Chapter Text
Stars were starting to appear in the sky as the party stopped to camp for the night. After eating and discussing their plan for the following morning, each member selected a sleeping spot under the small overhang in the cliffside. The group had established a watch order for the night – Yvonne would be the first, stationed at the edge of camp so she could review her maps and notes in the light of the full moon without disturbing her sleeping companions. Seeker knew this would likely be his only opportunity to speak with Yvonne alone.
It was difficult to get a moment of privacy on an expedition like this, Seeker had quickly realized. There was always something to do, somewhere to go, usually as a large group. How was he meant to talk to Yvonne under these circumstances? He had been waiting for the right moment – or perhaps putting it off – for nearly a week. Now, he couldn’t deny that this opportunity was practically gift-wrapped. He couldn’t delay this any longer. About half an hour after everyone had turned in for the night and Yvonne had taken her position, Seeker silently rose and crept from the camp. He took a deep breath to muster his courage, then approached the younger woman.
Yvonne was sitting on a felled tree illuminated by a beam of moonlight that had filtered through the canopy of trees above, flicking through her worn journal. Her mouth formed silent words as she read, seemingly deep in thought.
“Yvonne?” he said softly so as not to startle her or alert the rest of the party.
She turned her head to look up at him, surprise evident on her features even in the dim light. “Oh, hello,” she responded just as quietly as she closed her journal. “Is everything alright?”
“There’s something I’d like to speak with you about, if I may,” Seeker said gently, doing his best to mask his nerves. It clearly didn’t work. Suddenly, she was giving him that “startled deer” look he’d grown so accustomed to over the past several weeks – eyes wide, quickly scanning him, seemingly searching for something. The first time he’d received it was when he’d first let his hair down around her, then again after she’d finally seen him in battle. At first, he’d attributed it to the girl just being shy. After all, she didn’t exactly appear to be a social butterfly and he knew his size and scars often made him appear rather intimidating. However, it didn’t take long for him to realize that he was the only member of the party she looked at that way. Romance had been the farthest thing from his mind for a few decades, but he wasn’t dense. He knew a crush when he saw one.
The realization had surprised him. Yvonne had a crush on him. He could hardly remember the last time someone had developed feelings for him. Well, that he knew of. He didn’t have time to even entertain the thought of a relationship, though. With mounting responsibilities within the Cobalt Soul and his own research to develop, there simply wasn’t room in his life for such a thing. He resolutely pushed the thought away whenever it would inevitably float back into his mind. It simply wouldn’t work. But why him? There were plenty of strapping young men in their party. And wasn’t he a bit old for her? It hardly mattered either way. He’d already made up his mind. He was too pragmatic to let such thoughts get the best of him.
The difficult part, Seeker had quickly decided, was determining the most tasteful response to this information. Initially, he felt it would be best to pretend he had never noticed that Yvonne had taken an interest in him. Why put the poor girl through any unnecessary embarrassment? There was no immediate need to address it, and given that she didn’t appear to have any intention of actively pursuing him, it would likely be possible to avoid a conversation about it altogether. However, something about that approach did not sit right with him. It was that panicked look she kept giving him. She was clearly nervous around him and ineffectively attempting to hide her attraction. Perhaps it would simply be better to clear the air – he knew, he wasn’t upset, and he unfortunately was not in a position to seriously consider a relationship, nor was it in his nature to recklessly indulge. Yes. Although it would be uncomfortable in the moment for both of them, this was likely the more merciful option. This was the thought in his mind that had led him to follow Yvonne to the edge of camp that night, the tension now palpable as she stared up at him from her spot on the log. “Do you mind if I join you?” he requested.
“Oh, um, not at all,” she stuttered out quickly, motioning for him to take a seat next to her and setting her notes aside. He thanked her with a nod and settled onto the log. Even when they were both sitting, he was still a few inches taller than her – something Seeker was quite accustomed to, but that seemed rather foreign to Yvonne. She looked up at him nervously.
“Well, I, uh…” Seeker paused, struggling to look her in the eyes. He’d rehearsed this countless times in his head over the past few days, and even more in whispered tones to whatever bird would listen. Why couldn’t he remember what he was meant to say? “I couldn’t help but notice that, well… You seem to have taken an interest in me.” That was not the way he had intended on phrasing it, and likely wasn’t as clear as he’d wanted it to be, but it was the best he could do at the moment. “Is that correct?”
Yvonne looked absolutely mortified. Yes, it seemed she understood exactly what he meant. Seeker was starting to regret his decision to have this conversation, but it was far too late to backtrack. “I– I am not upset! Far from it,” he quickly assured her. “I am… incredibly flattered. Truly. You are a lovely, beautiful young woman, Yvonne. It’s just that, well… This sort of… thing… is not something I have the capacity for at the moment.” Beautiful? That word seemed to surprise both of them. Seeker mentally chastised himself. That had not been part of the original script. He sighed, frustrated by the way he was stumbling through his words. “Am I making any sense?”
“Of– Of course!” Yvonne stuttered out frantically, looking anywhere but his face. “I’m sorry, I– I'd– I never intended to– I mean– I admit, I–” After fishing for her words for a moment, she sighed and looked up at him again. “You’re a very handsome man, Seeker.”
His ears were burning. Knowing she thought so was one thing. Hearing her say it was another. He couldn’t tell who was more embarrassed. Seeker cleared this throat, trying to pull himself together. “Thank you,” he said, successfully keeping his voice steady. Handsome. That was a word he hadn’t heard in quite some time. Didn’t she consider his scars to be a bit unsightly? He certainly always had. Even so, she seemed to like what she saw despite them. Or was it because of them? No, now was not the time for such questions. He was curious, but that was a step too far. He was certain this conversation was uncomfortable enough for her.
Yvonne’s gaze shifted back to her lap. “I never planned to tell you,” she assured him, “or do anything about it, or–”
“I assumed as much, do not worry,” Seeker said quickly, resting his hand on her knee. He was almost starting to feel like he could breathe again now that the topic had successfully been breached. He was no longer confronting, just comforting. “I only bring it up because it seemed to me that trying to hide your feelings was causing you some stress, yes? If I did not know better, I would have thought you were afraid of me! And as I said, I am not upset, or offended, or uncomfortable, or… All this to say, it is alright. I am not particularly available at the moment, but I certainly do not mind if you find me attractive. Okay?”
Yvonne took a deep breath to calm herself. “Okay. Are you sure?” She still seemed quite nervous.
He let out a little chuckle. “Yes, I am sure,” he insisted. “And please, do not make yourself a stranger. You must know I enjoy your company.” Her ears flicked slightly in response, making him grin. It was cute. She was cute.
Wait.
Shit.