Chapter Text
Alex sits in the locker room as her teammates dance and get ready for their final game of the year. Tobin steps in front of her and kneels down, resting her arms on the forward’s legs. She takes her left hand and moves it from Alex’s eye line and brings it up to her lips. She smiles up at Alex, “Can I?”
Alex nods and Tobin slides the ring off of her finger. She holds it out and Alex takes it in her right hand. Tobin then pulls the roll of athletic tape out of her pocket and rips off a long thin strip.
“Miss Morgan?”
Alex grins. “Yes?”
“Will you be my wife?” Tobin asks sincerely, looking straight into Alex’s eye, oblivious to the chaos happening behind her.
“Of course you idiot,” Alex says with a huge smile.
Tobin wraps the tape around Alex’s left ring finger. After wrapping it around three times she rips the tape and uses the rest around her own finger. She kisses the tape and then looks to Alex. “You ready for this?”
Alex looks down at her hand then back to Tobin. “Do you think they’re going to notice?”
Tobin laughs. “News will start spreading before we’re even done with warm ups. That okay?”
Alex nods and leans down, pressing her lips against Tobin’s. “It’s perfect. I get to call you mine.”
“I’ve been yours for a long time,” Tobin replies as she stands up. “Longer than you can remember and long before that too.
Alex nods and starts getting ready. “And you will be for the rest of your life so hopefully you’re used to it.”
Tobin brings her hand up to her chin to think it over. “I think I can manage that.”
~~~
Alex groans as she climbs onto the bus behind Tobin, “Why do people care about our relationship?” she asks as they walk to their seats.
“Because you’re adorable and you kinda play it up Al,” Kelley comments from behind them.
“I do not,” she argues as she slides into her seat next to Tobin.
“You know I was next to you when you held up your hand to show the tape and said ‘sorry. I’m engaged’ to the fifteen year old asking if you're single,” Kelley says over the seat behind them.
“How is that playing it up? He asked and I was trying to let him down easy.”
“Yeah but then you turned and looked at Tobin with heart eyes,” Christen adds from next to Kelley.
Alex reaches her hand over and grabs Tobin’s hand, “Okay but that’s not my fault.” She brings Tobin’s hand up and kisses the inside of her left ring finger, over the silver band that wraps around it. “I mean have you seen her” She then leans closer to Tobin’s face which is smiling at her. “She’s hard not to look at.” She pushes her lips against Tobin’s and for a few short moments the soft feeling of their lips against each others is all she is focused on.
They break apart when Ashlyn gags from a few rows away. “Don’t forget I saw you signing ‘Talex’ posters.”
Alex rolls her eyes, “Like you haven’t signed Krashlyn posters before.”
Ashlyn shrugs and winks at Alex, “Just saying.”
~~~
Alex sits at the kitchen table in her parents home, computer open in front of her. She looks up from the screen as Tobin walks in, drying her hair with the towel around her shoulders. She leans down to give Alex a quick kiss before walking by her. “How was your phone call?” she asks as she moves to the fridge.
“It was good,” Alex says, turning to watch as her fiancé’s head disappears behind the silver door. “He uh- he brought up France again.” Alex can see Tobin freeze behind the door momentarily before slowly pulling back and looking at Alex.
“Oh-kay,” the midfielder slowly draws out. “What did he say?”
“The offers are serious and getting higher,” Alex responds. She can’t read Tobin’s blank expression. “They are talking to a few others about joining at the start of next year for the second half. They offered again for me to come over and visit.”
Tobin nods her head and turns back to the fridge, her face disappearing behind the door. “So when do you leave?”
“I figured we could take a trip after Thanksgiving and go check it out.” Leaning forward in her chair to try and see Tobin’s face. “Maybe explore France a bit too. It could be like a little vacation.”
“Kay,” Tobin replies, her voice breaking slightly. The fridge door closes and she turns away from Alex who is now on her feet. “I’m going to take Norbs for a walk.”
“Tobs,” Alex says softly to Tobin’s back. Whether Tobin doesn’t hear her or ignores her, Alex doesn’t know as Tobin calls for Norbert and continues walking out of the kitchen. Alex can only listen as Norbert jumps up and runs to Tobin. Soon after the front door opens and closes and Alex falls back into her seat.
She picks up her phone, pressing her finger against the screen a few times and then holding it to her ear, waiting.
“Hey, Al. What’s up?” Allie says, other voices in the background.
“Lyon contacted my agent again,” Alex starts. “They uped everything and reoffered a visit.”
“Okay. So you’re starting to consider this then. When is your visit? You could come visit me in Spain at some point. We can go to a game.”
“They said whenever so I was thinking head over after Thanksgiving.”
“That’s perfect. You could wander France for a bit then come see me.”
“Mmhm,” Alex hums, looking at the offer that sits open on her screen.
“So why did you call? I can’t tell you much about Lyon, but Paris was great.”
The line is silent on both ends for a few moments before Alex breaks it. “What about Tobin?”
“Well did you tell her?” Allie asks.
“Yeah but she just walked out. Took Norbert for a walk and I think she was crying.”
“Alex, you have to talk to her.”
“I know. I was trying to but then she left.”
An hour and a half later and three more phone calls, to Jill, Mark, and Megan, Tobin walks back in the door.
Alex stands from the couch and turns to see Tobin unclipping Norbert’s leash. “We need to talk Tobin,” Alex says as she moves around the couch.
Tobin looks up, her face hard. “Now you want to talk?” her voice harder.
“Yes,” Alex responds, shocked by Tobin’s anger. “That’s what I wanted to do two hours ago before you stomped off.”
“Sorry that I’m upset that you’re going to play on the other side of the world without talking to me about it once.”
“I haven’t signed anything or agreed to anything and we have talked about it.”
“It doesn’t count as talking if we are joking around about how your new boss thinks tweeting at you will work but oh wait...it did. I guess I was the only one laughing then.”
“Tobin,” Alex cries out. “It’s not a done deal.”
“It seems like it. You’re going on a visit which means you seem pretty serious in considering it.” Tobin’s voice rising.
“Why don’t you come too?” Alex tries to reason. “I can try to work something out with them for you too.”
“I’m not going to Lyon,” Tobin exclaims, her eyes glossing over. “I don’t need you to work out some deal so little ol’ me can follow you to France.”
“Okay not Lyon. What about PSG? You were going to go there once.”
“Yeah I was,” Tobin almost shouts, “but I stayed for you. I had to buy my way out of my contract because you said you needed me here. You said you needed me in Portland.” She runs her hand through her hair, gripping a handful at the top and pulling, trying to feel something less painful.
“Tobs, why can’t you talk to me about this.”
“Why? You do something and I follow along like a faithful puppy. That’s what you expected me to do now, isn’t it? Go to France, Alex.”
“I want you to come with me but I’m not making you,” Alex argues.
Tobin shakes her head, her lower lashes holding the tears back from leaking out of her eyes. “You already have your mind set on going. We’re not discussing this. It’s you telling me what you’re doing. Thanks for the update.” The tears start flowing down Tobin’s cheeks but as Alex steps closer Tobin’s hand shoots up and she takes a step back. “Don’t” Tobin turns and moves to the stairs, wiping her cheeks and she bounds up them.
Alex looks up the stairs long after Tobin disappears from sight. She takes a few deep breaths to calm herself down then moves to the couch figuring they both need some time to cool down.
Less than ten minutes later Alex hears footsteps on the stairs and she turns quickly, ready to talk. Her face falls when she sees Tobin lugging one of her suitcases down the stairs and her backpack hanging on one shoulder.
“Where are you going?” Alex asks as she moves to the stairs.
Tobin doesn’t even look at Alex as she places her suitcase down and pulls the handle up. “You’re already planning to leave me so why not just start now. I’ll make it easy on you and go first.”
Alex can hear the bite in Tobin’s voice as she wheels her USSoccer bag to the door. “Tobin, you can’t just leave,” she exclaims, holding her arm up.
Tobin looks up, staring right into Alex eyes. Her eyes red and Alex can feel the hole burning into her in the pit of her stomach. “Watch me.” Tobin pushes past Alex and moves to the door, yanking it open. “I’ll get the rest of my stuff later.” The door slams closed behind her and Alex moves quickly to get it open again and follow after.
Alex sees Tobin opening the trunk of a car idling in the driveway. She jogs over as Tobin loads her bags in. “Where are you going?” Alex asks again as she glances towards the driver’s seat, “Who is that?”
“It’s my uber driver.” Tobin shuts the trunk and looks past Alex to the open front door where Norbert is standing. “Let me know when you’re leaving and I’ll come get him or you could just take him too.”
“Where are you going? Just stay. Talk with me.” Alex pleads, putting her hands on her hips as Tobin tries to move around the car. “Please. Don’t leave.”
“You only get to say that to me once and you used it up a long time ago,” Tobin argues, pushing past Alex again. She opens the car door.
“I love you,” Alex says to her back causing Tobin to freeze. Alex waits for Tobin to turn, to say it back, to do anything besides get in the car but after a few painfully long seconds Tobin climbs into the car and shuts the door.
Alex stares in disbelief as the car drives away. Alex glances down at her hand, the sparkle of the diamond resting on her finger a little dimmer than she remembers it.
She’s not sure how long she stays in the driveway but Norbert eventually walks over and rubs his head against her leg, trying to get some attention. Alex pats his head once and drags her feet inside.
Norbert curls up next to her once she’s seated on the couch and that’s when the tears start to freely flow down Alex’s cheeks. She hugs his large head and cries into his neck.
Alex hears her phone ringing and quickly leans over to the table where it’s sitting, answering it while glancing at the screen. Allie Long
Alex sighs and moves the phone to her ear, “Hey, Al.”
Allie doesn’t notice the roughness or sadness in Alex’s voice as she talks quickly about seeing the El Classico game when they come to visit.
“She left,” Alex says softly while Allie takes a breath.
“What?”
“She left,” Alex repeats.
“What do you mean she left?” Allie questions, her voice losing it’s happy tone. “Where did she go?”
The tears start to blur Alex’s vision again. “I don’t know. She went upstairs and I thought she was just cooling off but she packed a bag and got an Uber. I don’t know where she went. A hotel maybe.”
“Did you guys at least try to talk it out?” Allie asks worried.
“Yes, but she just kept getting angrier. She yelled at me,” Alex’s voice cracks. “I don’t know if she’s ever yelled at me before.”
“You have no idea where she is. She didn’t say anything,” Allie confirms.
“I asked her but she never responded. I told her I loved her and she ignored me.” Alex starts crying again.
“Alex,” Allie tries to comfort through the phone. “It’s going to be okay. She’s upset but she still loves you.”
Alex takes a few slow breaths. “Then why won’t she talk to me about this? I told her she could come to France too so we wouldn’t have to be apart.”
“Was part of your contract with Lyon that Tobin could sign too?”
“No, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be a hard sell. It’s not like she’d be dead weight. And there are a ton of other teams over there too.”
“Al, I don’t mean this in a bad way but you kinda suck. The way you’re talking about this, your mind is already made up and you just expect Tobin to be okay with that right away.”
“It’s not made up yet. I want to talk to her about it. I want to spend my life with her an-”
“And she planned on at least the next few months doing that in Portland.”
“Which she can do. She doesn’t have to come to France. I might not go to France. I just want to check it out. I could go visit and hate the team.”
“Yes, but you could also go visit and love the team which I think is the more likely scenario.”
“Okay but that still doesn’t mean it’s what I’ll do.”
Allie slowly breathes out. “Forget about Tobin for a second. Why do you want to go?”
“Because it can help me improve. They’re stacked. I’ll need to fight for a spot. It’s a good kick. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this again.”
“Okay. Why would you stay?”
Immediately Alex responds, “Tobin.”
“I said forget about her,” Allie reminds.
“How can I forget about her.”
“Because she’s clouding your judgement. What are some other reasons you want to stay?”
“I’ll miss preseason and the first month and half of the season.”
“Mark will understand,” Allie says.
“I talked to him, he does.”
“You talked to him?” Allie questions. “When?”
“While I was waiting for Tobin to come back. I talked to Jill and Megan too.”
“Shit, Al. You’ve talked to so many people about this but not the one person you say is holding you back.”
“I tried.”
“It sounds like kind of the opposite. Like you don’t want to talk to her about it so that she can’t hold you back.”
“That makes no sense, Allie,” Alex argues.
“It does. You need to find Tobin and talk to her. Call me later.”
Before Alex can respond the line goes dead. She pulls up Tobin’s contact and presses it. After a few rings it goes to voicemail. She tries again but nothing changes. Alex quickly moves to her texts.
Lex: Tobin we need to talk about this. Where are you?
A few minutes go by with no answer.
Lex: Please. Tobin. I want you to come back home.
Alex pushes herself up and walks to the kitchen where her laptop has shut off. She sets her phone down and waits for her computer to come back to life. She quickly moves to twitter, hoping for the first time ever that the fans ability to search them out will help her locate Tobin.
The most recent mentions all involve their new engagement, which is barely a week old. Alex shuts the computer and picks up her phone again.
Lex: I love you
Lex: Please baby
Alex looks at the clock on her phone, thinking it’s broken with how long it takes for two minutes to pass. With no response she tries calling Tobin again. A few rings before she gets her voicemail. She lets it play and when she hears the beep, starts talking.
“I’m sorry, Tobin. I know I didn’t handle this right. I want to talk about this with you. Please come back so we can talk about this. I need you.” Tears start to build up in her eyes and her voice breaks. “I love you.”
She hangs up the phone and types one final text before trudging to the couch and curling up.
Lex: Can you just answer me so I know you’re okay
~~~
The hours roll by and soon her parents are home, both inquiring about Tobin’s whereabouts. Alex shakes her head, biting her lip for a moment before softly uttering, “I don’t know.”
She escapes up to her room after a few minutes and looks around the space they had been sharing. Tobin’s other suitcase lays open on the floor near the closet with clothes thrown in haphazardly. Alex walks over and sinks to her knees, in front of the pile of clothes. She picks up the plain black t-shirt Tobin had worn the previous day. She brings it to her face and takes in a deep breath, smiling at the strong scent of Tobin filling her nostrils.
She gingerly folds the shirt and places it next to her. She then pulls out the rest of Tobin’s clothes and slowly folds each item before placing it back in the bag. Alex looks at the bag and picks up the black shirt still on the floor next to her. She stands up and quickly changes into sweatpants and Tobin’s shirt. She crawls into bed and pulls out her phone, trying Tobin again but getting her voicemail.
Alex begrudgingly waits for the beep, tapping impatiently on her leg.
“Hi, Tobs,” Alex near whispers. “I haven’t signed anything yet. I swear. I won’t accept it if that’s what you want. I will call them right now and tell them that I’m staying in Portland with you. Please tell me where you are. I don’t even know if you’re still in California. Please…. I just… I miss you. I’m sorry for everything. Please tell me where you are and I will be right there. I’m worried.” Alex gathers herself. “I love you… so much. Tobin, please. Just let me know you’re okay.”
She hangs up and opens her group text with Kelley, Christen, and Allie.
Alex: Have you guys heard from Tobin today?
It only takes a couple of seconds before she sees Kelley responding.
Kelley: No...why?
Alex: We got in a fight today and she took off. I haven’t heard from her since this morning
Kelley: What happened?
Alex: I’m thinking about playing with Lyon and I wanted to talk about with her. She got super upset and took off
Allie: You still haven’t heard from her?
Alex: No and I’m getting worried. I just want her to respond so I know she’s okay
Alex: If I don’t hear from her by tomorrow I think I’m going to fly up to Portland and see if she’s there
Allie: If I was still there I’d go check for you. Can you have someone else check?
Kelley: Would she really get on a plane without telling you?
Alex: She was really mad Kel. I’ve never seen her like that
Kelley: All just because you want to play in France? This seems extreme
Alex: I don’t know what else it could be. I think it was more a communication thing but yeah because of France
Christen: She’s not in Portland
Alex almost drops her phone as she rushes to respond.
Alex: How do you know?
Alex: Where is she?
It takes an agonizingly long time for Christen to respond.
Christen: She talked to me early. She’s still in Cali
Alex: Are you still talking to her? Can you tell her to call me or at least text me? I’ll go to her so we can talk if she’s not ready to come back yet
Christen: She’s pretty upset and just wants to be alone
Alex: What about tomorrow? Do you think she’ll be ready to talk then?
Christen: She’s really upset. She thinks she’s losing you again
Alex: What? How is she losing me?
Kelley: Yeah, you just proposed
Christen: Think about it. She proposed to you last year and then like two weeks later you were in a coma
Christen: Like you two being engaged is cursed
“Fuck,” Alex mutters as she switches over to Tobin’s contact right below. She presses the phone button and brings it to her ear.
She hears it ring a few times before it goes to voicemail.
“Tobin please. I love you. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m going to call my agent in the morning and tell him to turn down the offer and visit. I’ll stay for you. It was just an idea. A very stupid one. Baby come back to me. Just give me an address and I’ll come pick you up or we can just talk. I can bring you your other bag if you’re not ready to come back. Please, Tobs, just give me something. Let me know you’re okay. I love you.”
Alex pulls the phone away and disconnects the call. She turns the volume up and sets her phone down on the nightstand. She curls up into Tobin’s pillow and let’s her silent tears put her to sleep.