Chapter Text
Dr. Jensen Ackles carefully reviews his patient files in between bites of his turkey sub. As he flips through the charts, he pauses on a patient whom he had successfully operated on just this morning. While Jensen is normally a humble, reserved professional, he can’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. He had saved a life. Being a doctor was something he dreamed of since he was an eight year old and his father had been rushed to the emergency room after a terrifying car accident. Jensen closed his eyes. He could see his father clearly in his memory: smiling as Jensen burst into his hospital room, his young eyes wide with joy and relief.
He had decided then and there, all those years ago, that he would do whatever it took to become like the doctors who had saved his father’s life. Jensen transformed himself into the hyper-vigilant, disciplined, and highly respected surgeon he was today. He settled at a teaching hospital in Maine (mainly because it wasn’t Texas), and decided that he wanted to be a cardiac surgeon. Living in another state had been refreshing at first, but as the weeks passed, it became more difficult. The work was gruelling, no matter how rewarding it could be. At times, Jensen felt lonely. He had no one to call after he saved a patient; no one to kick back and have a quiet beer with when he lost a patient. Luckily for Jensen, he eventually struck up a friendship with a trainee nurse, Chris, who was loud, rash and everything that Jensen was not. Naturally, they got on like a house on fire and became close – if not best – friends.
He’s about halfway through his turkey sub when Jeff Morgan pops his head into his office, jolting Jensen out of memory lane. Jeff has got a small duffel bag slung over his shoulder, and aviator sunglasses perched upon his head. It’s not unusual for Jeff to visit his office at lunchtime, yet something feels off. Given that they are exes, and that he knows Jeff far too well, Jensen doesn’t question his gut. Jensen and Jeff were together for a couple of years until things fell apart. Jensen liked to pretend that he couldn’t really pinpoint why, which was probably they hadn’t worked.
For a second, Jensen feels a little stab of jealousy in his chest because Jeff always looks so happy without him. It shouldn’t bother him, but it does and Jensen hates that. While he’d kind of regressed relationship-wise after their break-up, Jeff flourished and did not seem fazed or bereft by it at all. For the longest time, Jensen’s nights, post-Jeff, revolved around tubs of ice cream and trashy television, whereas Jeff seemed to be partying all time (if the gossip that Chris shared with him was to be believed).
"Take a good look at this face,” Jeff says with a smile. "Cause I've hit the big time, baby. I'm going to Vegas!" Jensen frowns at him, and takes a swig of his orange juice. He has no idea what Jeff is talking about so he doesn't respond. Jeff knows Jensen well enough to know that he won't comment without a full explanation.
"I'm leaving," Jeff admits. "Got offered a job at a research institute in Nevada."
Jensen can’t help snorting loudly. The only reason why Jeff would accept a research job was if he was fired from his job at the hospital. The realisation dawns on him quickly and Jensen looks up to see Jeff giving him a guarded look. Jensen sighs, places his sandwich down, and clears his throat.
"What did you do?" He asks. An annoyed looks flits across Jeff's face but Jensen knows that he's well within his rights to ask. Lord knows that Jeff pulled all kinds of crap when they'd been dating, the excessive drinking and sleeping around. Jeff doesn't answer him; he just shrugs and, within a few seconds, he's gone. Of course, Jeff had never answered for his transgressions before, so Jensen doesn’t expect him to start now, and he can’t find it in himself to be bothered. Moments later, his door opens again and Danneel Harris - one of the orthopedic surgeons at the hospital - walks in. The twinkle in her eye tells Jensen that she's here to gossip, and a rueful smile forms on his lips.
It’s funny because, he’s used to being the last one to know things.
"We've set up a betting pool," she says, presenting him with a crumpled piece of paper. "We’re picking reasons why Jeff’s position at the hospital became untenable."
Jensen's pretty sure that his pager going off at the exact moment is a sign that divine intervention exists.
Jensen doesn’t realise that everything’s gone to shit until three hours later when he checks his email. His inbox is full of the usual innocuous official emails, shift-swap requests and bulletins. His inbox is full of the usual innocuous official e-mails, shift-swap requests and bulletins. The one that catches his eye is titled: Ever wonder what happened to Jared Padalecki? Jensen is mildly curious to see the contents because he had been discussing Jared just yesterday. Plus, he actually has wondered what happened to Jared. Jared was a year away from completing his residency when he just up and left without a word.
No one had known why.
However, Jared’s father, Dr. George Padalecki, a member of the hospital board, had announced last week that Jared would be returning to complete his last year. It struck Jensen as odd because he'd always figured that Jared had been pushed into medicine, and, like many others before him, had simply lost either the interest or the will to continue.
Jensen begins to read the email, and soon feels blood draining from his face.
The worst part is that Jensen can see it. He can see Jeff coming onto Jared, being rebuffed and trying again anyway. With a heavy sigh, Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose as the text messages from his colleagues begin to pop up on his phone.
> Please, I bet the kid made this shit up
> Omg! Jeff is terrible.
> Who the fuck is medical meddler? Someone bn watching 2 much Gossip Girl.
> Jensen, you okay?
The last one is from Chris. Talking to him will help, Jensen thinks. He grabs his keys and his pager and begins to head down to the ward. He steps out into the hallway, the sound of his sneakers squeaking against the linoleum makes him grimace, and his irritation builds. After locking his office door, he makes his way to the elevator, eyes downwards, while he texts Chris back. He hears the elevator doors ping and slide open just as he gets there. He steps forward only to crash into what feels like a brick wall. Pain reverberates around his chest, and he feels a pair of hands on his shoulders.
"I'm so sorry, Dr. Ackles," a voice is saying. "Are you hurt?" It takes a few seconds for the voice to register, but when it does, Jensen shrugs the hands off, and takes a few steps back; he sees that the voice belongs to Jared Padalecki. It’s a little too much for him to process so Jensen stands there silently, watching Jared regard him curiously with his brow furrowed.
"I-I'm fine," Jensen stammers eventually. "It was my fault." Padalecki smiles at him sheepishly and Jensen wonders if any amount of awkwardness can top what he feels now.
"Actually, I'm up here to talk to you about what I'll be doing tomorrow." Jensen freezes. Shit.
"I can come back another time if you're busy?" Jared says and Jensen nods. If Jared stays in the hospital any longer, someone will end up confronting him about the email. Jensen really doesn’t want to be around when that happens.
"Thanks Jared. Tomorrow will be fine. That way you can observe my rounds to get a feel for it again." Jared nods eagerly, and Jensen can’t help thinking that he has a really nice smile. He promptly tries to erase the thought from his head, because it is all sorts of inappropriate right now. They make it down to the first floor exit just before Doctors Tom and Chad catch up with them. Jensen can see the anger on Tom's face and he sighs.
Great.
Chad’s only been working here for about a year or so, but Tom’s been a surgeon here longer than Jensen has. They’re not exactly friends. Chad’s more of an acquaintance and Tom’s a Grade A asshole (not that Jensen would ever divulge his opinion in public).
"What the hell, Jared?!" Tom spits out, and Jared turns, with a confused look on his face. It morphs into a pleased smile when he sees Tom and Chad. Jensen ignores the warm feeling that stirs inside his stomach. He reminds himself that he got over his stupid crush (if you can even call it that) on Jared even before he vanished. Jensen watches as Jared steps forward.
"Tom! Chad! It's good to see you guys again," Jared says. "How've you been?" Tom shoves Jared backwards, and he jabs a finger in front of Jared's face.
"Why would you tell those lies about Jeff?" he snarls. "Was it revenge for him giving you the bad report? He was doing his job!" Jared looks crestfallen as Tom glares at him. Jensen steps forward as well, deciding to exercise his seniority. "Welling, that's enough. I suggest you get back to your patients." With one last glare, Tom stalks away, leaving an upset-looking Chad behind.
"I've got your back, man," Chad says and Jared frowns.
"Thanks but...how did he find out? My dad said that no one would know." Jared sounds so lost that Jensen pulls up the email on his phone and shows it to him. Chad shoots Jensen an icy look, and Jensen is surprised. He’s not aware of any tension between him and Chad. Jensen knows that Jared and Chad had been close when they first started their rotations here, and it seems they had remained friends throughout Jared's disappearance. Before he can think about it further, Jared shoves the phone back in Jensen’s hand and quickly walks out of the hospital.
“You better go after him,” Chad says as he stands beside Jensen and watches Jared get further and further away, “because if anything happens to him, his Dad will be out for blood.” Chad’s gone before Jensen can ask him what that means, and, with another grimace, Jensen pockets his phone and jogs out of the building.
He finds Jared after a half hour in the small park a few streets away, perched on a swing that’s moving precariously under his massive frame. He’s holding a brown paper bag and Jensen can see him swigging from a bottle hidden inside. Jared practically falls over as Jensen approaches him, and Jensen wonders what he did to deserve this.
“How much of this have you had?” he asks once he catches a whiff of the vodka. He’s holding Jared up, and he is practically melded to Jensen’s side. Jared tries to shrug, but he apparently mistakes his shoulders for his elbows, and Jensen’s stomach bears the brunt. Jensen grits his teeth, drags Jared over to a nearby bench, and settles him down.
“Look, give me a couple of minutes to call your Dad and he’ll get you out of here,” he says, because Chad has still got a few hours left on his shift. Jensen doesn’t think it is a good idea for him to be caught being anything less than professional with Jared. Not until he’s had a chance to speak to Jeff anyway.
“N-no,” Jared says as he snaps to back to reality. “I-I…my Dad can’t see me like this, okay? Just, I don’t know, I’ll sleep it off in the on call room or something. You won’t tell will you?” Jensen frowns; he can sense a story there, but he knows that it’s none of his business. Of course that doesn’t explain the next words out of his mouth.
“I’m off right now and I don’t need to be in until tomorrow morning. You can crash at my place.”
Jared gives him a wondrous, yet drunken smile, and Jensen knows that he’s in trouble.
By the time Jensen gets home (with a drunken Jared in tow), Jeff still hasn’t responded to the three messages that he left on his voicemail. He wonders if Jeff even took his phone with him on his trip, but he doubts that Jeff has even left; not even Jeff could disappear that quickly. After checking his emails, Jensen shuts down his laptop and turns to see that Jared’s still sitting silently on his couch. Jensen’s not really sure what he’s supposed to say.
‘So, my ex-boyfriend tried hooked up with you, huh?’ isn’t really the best conversation starter.
“How are you feeling?” is what Jensen settles on. Jared is still clutching the brown paper bag that contains the vodka. Jensen hopes that Jared stops drinking because he really doesn’t want to spend his night cleaning up puke.
“Fine,” Jared says distantly, and then he snorts. “If only my Dad could see me now. He’s spent a year cleaning up my mess and here I am again, fucking it all up.” Jensen has heard the rumors about Jared’s father: that he’s a control freak, that he pushed Jared into medicine, and that his wife left him because of how controlling he was. Of course, “rumor” is the key word here, and Jensen knows better than to listen to idle gossip.
“You haven’t fucked anything up,” Jensen says soothingly. “You were upset, and you decided to have a drink. It wasn’t the best reaction, but you’re only human.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Try me,” Jensen says, because he can’t stand the utter loneliness that he hears in Jared’s voice. Jared turns to him and gives him an unreadable look. It is almost as though he’s sizing him up.
“So what exactly happened with you and Jeff?” Jensen asks, and he can hear the edge to his own voice, but he tries to keep his facial expression neutral. Jared’s face instantly takes on a guilty look and Jensen tries hard not to get angry.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jared says, he looks away. “But…I will. You of all people deserve that much. I need you to do something for me first.”
Minutes later, as Jensen returns from pouring the remnants of the vodka down his sink, he wonders if Jared had been in rehab for the past year. It would make sense. He shakes his head as he sits down; Jared is just making sure that he didn’t drink the entire bottle. That’s all it is. Or at least, that’s all Jensen hopes it is.
“I slept with Jeff,” Jared blurts it out like he’s ripping off a fucking Band-Aid and it hits Jensen like a fist to gut.
“That bastard,” he mutters, even though he’s not surprised. Jeff never did have a good track record when it came to being faithful, but sleeping with a resident who was under his supervision was a whole new ball game
“I know it was wrong and I wasn’t even all that attracted to him. He was just there and it happened,” Jared explains. “I didn’t know that you were dating him at the time. And he never said.”
Figures, Jensen thinks.
“So, it was consensual,” Jensen says. “How did that lead to you filing a formal complaint?”
“You read it,” Jared says snootily. “I didn’t accuse him of molesting me, did I?” At first Jensen’s taken aback at Jared’s change in mood, but once he factors in the alcohol and the fact that they’re not exactly discussing something trivial, he shrugs.
“You said that he was harassing you.”
“Because he was,” Jared insists. “I guess it was my fault. See, you and him threw that party a week after it happened. It was your anniversary or something. I felt so bad. I mean, a lot of the nurses and docs gave me shit because of my dad but you’d always been nice.” Jensen doesn’t say a word in response, and for about a minute or so it’s so quiet that he can hear the traffic passing by his apartment. Jeff had promised that it’d be him and him only.
Jeff made it a week before their third anniversary.
Suddenly, Jensen wants Jared to get the fuck out of his face. He wants to be alone. He looks up to say something and then he catches sight of Jared’s face. He looks torn up, like he’s been holding this in for a long time. Hell, he most likely has been. The anger bleeds out of him once again.
“I said I was going to tell you,” Jared continued, slowly,” and then he got really nasty about it. I guess it was my fault for opening my stupid mouth. He said that he’d fail me if I said a word, and I couldn’t let that happen. After a couple of months, he came on to me again but I said no. He wouldn’t stop but he wasn’t violent about it or anything, so I let it slide. Until one day, he called me into his office, said that he would write a really, really bad report for that year unless I agreed to…hook up with him--”
“You said ‘no,’ he wrote it anyway, and then you left?” Jensen finishes, and Jared nods. “I see. Thanks for telling me. I promise that it won’t leave this room.” Jared looks momentarily taken aback by Jensen’s sudden and abrupt tone. It is soon replaced by a maudlin expression.
“I’m sorry,” Jared says meekly. “I know that it must be hard to hear, even though you’re not dating him anymore. I wish I could have said something before I left, but I wasn’t in the right headspace.”
“It’s okay,” Jensen replies with a weak smile. “Hey, I’m gonna grab dinner. Will you be okay here?”
Despite the fact that Jared gives him a long, hard look, his response is a simple nod.
Jeff’s car is outside the apartment when Jensen pulls up. Jensen uses the key that Jeff gave him to get in. Truthfully, he’s not sure why he still has the key; the sight of it makes him feel uneasy. When Jensen enters, Jeff emerges from the kitchen, with a box in his hands. He stops, and there’s guilt written all over his face when he catches sight of Jensen. Numbness spreads within Jensen as he looks back at Jeff.
Before Jensen even realises what’s happened, the contents of the box are scattered across the ground, Jeff’s holding the side of his face, and he looks a little wild and shocked. Pain blooms across Jensen’s fist; the sudden numbness leaves him as quickly as it had arrived.
“Ow,” he hisses, cradles his hand as the painfully hits him. “You stupid fucker.”
“Hey, you’re the one who punched me!” Jeff says.
“You deserved it, Jeff,” Jensen replies. “He’s just a kid!”
“So Jared told you. That didn’t take long.”
“Oh, don’t act as though you’re not to blame here, Jeff. What you did was reckless and cruel. God, I don’t even want to look at you right now. When you leave town, don’t bother coming back.” Jensen storms out, and ignores Jeff calling out after him.
When Jensen gets back to his apartment, there’s no sign of Jared.
He feels bad for feeling relieved.
Jensen’s a cardiac surgeon, so he mostly spends his days doing rounds and dragging patients into operating rooms for valve replacements and pacemaker fittings. It’s maybe not the most interesting or the nicest job, but he loves it regardless. Sometimes he wishes that he didn’t work at a teaching hospital, because the surgical residents can be drag sometimes. Generally though, he always has fun looking out for them. Jensen’s got two under his wing at the moment, a nice young woman by the name of Sandy McCoy and Jared. Both are supposed to report to the ward promptly at nine in the morning.
Jensen’s not sure what to do when it’s hits half past nine and Jared hasn’t shown up yet. It should go in his log, but he decides to give Jared a break. It’s nine thirty-seven when Jared rushes into his office with an apologetic look on his face. He looks like shit, is the first thought that enters Jensen’s mind. Jared’s face is pale and there are dark rings under his eyes. Jensen debates whether or not he ought to send him home.
“Do you have any face wipes or something? I’m sure I must look like crap,” Jared says in a hoarse voice.
“Maybe you should go home.”
“No!” Jared practically shouts at him, and Jensen waits patiently for him to regain his control. “Look,” Jared continues after a moment, “I get that things are awkward and that everyone hates me. But I cannot let my Dad down.”
“Fine,” Jensen relents as he reaches into one of his drawers and takes out a pack of wipes. “I’d rather you took a shower, but you’re late enough as it is. Get changed and meet me down on the ward.”
A few hours after Jared’s arrival, Michael Rosenbaum, the hospital’s medical director, shows up. Jensen doesn’t have any problems with Rosenbaum, apart from the way he’s blatantly checking up on him. Jensen hates the fact that Jared being the son of one of the hospital board members is such a huge issue. They’re midway through talking to one of the patients when Rosenbaum shows up. Jared makes a young woman laugh with his stupid jokes as Jensen and her parents look on. It’s good to see Jared looking stress free for a few minutes and Jensen gets so lost in the sight that he doesn’t notice Rosenbaum’s presence immediately.
“How’s he settling in?” Rosenbaum asks once he’s pulled Jensen aside. “I’ve gotten three calls from his father already.” Rosenbaum’s tone is level and he looks unfazed, as if he’s not bothered by the situation at all. Jensen wonders why he’s even here.
“He’s getting on okay. He’s coming into the operating room with me later to observe,” Jensen answers. “And so far the nurses have been giving him a wide berth, unless there are medical related issues.” By ‘wide berth’ Jensen means a fair amount of snide looks and hushed whispers. Jared hasn’t seemed upset by it all, so he reckons that it’s just par for the course. It’ll die down in a couple of days.
“Good,” Rosenbaum says quietly, after a lengthy silence. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”
Jensen doesn’t get the second email until the end of his shift. He’s just finished asking Sandy and Jared questions and giving them the opportunity to ask him some in return when he finally gets a chance to boot up his computer. He learned the hard way that having his email alerts set up on his phone at work was a disaster. Jensen briefly considers turning them back on, if only so that he doesn’t look like a fool in front of the rest of his colleagues.
The email is buried in the middle of his inbox, and he swallows as he opens it. His mouth turns dry as he clicks on the file and looks. It’s nothing too raunchy, just Jared and Jeff kissing each other in what appears to be Jeff’s old office. But he ends up feeling like he did the previous night, like someone has sucker punched him in the guts. Even though he already knows about this, reading about it still stings.
“Are you okay, Dr. Ackles?” Sandy asks and Jensen blinks, as he realises that she and Jared are still sitting across from him. Sandy looks concerned but Jared has this weird blank expression on his face that Jensen’s surprised he didn’t notice before.
“I’m fine,” Jensen reassures her. “You’re free to go. But, uh, Jared would you mind staying for a moment?” There’s silence as Sandy grabs her stuff and leaves. She takes what appears to be a ball of tension with her, because Jensen lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding as the door slams shut. He should be mad at Jared, but he’s not. If anything, Jensen just feels sorry for him.
“You’ve seen the email then,” Jared says shortly, snapping Jensen back to reality. “Is this Jeff? Is he the one doing this?”
That stops Jensen short. Not the accusation but the fact that Jared thinks that Jensen still knows what the hell Jeff is capable of after the initial revelation. Despite spending three years with him, he doesn’t really know who Jeff is anymore. Medical Meddler’s “Commiserations, Jensen” is about right.
“I don’t know,” he says eventually with a harsh, derisive snort. “I know nothing.” He pretends not to notice the worried look that Jared sends his way. He doesn’t need sympathy from one of Jeff’s former conquests.
Chris is working a night shift so Jensen decides to go home and drink beer until he falls asleep. It’s a sound plan that seems promising until he comes across a giant, shadowy figure waiting by his car.
“Jared, what are you doing here?” Jensen just about manages to keep the annoyance out of his voice. Sure, he’s not mad at Jared. Yet. Right now most of his anger is reserved for Jeff. The rest is aimed at himself for being stupid for so long, and for being embarrassed by all of this, even though he hasn’t done anything wrong.
“I just wanted to make sure that you were okay,” Jared says as he fiddles with his hair nervously. “You seemed a bit off in your office earlier.”
Jensen shrugs. “I’m not the one in the pictures. I’m fine.” Jared looks at him for a long time before he just shrugs and nods as if to say, whatever you say.
He’s still standing there when Jensen pulls out of the parking lot.
Two weeks later, Jensen finds himself outside of the bar near the hospital with a group of his co-workers because Chris has taken it upon himself to cheer Jensen up. Jensen’s tried telling his best friend that he’s okay, but Chris keeps on giving him this weird look that he can’t quite read. So, when Katie, one of the nurses says, “I heard that Jeff might be on his way back here,” Jensen freezes.
There haven’t been any emails from the mysterious meddler since the pictures of Jeff and Jared. Not that Jensen can forget about it when Jared is unable to even walk through the ward without a sly comment from somebody. Short of reporting his co-workers, Jensen’s at loss of what he can do. He makes sure that he’s present with Jared when he can be, and reinforces the fact that Jared and Sandy are a team. Usually, he’d see about getting Jared reassigned to another doctor and another ward, but he doesn’t want anyone to think that he can’t handle the situation.
“Yeah,” the nurse is saying. “Apparently one of Jeff’s references wasn’t so great and the company in Vegas rescinded his offer. Technically he walked, and they haven’t exactly found a replacement for him yet.” Jensen knows that it’s just idle gossip but, it’s still hard to hear. He doesn’t know if he’s up to working anywhere near Jeff. When they move onto another topic, Jensen takes the opportunity to slip out of the bar. He whips out his cell phone and dials the number quickly as heads over to the spot where he’d parked.
“What?” Jeff answers. Jensen’s eyes widen in disbelief; appalled that Jeff has the nerve to be mad at him.
“Hello to you too, jackass,” he says, as he unlocks his car and slides in. “I don’t want you coming back here.”
“Yeah well, maybe you shouldn’t have screwed around with my references,” Jeff says and Jensen bristles at the snide tone. “All I have to do is issue a formal apology and I’m golden.” Jensen hadn’t exactly given him a bad reference; he’d just refrained from providing one at all. He didn’t even know why Jeff had given his name anyway.
Jensen rolls his eyes to himself, “You think they’ll let you come back after the pictures that have been sent around the hospital? You’re insane.”
“We’ll see about that,” Jeff says, and before Jensen can reply, he’s met with the humming sound of the dial tone and he throws his phone down on the passenger seat in frustration.
Fuck Jeff.
It is Jensen’s day off, but he finds himself at the hospital anyway. Jared’s father asked if Jensen could give Jared a few catch up sessions, to ease him back into his residency, and Jensen had no choice but to agree. While Mr. Padalecki hadn’t mentioned the emails, there’d been a sharp look in his eyes.
In the end, Jensen decides to invite Sandy along too because he is wary of being left alone with Jared. Jared seems to be innocent in all of this, but Jensen doesn’t know the guy all that well yet, and maybe this mess was as much Jared’s fault as Jeff’s. It also doesn’t take a genius to deduce that anonymous emails aren’t the most trustworthy of sources.
By the time Jensen reaches his office, Jared is already waiting outside, alone, and Jensen tries not to let his apprehension show on his face. Perhaps Sandy’s late. He nods at Jared as he unlocks his door and steps inside, beckoning for Jared to follow him.
“Sandy can’t make it,” Jared says as he closes the door behind him. Jensen fights the urge to tell him to leave it ajar. “She’s sick. Apparently, she ate some bad Mexican take out last night. I told her that I’d tell you.” Jensen clears his throat, as he sets about pointlessly rearranging stuff on his desk.
“Maybe, we should do this another time then,” he suggests, as he feels a jittering of nerves. He begins to tap his fingers on the desk. Jared remains silent for a while, before he eventually shrugs.
“Uh, okay.” Jensen looks up and catches Jared looking right at him. Jensen is momentarily caught by the blue-green in his eyes. He’s not sure why it takes all of his effort to look away. Hell, he’s not sure why he has some sort of weird feeling towards Jared of all people. There is a beat and then Jared seems to lose all of his composure as he sinks down into the chair. He looks completely beaten down and worn out, and Jensen cannot help feeling a little sympathetic. Again, he’s not sure why, but he’s tired of telling himself that he should be angry.
“You know, my Dad wanted me to go to another hospital even though it was easier to just come here. He said that people might be weird, but I thought he was just being overbearing and shit. I didn’t realise that this would happen,” Jared pauses as he looks down at the ground. “I’m trying so hard to keep it together.”
Jensen doesn’t want to hear this. He does not want to be Jared’s confidant; he does not want to be Jared’s anything. Sure he has to guide him or whatever, but that’s Jensen’s job. Off the clock, he does not want to have Jared on his mind, does not want to think about how someone with his life ahead of him looks like he’s been to hell and back.
“Look,” he says gently. “You’ve just got to ride it out. The rumours will die down eventually and soon no one will even remember these emails. I’m sure there’ll be some new crisis soon and those guys won’t even remember that they’re in the midst of making your life hell.”
“That’s…comforting,” Jared says in a tone that says he believes otherwise, but there is a hint of a smile on his face. “Uh, are you doing anything for lunch?” Jensen feels the tension creeping back into his shoulders and he grabs his keys. He was going to catch up with some paperwork, but suddenly he thinks that he’s best off doing that at home.
“Sorry, I’m busy,” he replies. “Chad’s off work today as well, isn’t he? The two of you are friends?”
“Eh, he hasn’t spoken to me since the last email,” Jared says, shrugging bashfully. “It’s all good. I’ll just go hang at home—do some laundry or something.”
Jensen takes a deep breath.
Two hours later, he finds himself at Jared’s – huge – house with a plate of steak sandwiches in front of him. He tries his best to ignore the voice in his head calling him a dumbfuck. Jared, for the most part, acts like they’re long lost friends. He tells Jensen funny, random stories. He strays away from anything personal but Jensen still feels a little uneasy. He feels as if he’s breaking some kind of moral code by hanging out with Jared. But on the other hand, what happened with Jared and Jeff was so long ago that he doesn’t think brooding over it is worth the effort. Perhaps he should just do his best to get over it.
“This is weird, isn’t it?” Jared says as he places a glass of orange juice next to Jensen’s plate. “The two of us hanging out?”
“Just a tad,” Jensen says with a wry chuckle. “After Jeff and that whole mess, this is the last place I should be.” Jared looks as though he’s considering this for a moment before he sits down across from Jensen and takes a deep breath.
“Okay, fine,” he says. “How about we even-up the playing field a little? You tell me the most sordid thing you’ve ever done, and we’ll be even.”
Jensen snorts, “You’re kidding, right? In what way will that make us even? Was sleeping with Jeff the most sordid thing you’ve ever done?”
“Of course,” Jared says with a hint of smile. “Well, no. But it comes pretty close.”
Jensen’s kind of surprised that he can laugh about it. He feels as though his uneasiness should be increasing not…slipping away.
He even finds himself thinking that maybe they can be friends.
When Jensen sees Jared next, he’s being yelled at by Danneel, for interfering with a patient. Jared looks a little baffled, but Jensen catches Tom watching from the corner with a satisfied look on his face and he sighs to himself. He re-adjusts his glasses and heads over towards the back of the break room.
Tom corners him as he nears Jared and Danneel and says, “They’re having a private discussion.” Jensen gives Tom the dirtiest look he can muster and shoves past him.
“What the hell is going on here?” Jensen demands. Danneel turns to face him, annoyance painted all over her face as wisps of red hair escape from her loose bun.
“I was supposed to be operating on Mrs. Peterson in an hour, only for Jared here to tell me that he hadn’t seen her file!” Jared still looks confused and Jensen hates the way his brain is yelling for him to rescue Jared. Even so, Jared’s still under his guidance and Danneel’s verbal attack is wholly unprofessional. He suspects that she’s just having a bad day, and Jared’s basically a walking target in the hospital now. He finds himself wishing that someone else is exposed as being a lying, two timing cheat in the next email.
“Did you ask the nurses?” Jensen asks calmly and Danneel frowns. “Maybe they updated it and left it at the front desk.”
“Tom told me that he last saw Jared with it,” she says but Jensen can hear the hesitant tone in her voice. They both turn to look at Tom, who’s not even concealing his smirk. “That bastard.” She flounces off before Jensen can say anything else and he shakes his head to himself.
“Wow,” Jared says. “They really respect you here don’t they?”
“What?” Jensen asks because he was expecting more of a ‘this isn’t fair’ kind of comment from Jared.
“Your friends here, they’re really defensive of you. That must be…nice.”
Jensen’s not sure why the comment stings.
The next email arrives later that evening, just after Jensen’s shift ends. He’s in his office, catching up on his pile of medical journals when he hears the notification. His mouth falls open as he sees the subject of the email.
Chad is there when Jensen arrives at Jared’s house later that evening. When Jensen spots Jared’s father he realises that he probably should have called ahead. Nobody calls him out on his surprise appearance so he accepts Jared’s invitation when he directs him to sit on the couch. Mr. Padalecki makes himself scarce and Jared brings him a Coke. Jensen catches himself before he comments on the lack of beer when he realises that Chad’s drinking the same thing. He’s seen Chad at social gatherings but he’s never seen him drink soda on its own before.
“I take it you didn’t see the latest email,” Jensen says instead, after an awkward silence fills the room.
“Oh, we did,” Jared says bitterly. “Why else would Chad be here? After all that email somehow proves that I’m not the one sending the emails.” Chad at least has the decency to look guilty but he shrugs.
“Dude, come on. You can do all kinds of shit with computers. You can’t blame me for wondering.”
“I’m not like that anymore,” Jared says sadly. “You’re supposed to be my friend.”
Jensen feels like he’s intruding somehow, and he berates himself for turning up. The tension between Chad and Jared is palpable and awkward, and he finds himself hoping that they sort things out for Jared’s sake. Jensen’s just not sure what that says about him.
“Why would Tom steal drugs?” Jensen asks. “I thought his parents were rich.” Jared snorts and shakes his head, muttering something that sounds a lot like fuck Tom. Jensen turns to Chad, but Chad shrugs again and Jensen shifts awkwardly.
He really shouldn’t have come. He’s not sure why he did. He’d driven here with the intention of talking to Jared, but what exactly he wanted to talk about was still unclear. The emails or his work at the hospital? Jensen doesn’t know, and the realisation that he just needs to talk to Jared about something sends a ripple of unease running through him. He shifts slightly, and does his best to make sure his feelings don’t show on his face.
“Tom…he’s a Grade A douchebag,” Chad says before the silence fills up the room. “It’s not a surprise that he’s been caught up in something skeevy like this.” Jensen nods in agreement, because Chad is right. It’s a shame though, because Tom was a pretty decent doctor. He just had a sort of shark-like mentality. Jensen guesses that Tom had bitten off more than he could chew this time around.
Chad makes his excuses seconds after Jensen announces he’s leaving, and they walk down Jared’s driveway together in silence. Jensen’s just about to head over to his car when Chad stops him, with a shrewd look on his face.
“If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you,” he says and Jensen blinks at him.
“If I hurt who?” he asks, because he genuinely doesn’t have any idea who Chad’s referring to.
“Jared.” Oh. Oh.
“There’s nothing going on between me and Jared,” Jensen says quickly, wincing internally at the nervousness creeping into his voice. “After everything, why would I even have a thing for him?”
“Maybe because you know that he’s not to blame for what happened two years ago, and maybe because you know first-hand how Jeff can screw someone over,” Chad says. “Plus, Jared likes you.”
“Oh, well that’s okay then,” Jensen mutters as he scuffs his shoe on the gravel. “We’ll just get together, date for a while, get married and have Mongolian babies and pretend that he didn’t fuck my boyfriend behind my back.”
“Oh, who wasn’t fucking Jeff behind your back?” Chad snaps and Jensen can almost feel his eyes widening comically. Chad suddenly looks ashamed and he turns away from Jensen, and starts to walk over to his own car. Jensen is frozen on the spot for a moment as the words sink in slowly. By the time he’s ready to demand some answers, Chad’s peeling out of the driveway, his tires squealing as he speeds off. Jensen swallows around the lump forming in his throat as he moves towards his car. Something in the corner of his eye makes him stop, and he sees that Jared’s standing in the doorway of the house, watching him.
“How much of that did you hear?” he asks in a hoarse voice.
“All of it?” Jared says meekly, like he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say. Jensen simply unlocks his car, and slides into it. He’s doing up his seatbelt when the passenger door opens and Jared gets in. Jared looks a little terrified and Jensen bites down the angry outburst that had been forming on his lips. Instead he focuses on starting the car and getting the hell out of there.
They end up at this twenty-four hour diner just a few blocks away from Jensen’s apartment. Partly because Jared’s hungry and partly because Jensen doesn’t think an out of town bender is a good idea when he has to be in surgery the next day. He makes a mental note to stop off for some Red Bull before he gets home. It isn’t that late; last time he’d checked it had been eleven pm and his shift isn’t until nine in the morning.
Jared is quiet. Jensen remembers Jared usually being exuberant, bubbly and loud. Now that he thinks about it, the Jared who’s returned seems different. More mature, more worn out.
“What happened to you?” he asks suddenly. “Why’d you just up and disappear like that?”
“I told you already,” Jared says as he drops his fork with a loud clatter. “The Jeff stuff.”
Jensen pauses to consider that for a moment and realises that he had just assumed that it was the Jeff complaint and Jared had gone with it. He’s not sure how he knows that there’s more to the story, but he’s certain of it.
“You told me about the Jeff stuff, but not why you left. You could have handed in the complaint and contested his report. But instead you just vanished. And, maybe that would have been your choice, but we all saw what your Dad was like during your first couple of years. He never would have let you just quit.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I’d had enough of that fucking hospital and the nastiness that happens when the staff are not in front of the patients,” Jared replies angrily, and Jensen’s not sure why his skin heats up as he watches Jared’s nostrils flare. Maybe he’s just happy that Jared’s not fucking holding back for once.
“Why did you come back then?”
“I already told you why!” Jared says. “My dad works for the hospital and it’s where I did the first two years, it doesn’t make sense for me to go anywhere else!”
“Oh right, like your dad’s not rich enough to get you a place at another hospital in the state.” Jensen’s not sure why he’s pushing Jared so hard, but he’s pissed off and he just can’t seem to stop.
“You know, maybe this place wouldn’t be so bad if you just took some responsibility for once. You’re a senior surgeon but nah, so long as they’re not gossiping about you, you just close your eyes and pretend that their behaviour is okay. You let them talk shit to me every goddamn day.” Jared pauses to take a breath and Jensen’s too stunned to interrupt. “At first, I thought you let them talk to me that way because you were angry at me and I understood. But then I realised that you just don’t care, Jensen. You’re just as bad as them.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” Jared hisses. “Well, I don’t care anymore; I am done pretending that I’m okay with this. I thought that maybe we could be friends, but…you’ve just been pretending all along. I bet that you’re just waiting for me to spill everything so that you can tell your buddies and then we’ll all get another informative email. Fuck you, Jensen. Just…I can’t take this from you.”
Before Jensen can react, Jared is grabbing his jacket and sliding out the booth and going out the doors. Shit.