Chapter Text
Be Karkat ==>
Of all the times you could have started his heat cycle, it had to be now. Of course, your freaky mutantblood couldn’t wait until you all were off the meteor or anything. Like, where you might be able to hole up somewhere far away from everyone else, opposed to trying to stay secluded in your respiteblock, which was not all that far away from every other fucking person on this meteor.
Since there was no bucket to be had, you had to make do with dealing with your heat cycle in the ablution trap. After all, trolls had a lot of genetic fluid and it was always a bitch to clean up. That’s actually where you are now, gritting your teeth and trying to make the least amount of noise as possible as one hand ran over your candy red bulge and the other explored your nook.
And then a certain insufferable prick decided to knock.
Karkat: Be the insufferable prick ==>
“Kitkat where the hell have you been? TZ said she smelled something funky so she sent me to investigate. Probably because I’m the only one cool enough to get you to leave your respirationsquare.”
“Fuck you Strider! It’s called a fucking respiteblock, grubfucker, and nothing you do is fucking cool or ironic!”
Keep your poker face natural, after all you were used to this, even though part of you wanted to laugh a little. One little comment and he was set off. “If you didn’t yell at everyone all the time, then I’d take that as hate flirting or pitch flirting or whatever the name you have for your hate-fuck-buddy. Kissmesissy or something.”
“It’s called kismesis you ignorant douche and not everyone fucks in that quadrant. Besides I don’t want you for that quadrant.”
For that quadrant? Does that mean he wants you for a different quadrant? You’d be no good at the austinpiss thing, and he already had murderclown for a moirail… “Since you seem to have stopped shouting at me then I’m coming in.”
“No, I just need some time alone.”
“Fuck that Kitkat, no one’s seen you in days. Maybe this is some creepy dead spirit thing talking to me. I’m coming in.”
“No. I just need some time alone!”
“You’ve had enough time alone and TZ’s gonna get pissed at me if I don’t have any news besides a shouting match through a door.”
“NO I JUST NEED SOME TIME ALONE!” Rolling your eyes irritatedly at the short troll, you walked into his room amidst his shout. And… it sounded like amidst something else…
Insufferable Prick: Be the embarrassed troll caught with his pants down ==>
Of course, you had to climax just as Douchey Shithead decided to walk in. At the moment, you didn’t even care, letting out a long string of highly embarrassing chirps, grunts, moans, and mumbled words. Luckily for you, you at least mumbled in Alterian so Douchey Shithead couldn’t understand you. Unluckily, he heard everything clearly and was now standing a few feet away from the ablution trap, staring at your spread legs, twisting bulge, the bright red blush across your face, and the cherry red genetic fluids covering the bottom of the ablution trap.
“Fuck.”
Embarrassed Troll: Be the fascinated human male ==>
You always wondered what alien junk looked like and everything, but this is so not how you imagined finding out. “So you’ve been hiding to have a masturbation marathon or some shit?”
Man… you’ve never seen Karkat so red before… you kind of have to feel bad for him. “F-fuck off Strider. I’m in my heat cycle, okay?”
“Heat cycle? Like, how animals get horny and wanna fuck?” No response. “Didn’t you guys say that your tentadicks are only out there when you’re horny or something?”
“…yeah…”
“So why is it still there? You can’t still be horny after that.”
“I already fucking told you Shithead. I’m in my heat cycle.” The very angry or very embarrassed troll turned on the bathtub spout to wash his grenadine jizz off himself and the tub and down the drain.
“So are you just gonna hide for the rest of the trip?”
“No dumbass. It’s a fucking cycle! It comes like once a year around the time adults fill pails to give to the mother grub. It lasts a couple weeks. I think.”
“You think? But haven’t you had these before?”
“Do I have to explain everything fuckass? Usually trolls don’t get them until we’re older, and that’s after our eyes change. It’s my mutant blood that has to make every fucking thing so damn complicated. If we’re going to have fucking health class can you at least close your damn eyes or turn around or both so I can fucking get changed?”
“Oh. Yeah, sure man.” You head back into the main part of the room, where his slimy bed is. Too bad there isn’t really anywhere to sit except the floor. After a couple minutes Karkat comes and joins you on the floor, his delicious grey cheeks still burning bright red, pointedly staring at the wall just over your shoulder to avoid contact. Wait. Delicious?
Fascinated Human Male: Be Karkitty ==>
At least Douchey hasn’t asked you about the noises that he totally heard you make. But he is filled with pointless questions. Or maybe they aren’t pointless. After all, you are somewhat curious about his alien anatomy…
“Wait… your eyes change?”
Oh right. You were having a conversation with this studmuffin. Dammit. You meant douchemuffin. Douche. “Yeah, according to our eye colour.”
“So what will your eyes be?”
Is this sack of shit seriously like, the only person on this entire meteor who has no fucking clue what his blood color is? “Why you fucking mind your own business?”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“What the fucking hell does ‘okay’ fucking mean!?!?!?”
“Calm your tits man. If you don’t want to tell me I won’t make you. After all I think I caught you masturbating. That’s enough sharing secrets for me.”
Why haven’t you kicked him out of your respiteblock yet? He’s just a grubfucking hipster who makes your quadrants more complicated than they need to be. Whoa. You did not just think about that. Humans don’t even understand quadrants so it’d be super bad and wouldn’t even work out. “…kat. Karkat. You still alive? You’ve been zoning a lot. Is it your perpetual horniness?”
“Strider. Can I just have some peace now?”
“Whoa man. You like, didn’t swear in that sentence. At all. Are you feeling alright?” There was a very long pause, because obviously you were not feeling alright, you were horny as fuck, going through your first heat cycle, and Dave caught you masturbating. Damn. You must really be upset because you actually called him Dave. “Karkat. Look at me.” Another long pause and you see out of the corner of your eye he reaches up and removes something from his face. No way. No fucking way did he take his shades off.
Turning in amazing, your voice gets caught in your mouth, “Dave-” Oh gog. Jegus fuck. Crimson. He has red eyes. Cherry red. Candy red. The same red your eyes are going to be. But… humans don’t have red eyes. Right?
Kakitty: Be Dave ==>
“Kitkat… you don’t have to stare at them like they contain the secrets of the universe.” You attempt a lighthearted chuckle but it comes out slightly strangled and you shift uncomfortably. Now you feel how Karkat must have felt earlier. You can look anywhere except him. You know without your shades covering most of your face, all your emotions are easy to read, and that really doesn’t help with the whole uncomfortable thing.
Since Karkat hasn’t said a word the whole time, he must find them disgusting, like you have all these years. You shut them tightly. “I thought since I saw something personal, then you should see something personal.” Damn… your voice won’t stop wavering. “I guess I’ll go and tell everyone that your alive but don’t want to bothered.”
You start to stand up when something crashes into you, pressing against your face, and something sharp rips through the delicate skin on your lips. Oh fuck. He’s kissing you. Fuckity fuck fuck. You like it.
Dave: Be the hormonal troll ==>
How the hell did this happen? One minute you’re caught touching yourself, the next you’re having an anatomy lesson, then you end up staring into Dave’s beautiful eyes, and now you’re kissing a human. An alien. When he said he had to go you panicked a little, because if TZ could smell your hormones from nowhere near your door, then every troll would smell your mutant blood pheromones all over Dave. And also… you were happy talking to him. It wasn’t a feelings jam with Gamzee, and you weren’t competing, even if he irritated the fuck you of you. Did you really flush for him? Is it possible to flush for a human? Dammit he’s messing up all your quadrants!
You started to pull back from him, after all he hadn’t responded so you must have made yourself a fool. At least you could blame it on your heat cycle. Maybe. But then he parts his mouth and risks slicing his tongue on your teeth in order for a deeper kiss, twining his hands in your dark, course hair. One hand found one of your nubby horns, and for some unknown reason fucking Dave Strider a.k.a. Douchey Shithead decided to rub it.
And since apparently the universe has decided that you haven’t made enough embarrassing noises, a very involuntary keening emits itself from the depths of your throat. Oh gog. That is so embarrassing.
Once you pull back for air, you realize Dave is smirking. Smirking is good. It means he liked it. Or bad. Since it means he liked it. “I wonder what other noises I can hear you make?”
No. You cannot do this with Dave fucking Strider. One, he’s an alien. Two, he’s messing up your quadrants. Three, you’re just in heat and really don’t want to make this mistake. So you do the simple thing. You abscond the fuck out of there. Even the chance of running into someone else isn’t as bad as continuing with Strider. You go the only place you feel safe- in the vents. It’s where Gamzee hid during his murderclown phase, so why can’t you hide there during your heat cycle. Fuck fuck fuck. There’s no way you can ever face Dave again.
Hormonal Troll: Be the stunned human ==>
What. The. Fuck? You were actually having a good make out session with Kitkat when he randomly ran out of the room. Actually, you’re a bit upset. And on that note, you put your shades back on, regain your shades, and stride out of that room like a purposeful mofo.
And of course, soon you run into a troll, because your life just can’t be simple. It’s not Karkat, but at least it’s not murderclown, and you don’t feel in the mood to deal with TZ so luckily it’s not her.
“Sorry Kanaya.”
She confusedly looked you up and down, then wrinkled her nose, “It’s alright. But where have you been? You smell odd.”
“Terezi told me to check in on Karkat, since he’s not a fan of Rose and she doubted he’d talk to a troll.”
“That doesn’t explain the smell…” Her eyes widened with understanding, “Pheromones! Karkat’s heat cycle must have started early due to his mutantblood.”
“Uh… wow. That was quick.”
“Dave, I’m a jadeblood. Our hemotype takes care of these sorts of things. We take care of everything to do with reproduction, from the mother grub, to helping hatchlings and wigglers, to educating and assisting trolls during their heat cycles.”
“Wait. Pheromones? I’m drenched in Karkat’s love scent?”
“Essentially.”
“Why can’t I smell it?”
“You probably can, you just don’t notice it. It’s basically just what Karkat smells like, only amplified.”
“Is there anything he can do about it besides wait?”
“No. We do not have anything to mask the scent or take his sexual drive away. If we were on Alternia, then those would be available.”
“Can I help him in any way.”
A faint dusting of jade rose to Kanaya’s cheeks before she responded, “If you can commit sexual acts nearly back to back for a couple weeks, it should keep his pheromones in check since he won’t be trying to attract a mate, and he will most likely feel better. It may even speed up his heat cycle but I’m not sure. If you’ll excuse me then I can go and read up more on this subject.” Kanaya stepped around you and headed off down one of the many hallways.
Huh. So if you can find, catch, and fuck Karkles over and over then he won’t be so miserable and his heat cycle whatever the hell would pass. You can totally do that.