Chapter Text
Isak had been hearing Eskild move around the flat for an hour and he knew what was coming. Like clockwork, at the one hour and fifteen minutes’ mark, Eskild stopped at Isak’s room. Eskild always took the same time to get ready. He was wearing a tight leather legging and a light blue blouse with a very deep v neck. He had put on some mascara that made his eyes pop out. He looked fierce.
“So, you want to come?” Eskild asked smiling “I promise you’ll have a good time”
Isak raised his head from his laptop and shock his head.
“Nah. I’m fine. I mean, Even is coming over, we will watch a movie.”
Eskild studied Isak. Isak hated that Eskild was so good at reading him; he still had no idea how that happened. Eskild was always goofing around, so people tend to forget he was also very perceptive.
“You know it will not be like your last time, right?” Eskild finally said in a gentle voice.
Isak gave him an embarrassed look and looked down again. Eskild had caught him again.
“No, I mean, I know- I just… can I give you a rain check? Even is really coming over.” Isak negotiated.
Eskild laughed carefree as if he had not just implied to Isak he knew all the fears Isak still had.
“Oh, that Even is coming over I have no doubt.” He pointed a finger at Isak “You owe me a night in a gay bar.” and left.
___***___
Isak was seated at the cafeteria with Jonas. Jonas was going on and on about this third year he was absolutely infatuated with. The girl had mesmerizing eyes and long legs and loved drinking.
“So I want to take her somewhere.” Jonas said very confidently “I don’t mean a pregame at some one’s house! I want romance!”
Isak rolled his eyes.
“You just want to have sex with her.”
Jonas eyebrows went up in acknowledge.
“That too. But it’s not as if she doesn’t want it as well. We understand each other.”
Isak laughed, thought now or never, and said:
“So… speaking about places to take the person you like… I kinda want to – I mean I thought about taking Ev- I mean I don’t know that many plac- Jesus Christ this is terrible.”
Isak groaned. He was a lost cause.
Jonas turned to Isak, eyes calm and serious.
“Where do you want to take him?” Jonas asked softl. When dealing with Isak’s issues, Jonas was, as always, very serious, not trace of mockery in there. Isak was so very grateful to have Jonas in his life. It was no surprise Isak had mistaken crush for love. When Jonas loved, he loved unconditionally; it was just how Jonas was built.
Isak left out a soft laugh, took a deep breath, counted to ten and said in a small voice:
“I think I want to go to a gay bar with Even.” And waited for Jonas reaction.
Jonas nodded. He raised a finger to his mouth and tapped a few times thinking.
“Hummm… have you ever been to a gay bar? Eskild probably knows a few.” Jonas said “I don’t know that many. What kind of bar does Even like?”
Isak felt his heart trip. Jonas was looking at him, waiting for his input, because Jonas cared. Jonas wanted all his friends happy. Isak did not think he would ever stop being in awe of how kind Jonas actually was.
“Isak?” Jonas asked “Did you hear me? What kind of bar does Even like?”
Isak blinked.
“Yeah, right. I heard you. No, I mean, I’ve never been to a gay bar with Even. He likes hip hop and pop.” Isak looked down “I’ve only been once to a gay bar” he whispered “It… t was not a good experience”
Jonas nodded.
“Right, do you want to go with only Even?” Jonas asked “Or, like, in a group? Because I’m sure Eskild would go with you. Do you want us to come? I have never been to a gay bar!” Jonas said, already excited.
What??
Isak frowned.
“Hummm…. What? You want to go to a gay bar with me?”
Jonas shrugged.
“Why not? I’m pretty sure Madhi and Magnus would go as well. Maybe Magnus could bring Vilde.”
Isak groaned. Oh, god. Vilde. In a gay bar.
“Let me get back to you on that? I didn’t talk to Even. I don’t know if he would want to go.”
Jonas raised his arms in surrender, smiling
“Hey, man, no pressure. We will be here when you want to go.”
___***___
Isak took out his phone, opened Even’s text messages and started typing.
So, I was thinking. Do you want to g-
He cleared the message.
How about we go-
No
Why don’t we-
No!!
Why was this so difficult? Asking your boyfriend if he wanted to go to a gay bar should be as easy as asking him is he wanted to eat kebab. The world would not end, no one was going to die, people already knew Isak and Even were in a relationship.
Isak felt the frustration raising again. He had thought he was done with this this. He should already be done with how people reacted around him. He was young and gay and in love. He did not commit any crime.
You want to come over? I miss you. Isak ended up sending.
Be there in five! <3
____***____
Isak and Even were at Isak’s room. The plan was to do homework, but they have been kissing and talking for half an hour already; Even laying on Isak’s lap, while Isak was leaning on the wall, half seated, half lying. Even was talking about how colorful Moulin Rouge was, all big smiles and hand gestures. Isak could not take his eyes of him.
“And the soundtrack!” Even said looking up, eyes very bright “I love the soundtrack! We should listen to it! It’s so good!”
Isak laughed looking down. With his dark blond curls all over Isak’s lap and smiling back at him, Even looked beautiful. He was always beautiful, but there were instances where Isak’s heart did not know what to do with itself. Even was always open in his affections and Isak was not used to that.
“Do you ever think we could do something different when we are together?” Isak asked.
“What, like in a parallel universe?” Even asked still smiling.
Isak rolled his eyes.
“No, like. Maybe we could go out. We could go do something else instead of you coming here or me going to yours.”
Even frowned and sat up.
“What do you have in mind?”
And again Isak felt his mouth shut. How was it so difficult? Why was it so?
“Eskild wanted- I mean, I want- No, I mean, only if you want, that is-”
Isak felt tears on his eyes. It was so frustrating that every new step was a challenge. He was out and proud. He had an amazing boyfriend, hands down, the most handsome man he had ever seen, and even so he could not ask Even out to a gay bar. It was not fair.
Isak raised his hands to his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“Hey” Even said softly, touching Isak’s cheek, his other arm wrapped around Isak’s waist, bringing him close to Even “Hey, hey, it’s okay. We don’t actually need to do anything.” Even said very gently.
Isak could not help the bitter laugh because he was making a fool of himself. He was always trying to be confident and self-assured, and in times like these, he had to face the fact that he was nothing more than a mess of insecurities.
“No, fuck it all! I want to!” Isak said into Even’s neck. “God, I want to do different things!”
He felt Even give a surprise laugh.
“Okay. What do you want to do?” Even asked again without judgement. He was always so soft with Isak, so careful, as if Isak was the most precious thing in his life.
Just go for it, Isak. Isak thought.
Taking a deep breath, Isak said:
“Iwanttogotoagayclubwithyou” and closed his eyes, waiting.
When there was no response, Isak opened his eyes again only to see Even blinking.
Even took Isak’s face on his hands and made Isak look at him.
“You need to talk a bit slower.” Even said with a gentle smile. “You wanna try again?”
Isak shuddered. For some reason, looking at Even’s bright eyes, with his open face and so much adoration, Isak felt his heart slow. He knew he was falling hard. He was doing nothing to stop it.
I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
“Come to a gay club with me.” Isak said looking Even straight in his eyes.
Even’s mouth opened in a perfect O. His eyes wide and surprised. Then, Even laughed.
“What? You want to take me out? Is that it?” Even asked happily. “You want to show me off?”
Isak rolled his eyes, pushing him away. Even did not let him.
“No, no, no! You want to go dance with me!!” Even said happily kissing Isak open mouthed and full of love.
Isak laughed, looking at his goofy boyfriend. Even was such a dork.
“No, sorry. My mistake. I don’t want to take you anywhere.”
Even threw a pillow at him and then, Jumped over Isak.
“You want to show me off! Say it.” Even said, looking down at Isak, who could not contain his smileeven if he wanted to “Come, on, say it.”
Isak, looking at Even’s eyes, feeling euphoric and very confident, said:
“I want to show you off to the entire world.”
Even laughed freely and let himself fall over Isak.
“Oh, god, where have you been this whole time?” he asked and kissed Isak.
___***___
In the middle of the night, surrounded by Even’s arms, Isak said:
“I came to live here because Eskild started talking to me on Instagram. I didn’t know him, I didn’t even know why he decided I was a good person to talk to. He seemed a nice guy.” Isak swallowed saliva “He… he started flirting with me and all I could think was ‘here was this boy who is almost my age who for some reason is interested in me’”. Isak laughed sadly “I was a mess. I couldn’t believe him. I was sure I would never be able to assume I was gay. No one would accept me.”
Isak felt Even’s arms tighten around him, felt Even’s lips on the back of his head.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Isak turned to Even.
“There’s more.” Isak whispered “Eskild… Eskild spent a few days flirting. I was trying to flirt back.” Isak shock his head “I have no idea what gave me away, what made Eskild realize I was not as smooth as I was trying to appear. He suddenly asked me to meet him on this gay bar.” Isak raised his eyes to look at Even “I went.”
Even inhaled sharply.
“Did he do ...?” even started, his voice very carefully devoid of any intonation.
Isak snorted.
“Please, here was I, completely drunk, unable to deal with my mom’s illness and my father leaving us and very certain I was going to fuck that night.” Isak offered his lips to Even and was not disappointed when Even kissed him softly “I figured I at least would have one half good experience, with someone I could actually get hard with. I was so scared Eskild was not the person he seemed to be on Instagram.” Isak cleaned the few tears that ran down his face. Even was looking at him with love and affection and zero reprimand. Isak laughed “Well, it turned out Eskild was even more Eskild than he was on Instagram.” Isak kissed Even again “He took one look at the mess I was- wrapped up in a hoodie, drunk out of my ass, trembling and babbling about fucking- and brought me here.” He smiled shyly ate Even “I lived a few weeks on their basement. Eskild never told anyone.” Isak placed himself over Even, he crossed his arms over Even’s chest and leaned his head over his arms, never leaving Even’s eyes “You are the first person I tell this.”
Even’s arms raised up and enveloped Isak’s body.
“Thank you for telling me” Even said fiercely.
____***_____
Isak should have guessed what happened after. He blamed Even and his ability to blind Isak to everything else besides Even himself for it.
What happened was that Isak told Eskild he and Even wanted to go with him to a gay bar. Isak also told Jonas just in case Jonas was serious about going with him and because Isak had already been enough of a shitty friend, so he guessed Jonas would appreciate Isak being open with him.
Eskild asked if Noora would like to come at the same time Jonas asked if Magnus and Madhi could come as well. Noora asked with Eva could come and if she could tell the other girls. Magnus immediately asked if Vilde could come. Vilde was asked by Magnus before Noora could do it and called Isak asking why Isak himself did not ask her. Sana was the last to know and spent the entire biology class passive aggressively letting Isak know she was not happy by being the last one. Cris was the first to show up at the flat in a rainbow shirt and a snapback that proudly proclaimed LOVE WINS.
Even could not stop laughing while a completely exasperated Isak retold the tale.
Really. Isak should have known.
___***___
The whole gang went; Eskild leading the group in a silver blouse and his pink wig. Isak had Even’s hand in his while talking to Jonas. Every now and then, he would feel Even tighten and release his hold, as if to assure Isak everything was okay. Vilde was besides a very excited Magnus, who was already inappropriately listing all the thing he expected to see in the bar, with a very patient Eskild explaining to him Magnus would probably only see normal people drinking, dancing and kissing. Magnus was not convinced.
Isak looked at all of them. They were loud and happy and drunk. Isak pulled Even to him, delirious with all the love he was feeling for every person that surrounded him.
Even was in tight dark pants and beneath all his layers, Isak knew he was wearing a dark t-shirt that contrasted very very very well with his blue eyes. Isak could not wait to see Even dancing and sweating, probably serenading Isak on the dance floor, because Even’s dorkness could not be contained.
“You look so hot” Isak whispered to Even “I cannot wait to dance with you in the middle of the dance floor.”
Entering the club, Isak mentally crossed another line on his mental chart of all the things he still wanted to do in his life.
You watch me. There is nothing I cannot accomplish. He thought to himself while the music of the club pumped on his ears.