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Blaine doesn’t stay naked long after Kurt leaves. Just enough to shower quickly and throw on some clothes best suited for lounging around the apartment. After all, anything he intends to do today can easily be done from home, and it’s probably best that it is, so Kurt always knows where he is.
Kurt. He’s worse than Blaine’s ever seen him, and he remembers vividly how Kurt was when they first met. It’s not exactly the same, not with about three and a half years in between, but there’s something in the stark line of his collarbone showing more and more, in the way his gaze flattens and lengthens. Almost exactly like before, just with a lot more weight, a lot more pain, a lot more life behind it.
Blaine just wishes he’d noticed sooner. This hotline project is important, something he could run his whole life. A calling, a way to help, a need he discovered when he saw Kurt trying to hide all the hurt in that bathroom the day he stole Kurt’s sweater. And he can make other people feel that way. He has partners, team members, that want to make a difference just as much as he does. If it works, they can provide help for kids like he and Kurt used to be.
But it’s taking so much time. It’s almost there, the final stretch before it opens to its trial period. That requires Blaine, as the leader of the scheme, to be there pretty much whenever someone else is there, in the call center they’d set up in a spare room in the basement of the psych department. Unfortunately, his time with Kurt has been scaled back as a result, as well as because Kurt’s been working more than ever and taking more classes at NYADA.
There’s a lot of guilt in Blaine over this. He absolutely feels like it might not have happened if he’d been paying closer attention, or if he’d just been around for Kurt to lean on. Kurt is damnably independent, and Blaine loves how strong he is, but he forgets that he’s allowed to be weak sometimes, too. And he forgets that he can open up and release the tension that starts wearing him down.
And now...now Blaine’s determined to make things right. But he needs help, if he’s going to help Kurt. Neither one of them can do this alone.
He spends a great deal of the morning giving Kurt instructions, making him feel how much Blaine’s attention is truly on him, and then he settles in to make his calls. The first one is logical.
“Hey kid. I take it Kurt told you about our disagreement yesterday?”
Blaine blinks and shakes his head.
“Um, no,” he says cautiously, laying the phone down on the table in front of him, speakerphone on, plugged in to keep the battery charged as he types out little texts to Kurt while he talks. “I was...I was calling about Kurt, but. What disagreement?”
Burt sighs heavily. He sounds old.
“Kurt called to tell me he’s...he’s bad again,” Burt explains. Between them, they’ve kept an eye on Kurt’s well being, unified over an awkward dinner with too many tears--but these words haven’t been said since high school. “An’...I’m real ashamed to admit it, but I forgot that he needed me. I forgot how hard he fights to be as tough as he is and I said some things that could’a waited for a better time.”
“What did you say?”
“Is Kurt there right now?”
“No, he went to work for the day. I’ve got him on text to keep an eye on him, though.”
“Good, good.” Blaine can just picture Burt nodding absent-mindedly, face crooked in a half-grimace. “So I can at least tell you. I ain’t happy about him havin’ that tattoo. You’re both adults, and you can do what you like, but Kurt let slip you got ‘em while he was living under my roof. And I gotta tell ya, that was awful disrespectful of my rules.”
“Burt, you know I’d never have let Kurt do anything to hurt himself--”
“Except break his dad’s rules,” Burt counters. “Now, I know I can’t ground you, but I think I deserve some kind of explanation.”
“It was a bad time,” Blaine says. “Kurt was stressing about his audition, and he needed a distraction. And...he asked me to show him what it was like to be like me. A punk,” Blaine adds ruefully. “I showed him. He was supposed to just get a temporary tattoo, but he liked the idea we came up with so much that he decided he wanted it forever. And...I couldn’t say no to him. I’m sorry we broke your rules, Burt, but...how often did we really do that? Doesn’t Kurt deserve to have some teenage rebellion under his belt?”
Burt is quiet, but Blaine can hear him grumbling a bit on the other end of the line. When Carole’s laugh floats down, Blaine snickers quietly--he’d bet he was on speakerphone, too.
“All right,” Burt finally says. “Not like I can change it now.”
“Did...did Kurt take it hard when you found out?”
“Like I said, I’m not feeling too hot about this, but...I didn’t really let him get a word in. Lost my temper and rolled right over him. Only after he hung up I realized he didn’t roll right back, but he’d turned his phone off.”
“He’s...he’s really bad this time, Burt,” Blaine admits, his voice cracking just a bit. “I...I’ve never seen him this bad.”
“I knew it,” Burt spits with a curse. “I knew it. I’m coming out there--”
“Burt, no--”
“You guys don’t have to do this alone, you know,” Burt protests. “Not him, an’ not you. You’re allowed to need someone to hold you up, too, Blaine.”
“I do,” Blaine insists. “Kurt...being with him gives me all the strength I need. I just...what I need from you is something you can do from home, Burt. And it’s probably best, too. Kurt...I don’t know how he’ll take this.”
“Whatever my son needs, I’ll do it,” Burt says firmly, and Blaine’s lip trembles. He’s just so grateful that when it comes down to it, Burt is there.
“I want Kurt to get professional help,” Blaine announces. “I think he needs it. I...there’s only so much I can do. He needs something that can help him in the long-term. I can only take care of what I see now. But that might not be enough.”
“I’ve always thought this should be handled by a doctor, but you know Kurt,” Burt says. “Wouldn’t hear of it. An’ I’ll admit I never really trusted shrinks.”
“I can help him find a good one,” Blaine assures.
“I know you will.” There’s a few words from Carole, Blaine can’t make them out, but after a moment Burt sighs again. “I gotta get going. Call in from the shop. You call me if you need anything, you hear? And tell Kurt to call me when...when he feels up to it.”
“I will,” Blaine promises.
“Okay. You take care of him. And yourself.”
Silence, then, as Burt hangs up, followed by his message tone as Kurt writes a message to him.
He replies, glad that Kurt’s doing well, before calling two more people--his professor, and Mel. His professor, who’s heard about Kurt before, when Blaine told her why he’d decided to study psych, gives him the advice he knew he’d hear--professional help is the best way to go, to be safe, especially because Kurt appears to have a tendency to depressive episodes. And Blaine has resources, options for Kurt to take.
It’s Mel’s call that Blaine was not expecting.
“Look, does he need to scene?” Mel asks. “Sometimes subs just need...I don’t know, gravity. They fly apart sometimes, especially if they got used to subspace and then stopped going into it. You know more about brain chemicals than I do, you should know this.”
“It’s been years since we were regular, though,” Blaine says. “I mean, he’s needed...I guess a pick-me-up, a few times, but...it’s not like he was addictedto subbing--”
“Maybe not addicted, but he might need it anyway,” Mel interrupts. “Some people always need pain meds, but they don’t get addicted to them. Doesn’t mean they don’t want ‘em back when they stop for a while.”
Blaine considers that. It’s not a perfect analogy, but he’s starting to see Mel’s point.
“Look, I got a friend who can give you advice, I think,” she says. “Take this number, he goes by the name of Jam--”
“Really, Mel?”
“He knows what he’s doing, he lives completely in the scene,” she persists. “Just call him. Here--”
And that’s how Blaine ends up on the phone with someone who’s name is either a really unfortunate euphemism or a breakfast spread.
“Mel text and said you’d be calling about your sub,” Jam says in a deep voice, after the pleasantries and introductions are out of the way. “What’s going on?”
“Look, I’m not sure I can give you the details yet,” Blaine says. “This is all...spontaneous, and I’d like to get Kurt’s permission before I start talking about this to strangers--”
“Perfectly respectable.” Jam’s got an accent Blaine can’t place. There’s a touch of city in there, but Blaine’s not sure which one--just something aggressive, sharper in the lilt of the words. “That’s a good habit for a Dom to get into. But I can’t help you if I know nothing, yeah?”
“I can tell you that we started off pretty intense, and cut back when we hit college,” Blaine says. “About...I’d say a year, as much time on as we could, and then sporadic play over the past three years.”
“You want to get back into it?”
“I think it’s something to consider,” Blaine says, and as he says it he realizes he very clearly wants to get back into it. He just needed to talk himself into it, and it didn’t take much. “I would personally like to, but again, I have to discuss it with Kurt.”
“Well, if you’re both on board, and your boy is okay with it, I’m open to giving you guys some tips,” Jam offers. “I don’t know the local scene out there, and I’m not an infallible expert myself, but I can give you some guidance if you decide to go total exchange, or close to it. Or I can give you advice as you transition into what you had before. You got my number saved, or you just dial it ‘cause Mel told you to?”
“I saved it,” Blaine says. “I’d appreciate any help you could give.”
“Yeah, man. Just let me know. I head out most nights, but text me and we can set up a time to talk.”
“Thank you,” Blaine says, and the call ends there, allowing Blaine to send a second text to Kurt, who hasn’t said anything despite Blaine sending both an opinion and a request.
Baby? he sends. Do I need to call?
BRB
Five minutes, five minutes of pacing, and then his phone dings.
I’m coming home. Isabelle gave me the week off.
The knot in his stomach untwists and spins a different way. Kurt never gets sent home early, let alone getting vacation time--he’s an intern.
No hesitation. Blaine hits ‘1’ on his speed-dial, and waits for Kurt to answer.