Chapter Text
Once upon a time I lived a somewhat normal life, now it sometimes feels like I live in a fairytale. Imperfect as it may be.
Never thought that the ridiculously attractive guy that frequented the diner I work at would ever be interested in someone like me. But he always chooses the same table in my section.
It didn't take long for him to ask me out, but it did take a few weeks of him consistently showing up to ask me to actually say yes. It's not that I wasn't interested, I was just terribly intimidated by him. Tall, handsome beyond belief, beautiful hazel eyes, rich brown locks nearly down to his shoulders. Tragically my type. The day I said yes was a day I'll never forget, he showed up with a single flower, a bright red tulip.
"Holly, please go out with me." He flashed those big puppy dog eyes & my resolve melted. "Do I have to get on one knee? Cause I will."
"You don't have to do that Sam... Alright, I'll go on one date with you."
Patrons cheered like a cheesy romantic comedy & he gave the widest most gorgeous smile. This is what I was afraid of, every guy I go for turns out to either be a psycho or worse. They seemed to be the only ones that are attracted to me, like a nut job magnet. I just hoped that history wouldn't repeat itself.
I tried my best to dress nicely but I haven't bought new clothes in almost three years. Made due with black jeans & my nicest shirt. I was meeting him in front of the diner in one hour so I slipped on my converse & grabbed my bag. He was waiting with another tulip & ushered me into a blue sedan.
He drove to a pizza place to pick up a pie, then to a drive in. They were having a marathon so we sat & talked for hours while watching black & white classics play out on screen. Conversation flowed until a familiar song started in the background.
"Oh my god, this is my favorite movie. I can't even find it in dvd!"
"Gaslight? Never heard of it."
"Oh it's wonderful, I really hope you like it."
We snuggled & watched the movie in silence. I felt so close to him though I barely knew him. He rated it as a bit contrived but impressed to see where modern suspenseful movies have taken it's lead.
"Would you like to go out with me again?" He'd offered to drop me off at home, but I opted to be dropped at the diner just incase.
"I would love to Sam. What will we do next time?"
"It's a surprise."
He gave a mischievous wink & leaned in for a kiss goodnight. My panic flared at the intimate gesture.
"I had a good time tonight." I fumbled out as I backed away from him slightly & he gave a hurt yet puzzled look. "Are you free tomorrow?"
"For you? Any night is good for me." He gave a confident smile.
"Meet you here tomorrow at six?" He confirmed so I rushed off before he could think about kissing me again. I wanted to take this one slow, old fashionedly so. I liked him far to much to rush, but still feeling the need to protect myself.
We'd been dating for a month before we had our first kiss. I let him drop me off at my front door for the first time & just before he walked away I leaned in to kiss him. He was so surprised it'd taken him a few moments to kiss me back. It was soft yet determined, he slid his hand to the small of my back & pulled me in before I got nervous & started rambling.
By month three I'd invited him in for dinner. We found yourselves necking in front of the tv completely unable to focus on what was happening on the screen. Things were starting to heat up when Sam spoke up.
"I think I'm falling for you." Sam breathes into my mouth mid kiss.
Surprised I break the kiss to look at him. "Really?"
"You're gorgeous, funny, & oh god are you tempting." He kissed me breathless, his hands gently caressing my back. He slowly brings one hand down to cup over my ass giving me a small test of a squeeze.
"I think I feel the same way about you." I'm panting trying to catch my breath through my arousal as he kisses along my jaw & down my neck. His hands slide under my shirt & up my back, I had the feeling he was going for undoing my bra. "Sam. Mmm. Oh god, that feels good. Fuck. Sam, I-I'm not ready."
Before I could really process what I'd said he'd frozen his ministrations & moved to the other side of the couch away from me. "I'm sorry, I got caught up in the moment."
"You're not upset?"
"What? No, never. If you aren't ready than neither am I."
I'd never found him sexier than I did at that moment, I wanted to rip his clothes off but I'd made a decision so I tried to stick with it.
He brought flowers to the diner on my birthday, red tulips again. No idea where he found them out of season. He'd taken me to the theater on valentines to see Phantom of The Opera. He picked yet another of my favorites, I was starting to think he was psychic. When the anniversary of our first date rolled around we picked up a pizza & he drove us to the drive in just like the first time. We were just joking around while waiting for the movie to start.
"Holly, what is that on the screen? I can't read it, its to fuzzy."
"Are your eyes failing you old man?" I joked as I turned to look at the screen. Once I'd seen it my eyes went wide. "Holy shit." Surrounded in a border of hearts it says 'Holly, will you marry me? -Sam' I looked over at Sam with wide eyes to see he's holding out a black ring box. He opens it to show a beautiful golden band with a larger diamond surrounded by smaller stones.
"Will you marry me?" His eyes look nervous but his smile is bright.
"I-I..." Tears are beginning to sting behind my eyes, I shut them to try to hold them back.
"Holly? Baby, are you ok?" Concern wavering in his voice.
"Y-yes." My breathing quickens as I quickly begin to hyperventilate. "Ya-yya." Stammering through panicked rushed breathing.
"Yes you're ok?"
"Nn-no." Shaking my head emphatically. "I-I need s-some ah-air." I turn away & pull the handle, stepping out of the car as fast as my body will take me. I hunch down grabbing my shaking knees with my hands trying to steady myself.
Sam follows quickly, crouching down to rub my back with his large comforting hands & I slowly begin to calm. "Holly? Holly, what's wrong?"
"I-I'm s-sorry." As my breathing steadies I lift my head to meet his.
"Please tell me I didn't just send you into a full on panic attack."
"I'm so sorry." Take slow deliberate breaths, trying to calm myself.
"What did I do? Was it the proposal?"
"I love you, I do. I want to marry you, but there is just so much you don't know about me."
"Can't be any worse than what I've been needing to tell you."
"You go first." I'm eyeing him somewhat suspiciously. As I straighten & lean against the car.
"I want you to meet my brother first. He can help me explain it better."
"Alright, I guess I can go first. But... Please, not here."
We drive home in uncomfortable silence, I made him promise to keep the ring until I'd told him what I've been dreading all this time. I now sit in my living room starring at my hands as they fumble in my lap trying to find the right words.
"I tried to avoid you, but your just so damned charming." I giggle humorlessly trying to lighten the mood, but I really didn't know why. "The reason it took me so long to say yes when you asked me out is because you... Kind of scare me. I've never been attracted to someone like that before. I've been avoiding attachments."
"Is that what you were so afraid to tell me?" He let a hopeful chuckle slip.
"Uh, w-well, no. Not exactly."
"It's ok, you can tell me anything."
He placed a comforting hand on my knee & I took a deep breath, closed my eyes & exhaled shakily. I couldn't open my eyes as I spoke next, I didn't want to see how he'd look at me.
"When I was young I got lost walking home from a friends house. I asked the first person I saw how to get to the street I was looking for. He... He took me, he tied me up in a basement of an abandoned house for days &... & he, uh." My throat tightened, Sam took my hand in both of his comfortingly. "He'd taken my clothes & tied my arms behind my back, my hands were stretched over my elbows. He put another rope around my neck & tied it to a pipe, when I tried to escape or struggle I'd choke. I'd tried to fight him, he was so much bigger than me, I didn't stand a chance. It hurt so bad. It burned, there was blood... He left me alone for a while, but when he came back... He told me I was such a good girl he wanted to give me a treat. He started petting me, kissing me all over. I begged him Sam, I begged him to stop so many times... He kept telling me I was a good girl & he wanted to... He was licking me, trying to get me to enjoy his sick game. But then he put it In my, my a-ass." I paused for another shaking breath, trying to find the courage to keep going. "Fighting & screaming. That was what he wanted, what he got off on. When he started to move, it was to much, I passed out. W-when he was done with me..." I let out a shaking humorless laugh. "I thought he was going to kill me, or worse he'd keep me. Instead he washed me, scrubbed me all over & took me back to the spot where he found me, gave me directions like nothing ever happened." I opened my eyes for a second unsure if I'd see pity or disgust.
"Baby I'm so sorry." He looked like he wanted to cry, he also kinda looked like he needed to throw up.
"I was five years old."
"Oh god." The dam broke & he was crying openly.
"I'm not done..." I whispered, eyes red although I refused to cry just yet.
Sam squeezed my hand even harder. Like he was bracing himself for pain.
"I was playing over at our neighbors house when I was seven. It was nothing new, I'd go play there almost every day. He was my only friend. One day he told me he learned a new game & he wanted to play cowboys. So I thought we would both be running around & trying to shoot each other with water pistols, & that's how it'd gone. Then naturally he'd capture me because he was the sheriff & I was a bank robber. He put on a pair of plastic handcuffs & put me in the jail that was the fort under his moms kitchen table. Everything was normal, exactly the way it had always been, but then he tried to tie my feet so I couldn't escape jail. I told him I didn't want to be tied up anymore, I didn't like it. He didn't listen. I tried to undue the plastic handcuffs so he tied me up with dish towels. I couldn't get out, he tied them to tight & my hands & feet were going numb. He started pulling down my shorts, I told him no, I yelled for his mom, I screamed but she was barely ever nearby. He told me he just wanted to see what it looked like. I wouldn't stop crying so he tied another dish towel around my mouth to gag me with. He pushed my knees to my chest & spread my cheeks apart so he could get a look. He told me he'd never seen girl parts before & he started to touch them. I tried to kick him away & that's when he stuck a finger inside me. It burned, but not as bad as before. Next thing I remember is his mom caught him with his pants down, him laying on top of me, saw how he had me all tied up. They moved the next day."
"Shit." He tried to wipe away the tears I hadn't noticed were falling as I tried to describe it as detached & analytical as I could. "Nobody should have to endure that even just once, but twice."
I gave him a sad smile & shook my head. "There's more... I was twelve, I was in an abusive relationship. He'd drug me, beat me, rape me, tell me I deserved it. All the while telling me he loved me, couldn't live without me, he'd rather kill himself than loose me. He was very careful not to leave marks that you could see with my clothes on, but underneath I was covered in bruises, cuts, & his 'love bites'. I believed him for a very long time, I was worthless. I stayed with him for... God, I don't even remember how long, I didn't know anything else, I was stupid. So very stupid & starved for human contact. I got pregnant... He pushed me down the stairs, killed my baby. I couldn't take it anymore, I told him I was done. He killed himself three days later."
Sam looked at me as though he was in a state of mourning for my innocence. I'd never told another living soul all that'd happened to me. It hurt, but it felt right, like a weight lifting off my very soul. Wether he still wanted me or not I had to keep going.
"When I was nineteen I went on a date with a guy, I don't remember where he said we were going but instead he drove to a vacant lot. Wrestled me down & shoved me into the back seat. I could barely breathe. He pinned my arms down & forced my legs open. Once he'd started... He uh, had my body twisted in such a way... I begged, I cried, I grasped for air. He was choking me. I don't remember when he got a condom, but I remember him making me thank him for not knocking me up like a dirty slut. After all that he was harassing me with taunting phone calls until I could finally change my number. Once I'd done that he'd started stalking me. He would mockingly wine at me all that I'd said to try to get him to stop, saying I was a good fuck & he couldn't wait to take me again, I just needed to learn to shut the fuck up. Lasted for three years, I was finally able to move then."
"Why didn't you call the police?"
"I didn't think anyone would believe me. I knew I could get through, I'd done it before. Not that it didn't have its hardships. When I was little I'd mostly cried myself to sleep every night. Then I'd upgraded to guzzling cough syrup to fall asleep. I stopped doing that when I drank an entire bottle trying to kill myself. Not that it'd ever stopped the attempts. I'd wet myself at night due to the nightmares, I had a drinking problem, drank more cough syrup than anything. I pushed everyone away, I had nobody to talk to about it. My family ignores me, I never had any friends so I've always been alone. I still get nightmares sometimes but to this day I can't go into basements."
Sam pulled me into a warm hug. "I will always listen, always. If you ever tell me to stop. I don't care what we're doing, if you don't like it it stops."
"There's something else I need to tell you, something I'm really not proud of."
"Was there another attack?"
"I lied to you, when I moved I changed my name. My name isn't Holly, I just didn't want anyone to be able to find me. Well, that &... I've read that for some survivors it can be rather common, but I still don't see how it happens. I do know that I'm somewhat needy when it comes to relationships. There are times that I'm starved for contact & others when I don't want to be touched at all. I guess what I'm getting at is I'm an addict. I don't do drugs anymore, I don't drink anymore, but crave sex almost all the time."
"You're a nymphomaniac?"
"I know, how fucked up is that." I groan & tuck my head into my hands. Thankful he never asked my name.
"I don't understand, you barely came near me for the first few months. How can you be a sex addict?"
"I wanted to make sure I really liked you. Sometimes sex clouds over all of the problems in a relationship & it's all I end up wanting, I'll think the connection is deeper than it actually is."
"You were testing me?"
"No, I was testing me. I needed to be sure of how I feel. I'm sure now." I reached out for him, grasping the sleeves of his soft flannel. "I want you."
"I'll always want you too, I just..." He took a deep breath & looked me in the eye. "I'm not a salesman. I didn't want to lie to you either, I'm so sorry."
"Baby, nobody is a salesman anymore." I worked my way closer to him on the couch. "What is it? Wetworks?"
"You think I'm a hitman?"
I've scooted up next to him snaking an arm across his chest & hugged onto his waist, my lips brushing along his neck. "You always smell vaguely of gunpowder & smoke." I take a lick at his skin & feel him shudder beneath me. "Am I wrong?"
"Uh, yea. Not a hit man." His breathing starts to increase & I hear him swallow thickly.
"So, what is it then. Camping? Hunting?" My hand around his waist slides up into his shoulder length hair, stroking his scalp.
"H-hunting." His heartbeat quickens & breathing hitches.
"Bad boy, going out there to shoot bambi's mother."
Pulling gently on his brown locks while I kiss & nibble at his neck. He lets out a throaty moan.
"No, not dear. W-we hunt monsters... My brother & I."
I giggle in his ear as I swing one leg over his, straddling his lap. "Whatever you say baby." I push my hips back & fourth, grinding my self over his clothed, yet still growing erection. "Mmm." His hands grab & squeeze my ass changing the rhythm making my breathing shutter. "Oh god, Sam."
We begin to pull at each others clothing in a race to get undressed. I begin to unbutton his shirt, kissing at his jaw. Once he's finally free of the offending garment I stroke his chest & stomach with my hands, kissing his lips as he's trying to remove my shirt. I pull away lifting my arms & he swiftly pulls it over my head, hands flying to my bra clad breasts to squeeze & tease.
My eyes open to look upon his gently tanned skin. Upon seeing a familiar tattoo my jaw pops open & I begin to whimper. "Nnn... Nnn-no." I back away falling off his lap, he reaches out for me as I fall. Scooting back quickly as I try to escape. "Please no!"
"Oh my god. Holly what happened? What did I do?" He reaches out for me again & I flinch despite the distance.
With wide tear streaked eyes I point at his chest. "That tattoo... The man from the basement." I whisper.
He quickly pulls on his shirt as the implications dawn on him. "It's ok, he will never find you, he's not here it's just us." He looks down at me silently crying on the floor. "Do you need to go outside?"
I nod quickly as I struggle getting my breathing under control. He passes me my shirt & we leave the apartment slowly.
"I'm so sorry I freaked out."
"He had this same tattoo? You're sure?"
I card my hair in frustration. "I'm sorry, I feel so stupid. I just saw that fucking star & I was five years old again."
"He was a hunter." Sam sighs. He wraps me up into a tight hug, kisses my hair as he rubs soothing circles on my back. "It's alright, I'll keep you safe, I promise."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One month later:
"Why are we leaving the bunker just to meet some girl. Why can't she come here?"
Dean was being a dick today & Sam gave him a bitch face in response.
"She has an issue with basements, we basically live in a giant basement."
"Dean, I believe he desires you meeting her to solidify bonds & establish a safe comforting living environment." Cas explains on Sam's behalf.
"Oh, you're sweet on her! Huh Sammy?"
"I love her. I do want her to move in with us."
"Oh..." Dean looks surprised but not necessarily disappointed so Sam takes that as a plus. He'd brought up me moving in before, he hadn't however let the L word slip till now.
"Cas, I want you to come too. You're family, you belong there."
"I'd be happy to Sam, thank you."
I walked up to the diner alone. Although I'd worked there I seriously thought about the safety of the situation inside. I was meeting his family, this was a huge step. My nerves got the better of me & I ran into the alley beside the building to throw up.
"You can do this." I told myself out loud. "It's just his brother, it can't be that bad."
I took a deep breath & walked back up to the entrance.
I heard the bell jingle as I walked through the doors. I didn't see Sam's car so I knew he wasn't here yet. Sliding into a booth I ordered a drink while I waited, something fizzy to settle my stomach.
The bell jingled but I didn't lift my head, I was flipping through tumblr on my phone while I waited & found a fic by my favorite writer to keep me busy. I was reading a particularly steamy scene featuring my favorite character of my favorite show when a deep voice snapped me back to reality.
"Holly?"
My head snapped up as I took in the dark haired stranger. "Yes?"
"Oh good." He smiled at me as I sat there perplexed on who he was. "She's over here Sam." He called behind him.
"Oh! You must be Dean." I reached out to shake his hand but he just tilted his head at me.
"Sorry we're running behind. We ran into a small situation." Sam explained calmly as he slid into the booth next to me.
"Small situation my ass! Fucker almost hit my car!" A bow legged man walks up behind Cas as he's sliding into the opposite bench.
"Holly, the loud mouth over there is my brother Dean & this is Castiel."
"Castiel? Nice to meet you." I smiled at him & he gave me a toothy grin. "Are you a roommate or..."
"I am an angel of the lord." Cas replies bluntly.
"Ooook then." My eyebrows scrunch together looking at the 'angel' across from me. "He's not kidding is he?"
"Sorry, no. I didn't mean to spring that on you." Sam replies sheepishly as he shoots the angel a gently annoyed look.
"So, uh... Sam has told me very little about his family, or his work for that matter. I don't really have family so I hope we get along." I smiled nervously at the two men across from me & Sam squeezed my thigh under the table.
Dean seemed to be sizing me up before he spoke again, he didn't even look at the waitress as she took his drink order. "Why don't you like basements?" He blurts out.
"Dean!" Sam kicks him under the table.
"I was kidnapped & tortured in a basement."
"Huh, join the club. I'm not afraid of a basement." He huffed cockily.
"I was five you asshole." I gritted at his brother.
"Sorry." Dean mutters.
Castiel has been rather silent, seemingly just observing & taking in information both spoken & unspoken.
The waitress placed the drinks on the table & took our orders. I thanked her as she left.
"Do you both have the, uh." I begin to awkwardly gesture over my heart.
"Anti-possession, of course. You'll be getting one too if..."
"NO!" I yell a little to loudly & everyone seems to stare at me.
"The man that attacked her was a hunter, he had the tattoo." He informs them & Castiel looks at me with sad eyes.
"Who was he?" Dean demands with fury. "I'll track that bastard down."
"I don't know his name."
"We have contacts, we can find out. When & where was this?"
"Dean, I'm..." Sam starts before I interrupt.
"March of '95, Boston."
"I'll track the bastard down, how dare he tarnish what hunters have fought for years to accomplish." Dean seems passionate in finding your first attacker.
"Calm down Inigo Montoya, you don't need to go storm the castle over a girl you just met." Nobody other than Sam has ever been this nice to me, humor is my coping mechanism.
Dean looks proudly over at his brother. "I like her, you need to lock that shit down."
"Dean!" Sam gives him yet another bitch face.
"Lock down is under construction presently." I reply quietly, unsure if anyone really heard me. Cas looked interested but said nothing.
The rest of the evening consisted of stories of their childhood on the road, their father & his passing, a few hunting stories. I mostly sat back as they reminisced over the past few years, asking questions about things I didn't know or thought they exaggerated.
"Oh come on, it's totally not what you think, it's really quite fast."
"Dean, no." Sam chastised.
"You're telling me you've never wanted to fly? or teleport?!"
"I have, but I really would rather know where I'm going."
"Cas could just drop you into Sammy's room, wouldn't that be ok?"
"Dean! Seriously no!" Sam continues, he knows you're trying to exploit your fear of basements. He isn't sure what you'd think of the bunker.
"Alright fine, how bad could it be?" You're not sure why you gave in, you wanted him to like you & he was hot, you knew that much.
You all touched then the world practically shifted on its axis.
"Do you feel ok?" Sam looked you over to make sure you were fine.
"It's alright if you hurl on your first trip it happens." Dean adds.
"I feel fine, a bit dizzy. But good." I looked around at the modest bedroom we landed in. "This is your room Sam?"
"Uh, yea." He's looking at me as though I'm made of glass.
"Alrighty, give me the tour." I'd noticed what was missing & made a note to keep an eye out.
They showed me all around, somethings looked rather industrial, the rest looked like a lavish living area. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was built by some cult.
"Are we underground?" I commented suddenly & everyone but Dean seemed to tense.
"Yes, the entire structure is underground." Cas interrupts Dean's smirking.
"Can you please show me the exit Castiel?" I asked him.
"Of course it's this way." I followed him into the war room, sure that Dean was saving it for last. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine thanks."
He leads me up the metal staircase & opens the door for me. We walk out together & I turn to look upon the outer structure.
"Are you sure you're alright? You don't have to go back in if you don't want to." The concerned angel states calmly.
"It's like a hobbit hole." I mumble to myself.
"You don't think it's a basement?" He questions.
"If I let myself think that way I may never go inside."
I can hear the brothers argue as they make their way outside, heavy boots stomping up the metal staircase. They stop suddenly seeing me just starring back at them.
"Holly? Are you doing ok?" Sam inches towards me.
"I'm fine... So are you guys squatters or did you inherit it from batman?"
"Oh Sammy, if you don't marry her I'm gonna steal her out from under your nose."
"So romantic." I grimaced at Dean's comment. "I'm sorry Sam, I think I've been seduced."
Sam rolls his eyes at me & comes over to take my hand. "So what do you think? Do you think you could live here?"
"I don't know." I spared a look at each of the handsome men in front of me & pulled Sam in to whisper in his ear. "Do all of you live here?"
"Yea, why?" He whispers back. "Dean is just teasing, he doesn't mean anything by it."
"You really want to put an addict in with... All that?"
"What are you talking about?" He whispers back. "Are you attracted to my brother?"
"Do you want the short answer or the long answer?"
"Both." He demands, no longer whispering.
"Will you both excuse us, we have things to discuss."
"Trouble in paradise already." Dean snarks.
"Now." Sam sounds angry, I shrink back at the sound, dropping his hand & backing away. When they have gone back into the bunker closing the door behind them he turns back to me & I cringe expecting the worst. "I'm not mad, just talk to me."
"You're all so good looking. I'm nothing, I'm glad if any of you even look at me. I'm still amazed you did. But flirting can get out of hand when it comes to an addict. Even being completely devoted to you, things happen."
"So you don't think you'll be faithful to me?"
"I'll try, I swear. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want anyone else."