Chapter Text
Sometimes love is not enough for a relationship to work, it takes so much courage for it to work, and for it to last. Does it do the same with marriage? Yes. It does. Love is not enough to save even marriage. Even if it is bonded with vows and promises. Love is not enough for it to be saved.
20 years ago…
Lucy Chen, a detective sergeant, well-respected in her station, but at the same time she’s a wife. A loving wife. A loving wife to a sergeant, a very grumpy sergeant. Sergeant Tim Bradford, grumpy but soft to his wife. They shared so much love for each other. They have survived so many things in life.
After 2 years…
Their 2 years of marriage brought so many things in their life, losing their first kid, then another miscarriage, and another one again, but they didn’t notice how their relationship started to drift apart. They don't know when it happens, they just notice how many things have changed. They no longer do morning kisses, hold hands, and even sleep in the same bedroom. Their intimate time became a requirement and not out of love. They thought they were just tired. But they don’t know that their marriage is beyond saving.
“Tim, we need to talk.” Lucy pleaded. Tim stared at her for a long time.
“Yeah, we really need to.” Tim responded, they headed to their dining area. They sat on their chairs, and stared at each other.
“So..”
“So..”
“You go first.” Lucy said.
“No, you go first. I think between the two of us you have more to say.” Tim said.
“Okay. I’ll go first. What happened to us, Tim?” With her eyes being glassy, she looked at her mug sitting in front of her. Trying not to look at Tim’s face. She loves him so much to the point that what is happening to them is currently hurting her.
“I don’t know, Lucy. We are both hurting, I think we just need space. I am losing myself again. I don’t want to hurt you, Lucy. I don’t think this marriage will work.” Lucy looked at him immediately, startled with every word that Tim just said.
“What?! So you are deciding for the both of us? So what should I say here, Tim? I am your wife, Tim. I am not just a subordinate you can order around. I am your wife!” Lucy said with anger evident in her voice. Tim was just silent, clueless how to handle the situation. Lucy stood up, and went to their bedroom.
Tim followed her and saw her getting her luggage.
“What are you doing?” Lucy ignored him, and continued packing.
“Lucy, please talk to me!” Tim raised his voice and Lucy flinched. Tim realized what he did, he went near Lucy and hugged her from behind trying to stop him.
“Get away from me!” Lucy tried to push him but Tim didn’t let her go.
“Please, let’s talk about this, Lucy.” That’s when Lucy totally breaks down. She cried so hard that she started pushing Tim.
“No, Tim! You decided already. You already put an end to this marriage without even talking to me properly. What a good husband you are, Tim!” Lucy said sarcastically, full of hurt from her voice and eyes filled with tears.
“Lucy, I also tried to make it work. But our work consumed us.. We forgot to be us.”
“No, Tim. You forgot to be us. You forgot that you have a wife waiting for you at home, a wife that will keep waiting just tell her to wait. But no, you forgot about that, Tim. You forgot that I am also grieving, that I am also hurting. I also lost our child, Tim. Not just you. I carried her for 9 months, just to have her in my arms for 2 months. Then when I thought we were given another chance, it failed again. I am not only hurting mentally and emotionally, Tim. I am also physically tired. I can feel your grief, your sadness, and that’s why I stayed. Even though I was hurting, I stayed. Because that’s how much I love you. I love you, Tim! I love you to the point that I forgot to take care of myself, to love myself.” Lucy cried so hard, Tim was crying too. Hugging her tight, but Lucy does not want his hug.
Lucy started packing again, and this time Tim did not stop her.
“Sorry. Sorry for staying away. Sorry for disappearing. I am letting you go, Luce. If that’s what you want.” Lucy looked at him, more of staring at him.
“No, that’s what you want, Tim. That’s not what I want, but you forced me to do this. Don’t worry, I'll give it to you. I’ll process our divorce paper as soon as possible. Goodbye, Tim. I am choosing myself this time.” Lucy walked away after packing, and all Tim could do was to stare at her while she was walking away from him.
That’s when Tim realized how much he lost. Years passed by, Tim never dated again. Deep inside, he still longed for her. Technically, they never got divorced. Tim tried contacting Lucy but he can no longer contact her, so their divorce was never finalized. He was actually grateful that their divorce wasn’t finalized, it gives him reason to still wait for her, and not to date other people.
18 years later, a tall lady with blue eyes and brown hair standing at the bullpen, looking for someone.
“How may I help you, young lady?” The lady looked at the woman who was currently looking at her.
“Auntie Angela?” Angela was shocked upon the words that came out from the lady’s mouth.
“Auntie?” The lady nodded.
“I am Amelia, of course you don’t know me at all, sorry. But I am looking for Capt. Tim Bradford.”
“You look so familiar. But let me call him first.”
*Knock* *Knock*
“Yes, come in.” Angela came in, and Tim looked up with confused eyes.
“What do you need?” Tim asked.
“Uhm, a lady named Amelia is looking for you downstairs. Do you know her? She also called me Auntie. Don’t tell me you knocked up somebody years ago, Tim. I will really kill you.”
“What?! Of course not! I am loyal to her. To her only.” Angela looked at him with pity. Tim stood up.
“You know what, I miss her too, Tim.” Tim only gave her a smile and headed downstairs.
“You’re looking for me?” The lady turned, and Tim was stunned with how similar they looked. Blue eyes and facial features.
“Omg! That’s what I said when she looked so familiar, she looks like you Tim.”
“Yes. I want to reintroduce myself. I’m Amelia Chen-Bradford.” Tim stepped backward, and Angela was also surprised.
“What?! Okay let’s bring this to the breakroom. Not here in the bullpen.” Tim was still staring at her, and flashbacks keep coming back into his memory. The mention of the last name of the woman he loves, and how it sounded so perfect to the lady in front of her. But he can’t ignore the feeling of betrayal, betrayal of losing the chance to become a father to their child.
They headed to the breakroom.
“I’ll leave and give you both a moment with each other.” Angela almost stepped out when Amelia called her.
“No, mom told me that you should be here when I told you about us, so that Tim or let me say my father will have someone to hold onto.” Angela stayed, and looked at Tim still looked like a whole bucket of ice was poured to him.
“Talk. If this is all a lie, I will put you behind bars.” Tim said. Unknowingly, Amelia knew this would happen, her mom already warned her though.
“On what grounds, Mr. Bradford?” Amelia smirked looking at her father.
“Feisty like her mom.” Angela commented.
“So where is she?” Tim started asking questions.
“Why is she not here to explain? Why are you here alone? She should be the one explaining things. Well, is she okay? Where did she go? Where did you stay?” Amelia raised her hand to stop Tim from saying more words.
“I’ll explain it to you, just wait. First, I am Amelia Mary Chen-Bradford, I was born September 19, 2008. My mom is Lucy Chen-Bradford. We lived in Edinburgh, Scotland for almost my whole life, we transferred back here to Los Angeles 2 years ago. Mom is a good mother to me. I lived my best life with her, she’s a bookshop owner in Scotland, it was actually a popular bookshop way back then. But then 2 years ago, we had to transfer here to make sure that I have someone with me when she leaves. She gives me all the details about her life as a detective, the reason why she has to leave. The reason why she cannot tell you about me, I almost hated you, Tim. Almost. But mom explained it to me in a very detailed way, a typical Lucy Chen. I cannot still bring myself to call you dad, pardon me. She told me about the whole Mid-Wilshire, about Aunt Angela, uncle Wesley, to sum it up, I know everyone in Mid-Whilshire, those who retired, and those who passed. ” She stopped, trying to remember every detail her mom told her. Tim and Angela were carefully listening to her not leaving any detail behind.
“So where is she?” That’s when Amelia’s face changes, from someone who reminisces to someone who looks in pain. And Tim understands it so well, he has been there for how many times, he just wants a confirmation, before he settles with the right emotion he wants to feel.
“She passed away 2 months ago. Cancer. So before she passed all she thought was you. In her very last breath, she called your name. In the most painful way, I badly want to hate you. But she told me not to…” She looked at her father, and Tim just showed the most painful reaction she had ever seen. Tim’s world came crumbling down, his world, his Lucy, his wife. Gone and no longer breathing the same air like he was.
Then there’s a little sob in the corner, it was Angela. Amelia’s eyes wandered between two people in front of her. These are her mother’s people.
“She told me that she never hated you, she told me she forgave you. She told me that she definitely understands you. I don’t know why my mom keeps hanging onto that fantasy, a fantasy of us being complete, where in fact, it will never be. Fuck cancer, by the way. That fucking illness stole my mom, she suffered so much that I cannot even do anything. I have to stand beside her while she keeps telling stories about your marriage, your first child, and all the miscarriages. I knew everything. She didn’t hide anything. She died carrying her love for you, for us.” Then slowly tears streamed down her from her eyes.
The room was filled with tears, and pain. The pain of the daughter who lost her mother, a husband who lost her wife. And a friend who lost a friend.
“Why didn’t she contact us?” He finds the courage to talk, to know everything even if it is painful.
“She does not want you to remember her like that. I keep forcing her to call you, but she does not want to. She wants you to remember the healthy Lucy, not the skinny and the pale Lucy. She wants you to picture out that she lived happily. I don’t want that for her, I badly want to contact this station to reach you. But I cannot break my promise to mom.” Amelia explained.
“Why did she hide her pregnancy?” Angela asked.
“An undercover agent came to our house one day, and told her that the cartel she infiltrated once knew about her so she was forced to leave the country and cut all her contacts to all her family. Including her friends. That’s also the reason why you cannot contact her during the divorce process, she has to fly out of this country to save you, and me. In the end, she only thinks about how to save other people. I was 5, when mom got her cancer, ovarian cancer. She beat it actually and lived a longer life until she reached my 18th birthday. But then it relapses 2 years ago, and she chooses not to go back to treatment, she was in her last stage. So we went back here. She made sure that all my finances were settled, my college funds were also settled, and she left me a letter for everyone before she passed. She also left me the address of the station. She spent her whole 2 years with cancer, but she still keeps fighting to come back to me, to come back to you. But she knew deep inside, she could never. It’s too late, just like she said.” Tim and Angela are now fully crying.
“There are times that I was just waiting for her to actually go into her deep sleep, seeing her suffering was too much. I want to end her suffering so bad. I prayed to different gods to take away her pain, but what did these gods do? They took her away from me. They took my only family. This cancer took my mother. I don’t think I could continue anymore. It’s still painful, you know. One day I have her, and then another, she is gone.” Tim subconsciously held his daughter’s hand, making her his anchor, and Angela went to Tim to hold him.
“I am sorry for not being there. I am sorry for pushing her away. If only I could turn back time, I shouldn’t have let her go. I should have been stronger for the both of us. You know what? Up until now, I am still waiting for her, I am still waiting for her to open the door, I am still waiting for the same woman for 18 years.” Tim said, trying to find the right words.
“What happened to the cartel that threatened your mom?”
“Oh, as she told me, while we were in London, she was still helping the FBI to catch them. She was rewarded because of that, not of recognition but with money that could help the both of us to live for a long time in London.”
“She was the old undercover they were saying 3 years ago, the one who lived far away but was able to drag down one of the biggest cartels.” Amelia nodded with an obvious proudness inside her.
“Yes, it’s her. It took so long to put them down. I studied all protocols, all the tactics, everything. I learned self-defense, how to use a gun, and how to use a knife. She taught me every survival skill I can use in case we were found. We both thought we could finally go back to you, to finally meet you, but then her cancer came back, and fuck our life. So she just decided to not show herself to you. But don’t worry, my momma is still the most gorgeous woman you will ever see.” Amelia said, wiping her tears away.
“Where is she now?” Tim asked.
“She was buried along with my sister, she requested it. She wants to be buried beside her. Just tell me when you want to go, I’ll go with you. But I have to check my schedule first, I am currently training under NIS. Just give me time, Capt. I might be able to call you dad one day. I have to go.”
“You are under NIS?” Amelia nodded, Tim smiled even with his eyes being red for crying, he cannot help but smile.
“Yes, they got to know about me because of mom. Don’t worry, I am currently safe. Mom told me how you get so overprotective, but you don’t have to. I know how to take care of myself.” Amelia smiled at her dad, giving her assurance.
“I know, you were trained by one of the best people I know. I am proud of you.” Tim said.
“We’ll go to your mom later, if you allow us.” Angela said.
“Sure. Just give her her favorite flower. She’ll love it. I gave the letter to you.” She opened her bag, and got all the letters for them.
“Papa Wade knew about me by the way.”
“Sure. Thank you for today, Amelia. You can go to my house if you want to. Just text me or call me. Here’s my phone number.” He gave her his number. And Amelia smiled at him.
“Thank you, dad.” Amelia whispered before leaving the room.
After Amelia left the room, that’s when Tim fully break down. Angela was there to comfort him. Just sitting beside him while he breaks apart.
“I lost her, Ange. It’s too late for me now.”
“I am so sorry, Tim.” Angela was also broken but she should be strong for her friend.
The room was filled with sobbed, enveloped with pain and years of yearning. The news spread like fire around the station.
Tim has a daughter.
Tim has a daughter with his wife, Lucy.
Tim lost his wife.