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It was a cult.
”You are the backbone of the new patriarchy.” All they ever did was stand silent as she spoke, waiting for the countdown to begin. ”You have a divine purpose.” They were just teenage girls gathered in an empty classroom, a headmaster going on the same rant as ever. ”When we are done, he will be proud to call you his wife.”
And then the counting began, monotone voices following each other, rhytmic clapping with every number. Nothing out of place. Trixie couldn’t even risk glancing over at Katya, who stood next to her. Not until the dance allowed her to. Every single movement of their bodies was trained into perfection, everyone following along like they’d never done anything else. It’s not like they had. She turned around to meet Katya’s eyes, who livened up as she saw her. Their hands clapped together, not letting smiles show on their faces, but every touch of made the floor seem just a little less cold against their naked feet.
A girl, a new one who didn’t know any better, did one step too many, the choreography not yet ingrained into her mind, and the headmaster didn’t doubt for a second before slapping her across her face. Nobody reacted. They continued the strange form of prayer, just like they had been taught to do.
”I’m at your mercy. I’m at your mercy.”
Once they got out, their hands was tired as always and numbers still floated around in their heads. Trixie and Katya followed the rows of ribbed sweaters and plaid skirts. They were last as always, moving slowly enough to let them slip away, letting themselves get caught in a moment alone. Katya’s lips would pressed against hers, with the speed and pressure that the only deeply rooted fear of being caught could bring, Trixie grasping the other girl’s face like it would be the last time. As long as they were touching, with closed eyes and doors, they could never pretend they were anywhere else but here, but they could almost hope it was all nothing. Katya stroked Trixie’s hair carefully as she looked into the other girl’s eyes. There was a flicker of emotion there; the one they could never dare to speak of.
Their longs forest walks became so much more interesting after the notes had been passed around. Fallen leaves crackling all around them as they walked away from the rest of the students. Their metal necklaces laid heavy as ever around their necks, free to swing as they walked. Normally they kept it hidden under the thick material of their clothes. Here there was no need to hide them beneath theirs cloaks.
They gathered in a circle, mocking the ones they were forced to uphold in the cold classrooms, in front of strict rules and stricter people. There was nothing keeping them still here.
They made plans. The most secret of whispers in the middle of nights, close against the other’s body. And then their touches became softer, kisses hurried, and voices more hushed than ever before. It was the holiest of moments, the rest of the world slowly slipping away with each beat of their hearts. They didn’t dare to speak of it out loud. It was something too frail, something that could be broken just as easily as the silence that surrounded them.
The point of plans is that they’re meant to turn into what they’re supposed to, and they disappeared that night, eventually having to separate their bodies to fill bags with the few things they had. They ran into the forest they’d already walked through so many times, black robes mean to match the darkness and conceal them as best they could.
Things could never be quite so easy, right?
Katya saw them before Trixie even got a chance to. Trixie just didn’t get why she was pushed away, but she saw the look of a planned decision burning into Katya’s eyes, fear being hidden by determination. It hurt more than anything when she saw the headmaster, and their priest running after them. Katya was the sacrifice.
Trixie wouldn’t - couldn’t - leave her like that. Not without a goodbye, but really not at all.
Lips that would always feel so familiar, right because they were and wrong because they were supposed to be, pressed against her firmly. No love, just pure desperation in their minds. They just wanted to feel each other close for a last time before arms around their waists pulled them away from each other, forcing them apart in the ways they had feared for so long.
Katya was paler than ever before. The white dress matched her skin, her hair. Her lips were a stark contrast against all of the bright, matching the evening they would never see. Tears burned Trixie’s eyes, slipping down her cheeks, almost meeting her hands that were clasped in a prayer with a rope. They fell, and then so did Katya. Trixie couldn’t even make a noise as she saw Katya’s body in mid-air, still connected to the tree above with the thick rope around her neck. There was still a necklace gripped in her hand, such a familiar symbol to the both of them. It had been pressed against her palm, her not letting go until it was no longer her own choice.
Trixie could still feel her lips against her own, recognize every single touch they’d shared. Maybe she wished she had been a believer after all. Then she would at least have hope for something after this, for something that would make all of this worth it. They were too young for this, it was too early for death and maybe even too early for them to love. It didn’t stop it from happening though.
Trixie kept her eyes shut at they roughly pulled Katya down from the sky, the crinkling noise of the leaves getting caught in the dress forced her eyes open again. She almost looked like she was still alive. Eyes now closed, but there was still life that hadn’t yet left her body. She almost looked like she was asleep, but Trixie wouldn’t let herself pretend. She kept her eyes on the corpse as they raised the chair once more, as they lifted her up on it, as they tightened the noose around her neck, and as they let her go.