Chapter Text
“I love you.”
A simple phrase of three words but the meaning behind them lay deeper than a chasm below the sea. A hand, scarred and calloused from years of dancing and abuse would move and trail down a cheek, revelling in the nearly silky texture of the skin. To feel the curves and dips of the others facial structure meant so much despite seeming to mean so very little. The plump cheeks, the tiny rounded chin, the gentle curve of a jaw and those small dimples that made the room and his life just all that much brighter.
Gentle. Soft.
“You’re beautiful, you know?”
Another pause, another flutter of the eyes and licking of the lips.
“Marry me one day, alright? Promise me you will. I’ll ask you properly and I’ll sing to you like I do each night. Just...be there walking down the aisle to me.”
It hadn’t been the first time the statement had been said and the question asked. Marriage was indeed an ideal at that point, despite their time knowing each other being so short. Short, but sweet in the best of ways. Their love was like drinking a wine made of the sun and the sound of the waves lapping against the beach. It was intoxicating, addicting, and something he was blessed to be a part of.
“I want to tell you so much… Butch? I… I lov-”
He awoke with a start, barely in time to stop his roaming partner from falling off of the bed. It wasn’t really sleep-walking but he had learned that if he didn’t hold tight to the smaller Hawaiian he would be waking to an angry mess of black hair asking him why he didn’t hold on. Butch was…./not/ a good person when being abruptly woken up. Most of the time it was like being with a ray of sunshine and the happiness could even be overwhelming but seeing those eyes glittering from behind black hair gave him the creeps. So he held tight, arms quick to wrap around the smaller male and tug him back towards the center of the bed before finally, Akiak let out a gentle sigh, closing his eyes and nestling his face into the warmth of the silky locks of his lover.
It was just another dream…
The thought…destroyed him in a way he didn’t know was possible and he squeezed his eyes to be more tightly shut as if he could block out the thoughts, despite them always coming back. This dream had been a recurring one for the past month and waking from it was always bittersweet. He could say the words so perfectly in his head and in his mind he knew he could sing the most beautiful of songs to the other and serenade him with more than just actions but whenever he tried to push the words out it just...failed somewhere. He had been taking speech therapy secretly for a good handful of months but with each session he grew more frustrated. His vocal chords were utterly demolished and the only sounds he could make were animalistic ones and gasping, wispy ones. Nothing very attractive in his personal opinion.
I just want to tell you how I feel…
He didn’t think it was the most ridiculous request but with all the work he had put in, he wasn’t any closer to achieving his goals. All he wanted was to be everything the other deserved and that included being able to hold a conversation at restaurants, tell jokes, comfort him with sweet words, sing him lullabies but above all he wanted to be able to whisper those three words all the time. He wanted to yell it at the top of his lungs from the peak of a mountain and purr it during long summer nights when the sheets were cleared off the bed and the candles were taken out. He wanted to say it all the time, not even needing the other to hear it but he wanted to say it. Instead he had to wait for the other to respond to his grunts and growls so he could sign it to the other, always feeling a part of him shrivel up whenever he did. He loved the other but not being able to say it whenever he wanted was…painful.