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1. I’ll never forget the first time I saw your face
She doesn’t follow the Men’s Singles as much as the Women’s, to be honest. She only ever watches the competitions whenever her friends are in it - usually Yuri, Georgi and now, Yuuri Katsuki, ever since Viktor started coaching him.
Despite that, she thought she knew everyone competing in the Grand Prix Finals. There was Yuri and Katsuki, of course, and everyone knows who JJ, Christophe and Phichit are. She only knows the name Otabek Altin because Yuri had bragged to her that he is his first friend (that stung a bit to her, but she wasn’t surprised considering this is Yuri), but that’s all she knows about him.
And as he enters the rink, she thinks that she definitely did not know how drop dead gorgeous he is.
His skating is not as flexible or as graceful as Yuri’s is, she can tell that immediately. But there’s an entirely different vibe around Otabek’s skating that she liked. He was certainly more masculine than Yuri, but it’s more than that. His movements held power, dignity. It’s a breath from fresh air compared to everyone else’s programs, and she won’t be surprised if he ends up in the podium.
She ends up asking Yuri about Otabek as they return to the hotel, and he is happy to indulge her with info about his new friend. A determined soul, who once lacked natural talent but made up for it with pure hard work to get him where he is today. She admires that.
She hasn’t even met him properly, but she does end up rooting for him during the free skate the next day. And yes, maybe she and Sara did swoon just a little bit during the performance. If he was gorgeous in the short program, the princely outfit he wears now should definitely be illegal.
She should really get Yuri to introduce her.
2. set my heart aflame
She doesn’t forget about Otabek after the Grand Prix. It was hard to forget about him when Yuri texts him nonstop during practice. So for a while, all she does is acknowledge him as one of Yuri’s only friends and probably one of the most attractive skaters in this time.
An entire year later, though, she falls.
Yuri informs them that Otabek is staying with him for a few months, and that he’ll be skating with them to keep his skills sharp during the stay. She thinks nothing of it at first, even when he approaches her while Yakov is too busy yelling at Viktor for reasons she didn’t care about.
“Mila Babicheva, is it? It’s nice to meet you.”
“Ah, and here comes the hero who managed to tame the Ice Kitten of Russia,” she teases. She realizes a bit belatedly that he either has no sense of humor or no social skills, because he doesn’t react. Still, she presses on. “Your name’s Otabek Altin. Pretty hard not to remember your name when Yuri keeps screaming about how you should’ve won bronze in last year’s GPF.”
His expression lightens a bit at that. “Of course he still hasn’t let that go. I told him already that fourth place was good enough.”
“The boy doesn’t know how to quit,” she shrugs. “Although he is right. It does feel a bit unfair that JJ flopped and he still got bronze, while you didn’t make any mistakes.”
“Well, I already told him I’ll make up for it this year,” he dismisses the subject. “I watched the Women’s Singles with Yuri, too. You were quite beautiful.”
She feels her face go warm. It wasn’t at all a flirt - she’s experienced enough to know when someone flirts with her. With Otabek, it was pure honesty. Which is probably why it’s affecting her more right now.
“I guess a bit of the Russian Fairy’s grace rubbed off on me,” she says instead. “Still, thanks. A bronze definitely isn’t something to scoff at, but I’m planning on blowing everyone away this year.”
“I don’t doubt that. It’s difficult to look away at your routines. I wish you all the best.”
His honesty absolutely floors her. He’s different from any other guy she’s met. “Same goes for you,” she replies, smiling at him. “Your potential is incredible. And hey, since you’re going to be under Yakov’s hell training for a few months, I bet you’ll make it to the podium next year, no sweat. Just you wait.”
“Just you wait,” he repeats, and his mouth almost turns up into a smile. Almost. “We’ll both work at it, then.”
Yuri chooses that moment to yell for Otabek’s attention, demanding he go to his side of the rink. Otabek really does smile then, just a little, and her heart melts. “That’s my cue.”
“Wouldn’t want to keep the kitten waiting,” she says with a laugh as Otabek starts to move away from her. Without even thinking about it, she suddenly calls out to him before he gets too far. “Hey, hold on.”
“Yes?”
She lets her mouth run rather than her mind. “How ‘bout we go get coffee or something? I don’t wanna be rinkmates with a stranger.”
She’s forward, always is, but she expects someone as private and as closed-off as Otabek to refuse her request. So it does surprise her when he nods. “That would be pleasant. I’ll give you my number after practice so we can talk about it?”
“Sure,” she replies, pretending that the warmth on her cheeks was just from an unexpected fever, or something. “I’ll see you, yeah?”
“Of course.” And suddenly he’s gone, skating his way over to his best friend. She tries to ignore the loud, rapid beating of her own heart.
They do go on that coffee date, and then another and another. Otabek was under the impression that these are all friendly get togethers, but it’s funner in her mind to imagine them as dates. Even if sometimes Yuri tags along and the ‘romantic’ atmosphere is dampened slightly by his attitude.
It’s easy to fall for Otabek Altin, she realizes, and in the brief months that he stays in Russia, that’s exactly what happens to her.
3. Then I turn and see my best friend’s face and he is…
Helpless.
She doesn’t know how else to describe Yuri’s face. As she watches him text away at his phone during their break, she notes he’d never seen his face so fond and, dare she say, lovestruck before. It’s endearing.
She knows right off the bat that this is someone Yuri is interested in romantically. Been there, done that, after all. (Doing that right now, the back of her head says as she remembers Otabek.) And, as the annoying big sister in his life, she has to know who it is. So she drapes her body over his in a hug, as she always does. She hears him let out an annoyed groan, and she suppresses a burst of laughter.
“Ah, has my little Yura finally found love?” she teases, trying to take a look at his phone. At her words, he shifts his attention from getting her off him to hiding his messages. He quickly closes his app, and she pouts. “Aww, don’t be like that! What happened to no secrets, hmm?”
“We never said anything like that, hag. Now get off!” Even after two years and a good growth spurt, he still can’t beat her strength, even if it’s as simple as trying to get out of her hugs.
“We’ve been rink mates for years now, Yura! I’m practically, like, your mother!”
“More like my grandma. Get off, you’re heavy.”
“I will if you tell me your mysterious love interest’s name.”
He lets out another frustrated growl, pushing away her face with his free hand. “Even if I had one, there’s no way I’d tell you.”
”Ah, but you’ll tell me in due time!” She finally does get off of him, and he turns around to glare at her. Not that it affects her in the slightest, but she’ll let him do what he wants. “I’m irresistible, after all. You’ll give in eventually.”
“In your dreams,” he snorts, just as Yakov starts yelling at them from across the rink that they should get back to practice. Mila flashes Yuri a charming smile as she gets back on the ice, and from the corner of her eye she sees him sticking her tongue out at her.
For the rest of the practice she forgets about Yuri and his mystery lover completely as she focuses on her routine, but it’s obvious that he didn’t, because he sits right next to her while she’s untying her skates afterwards, not making any move to copy her movements.
“…If I tell you, do you swear no one’s gonna know?” His voice is quiet, which she isn’t used to, but she assumes it’s because Yuuri and Viktor are still in the room. Or maybe he’s just being bashful.
Still, she grins at him, pausing her movements to look at him straight in the eye. “I won’t tell a soul, Yura. I promise.”
"Good, because I really will run you over with my skates if anyone finds out.” the threat was more of a joke than anything, because he smiling at her and she can count the amount of times Yuri has smiles at her with one hand.
“I’ll go lie down on the ice so it’ll be easier for you,” she jokes back, and he actually laughs at that. It quickly dies down at the realization of what he’s about to do, but she enjoyed it while it lasted.
He breathes in, as if psyching himself up, before muttering out a name.
Oh. Oh no.
“Sorry, Yura, I didn’t catch that. Say it again?” He didn’t. Did he?
He turns red at this, glaring at her. His voice is still quiet, but doesn’t hold the same softness it did just a while ago. “It’s Otabek, alright? Jeez.”
Okay. So he did.
“Oh,” she says, because she doesn’t know what else to say. What can she say? That she’s been pining for Otabek for the past month?
If she made any indication that his words pained her, he doesn’t notice. Instead, he raises an eyebrow at her. “’Oh?’ I expected your reaction to be… I dunno, louder and more obnoxious than that.”
She chuckles at that, but when she speaks it’s quieter than usual. She goes back to untying her skates, avoiding his eyes. “Well, it’s not much of a shock. You two are best friends, right?”
“I guess so, yeah,” he mumbles. “Sorry, I just - I’ve wanted to tell someone about it for a while now, but I’d rather die than let Viktor or Katsudon know about this, and when you said you wanted to know I guess I realized you’d be the one I trust most about this kinda stuff, so…”
She should be flattered, and she is, but it just hurts even more because of all people that would be her ‘rival’ for Otabek, it has to be Yuri. Yuri, who is practically his little brother in everything but blood.
“Aww, Yura. I love you too,” she says as teasingly as she can, and it works because he’s blushing, stammering out a, “Don’t read into it too much, you hag!” and she does genuinely laugh this time.
“How long?” She ends up asking, because although she wants to drop the subject entirely, she knows that Yuri needs this, and that’s the easiest question she can think of right now.
He mumbles, “a few months,” and she suppresses a pained laugh because, wow, they might have fallen for the same person at roughly the same time. It just makes it harder to swallow.
“Are you going to tell him?” another easy question, but with a more difficult answer. He doesn’t reply, and she doesn’t push him. She hasn’t told Otabek either.
They finish packing up, Yuri pouting the entire time, and they leave the rink together.
“Hey,” he mumbles so quietly she almost misses it, when they reach the spot where they would separate for the day.
“Yeah?”
His face goes red again before his arms slowly raise up, asking for a hug. Mila barely has time to gasp before she’s flinging herself into his arms, picking him up so he’s an inch off the ground.
“Ack, put me down, you hag! This isn’t what I wanted!”
“Well, it’s what I want! You never ask for hugs!” she does put him down, though, holding him at an arms length and grinning at him. He’s pouting, but there isn’t any anger on his face.
“I just… wanted to say thanks. For listening to me and junk,” he explains, avoiding her eyes.
“Of course, Yuri,” she smiles at him. “And hey, the next time you get lovesick, I’ll be here. Just don’t end up like Georgi.”
“Gross. Never.”
But it’s hard to continue joking around when you’re this conflicted, so she’s glad when they finally separate.
She needs to think.
4. I would choose his happiness over mine every time
She’s been quiet lately, and of course, Yuri notices.
“Mila,” he calls out to her during break, and she knows she really has worried him if he doesn’t spit out his usual ‘grandma’ nicknames. He loves pretending that he doesn’t care, but she knows better. It makes her even more guilty about their situation. “What’s up? You’ve been fucking up your jumps, that’s not like you.”
“What are you talking about, Yura? I’ve been landing them perfectly -”
“You’ve been landing them,” he interrupts her, “but they’re always either too wobbly or too stiff. Viktor says Katsudon only fucks up his jumps whenever there’s something on his mind, so spill.”
“I’m fine, kitten,” she lies, still snickering at how easily he riles up at the nickname. “I just don’t feel well today. Didn’t get enough sleep.”
“I could tell from all the makeup on your face.” He’s blunt as always, pointing out the concealer she layered on in order to hide her eye bags.
So she spent a few hours of the night trying to think of a solution to fix their secret love triangle without anyone getting hurt. At least she’s trying, right?
“And that in itself isn’t like you,” Yuri continues, and she snaps her attention back to him. “You always rant about staying healthy so you can ‘slay the ice’ or whatever. What happened to that?”
“Yuri,” she sighs, and she sees him stiffen slightly because nowadays she rarely calls him by his first name. “I’m fine. Something’s going on and I’m trying to fix it, but it’s no big deal. Don’t worry.”
“I worry when it’s you,” he insists, shocking her. He almost never outright says when he’s worried for another person - she wasn’t that much of a mess, was she? “You’re the one who never has any problems, so when it shows that you do, it means it’s a big deal. Georgi’s worried too, y’know.”
Well, if anything, she’s glad it wasn’t Georgi who approached her. When it comes to love problems, he’s pretty hard to handle. “Fine, just… don’t tell anyone.”
“Not a soul,” he promises, and she smiles at him, just barely.
“… I like someone.”
“Called it,” he says immediately, causing her to look at him. He gives her a teasing grin. “What? You looked as pathetic as I was when I told you about… y’know.”
“Gee, thanks,” she doesn’t hide the sarcasm in her voice; she doesn’t need a reminder of what happened just a few weeks ago.
“No problem,” he replies. “So is that it? This better not be that douchebag hockey player again.”
She shivers at the mention of her ex-boyfriend, and she shakes her head. “Nah, not him. It’s someone else, but it’s just… my friend likes them too.”
“Oh,” he says, frowning. “Yikes. Uh, that is pretty bad, huh.”
You have no idea, she thinks, but instead she just mutters a, “Yeah,” and slumps over the rink barrier, like he always does.
“Do they know?” He asks, leaning over the barrier beside her. “Your friend, I mean. Do they know you like this person too?”
“No,” she sighs. “I haven’t had the chance to tell them yet. Or, maybe I do, and I just… don’t want to. Who knows how they’ll react.”
“Well, you’re the one who knows them,” he comments offhandedly. He’s not looking at her, his eyes drifting towards the ceiling. “Say you called them right now and told them you like the same person they do. Would they bitch out or would they back out of the race for you?“
She’s already skimmed over that topic the night before, but this time she really does try to think. How would Yuri react? If this was the fifteen-year-old Yuri, he probably would bitch out, now doubt about it. She still remembers how he flew to Japan in anger after Viktor broke his promise to him. Neither of them were very mature at that age, nor were they that close. They’d probably fight, and they’d make up eventually, but it wouldn’t be the same.
And what about seventeen-year-old Yuri? The one she can confidently call one of her best friends with only a few playful protests? Well, he’d still be upset. Would probably yell and kick something, like he always did. But she didn’t think he would be upset at her, just at the situation.
She suddenly remembers how easily he backed down when he found out the results of Hot Springs on Ice, and she freezes. He is a graceful loser, so long as it wasn’t JJ taking the gold. If Otabek ends up returning her feelings, Yuri wouldn’t fight. He’d silently resign himself, he’d back away without another word.
If she asked him if he was okay, he’d say he’s fine. But he’d be lying.
“Earth to grandma,” Yuri’s voice suddenly broke her out of her thoughts, and she realizes he’s been waving his hand in front of her face. “Have you finally lost it? Should we put you in the elderly homes?”
“Don’t be rude,” she snorts, pushing his hand away. “Or you won’t be getting any of this hag’s cookies ever again.”
“They’re shit anyway,” he retaliates smoothly, and she laughs. “Whatever. You look like you got an epiphany or something. Figured it out?”
“I think so,” she replies, smiling at him. “Thanks, Yura.”
”Eh, I didn’t do shit, but if it makes you stop fucking on your jumps then I’ll take the credit,” he smirks at her and pushes himself off the barrier, punching her shoulder lightly. “C’mon, you know Yakov’s a bitch about his five minute break rule. I don’t wanna be yelled at today.”
“He’s probably gonna yell at you anyway,” she calls out to him as he gets back on the ice, and he sticks his middle finger at her without even looking back.
She keeps up her smile as she gets back on the ice, and her jumps go back to being flawless again. She jokes around with her rinkmates, makes fun of Georgi and his latest heartbreak.
She hasn’t cried since the day her ex-boyfriend cheated on her, nearly three years ago. It’s difficult to make her cry. And she doesn’t cry now, or even when she gets home. She was close to it, but she was stronger than that.
It hurts, but she doesn’t regret her decision. She’d rather break her own heart than Yuri’s.
5. at least i keep his eyes in my life
Otabek visits Russia again during the off-season (for Yuri, she reminds herself, but it still feels special whenever he looks at her), and now that she knows of Yuri’s feelings, she seems to notice every little moment that they have. A stare that lingers too long, the subtle pink on Yuri’s cheeks whenever he makes Otabek laugh, the little looks they give each other (Yuri mostly, but that could just be her point of view).
It hurts, definitely. But she was sure that if it were anyone else who had feelings for Otabek, someone who she doesn’t think of as one of her best friends, it would be much more painful. Funny, shouldn’t it be the other way around?
“Sooooo?” she says to him later on, when Yakov gives them a break and Otabek is preoccupied with talking with Viktor and Katsuki. “What are you waiting fooooor?”
“Ugh, I shouldn’t have told you anything,” he complains, pushing her face away from him. “You’ve been doing this for a week, old hag! Just drop it, I’m not going to tell him.”
“Yura, it’s obvious he feels something other than friendship for you. Nothing gets past me. I am a hawk.”
“Yeah, a dead one.”
“Yuuuraaaa,” she whines, draping herself over him again. He was already moving to get her off when she says, “I just want you to be happy.”
She feels him tense up. “Happy?”
“Yes, Yuri. Happy.” She lets go off him and moves beside him, leaning on the rink barrier as they always did. “I’ve known you for a long time, y’know? And before Otabek, you were always just about winning and talking shit about others. Always tense and stressed out. And you were only, what, fourteen? That’s way too young to start growing gray hairs.”
“Okay, you know what-”
“My point is,” she cuts him off, “I know you’re focused on success, but everyone needs to let go and have fun every once in a while. And you know what? Otabek does that to you. He’s good for you, Yuri. And I’ve seen firsthand that you’re good for him, too. So why don’t you go get him?”
He stays silent, flipping his phone around his hands. Then he sighs. “Mila. Be honest with me.”
“Of course.”
“Do you like Otabek?”
She freezes. She can practically feel her face paling, and she flickers her eyes towards Yuri without moving her head. He’s stopped playing with his phone, staring at the ground like it had a secret that he was trying to figure out. He’s avoiding her eyes, she realizes.
“Of course,” she repeats. She’s stalling. “He’s a cool enough guy, if he can tolerate being best friends with you.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He’s still not looking at her.
Well, she hates lying to him anyway. And she knows that if she tries to get out of it, he’ll still figure it out eventually. So she settles for, “How did you figure it out?”
“Nothing gets past me,” he repeats her words from earlier, and whether intentional or not, it gets a chuckle out of her. “The way you used to look at your bullshit boyfriend - it’s the same way you look at Beka now. Plus what you said a few weeks ago about… you liking someone but your friend likes them too. That’s what tipped me off, I think. And then I started watching how you talk to him.”
She really can’t find any words to say. She just keeps looking at him, and he keeps avoiding her gaze.
“So,” he continues after a moment of silence, finally meeting her eyes. “all the times you were nudging me into telling him - that was you backing out of the race?”
“I was never in the race in the first place,” she finally finds her voice, and she smiles at Yuri. “Sure, I’m pretty into him. But he’s better for you. I saw it first hand, remember?”
“Mila-”
“Don’t worry about it, kitten.” she ruffles his hair, and he doesn’t bat her hand away this time. “I’ll get over it. I want to see you happy.”
“It’s not fair to you,” he protests quietly, slumping even more onto the barrier.
“It won’t be fair to both of us if you don’t make a move,” she tells him. “Besides, I know he doesn’t like me that way. But I do know that he likes you. You’re not gonna waste that just because you’re worrying about your favorite old hag.”
He stays silent, so she keeps going. “Sure, I like Otabek. I might even be able say that I love him. But you know what? I love you more. Okay?”
He still doesn’t speak, but before she can say anything else he tackles her in a hug, nearly knocking them over.
“You dumbass,” he mumbles, slightly muffled over their hug. “You stupid, sentimental hag.”
She does laugh at that, hugging him back. “Well, you are a bratty little twerp. I think we’re even.”
“So we’re okay? Even if I tell him?”
“We’re more than okay,” she assures him, pulling away from the hug. “We’d be less okay if you chickened out. And Yuri Plisetsky isn’t weak.”
“He’s a soldier,” he says, and she grins.
“Yes, he is. And after practice, he’s going to march over to Otabek and tell him exactly how he feels. And he’ll remember Mila Babicheva, the selfless young beauty who sacrificed her own feelings for the happiness of two.”
“Alright, alright, you’re getting gross,” he lightly pushes her off of him, and they laugh.
Hours later, when they’re all packed up and ready to leave, she nudges him towards Otabek, who is waiting for him at the exit.
“Davai,” she whispers to him, and he blows her a raspberry before turning towards Otabek and taking a deep breath. His eyes harden with determination as he walks ahead of her to catch up to him.
“Hey, Beka. Can we talk?”
All three of them usually walk together until they routes separate, but she decides to talk the long way this time. It still hurts, but she wishes Yuri luck all the same.
A few hours later, when she’s settled in her house and may or may not be eating a pint of ice cream to soothe her heart, she gets a text from Yuri.
‘i did it.’
Not even a word on how it happened. Naturally, she pounces. ‘well??? what did he say?????’
‘we’re together?? i guess??? fuck, idk. he kissed me, that’s all i can tell you.’
Ah, well. That hurt. ‘hah! who was right about everything?? this bitch!!!’
‘shut up.’ and then, immediately after, ‘r u ok?’
She smiles, but she knows that if anyone could see her, they’d notice how pained she looks.
‘i will be. go get ‘im, tiger.’