Chapter Text
Vil: What are you writing?
Jamil: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.
Vil, looking over Jamil’s shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.
Jamil : I fell—
Vil: From heaven?
Jamil : No, I literally fell—
Vil: In love with me the moment you saw me?
Jamil : MY ARM IS BROKEN!
Vil: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.
Jamil : Bro-
Vil: No, no, hold up, rewind.
Vil: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??
Jamil : Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.
Jamil : We both look very handsome tonight.
Vil: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Jamil : I couldn't take that chance.
Vil: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.
Jamil : Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?
Vil: Seize the dick.
Vil: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Jamil : Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Vil, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
Jamil : You look good in that hoodie.
Vil: You know where else I'd look good?
Jamil , zero hesitation: My bed.
Vil, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?
Jamil : There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?
Vil: Nope, there's 26.
Jamil : Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.
Vil: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.
Jamil : You'll get the D later ;).
Vil: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?
Jamil : ...Have you never taken a shower before?
Vil: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?
Jamil : I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.
Vil: Jamil , you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?
Jamil , naked in Vil's bed: No, I absolutely do not.
Vil, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.
Vil: Know why I called you in here?
Jamil : Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.
Vil: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?
Jamil : Wow, Vil, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.
Vil: We literally slept together yesterday.
Jamil : That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.
Vil: As top in this relationship, I think we should-
Jamil : I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.
Vil: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?
Jamil : …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?
Jamil : Go fuck yourself.
Vil, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch
Vil: I feel like doing something stupid.
Jamil : I’m stupid, do me.
Vil: Are we fighting or flirting?
Jamil : I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Vil: Your point?
Vil: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Jamil: It was autocorrect.
Vil: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?
Jamil: Yes.
Jamil : Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Vil: Peonies, why?
Jamil :
Vil: Were you going to get me flowers?
Jamil :
Vil:
Jamil : ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
Jamil : So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Vil: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Jamil : Yes.
Vil: I'd sleep.
Jamil: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.
Vil: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.
Jamil: I said within reason, Jamil . How about I murder that guy?
Vil: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?
Jamil: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?
Jamil : I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Vil: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Jamil : O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Vil: Is it working?
Vil: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Jamil : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
Jamil : I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Vil: That's great, Jamil . Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.
Jamil : I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.
Vil: And I need you to be less vague and weird.
Jamil : I have a new hoodie.
Vil: Wrong.
Vil: We have a new hoodie.
Jamil : Vil, fuck off.
Jamil : And by "fuck off" I mean "fuck off right back here and listen", you insufferable prick.
Vil: When do you usually go to sleep?
Jamil: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.
Jamil : I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.
Vil: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
Jamil: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.