Work Text:
What If Michael Mann Did Star Trek?
by Natasha Solten
The Enterprise has waterfalls
in the bulkheads
Everything, even the bridge,
is back-lit in blue light
Our ship disembarks
at low tide
when the stars are sparse
The moon roof rolls back
Palm tree constellations
flash by to the tune of “Crockett’s Theme”
We are on a 5-year luxury taxi mission
transporting alien tourists
wherever they want to go
(In reality we are undercover
Federation agents
with orders to bring down an
intergalactic drug cartel run by two brothers
from Mars)
Uniform attire is strictly casual:
white blazers, no shirts
and regulation shorts
or thongs
Our captain insists on being
called “Jim” and often appears
barefoot
while on duty
His shoulder-length star-streaked hair
outshines every sun
Spock is an ex-hippie
with hemp sandals and a tan
Bones is the ship’s New Age
massage therapist
and a Calvin Klein underwear model
in his spare time
The vice-admiral in charge of
ground control
from Starbase 14
is a no-nonsense Bushido expert
with a soft spot for Jim
R&R stops are
frequently made
at Beta Antares 3
and Florida
If you look to the skies
you may easily spot us
We’re the cool starship with
pink and blue pin-striping
and the fastest warp-rating
in the Fleet