Chapter Text
"What did you just say?"
Lena's piercing green eyes shot up from the paperwork she'd been mulling over. She was being rude...barely acknowledging the fumbling blonde's haphazard attempts at an apology. Lena didn't care.She was angry and confused. But most of all, she was hurt. Not physically, mind you. No, her hurt ran a bit deeper. Kara had disappeared after Lena had brought down her own mother and saved aliens from certain death courtesy of the Medusa virus. Disappeared...as in couldn't be reached by phone, text, or email. Disappeared...after having the nerve to come to Lena under the pretenses of a puff piece on mother/daughter relationships. Kara had been pushing for info on Lena's mother. Lena knew it. But she ever so graciously indulged the reporter with sparse insight into the lack of relationship she had with Lillian Luthor. She hadn't done it out of pity. Lena Luthor didn't need anyone to feel sorry for her. She'd humored Kara by answering her questions because she really did see her as a friend...her only friend in National City. She had earned Kara's trust. And she knew trust didn't come easy when a Luthor was involved. She'd grown fond of their chats. She even found herself looking forward to spending time together.There was something about the perpetually sunny blonde who always nervously pushed up her glasses when she was flustered or embarrassed. Kara was unlike anyone she'd ever met before. And maybe that was what had drawn Lena to her from day one. But that didn't matter now. The hurt in Lena's heart was due to several things. And they all had to do with the beautiful blonde sitting in front of her. But she didn't have time for sorting those feelings out right now. Kara had just said something that had triggered her.
"I..ummm...well I said th-that means we might occasionally have to take matters into our own hands?" Kara couldn't quite read Lena's face. But her eyes...her eyes cut right through her like a green Kryptonian lightsaber.
"No." Lena sat up straight in her chair, not breaking her eye contact. "Before that." Kara was stumbling for words. She broke eye contact with Lena and looked over her shoulder...to the view of National City. "Kara Danvers. Look at me." Kara's eyes slowly made her way back to Lena's hardened glare. "Say it."
Kara's throat suddenly went dry the moment she realized what she'd said. She'd been so frantic trying to get Lena to understand why she hadn't been there for her after she'd taken down her mother. But she couldn't take it back. And now Lena was about to know... Kara swallowed harshly, trying to calm the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"Sometimes we have to be our own hero." It came out as a bit of a whisper as Kara's eyes faltered and looked to the ground. Lena wasn't having it.
"Look me in the eyes and say it...like you said it to me that night." Kara's eyes met Lena's yet again. This time they were a bit watery. But not Lena's. She was still as stoic as ever.
"Be your own hero."
Lena's face was unreadable as she stood from her desk, turned her back on Kara, and looked out at the sun setting over the city. Then she closed her eyes as she brought her hands up to rub her temples trying to process everything. She took a moment to compose herself before turning back around to face...Supergirl. Kara was about to say something, but Lena cut her off with a quick motion of her hand.
"I was my own hero." Lena's voice was fierce, cutting Kara to the bone. "And I guess nobody knows that better than you, Supergirl."
Kara flinched at the way Lena said it. It felt void and empty...hollow.
"Lena, I..." But Lena cut her off. There were things that needed to be said.
"I get that you had to keep tabs on me-"
"No, Lena, that's not-"
"I am a Luthor, after all."
"But you're so much more than that!" Kara stood, hoping her trembling legs would hold her long enough to make things right with Lena.
"Am I? I saw the doubt in your eyes when I was about to turn that key. And before that...when you came here wanting to know my mother's whereabouts."
"I needed to be sure. The DEO was ready to come after you and your mother both." Kara looked away. She knew what she'd just admitted. She hadn't meant to. But there it was.
Lena took a step closer to Kara, emerald eyes aglow with anger.
"And there it is. The doubt. Because how could a Super ever trust a Luthor?"
"I did trust you, Lena. I-I still do."
Kara's voice wavered and Lena almost felt sorry for her...almost. Because the hurt still ran deep. And she wasn't finished yet. Lena walked back around to her desk. She placed her palms on the desk to support herself as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She kept her eyes closed as she exhaled, then opened them back up to find Kara looking back at her. She looked like a sad, blue-eyed puppy. And really Lena would have loved nothing more than to end the argument, go back around the desk, and melt into the embrace of her strong arms. But that wasn't how the night was going to play out. Lena needed Kara to know why she couldn't forgive her...at least not right now.
"This isn't about Supergirl."
"But I-" Lena waved off any further words with the flick of her wrist.
"This is about Kara Danvers. Someone who I considered to be my friend."
"I am your fr-"
"My only friend." Kara's shoulders slumped. Her face fell as she realized just how hurt Lena truly was. "You disappeared. I sent my mother to prison. I single-handedly made myself the last free Luthor. I watched as she was cuffed and taken away. And when all the questioning was over...when everyone finally left...there I was, standing alone."
"Lena, please let me-" Kara approached the desk, giving Lena a pleading look.
"Alone." Lena paused to compose herself. Now was not the time to be losing it in front of the one person she once thought she could tell anything to.
Kara took the opportunity to finally get in a complete sentence.
"You're never alone, Lena. I'm so sorry if you thought that...even for a second."
Kara placed her hand atop Lena's on the desk. Lena allowed it for a moment, relishing the warmth of Kara's touch. Then she pulled her hand away. She couldn't allow the emotional wrecking ball that was Kara Danvers to crash through her walls again. Her heart just couldn't take it. And in that moment, Lena realized that Kara Danvers meant much more to her than she was willing to admit. Maybe she'd always known it. But it didn't matter now. Now she had to harden her heart back up. She had to accept that being a Luthor meant being alone.
"But I was alone, Kara. You disappeared on me."
"And I-I can explain that. Now that you know...about me I-"
"I needed you." Lena's voice cracked ever so slightly. And Kara heard it. She stepped up against the desk to get closer to Lena.
"You have me."
"It's too late."
"Don't say that. I'm here...I'm here now."
Kara slowly walked over to the other side of the desk. Lena couldn't look at her. The pain was bubbling over and just waiting to burst out in the form of the tears she was so desperately trying to hold back. If she knew anything about a Luthor...it was that they didn't cry in front of anyone. They didn't show their vulnerability.
"Lena, please look at me."
"I can't." It was a desperate whisper...full of the hurt in her heart. "You should go."
"No. I'm not leaving you. Not like this. Not until you let me fix it."
Lena turned her head towards Kara as she opened her eyes. The lack of emotion in what she spoke next made Kara's own heart wrench.
"Some things can't be fixed." Lena quickly went back into stoic, hard as nails CEO mode. "I trust you can see yourself out, Ms. Danvers?" She walked over to the balcony, turning her back on Kara.
The icy silence was more than Kara could handle. She quietly wiped away the tears that had fallen and headed for the door. But before she left, she turned around.
"I won't give up on you, Lena Luthor. So don't you go giving up on me."
Kara turned back and walked out the door.
As soon as she knew Kara had gone, Lena broke down into sobs. She leaned against the glass doors of her balcony and let the tears flow. She cried for her brother Lex and for her mother Lillian. She cried for the curse the Luthor name brought. But mostly she cried for her lost friend. Because Kara Danvers had once again disappeared.