disdainful face
He grabs me by my neck and pulls me out of the bathroom
My wet feet dragging across the shiny marble floors
I sat on the edge of the bathtub where harley rubbed off my wet hair
I can sense his aftertaste of terror now blooming into anger
“ What were you thinking !!Are you out of your mind? That's it !! no more pups! I just want you to be alive raymond!”
No more pups
No more…pups
Its relieving yet i oddly felt
Empty …
I suggled towards harley whom gladly accepted for comfort
I have been with harley for 2 years
It was beginning of january 1990
Becoming our 3 rd year our mating bond
The doorbell rang and harley sighed and left
I was all alone again
After sometime i get up and left the bathroom wearing a sweatpants with cotton light blue tee coming out into the drawing room where
I saw harley reading a letter with the familiar
Neon yellow envelope
His sandalwood erupted all over
And he suddenly rushed to my ( harley also uses it ) office
The neon cover fell out in the rush
I went forward despite the pain im feeling
Bending down slowly and picking the cover up
Play time co
To H.Sawyer
From Leith Pierre
Why would pierre send a letter to sawyer in the first place and
Why is harley very happy about it despite his hatred towards the company ?
i mean not so long ago elilot ludwing died and the smiling critters contoversy was popular
i remeber how esctatic he has been hearing this news
except for eliots death
he was shcoked and felt a bit of sadness
i mean he did share that he used see eliot as his father figure and for some reason he kicked him out a lot of times
i slowly limped to the office where he was furiously typing the fax , i just left him there to his own devices
i went back to the nest feeling for the warmth i despately wanted