Chapter Text
For how convenient the parking garage was supposed to be, it sure was impossible for Jabber to find the dorm she’d be living in for the next year. She hoped it would get easier, but it was anyone’s guess if she’d be able to find her way back to her car.
She figured Fu could get the car if needed since she didn’t have one and they were approved to be roommates together. Since Fu didn’t have a car, Jabber and her mom picked up Fu and her stuff on the way.
“Thank fuck,” Jabber breathed out when she checked the number on the door matched the one on her post-it. War was over— she could kick back and relax for the rest of the day.
Which sounded comical in hindsight when she opened the door and standing there was none other than Zanka Nijiku.
Her teal eyes moved to the door and Jabber’s widened slightly when she saw the malicious glare pointed in her direction. She almost turned back and assumed she had the wrong place— the door was still open, she definitely could— but her mother was sitting in the chair across from where Zanka was standing.
Fu was the first one to speak up, albeit hesitantly. “Jabber, Zanka’s our other roommate.”
Clearly.
Jabber let the door go and heard it shut behind her. “I see that,” she retorted. She used to be friends with Zanka. Actually, they all had. What were the chances they’d be paired together in a dorm? “You remember my mom, don’tchu?”
Zanka’s eyes moved to give her a once over like she’d realized something. She always used to look at her like that, but it never failed to make Jabber feel small and transparent.
“Mhmn,” Zanka turned away again and spoke to Jabber’s mom in a casual tone. It wasn’t necessarily polite, as Zanka’s tone had always somehow lacked that warmth, but there was no malice behind it either. “I’ll get goin, but it was nice seein ya again.”
Zanka left after they said goodbye, not sparing another glance at Jabber or even Fu.
“That’s so sweet you girls get to room together! Oh, it’ll feel like old days again,” her mom trilled.
Jabber hummed and walked over to slide in one of the chairs. “Sure it will, ma.”
Except she knew it wouldn’t be. Her mom wasn’t really updated on what had gone down for several reasons, none of which Jabber found important to bring up. They used to all be part of a larger friend group in middle school until a difference of moral opinion led to a catastrophic collapse of the group in high school.
The one group became two, both of which hated the other. Jabber knew her and Zanka were probably the ones to blame for making the others take sides. Whatever, what was done was done.
Things smoothed over when Zanka was suddenly transferred to a different high school in their junior year and Jabber never saw or spoke to her again.
It was strange seeing her in person, like meeting an internet friend you’d only seen pictures of for the first time. She looked just as angry as before, but covered it up nicely when directing her attention to someone she probably felt deserved the illusion that she was classy or something.
“Next you’re gonna tell me our other roommate is Enjin or somethin or what?” Jabber chuckled. She leaned her cheek in her palm and scrolled aimlessly on her phone to keep her hands busy. She was fidgety, but it wasn’t like she could do much to calm down when her mom was there.
Fu came over from the sofa and leaned her forearms on the counter to be closer. “Um, apparently Zanka bought out the room, so it’s just us.”
“Pfft,” Jabber chuckled, but had no energy to laugh freely at the moment. “Sounds like Zanka.” The spoiled brat accusation was heavily implied. It worked in her favor, though. There were three rooms in the dorm, two smaller ones and one large one. It was meant to house four people with one person in each smaller room and two people sharing the larger room.
Since the dorm was hard enough to get and pretty pricey, Zanka taking the bigger room and cutting down on an extra body was fine by Jabber.
“Do you girls want me to treat ya to some dinner while I’m here?” Jabber’s mom asked.
It was a sweet and considerate offer, but they’d already had a long ass day and she wasn’t going to explain why Zanka shouldn’t be invited. “Honestly, I just wanna kick back the rest’f the day.” And smoke. The dread of being sober was starting to set in. “Mmn, here! Yeah, I’ll walk ya out.”
Jabber walked her mom to her car, which luckily wasn’t too far that she’d get lost on the way back. It was nice to have her there, but they could have dinner some other time. Besides, she needed to scream her head off to Fu. When she got back, that was the first thing she did when the door shut. “Are you FUCKING KIDDING me, Fu?!”
Fu nearly screeched when Jabber ran over to the sofa and grabbed her shoulders to shake her. “Aaaaah! I’m sorry!”
Jabber laughed weakly and flopped on the sofa beside her. “You don’t even know why you’re sorry. Ah, did you end up gettin to go to the pharmacy?”
“Oh, um.” Fu reached to grab her bag and rifled through it. “Yep, here it is.”
With a pleased hum, Jabber took the prescription bottle and shook it in Fu’s face. “You’re so good to me. How much I owe ya?”
“216 is fine,” Fu gave a small and unsure smile. Jabber swiped in to her phone and Venmo’d the money over without complaint.
Fu was prescribed Xanax for her anxiety and panic attacks, but she didn’t take them as often as she was supposed to— usually not unless someone told her she should take one. So, Jabber told her to keep refilling the prescription and she bought them off of her. Fu’s insurance paid for all but like $5, so the money she got from Jabber was extra cash in Fu’s pocket.
Win - win.
Once the transfer went through, Jabber opened up the cap and popped one in her mouth. “Can I have a sip?” She was already reaching to the glass of water Fu had on the coffee table.
“God,” she leaned back on the plushy cushion and sighed out happily. “I missed ya Fu.”
Fu chuckled to herself and picked her feet up to settle in. “I’m happy we got approved to room together.”
“Yeah, except our other lovely roomie is Miss Bad Attitude.” Jabber griped.
“It won’t be that bad. She’s nice,” Fu defended. “Just maybe don’t pick fights with her?” Jabber knew Fu didn’t actually care as long as she had a friend in the end.
They hung out for a little bit until Fu left to unpack her room. While waiting on the Xanax to kick in, Jabber decided to pack her pipe and smoke a bit to chill. She’d been taking the pills for long enough that the mania she got from it wasn’t nearly as strong as it used to be. Turned out, smoking beforehand or being sober for a few days would amplify the punch. Sure, it was whiplash on her system, but she couldn’t help but crave the way it made her feel.
The familiar euphoric buzz crept up on her and pounced all at once— she didn’t know how long it had even been. More excitingly, Zanka had left her room and walked in the room in perfect timing. Zanka rolled her eyes when Jabber grinned.
The look she gave that time was different than the one earlier. Before she seemed to have been passing judgment in a critical sense, but this judgement was made purely of disgust. Maybe she had wanted to hold her tongue, but she was never much good at that. “Don’t do that shit in here. It reeks and it’s offensive.”
It was perfect, really. Jabber’s mania had just settled in and she would love nothing more than to fight. Who better than Zanka? She was fun to rage bait and even more fun to wrestle with. “Hey, Zanny…”Jabber greeted her in a singsong voice before lighting up for another hit that she would certainly blow in Zanka’s direction. Zanka had deadpanned at her, making Jabber laugh out loud. “Still got that stick up ya ass, yeah?”
Zanka’s face twisted at the nickname. “Do not call me that!”
“Hah, still the same goddamn bitch!” Jabber mused.
Zanka scowled. “Don’t piss me off.”
Baited… and…
“What? Hahaha!” Jabber put her hands in a theatrical surrender. “How ya know I wasn’t talkin to the guy? Like hey whatsup god my guy my mans, did you and your infinite wisdom know this chick is off her fuckin rocker?”
“You bitch! Just stop sayin any of it!” Zanka stomped over and reached to grab the pipe. “And cut this out!”
…Hooked. Oh, how easy!
Jabber laughed and pulled her hand away so Zanka couldn’t get it, which only pissed her off more and she grabbed Jabber’s wrist to pull it closer.
Seriously, how many years had it been since she felt that hand on her? She wanted it to squeeze harder until it left marks and wanted her to dig in her nails, scream, pull her hair, whatever the hell she wanted. She knew she could— knew she had it in her. Even though her touch burned Jabber’s flesh like a pot of boiling water, she still wanted to jump in.
Zanka didn’t want to deal with her shit— which was obvious since she chose the quickest route to a pin and yanked hard on Jabber’s wrist before she hurled her to the ground while twisting her arm back and pressed her knee into the small of her back.
“Fuck, ah!” Jabber winced at the sharp pain in her shoulder and struggled against the pin.
Jabber had dropped her pipe in the struggle and the marijuana scattered out of the bowl across the brand new carpet. “Damn, thought you didn’t like the smell. Now it’s all— Owowowowowow! Hey, ease up on ya girl!”
“Y’aint my girl!” Zanka barked. “And yer cleanin that shit up.”
“Fine, fine!” Jabber laughed breathlessly and struggled once more against the pin to draw out one more shock in her shoulder. “Lemme up, will ya?”
Zanka was trained in martial arts, so Jabber knew that tapping out would make her ease up even just for a second. Predictably, that’s what she did and she was so caught up in the rules she’d learned that she didn’t see it coming when Jabber flipped around under her and threw a sucker-punch.
After the initial shock and Zanka’s yelp, she glared at Jabber like she was not only pissed off, but surprised she had the audacity. Jabber laughed maniacally and sat up on her forearms under Zanka. “What’s a fight without a lil give and take huh?”
Zanka’s lip curled in disgust and Jabber bit her lip at the way she looked down at her. She loved seeing Zanka lose what little composure she pretended to have like that. She wanted her to abandon her training and righteous morals— and Jabber was pretty good at getting what she wanted. Zanka clenched one of her fists around Jabber’s shirt neckline and punched Jabber in the cheekbone with the other, unsurprised that Jabber didn’t dodge and instead laughed. “That’s it, come on!”
Neither of them noticed Fu rush in the room and were too busy rolling around on the floor trying to get the upper hand on one another. Fu was pleading for them to stop, but it fell on two sets of equally deaf ears. Jabber was laughing and having the time of her life, but Zanka was getting increasingly more frustrated. “Don’t ya take anythin serious?!”
Jabber kneed Zanka in the side to get her off and then pinched some of the weed in her fingers before pinning Zanka down. “Of course! Like how I’m seriously turned on right now, haha!” She waited for Zanka to open her big mouth and tried to shove the grounds in.
Zanka closed her mouth and angrily grunted while Jabber continued trying to push her fingers past her lips. “Come on princess, dontcha wanna try it? I promise it’ll— AH!” Jabber winced at a sharp pain in her neck and she had to abandon her previous motive to grab at the stinging spot. “What the fuck did you do?! Ah, fuck—“
Jabber rolled off of Zanka and grumbled at the sensation waving through her body from her neck, a gratifying sense of pleasure beneath her skin. Zanka pinned Jabber down once again and held a lit lighter in front of Jabber’s face. “Yer such a sick fuck, you wouldn’t mind yeah?”
“Like you’re any fuckin different—“
Completely dry (or at least on the outside) one second and soaked the next. Jabber and Zanka both scrambled to look at Fu, who was holding an empty pot from where she’d drenched them in water. “Sorry! I’m sorry! Sorry, you weren’t stopping at all.”She sighed to calm down and ran her free hand in her hair. “It’s our first day and we gotta live together the whole semester, so can we just all get along?”
Zanka frowned at Fu, but stood up and let the lighter fall out of her palm to the floor. She didn’t yell at her, grumble any complaints, and didn’t bother to look at Jabber as she left the room. The only sound from her was when Fu and Jabber heard her bedroom door slam closed.
“Well now I’m all wet and turned on,” Jabber whined, flopping back on the floor in the puddle of water.
Fu made a face at her. “Ew?”
Jabber laughed out loud and turned her head to the side to look at her. “What? Haven’t had that kind of high in a while and you hadda go and stop her.”
“Because she was going to have your head on a stick! What was I supposed to do, let her beat you up?” Fu put the pot back in the kitchen.
“Uhh, yeah?” Jabber sat up again and sat between her feet and bent knees. She looked excited, a mad twinkle in her eyes. She could handle Zanka well enough, but it probably looked a bit one sided to an outsider. “Used to do that kinda stuff all the time! She enjoys it too alright, don’t even let her fool you. Haha! Fuck,” she tilted her head to the side and closed her eyes with a hum. Her hair dropped from her shoulder to dangle. “So much better like that.”
“Uh… okay?” Fu hesitantly grabbed her phone from the counter where she’d left it. “I don’t think Zanka likes doing that as much as you think. She looked kinda mad. And also isn’t she like straight? She isn’t going to be turned on from something weird like that... Uh. No offense.”
Fu was more bold than usual, so Jabber assumed she’d taken one of her pills after all.
Jabber chuckled and then shrugged before standing up. “You think I don’t know that? Well, part of that… Anyway. Don’t act like you know her, right? Won’t be good for you.”
“Whatever that means,” Fu mumbled. She no longer seemed to want to stress out by entertaining the particular conversation.
Unfortunately for her, Jabber would talk all night to an unwilling audience now that she was under the influence of not only the mix of drugs, but the dopamine rush of fighting with Zanka. “Means next time don’t bother breakin us up. Usually takes a lotta work to rile her up like that, so don’t piss me off and make me waste my energy.”
“You’re so… weird. Who asks someone to let someone beat them up?”
“Mmmm… me, duh. That’s what I’ve been tryna tell you. See, now you’re gettin it!”
Fu blinked at her, then furrowed her brows. “Do you have a crush on her or somethin?”
Jabber erupted with laughter, the first sound a startling pop of amusement. “So many questions for such a stale loaf of bread. But nah, nothin like that.”
“Oh, okay…” Fu rubbed the back of her neck nervously. “I’ll get you a towel…”
Jabber took a shower since she was already drenched and she’d spent the day moving boxes.
‘Do you have a crush on her.’
Jabber chuckled to herself in the shower at the question running through her brain. She really didn’t, but that didn’t mean she didn’t used to. Zanka was the first person to ever put up a good fight and she was wildly entertaining to have around. It wasn’t a secret that Jabber got off on the physical violence, so it made sense she’d fall for her— or that’s the reasoning she came up with.
Having a crush on Zanka was a mistake, and it was one Jabber almost felt embarrassed by. Zanka grew up in an… interesting family. Beyond the political power they held, they were some sort of leaders in the Catholic Church. Sounded like a big deal, but Jabber wasn’t interested. She wasn’t a demon, but she damn sure wasn’t a saint either and hence why she and Zanka were often at odds.
Jabber grumbled and wiped her hand over her face, the hot water pelting the back of her hand. She was over that silly crush, so why did the universe have to play tricks on her and pair them up as roommates?
She finished up her shower and felt a bit annoyed her high passed too quickly, so she went to bed a bit early to avoid the rest of the day. Unpacking the rest of her stuff could wait.
The next time Jabber saw Zanka wasn’t until the first day of class that Monday. She’d somehow missed her the day before, not that she was wondering about her whereabouts.
Zanka was seated at one of the two-seat chemistry tables with her textbook open and a hand propped on her cheek while she flipped the pages in boredom.
Like it was the obvious course of action, Jabber didn’t hesitate to slide into the empty seat next to her. “Hey, Miss Bad Attitude!” She greeted with a wide grin.
At the sound of Jabber’s voice and the laughter that followed, Zanka sneered at her. Her dark eyes scanned Jabber’s face like she was taking inventory, then she rolled her eyes and looked back to her book.
“Huh?!” Jabber complained. “Not even a ‘fuck you?’ Zanny my friend, you’re so mean.”
“Not friends,” Zanka blatantly pointed out.
Jabber shrugged and took her notebook out on the table and let her bag flop beside the table leg. “Used to be! Which means we definitely can again.”
Zanka slammed her textbook closed and collected her pen and notebook as well. “I’m not dealin with yer shit.”
“Please take your seats, thank you!” The professor announced as he walked in and approached the front. Jabber raised an eyebrow at Zanka and had to hold back a laugh when she sat her ass back down.
“Are ya some sorta recluse now? Didn’t see ya all day yesterday and now you’re runnin away. Or don’t tell me it’s little ol me you’re avoiding,” Jabber watched Zanka’s side profile carefully while smiling ear to ear at the inquiry.
Zanka didn’t seem very affected and looked at Jabber to furrow her eyebrows and respond. “I was at Mass yesterday. Don’t you sit there and think for a second I step around yer schedule.”
“Then why’re you avoidin me today? Gonna get up and sit somewhere else?”
She huffed and leaned back in her seat with her face to the professor like she was pretending to pay attention. She spoke quiet enough not to disturb the class. “Not avoidin, I just don’t like ya.”
“Haha! Why’s that?”
“Quiet, please!” The professor interrupted, directing it to the class in general.
Jabber took her notebook and scribbled on it, writing: ‘u dont like me? :3’ and then slid it over to Zanka.
Zanka’s face deadpanned at the page when she read the words. Jabber thought she might toss the book on the floor or— hopefully— beat her upside the head with it. Instead, she clicked her pen and wrote back. ‘are you 12?’
Jabber snorted a laugh and bit her lip to write back, but Zanka slapped her hand away since Jabber didn’t bother to pull the notebook the rest of the way back to her.
Maybe they were actually twelve again being petty and arguing over whose turn it was to push who on the swing at recess. And for the record, Zanka always wanted to be pushed, so it wasn’t like Jabber pushing her buttons now was any different.
“Stop it,” Zanka quietly bit while doing her best to pretend she was listening to the professor. She took the notebook away from Jabber, despite it being hers, and pushed it to the corner of the table away from her.
As if that would stop her?
It did for a moment, but Jabber’s eyes were scanning the items laid out in front of Zanka and considered which one she should mess with first.
Her gaze settled on the Chemistry textbook, assuming Zanka wanted to keep it in good condition to resell it or something. It looked too pristine to be a loaner and Zanka didn’t seem like the type to go through the effort of being frugal, so Jabber wanted to be the first to mark it. She reached over and drew exactly one half of a heart on the glossy page before Zanka noticed what was happening and stabbed her pen into the back of Jabber’s hand.
She yelped loudly at the pain and quickly pulled her hand back to put her mouth on it. The professor stopped his lecture. “Is something the matter over there?”
Jabber stopped sucking on it to reply, “paper cut! My bad.”
“As I was saying,” The professor sighed. He looked away to address everyone again. “This class relies primarily on collaborative work. That being said, and to make this easy, the person you are currently sitting with today will be your lab partner for the rest of this semester. Get acquainted on your own time, but I recommend at least sharing numbers or school emails for scheduling purposes.”
Jabber grinned wide at Zanka, who glared back at her. Then, she put her face in her hands and mumbled an annoyed “yer fuckin jokin.”
When the professor was finished with his initial lecture and setting up his computer for a slideshow, Jabber decided to bother Zanka again. “You heard the man. Gimme your number.”
“Absolutely not,” Zanka huffed.
“Then your email,” Jabber pushed.
Zanka raised an eyebrow. “Worse, actually. No.”
Jabber hummed in thought, the corners of her lips upturned and stretched wide enough to show a hint of her teeth. “It’s ZNijiku, isn’t it?”
…
“We live in the same dorm, so any correspondence can be in person.” Zanka replied, ignoring the guess on her email.
“Correspondence? Are you a colonial man? Whatever. Fine,” Jabber pulled Zanka’s notebook close since hers was still hostage at the other side of the table. “I’ll just give ya mine.” She scribbled her number down and put a little heart after it, then gave it back.
After class ended, Jabber caught up to Zanka and walked next to her. “So ya never answered my question on why ya don’t like me?”
Zanka side-eyed Jabber, glanced down and up again, then returned to focusing on her path.
She didn’t even answer, which only made Jabber want to know even more. Did she even have a reason? Was it some weird reason? How could she win the information from her?
“You really never change huh, Zanny?”
Zanka let out a quiet dry laugh at that. “You certainly do don’t you, Jabber?”
Hm? What was that supposed to mean?
“Do I? I mean I’ve always been kinda more or less the same.” In fact, she was pretty sure she’d always rage baited the girl. Even when her mom let her go to Zanka’s church even to just hang out, she’d draw in the Bibles with those silly tiny pencils just to get a reaction out of her. It was cute she had done the same with Zanka’s textbook, so Jabber held up a finger with an “ah” and grabbed Zanka’s arm with a smile to remind her. “Remember when we were kids and that one time—“
Zanka stopped in her tracks and angrily grabbed Jabber’s shirt collar in a fist. “Stop tryna reminisce on the past with me. Yer not the same person I was friends with, got it?”
Her brows were pressed together and the look in her dark eyes made Jabber giggle and bite her lip. Her high focused on chasing the fight rather than the words Zanka had spoken. “Heh. See? Never change.”
She put her hand on Zanka’s wrist and let her head roll to the side with her eyes still fixed on Zanka. “Still got them anger issues,” her gaze fell to the rosary beads around Zanka’s neck. Jabber’s free hand reached to lift the strand of beads with a finger. “And I’ll bet you still think you’re better than me, too.”
Zanka clenched her jaw and tightened her grasp. “I am better than you,” she stressed.
“Hahaha! Okay yeah, prove my point haha! Hey, ain’t it unholy to lie like that?” She settled her laughter with a sigh and let the beads drop. “You’re just like me, Zanka. Who’re ya tryna fool?”
After a few moments of intense eye contact, Zanka let her go with a brief shove. “I ain’t nothin like you.” She turned to walk away, but eventually noticed Jabber was still behind. “Stop following me.”
“I’m not! Trust me, haha! Not my fault our next classes happen to both be this way.”
Not just were they in the same direction, but the same building. When they entered the same building, Jabber figured it out before Zanka— they had the same class.
She tried really hard not to laugh, so much she was making tiny squeaks to keep it down until she finally caught the moment Zanka figured it out. “HAHAHA!!”
Zanka huffed and pointed at her. “Do NOT sit next to me. Am I clear?”
“Crystal, hahahaha!” Jabber didn’t sit beside her, but Zanka said nothing about sitting behind her. Naturally, that’s the seat she chose.
Zanka turned around with a scowl. “I said don’t sit near me.”
“You said not to sit beside you,” Jabber clarified with amusement. “Come on, I’m here to learn to.”
She wasn’t convinced, but turned to face front anyway.
They ended up having quite a few classes together, but most of them were the first half of the day. After lunch, Jabber didn’t see Zanka until the final class of the day.
By then, the Xanax had run its course and Jabber was starting to feel run down without the euphoria. Zanka looked up from where she was seated and raised an eyebrow at Jabber, who turned up her lip and looked for an empty seat somewhere else. The options were…. Subpar. Most of the seats were the front row where the professor would no doubt direct most of the attention to, and there were a couple scattered next to people Jabber didn’t want to deal with based on first impressions alone.
Reluctantly, she decided Zanka would be the best option since she wouldn’t bother her anyway. The last thing she wanted was for someone to talk to her, so she could at least have that before going home and taking a long fucking nap.
Getting a head-start, Jabber folded her arms on the table and rested her head on them with a groan.
Predictably, Zanka didn’t say anything to her. Yet, her peace was short-lived since Fu apparently also had clads with them and took the remaining of the three seats at the table with Jabber in the middle.
“Hey, Zanka! Oh. Hey, you good, Jabber?” Fu frowned and leaned forward to see her eye peak open.
Jabber glared at Fu with a frown. “I feel great.”
“Headache? Or tired?” Fu questioned with concern.
“Mmn…. Left my meds at home.” Is this how Zanka felt when she bothered her? Eh, doubtful. She then sat up rather quickly with a realization and grabbed Fu’s arm. “You got any on ya?”
Fu yelped at the sudden movement, then nervously nodded.
“Give it to me,” Jabber urgently said. “I can give ya one back later.” She smiled when Fu took out her bag to rifle through it.
Zanka finally spoke up when Fu found her bottle. Her voice was stern and barred an arm out across Jabber. “Fu, do not give that to her.”
“Who the fuck are you?” Jabber snapped at her with a disgusted expression. She looked back at Fu. “Just gimme one.”
“Uhhh….”
Fucking hell. Fu was getting conflicting orders by two different people.
Zanka pointed a finger at Fu. “You give her one of those and I’ll report ya to the school board. Don’t test me.”
“They’re prescribed to me,” Jabber protested.
“I don’t care. You can show that proof to the board,” Zanka snapped.
She called her bluff. Fuck.
Fu gave Jabber an apologetic look. “Sorry…”
Jabber huffed and shoved Zanka’s arm away. “Fuckin cunts.”
She put her head back down on the table where it stayed for the rest of class and then the three of them walked home more or less together afterwards.
Jabber went straight for her room, but didn’t immediately go for her pills. While she mostly enjoyed the feeling they gave her, sometimes she fell into a strange mood where she enjoyed suffering through the withdrawals. It only worked when she was alone, so it was the perfect afternoon for it just as long as she skipped dinner.
It wasn’t long before her thoughts started to creep in and the last couple of days since she was last sober started to catch up. Along with it came the tearing hole in her chest that she was missing something. The pills, she figured, but Zanka kept replacing that thought like a parasite.
By night time, Jabber still hadn’t stopped thinking about her. How she couldn’t figure out that one look Zanka would give her; she knew she hadn’t always had the habit, but also didn’t know when it started. How she still got physical with her and probably only with her like before. Then there was what she said earlier that morning about her changing.
Jabber’s thoughts and doomscrolling were interrupted with a text popping up from an unknown number: before i forget, this is my number if….— Her eyebrow raised at the preview until it went away. She opened it up to read the rest: —you need it. i figure if were gonna live together we should at least be somewhat cordial.
She hummed quietly and saved the number in her phone before replying.
Jabber: how generous
She figured Zanka would leave it at that, but there was something about her that Jabber really liked, and that was that Zanka never failed to surprise her. No matter how certain Jabber was that she knew all of Zanka’s quirks and next steps, she always threw a curve ball and kept it interesting.
Zanny💊: its 2am why tf are you awake
Maybe she really was a parasite and this was her way of weakening her to eat into her brain. Jabber replied without caring if that was the case.
Jabber: says the one who texted me first at 2am?
Zanny💊: fair enough.
She had to have known she would be at least a little curious, right? Miss goody-two-shoes would have a strict sleep schedule, right?
After waiting to see if Zanka would send something else, she gave in first.
Jabber: why are you awake?
Zanny💊: woke up and cant go back to sleep yet.
Zanka: idk im not really used to the new room i think
That’s right, Zanka used to have bad dreams when they were younger. The first time it happened was a sleepover and Jabber found her crying quietly in the closet with her knees folded tightly to her chest like she didn’t want to take up more space than necessary.
Jabber: still get nightmares?
Zanny💊: not as often.
Jabber: zanny want a xanny? lmao
Zanny💊: i dont need that.
Jabber shrugged at it and went back to doomscrolling until Zanka sent a followup.
Zanny💊: why do you
Jabber: are you askin why i need it? i dont i just like it
Zanny💊: alright. then why do you like it?
She turned over to her stomach and looked down at the screen, then chewed on her nail. If they were face to face, this would absolutely turn into a fight one way or another. It still could, but Jabber didn’t want to instigate it since it was just words.
Jabber: feels good idk.
Zanny💊: jabber. worst explanation in the history of explanations.
Jabber chuckled at the last text, the smile staying on her face after the laughter died down. It was adorable when Zanka talked casually instead of regurgitating something she saw in a thesaurus once. Since she was being cute about it, Jabber really did try to explain it to her.
Jabber: pure bliss to put it simply. works fast and pushes away the idea of consequence and it makes you feel like anythings possible
Jabber: uhhh gets rid of the pain
Texting was good. Yeah, felt good. When she was texting her, it didn’t matter as much if she was sober as long as she didn’t have to see her face.
Zanny💊: isnt xanax a sleep medicine?
Zanny💊: thought you liked pain anyway
Jabber: pfft. not talkin about that kind of pain. and yeah but it doesnt work like that on me 🤷
Zanny💊: you high rn?
Jabber: nah.
Zanny💊: that was fast.
Jabber: ?? you saw me earlier you knew i was
Zanny💊: is it bad i assumed youd taken one the second we got home?
She finally caught herself smiling at her phone and furrowed her brows, forcing her mouth to relax. If she thought too hard about it, she’d have to consider admitting she missed talking to the bastard.
Maybe she had taken too long to respond since another text came through a few minutes later.
Zanny💊: sorry forget i said anything
Jabber: you good. im not some crazy druggie yknow.
Jabber: do you want company?
Fuck, why did she ask that? Well, she knew why. Zanka’s nightmares would usually come back if she went back to sleep, but it helped when she wasn’t alone. They weren’t friends anymore, so why did she give a fuck?
Zanny💊: and if i said yes?
Had she forgotten why they stopped talking in the first place? The pain that came with having the person closest to her forcibly ripping herself away and never speaking to her just like that? No closure, no weaning her off of the codependency— nothing. Gone. Even knowing how deep that wound had cut, Jabber found herself typing an honest response.
Jabber: then id go to you.
Her heart was beating and she wished she had decided instead to smoke and go the hell to bed.
Zanny💊: then yeah i do